An absolute piece of fluff that I just thought up. DISC: _insert generic disclaimer here_ Fleur sat in her chair, in the corner of the room, smiling quietly, silently even, because silently is really really really quietly, and anyway, I'm a bit offtrack and only three lines into the story. She was smiling because it was going to be an interesting time, an interesting twosome to help. She was getting better at this. As a part time job, Fleur helped fanfic characters through troublesome relationships and marriages. She mentally ran down her list of successes. [X] Skinner and Mrs. Scully [X] Scully and Diana Fleur shuddered, remembering that one. Very scary and angst-y. [X] Marita and CSM [X] Pendrell and Kimberly [X] Spender and Diana It was little wonder she didn't like Diana. Same basic reason she didn't like.. [X] Marita and Dmitiri [X] Marita and WMM [X] Marita and Skinner [X] Marita and Bill Mulder [X] Marita and Flukeman Although, she had to admit that Marita was her best customer. That was what earned her her nickname. But today's was going to be the best. The ultimate case to handle. Fleur chortled evily, knowing who was going to be walking in in..she checked her watch..two minutes time, earlier hopefully. She heard the door open. "Hey, Fleur!" Alexandre Arntzen-Krycek called from the front room. He was making himself useful - her Krycek clone she'd adopted. "They're here!" Inwardly, she cheered, and stood up. "Send 'em in, Schmoop.." The door to her office was slammed open, and the original Krycek stalked in. He also slammed the door behind him, and they heard a yelp from the person it hit in the face. Krycek sat down in a chair across from Fleur's, tugging the baseball cap down over his eyes. Mulder followed soon after, holding one hand to his face, obviously in pain. "Look, you rat bastard, that door hit me in the nose!" he exclaimed, sitting down in the chair furthest away from Krycek. "If it wasn't so big, I wouldn't be able to hit it so easily!" Krycek snapped back, glaring at him. "It's a miracle you can slam anything, considering you only have one-" "OKAY!" Fleur broke in, sitting down in the chair and inwardly meditating. "Right. Alex and Fox-" "Don't call me that." "Okay, Spooky?" "Don't call me that either!" "Mulder?" "Fine." Fleur sighed, he was obviously in one of those moods. Stubborn as hell, and incredibly annoying. "So what seems to be the problem with you two, then?" she asked patiently, ignoring the fact it was totally obvious. "Alex is-" "Fox is-" They both started at once, then glared at each other. Fleur sighed again. "Alex, you go first. Mulder, shut up." Mulder gaped at her. "Why him?!" She rolled her eyes. "Because he's cuter than you. Go, 'Lexei." Mulder sulked, and Alex began. "Fox is just so impossible. He has such a problem! He's incredibly violent, and hits me every time we meet. And tells me I have a stupid-ass haircut. And insults me. And accuses me of killing his father. And he always steals all the blankets!" Fleur glanced at Mulder, who was slowly turning red, out of anger more than embarassment. She motioned for him to shut up before she shot him, and motioned to Krycek to continue. "I can't handle it any longer. He's just so selfish, mean, and cruel! I can't take all the snide remarks about my arm. I'm a sensitive new age guy, you know." Fleur tried very, very hard to stifle the snort of laughter that came close to escaping. She turned to Mulder. "Care to respond, Mulder?" Mulder nodded, sitting up straighter. "Alex is so disloyal! He wouldn't hesitate to stab me in the back if he thought it would further himself. He killed my father, and countless other people. He had me exposed to a cancer that could have killed me, damnit! He's betrayed my trust too many times. And I hate the way he always squeezes the toothpaste from the end of the tube." Alex sat up. "I did not kill your father! I was fixing his shower!" Mulder nodded sarcastically. "Yeah, with a gun?" "Yeah, with a gun!" Fleur buried her head in her hands. "OKAY, SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU!" They were suddenly silent, and both turned to her. "Mulder, you've got to learn to be more sensitive to Alex's feelings. He's lost more than you, including a left arm. And if my notes are correct, it was your fault he lost his arm, anyway. But, it's not all one way. Alex, you've got to learn to pamper Fox. He needs some TLC, and if you weren't a triple Russian assassin, the two of you probably wouldn't be here today. I understand that you don't have much of a choice in anything, but you've got to try and see things from his point of view." Both nodded, still giving each other sizzling glances out of the corners of their eyes. Fleur grinned evily. "Now kiss and make up. You first, Mulder." Mulder sighed. "I'm sorry, Skippy. I shouldn't make fun of your shortcomings, and lack of left arm. I do love you." Mulder leaned over and kissed each of Krycek's eyelids (who knows why.). Krycek, unusually enough, smiled at him. "I'm sorry too, Spooky-bear. I shouldn't be so harsh and sharp edged around you. I'll be more sensitive to your needs, okay?" Krycek left off, but at a pointed glance from Fleur, continued with a sigh. "I love you too, Foxy-woxy." He leant over and gave Mulder a kiss on the side of his lips (juuuust like in The Red and the Black!). Fleur grinned, and clapped her hands together. "All's well, then. I'll see you both again, I have no doubts." Mulder, for some reason known only to himself, grabbed Krycek's left arm and walked out the door, calling his thanks over his shoulder. But then Fleur heard Mulder spit "Krycek, no leering at Fleur's receptionist! Yes I know he has very lovely eyelashes, but so do you, and you are not single at the moment! Let's go!" Fleur sighed, not without a grin, however. They'd be back, she was sure. The door to the reception opened, and Fleur heard the incredibly irritating voice of, guess who.. "Look, Alexandre, Frank Black is just not living up to my expectations. I need to see someone. Is Fleur free?" Marita Covarrubias was back.