Actual Bumperstickers......

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."

"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... ...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."

"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"

"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"

"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

"He who laughs last thinks slowest"

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

"i souport publik edekasion"

"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

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There were three men who were going to be shot. On the day of the 
executions, they take the first man outside.
"Any last words?", they asked.
He yelled "Earthquake!" and whilst the firing squad were running about in
a panic, he climbed the wall and got away.

The second man, seeing this, thought he'd try it, so when his turn came.
he shouted "Flood!", and similarly escaped in the ensuing confusion.

The third man thought this was a good plan, too so when they asked him for
his last words, he yelled "Fire!"

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There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim
Alley's Grocery Store.  Manager Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem
is, but the boys like to tease him.  They say he is two bricks shy of a
load, or two pickles shy of a barrel.

To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a
nickel and a dime.  He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's
bigger.

One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Manager Tim got him off
to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you.  They
think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel.  Are you
grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"

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