"The History of Rome"
					
					by Kevin Farley


Announcer:  And now, history with Freakazoid.  Today's lesson, "The History of
Rome."

(fade in)

Freakazoid:  (in front of ancient map of Rome with a pointer in his hand)
Thank you.  (clears his throat)  Once upon a time there was a dude named
Aeanus-

(Wakko enters.)

Wakko:  That's not right!  It's Aeneas!  (exits)

Freakazoid:  Oh...right.  Well, uh anyway, that dude sailed around the ocean
blue in 1492 and-

Wakko:  (enters)  That's not right either!  (hands Freakazoid the Cliff Notes
to the Aeneid)

Freakazoid:  (glances at them for a moment then looks back at the audience)
Ok, you see, sometime in BC, that guy there sailed around and stuff and
caused havoc and stuff and whenever something bad happened, he blamed Fate
and used it as an excuse.  

He was a smart guy.  People believed him, they were dumb.  That's why he has
a book written about him and you don't!  (holds up the Cliff Notes and
whispers to audience)  Get the Cliffies!  (puts the Notes on the floor)

But anyway, this goddess chick Juno was mad at him.  Her name was Juno and
she was married to her brother Jupiter!  (pretends to gag)  Ew!  Ew!  Ew!
They were sickos!!!

Juno was so sick she couldn't stop Ae...well, that guy...from reaching this
place shaped like a boot.  (uses pointer to point to Italy)  And it was just
his size too.

He killed these other dudes.  He liked to break things.  Anyway, he married
this other chick named Lavina.  Well, you see there was this chick named
Dido, but I (shakes his head) can't go into that; it's too sad.

Then something happened and I don't know what and that Ae...um, guy founded
a city but it wasn't Rome, the one he was SUPPOSED TO.  He founded Alba Longa
and he blamed the fates for that.

Then a lot of years go by.  Then Romulus and Remes who were raised by the
she-wolf (shrugs and says Don't ask me, ask the Fates.) went off and they
found Rome and Aeneas (I said it right, right?) was ticked.

He shouted "nutbunnies!" a lot but R and R didn't cared 'cause that guy was
dead.

Aeneas was in Hades.  Guess who he had for company- Richard Nixon, Adolf
Hitler, and hopefully Dennis Rodman.  Oh and Jamie Kellner should be there
too...that evil meanie-butt who's a big dumb head and he's stupid and mean
and...and....(jumps up and down)  I hate him!  I hate him!  I hate him!

(glances at audience and stops jumping)  Oh yeah, where was I again?  Right,
that Rome place.

And then R and R planted these seeds and emperors sprung up.  (with a puzzled
look)  Who WROTE this anyway?!  Oh, well, anyway, they all took over Rome
and ruled for awhile 'til it collapsed.

But for some reason, scholars think their language- yup that dumb old Latin
wasn't dead.

And that's the history of Rome.  Thank you!  Bub-bye!  (waves)

(fade out)