05/05/98

In the spirit of Mr.Jeff Foxworthy's" YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK if..." ...I have decided to come up with a list of qualifications that might make one a"BONA-FIDE BINGE EATER" ready or not...here goes..

#1} If you have ever had to BUY the ENTIRE case of candy that you were supposed to be SELLING to raise funds for your child's school...you may be a BONA-FIDE BINGE EATER.{same goes for Girl Scout Cookies}

#2} If you ever go to the all-you -can eat lunch buffet and devise a clever plan to stay and have dinner too.. you might be a BONA -FIDE BINGE EATER.

#3} If you ever go solo to BURGER KING drive thru and order an extra beverage to trick the kid @ the microphone into thinking that you are actually sharing the 3 Whopper's, Fries and onion rings with a friend or loved one....you may be a BONA FIDE BINGE EATER.

#4} If you have more than two empty SARA LEE cheese cake boxes and a fork under your bed......you may be a BONA FIDE BINGE EATER

#5} If you ever WAKE UP in front of the fridge @ 2am and can't remember how you got there..You might be a BONA FIDE BINGE EATER.{bonus points if you were eating a jello pudding cup without a spoon}

#6} If you have ever made a cake for company and cut 2" off of the bottom before the guests arrive. and served IMPROMPTU SHORTCAKE..you may be a BONA FIDE BINGE EATER

#7} If the DOMINO's driver let's herself into your home .. leaves the pizzas on the table,takes the money outta your wallet and invites you to her wedding...YOU MAY BE A BONA FIDE BINGE EATER.

#8} If you have ever made your partner drive you to all three of the DAIRY Queens in one night ordering a large vanilla cone @ each one..chances are..you may be A BONA FIDE BINGE EATER.

#9} If you have emergency TWINKIE rations in your glove compartment.....or even just the wrappers...YOU MAY BE A BONA FIDE BINGE EATER.

#10} If you had to buy one of those compressed air gadgets to blow the crumbs outta your computer keyboard...chances are you are a BONA FIDE BINGE EATER.

#11} If you consider the 2 pound bag of M&M's a single serving size....there is no question..I AM A BONA FIDE ..I mean you may be a BONA FIDE BINGE EATER.

#12} If you know how to reach your hand into the grocery bags in the back seat of the mini-van and retrieve the chips without taking your eyes off of the road...YEP, you guessed it. you may be a BONA FIDE BINGE EATER...give yourself 2 extra points if you can maneuver dip with those chips and avoid any moving violations.1 more point if operating a stick-shift!!!

#13} If you have ever had to RE-BUY the contents of your child's Easter Basket...before EASTER..or eaten the contents of their plastic Pumkin face halloween bucket while they were in school...it is a sure sign....3 extra points if you dress up and go door to door under the pretense that you are trick-or treating for an infant or toddler.

#14} If you have ever driven to the next town @ 3 am because they have a 24 hour Dunkin Donuts...you might be a BFBE..two extra points if you finish at least one dozen before you get home.

#15} If the waiter has ever rolled the dessert cart to your table and inquired "what would you like?" and your reply was "A FORK!!" you may be a BFBE

#16} If when choosing real-estate..you consider the proximity of drive thru windows and if Domino's delivers to your neck of the woods before you sign the contract...you may be A BFBE.

#17} If the owner of 2-Wong Fu's{ the usually good natured little Chinese -American women} rolls her eyes when she see's you and your partner joining them for the all you can eat buffet night..starts speaking in her native language to the co-workers and the the only phrases you can decipher is "GOOD YE-Ah BRIMP" and" HIPPO" that may be a clue...

#18} If you have more than three food-related phone numbers on "speed-dial"...

I need to come up with 2 more to make it an even 20...please e- mail your ideas!!

May you all have a binge-free day!!