FWD: THE STORY I GUARENTEE YOU'LL LOVE IT
OKAY, HERE'S THE STORY! ENJOY!
Once upon a time, oh, about 2 days ago there was a totally handsome man, with black hair, and brown eyes and a really cute smile, a great body and one heck of a voice, but I won't embellish. His name was Jeff Goldblum.
He was traveling around the world visiting theaters for his new movie: The Lost World. He was in Japan but he decided to leave because whenever he came around they ran away, it occured to him that being 6'4'' might scare the shorter people of Japan so he decided to go to Austria, where they were taller. On the plane, Flight 678 on Delta firstclass, as he was enjoying his martini and sprite they experienced some major turbulence and he spilled his martini and sprite on his Armani suit. "Oh...no.. this is an Armani Suit and I need to go to the bathroom to wash it off! So he went to the bathrrom and while he was blowdrying his pants in his Jurassic Park boxers the captain said they would be landing and to sit down.
Jeff Goldblum, being both bumble headed and brilliant forgot to put his pants back on, but then he realized no one had their pants on, when inquiring about this the stewardess said "It's no pants day in Austria. As strange as it may sound, it's a national holiday."
So the captain landed the plane and Jeff Goldblum after signing a million autographs he noticed some music coming from the airport terminal and then he realized it was coming from this great sounding group consisting of three brothers named Hanson....
Hanson had just finished their appearence on Mtv's Movie Awards and were headed back to Tulsa, Oklahoma. When they arrived they found thousands of screaming fans waiting for them. Taylor being the shy one said "Oh, no, not them again!" but Zac insisted upon running around like a mad man, through all the people, When he was finally captured by Isaac they continued home to find that no one was home! They then immediately called their newly found friend, Jeff Goldblum, whom they obviously met at the airport. He rushed right over and helped them in locating a clue to where their missing family was. They had been kidnapped, or more appropriate, Family-napped! All five of them! This note was left as follows:
Ike, Tay, Zac, I have kidnapped your family. I will hold them hostage untill I get my revenge on you!! This is only phase one..do not attempt to contact the police, for they will be of no help to you! I will contact you later for further details on what you will need to do to get your family back! Until then, ha, ha, ha ,ha!!!
"Oh my gosh! what are we going to do?!" Screams Zac. "We can't call the police, this looks like a job for Jeff Goldblum undercover detective" Jeff says. "Who?" Zac asks "Me! bet you didn't know I was an actor and a detective, did ya?" Jeff says.
"No I didn't, but I'm glad you're here" Isaac says.
Anyway, so Jeff and the boys set out to solve the crime: who kidnapped Mackinze,Averie, Jessie, Diana and Walker Hanson?
Later that same day they get a strange phone call from....
... Gavin Rossdale of BUSH who called to say he had been strolling along by the Hanson residence and he noticed a suspicious vehical parked out side, he couldn't tell exactly but it looked like a giant hot dog. Here's what he had to say:
GAVIN: Whoa, man, I like, totally saw a giant hot dog outside your house and a big chicken was driving it.
JEFF: A giant hotdog? Are you doing pot again Gavin?? How...How.. many times must I tell....(Zac grabs the phone)
ZAC: Gavin, did you see what happened to my family??
GAVIN: Dude, they like, got family napped
ZAC: We know that, where did they go???
GAVIN: Dude all I know is that when they left they dropped this map to California and L.A. had a big circle around it.
ZAC: do you think this could mean something???
GAVIN: On the side it says phase one complete next stop 8942 Wilshire Blvd. Beverly Hills CA 90211, dude, you know what??? I think they are planning to go to L.A. and then go to that address!
JEFF: 8942 Wilshire? That's my house!!! Oh, my dear God in heaven, by Gav, you better take a nap, you sound stoned.
GAVIN: Oh man, you can tell?
"Do you know what this means?" Jeff replied to the three. "They must be going after me or my house, oh, no, what if they want my autographed barf bag from Independence day? We better catch a plane over there immediately" Jeff Says.
The four of them catch the next flight on TWA to L.A. "This time I'm not ordering martini and Sprite, I think I'll try rum and mellow yellow" Jeff says with a laugh!.
The flight was uneventful even though Taylor did have a brief case of air sickness but Jeff came prepared with Barf Bags. "Never leave home without them" he replies to the pale youngin.
As they step off the plane who should be waiting there for them but...
Garth Brooks! He had heard about the family napping and had rushed to meet the plane that the four were on. After Zac made a quick stop to the bathroom, they went to Jeff's house. when they got there they were prepared for the worst but, as it turns out, this was merely a set-up for phase two. as they entered the house they found another astonishing clue:
Hanson and Jeff: I knew you would get Jeff in on this so this is where phase two begins. I have your family and they are safe...FOR NOW! you must do exactly as I say and so first I want you to do a show at the Mall in L.A. pick any you want. There you will get a clue as to what to do to get your family back. I WILL GET MY REVENGE!!! ha ha ha ha ha!
Jeff looks at the three boys who are near tears right now and calmly says "it's all right we'll get them back safe and sound if it's the last thing we do!"
"I hope so" says Isaac. "Don't worry bosy, we are gonna get through this together" Garth chips in.
" Now, first of all we need to get some clues as to who you guys think it might be" Jeff says "he or she keeps saying they want revenge. Is there anything that anyone would want revenge on you for?"
"Well, we are kinda famous.." Isaac says. "I'm only eleven, what could any one have against me?"Zac shouts, "I can't think of any reason other than the fact that we are famous right now, Jeff. Really if I could I would tell you. " Taylor says.
"Okay, I believe you guys. That isn't much to go on but it's a start. We can begin by going through your mail and see who sent any hate mail and the like. We can check the most hateful ones for clues that line up with what the kidnapper says in his or her little notes" Jeff says.
"Let's go to it" Isaac says. As they are going through the mail they find a particular letter that says....
Dear Hanson,
Hello, I'm a fan of yours, and I couldn't help but notice the phases you've gone through in your popularity, you know, I really envy you and your family. You know, it's so picture perfect I could just snatch them up. Hee hee, just kidding. You know, I would give up anything to be able to see you in a show, because I heard you don't tour. Maybe this is just a phase, but you know, I think your family would DIE just to see your fans be happy as you see a show.
See you soon! I know!
L
"L? L? I don't know any L's" Zac says. "You think this is a lead of sort, okay, notice the mentioning of phases and envying your family" Jeff says in his matter-of-fact voice. "It says your family would Die, I think that's a bad intonation" Garth Replies
"This is getting scary, I think we need to do a show in the mall around the block, then maybe my family will be alright" Taylor says.
"Yes, yes, but what if it's a trap, what if they plan to kidnap you three and then make a lot of money from ransom or something?" Jeff ponders full of thought. "I got it, okay, how's this plan, Garth you put on a show in the mall, and Hanson will like, back you up, I'll be on the ground floor searching, I'll hire some friends or mine looking for a suspicious character and if anyone tries to pluck up Hanson, Garth, you'll be there and I'll hide a gun in your guitar, it's a no fail plan!" Jeff says!
"You just came up with this plan off the top of your head? Man, you really are resourceful and brilliant, but won't people wonder bout me putting on a concert without giving years of notice?" Garth says
"You can say you are doing it for charity and we asked you to be our guest" Isaac says" "but you can't put a show together in a day or two, it takes weeks to plan everything correctly" Garth says.
"Wait! I know" jeff syas as he opens a door and out pops Bob Dude, a very famous sound guy, "You keep a sound system guy in your closet Jeff?" Taylor says with a laugh "Cool!"
"Well, yeah, he was putting in a mondo stereo system, spared no expense"Jeff says
"I can get a concert set up for you in 12 hours, being it's for a really good cause, and I promise, I won't let you fellas down. Jeff's one of my best friends, I'd do anything for the guy and since you are his friends, You're my friends." Bob said, then exited.
"Well, come on" Jeff says "there's a lot we gotta do, let's see the first thing to do is... get permission from the mall to do a show there. That shouldn't be too hard. I'll call them right now!" The phone call is as follows:
MALL MANAGER: Hello, Parkstreet mall. How can I help you?
JEFF: This is Jeff Goldblum. I was wondering if I could interest you in the chance of a lifetime. Would you be willing to let Hanson and Garth Brooks do a show at your mall in two days?
MALL MAN: Well, that is kind of short notice, can you put a show together that fast?
JEFF: Yes, I believe we can! And just think of all the publicity!
MALL MAN: Well alright! Can you come over to make the arrangements right now?
JEFF G: sure can! I'll bring Garth and the boys with me!
"So, can we do it" asks Isaac. "Yess, sure we can" says Jeff. "Let's go over there right now then!" Zac says whilte running out the door. They all run after him. At the mall they quickly find the manager to set up a time.
"Hi there! you must be the manager!" Jeff says
"Yes, I am, and of course you are Jeff Goldblum" replies the Mall Manager "Yup, let's get down to business, when would be a good time to have the show?" Jeff asks
"The best time of day would be around 3:00 p.m. Would that work out for you guys?" The manager says. "sure that would be great!" Garth says.
"Okay, then that's settled. Garth and I will have the guys here around 2:00 p.m. to get ready. Where will they be putting on the show?" Jeff says. "Right outside the office as a matter of fact, that is the place with the room for our stage and a few hundred people, we'll have a stage fore you, they will begin the set-up after the workers get back from lunch...oh! Here they come"
Jeff speaks briefly to the men and then they leave the mall. Back at Jeff's house they plan the songs they are going to play.
this is a tough task since Hanson sings pop and Garth Brooks sings country. They decide on the River by Garth and Madeline by Hanson. For some reason they think they will mesh well together, but, don't ask why. While they are practicing The River to get all the parts right something comes crashing through the window. They go over to see what it is and find...
A package wrapped in brown paper and scented in a perfume. "Hmmm. Maybe it's a package from one of my many admirerers. But they owe me a window" Jeff says in shock. As they unwrap the package they find a sweater with blood on it. Zac recongnized it as his dad's sweater and the perfume as his mom's. He starts to cry.
"What if they killed my dad because they thought we weren't going to do the show" Garth says, "Look! There's a not attached" Isaac said as the shows it to Jeff. The not states:
this is just a warning. If you try to foul up my plans there will be hell to pay. Your family is alright, but Jeff, I decided to pick up a souvinere for myself. You'll notice that your rare tropical bird, Ricky is gone from his cage. Meddle in my plans and you will see them no more. I take it the concert is planned, but don't try anything stupid, I have a .45 and a shovel, I don't think anyone will miss that stupid bird of yours.
Till then,
D
"Rick, my bird" Cries jeff, "He's my most prized possession, I named his after my brother that died years back. He was a present from him. Now the stakes are even higher"
"Steaks? That reminds me, I'm hungry" Zack says. "D, D? Who's D? What happened to L?" Garth asks. "Maybe D is an accomplice, oh, no! there could be two of them"
So, how do you like it so far? Anything that has to do with Jeff Goldblum was mostly created by Little Miss Chaos (me) and anything that involves Hanson was inspired by Fran. To offer any of your comments just E-mail Little Miss Chaos or if you are a Hanson fan and want to talk Hanson you can E-mail Fran
Thanks once again!!!