Yes, we finally had the hearing and the children will stay with me
most of the time. My husband gets them for one weekend a month and
for 42 days during the summer. He also has to pay me $400 per month
in child support starting July 15th.
They dropped the "dangerously unstable" claim and just went for
incompetent parent. The judge was really busy and told our two
lawyers to work it out. And they did try. My husband wanted to have
it set up where he would only pay child support when I had the kids
and that I would pay him child support when he had the kids, but the
judge nixed that before we even started to negotiate. We had gotten
things down to normal visitation rights, the child support, and were
even working out some sort of system to ensure each of us were
keeping our places clean, when my husband got disgusted and insisted on a
hearing. I saw him walk down the hall red-faced, narrowed eyes, and
lower lip pouting and told my two friends that whenever he had that
look at home, it usually meant he was going to hit the roof. At the
time, I was almost giddy with relief, because even though it wasn't
a perfect solution, it was better than I had hoped for as far as
child support. [Turns out my husband had gotten a raise in the past
year that I didn't know about.] My lawyer said it was when he saw
that we were happy, he became mad. I suppose I shouldn't be
surprised--a friend pointed out something similar to me before, and
I know I have occasion mumbled the suspicion that he couldn't stand
to see me happy--but it was wild to see it manifested in this way.
Anyway, we had the hearing and my husband made all sorts of
allegations of how I neglected the children and let them run wild
without any discipline. We had letters from their teachers and
testimony from a church member about their behavior and I'm sure the
judge found it hard to believe that children that were so
undisciplined at home could have such a sterling reputation for
being sweet, helpful, and hardworking at school and church. I've
always said that my husband was the only person in the world who
thought our children were terrible.
As for the messy house bit...well, I have to admit guilt there, but
my lawyer pointed out that he lived in that house too and did nothing
to help the situation--even though he brought up my fibromyalgia and
admitted it had a strong effect on what I could and couldn't do. He
did it to claim that I didn't do what I needed to deal with it
correctly--trying to slip in that mentally unstable bit past his own
lawyer, I guess--but he said that naps were bad for it. During our
lunch break, I went to a health food store and got a flyer that
disproved this about fibromyalgia. The funny thing is--he had the
book his mom gave me for it and it states in there that naps are
good. During another break, he brought it out and I told him that it
said in there that naps were good. He ruffled through the book,
read, and then quietly put it away in his briefcase.
I wish I could say I was calm and collective on the stand, but I
wasn't. Don't get me wrong--I wasn't a raving maniac, but it was
obvious halfway through my testimony that if I could have strangled
my husband's lawyer, I would have. I was rather disgusted with
myself at the time, but looking back on it now, I did very well. I
stood up for myself and even caught his lawyer a couple of times in
slips of the tongue. He tried to make me look as if I blamed my
husband for everything (health and house), but I firmly stated, "We
were equally at fault," and glared at him. When he insisted it was
my duty to let my husband know where my children were, I said "No."
Heck, I even asked him if he would sit by and wait for someone to
tell him where his children were if they were missing. What's more
I did all of this with conviction and authority in my voice, without
getting flustered at all. I'm rather surprised at myself.
The judge was firm with both of us in her ruling, though she looked
at my husband more than me. She was definitely not happy when she
inquired about my fibromyalgia medication and my husband broke in
and said I couldn't get it refilled because he had removed me from
his insurance two months after I left. You see, in Texas, it's a
big no-no to remove a spouse from health insurance without their
consent or proof of divorcement. She didn't give him a lecture, but
the look she did give him could sour milk. My lawyer said that even
though she didn't show it on the bench, back in her chambers, the
judge was disgusted with my husband, and actually had some admiration for
me. In fact, my lawyer said I did wonderful.
Of course, we're forbidden to discuss the hearing in front of the
kids, nor can we talk bad about each other to them, but then I was
doing my best not to do that anyway.
Oh! A side note: my husband was referred to his lawyer by a former
lawyer who was disbarred, through a bail-bonds man.