A Romantic Fiction

## This story is rated NC-17. It contains frank descriptions of
sexual acts between consenting adults. If you are too young, or if
such writing offends you, please be aware.

** All X-Files characters belong to Chris Carter and no infringement
is intended. Raelene Craine and other original characters belong to
me and may not be duplicated without my permission.

This story and all events in it are my own creation, and are offered
as entertainment and has no relationship to any other party. If you
have any comments I'd like to hear them. Please drop me a note at :
juded@execpc.com

SEASONS PART III: WINTER PORTRAIT

Chapter 1

     She sensed a presence in the room with her. At first she
thought it was Jim, back to check on her before leaving for school.
But he would have come around the bed to see if she were awake. This
person didn't move.

     She wasn't frightened. From the pattern of the person's
breathing and the faint scent that entered the room with him she
knew who it was. She had listened to that breathing in sleep and
awake often enough to be able to recognize him. His scent, the
faintly woodsy spice mingled with his own deeply masculine fragrance
made her tingle.

     She felt the bed sag under his weight and knew with certainty
that he was going to hold her. "Please don't," she whispered.

     He hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "Don't shut me
out, Rae. Don't run away, please. Tell me what's wrong. If it's
about having kids...."

     "Go home, Walter." She fought to keep her voice even. If she
broke now he'd never leave.

     "I am home. You're my home, everything else is just a place."

     He sounded so desolate, so inconsolable. Rae was glad that he
couldn't see her face. She closed her eyes tightly, fighting back
tears and biting her lip. She had to do this if he was going to have
a chance to have the things that would make him happy. A home and
family were what a man like Walter Skinner needed and he wouldn't
find them so long as he was stuck with her. 'Please don't let me cry
now. I have to be calm....'

     "Go back to DC, then."

     "Honey, don't...."

     He reached out to touch her shoulder, but she sprang off the
bed and went to the window. "Just go!"

     Walter clenched his jaw and spoke through his teeth, "I can be
just as stubborn as you Raelene Marie. I'm not leaving until you
give me an explanation." He wanted to pull her into his arms. He
wanted to pin her under him on the bed and ....... But no, that
would make him just like Tom. He took a deep breath, trying to think
rationally. But he couldn't, not with her standing there, back to
him, voice cold and emotionless. How did they get here from
yesterday?

     Rae heard him trying to cool his temper. Steeling herself she
turned to face him. She fell back on the stage training she'd had in
college and kept her voice aloof and her face blank.

     His eyes were the hardest part. They were filled with an 
uncomprehending hurt, a blinding pain. She felt a burning sensation
in her chest when she looked at him. 'I *have* to do this, for his
sake. Please, please don't let me break down now.'

     "You've got all the explanation you're going to get. Go away,
Walter, and don't come back." She walked past him, but he stood
quickly and held her arm.

     He held her firmly, but not tight enough to hurt her. "This
isn't over Raelene. Not by a long shot. I love you and I'm coming
back. I *am* going to marry you. If you need time fine, you've got
it. You know where I am if you want me. But I am coming back and
when I do I'm *not leaving here without you*." He touched her hair
briefly, a soft caress before letting her go, leaving the room.

     Rae held her breath until she heard the front door close. She
sank to the bed as she exhaled, but missed and fell to the floor in
a heap.

........................................................

     When Jim got back home he found Rae sitting in the living room.
She greeted him quietly, but didn't rise or look in his direction.
Her eyes were puffy and red, and she was pale. Jim was worried.

     He knelt beside her and took her hand. If he'd ever wished
another man were here it was now. "Are you okay?"

     "I'll be okay." She looked unseeing out the window for a
moment. "I'll go home. He.....he's probably gone by now."

     "Call him, Rae. Tell him....."

     "What? Tell him what? That another man made me incapable of
having children? That, because of Tom I can't give him the family
he wants? I should tell him *that*?" Her voice cracked. She shook
her head. "It's better this way. He'll find someone, he'll be
okay."

     "And what about you? Will you be okay?"

     Rae could only look at him. She didn't know. Right now there
was only pain, and a hollow emptiness. She wasn't certain what okay
was just now and without Walter. 'Oh god, without Walter..'

     She looked at her hands to keep a fresh spate of tears at bay
and saw that she was still wearing the ring. 'I should have given it
back to him,' she thought. 'I shouldn't keep it.'

     Jim watched her finger brush across the lovely engagement ring.
He could almost read her thoughts. "Don't return it." She looked up
at him with profound sadness." Things might change, Rae." He put his
arms around her and did his best to give her comfort.

     Rae clung to his warmth and familiarity, but it wasn't enough
anymore.

................................................................

     Kimberly was surprised to hear the sound of an electric shaver
from the AD's office. He wasn't due back until late Thursday. She
peeked in to see him fixing his tie.

     Skinner looked up and Kimberly was struck by his eyes. They
looked haunted, sunken as though he had lost something very
important.

     "Come in, Kimberly." He sat at his desk, taking a pad and pen
and began writing. "I'd like you to try to move up my meeting with
the director to this afternoon. I also want a complete briefing with
any agents who are working on cases." He looked up momentarily and
his eyes got a far away look. He shook his head slightly and looked
back down. "Get me all current case files, also those for upcoming
and ongoing investigations. I'll review them along with current
assignments."

     "Yes, sir." Kimberly looked at his credenza. All of the photos
but one were gone. She thought that he had gone to see his
girlfriend in Wisconsin (the fishing ruse didn't fool Kimberly, he
had been too moody those two weeks), but now she wondered. "How was
the fishing, sir?"

     He looked at her, momentarily not understanding. "Fishing? Oh,
yes. The trip didn't go quite as I had planned. Try to get those
files this morning, please."

     "Yes, sir." She rose to leave, but turned. "Is everything all
right, sir?"

     "Fine, Kimberly. " After she left he turned his chair to face
the window. He looked at Rae's picture for a long moment before
staring out. The ache in his chest flared into a burning pain. '
What happened, Rae? Why did you send me away?' Try as he might he
couldn't come up with any answers. He kept trying to tell himself
that all she needed was time, that in a few weeks she'd be ready to
talk, to listen but he wasn't sure.

     He picked up the phone and called Bob Gaines' office. Maybe
Bob could give him some advice, or some answers. But he put down the
phone as he remembered that Bob was going to be in Europe for the
next two weeks, with Terry ironically enough.

     Skinner hadn't felt so alone or so friendless since he woke up
in an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific. Not since he
had been befriended by two crazy, cocky middies who, with their
rough nursing had made him want to live again. Not since returning
to his Indiana home and crying in his mother's arms for his lost
innocence and youth. Not since he had shut himself away from
happiness and passion. Rae had given him back a measure of the
things he and lost, perhaps not youth, perhaps not innocence, but
she had given him immeasureable happiness and increadible passion.
Now it seemed to him that he had no where to turn.

	He took a deep breath and removed his glasses. 'Its *not*
over, Raelene. '

.......................................................

     The portrait was finished, and the artist was pleased. It
hadn't taken much imagination to improvise the subjects without
clothing. Skin tones were consistent over a person's body, even if
depth of color wasn't. She would like it, he was certain. But
him.......

     Dave sat back and wondered how his friends were. He had never
seen Walt so happy, so fulfilled. And Rae.....delicate as a bird
was little Rae, yet he sensed a strength in her. Just the perfect
foil for Walt. Dave chuckled: beauty and the beast.

     'More like beauty and the gentleman. Walt always was an officer
and a gentleman.' Dave smiled at his work.

     Outside an autumn storm was raging. Waves pounded the rocks
creating sprays that washed the sand clean. Vincent lay on the back
of the sofa, quietly looking out to sea.

     "I wonder if she said 'yes'?" Dave spoke to his furry
companion. The dog waved his tail in response. "Walt is surely back
by now." He followed the line of the dog's vision and watched the
violent waves. " I'm going on a little trip, Vincent. I think I'll
deliver that picture myself. I want to know how the little lady and
the big man are getting on together, and it can't be said in a
letter."

     He rose and went onto the deck. He just felt like seeing Walt.
It was the most compelling thing he'd experienced in many years. He
didn't often entertain the idea of leaving his home, his shelter
but something deep inside told him to go. Somehow he felt that his
friend needed him, that both of them needed him.

     He went back in and called the airline. With reservations made
he made a few other calls then went to crate the portrait up. 'I'll
be damned if some ham-handed baggage handler is going to ruin
*my* work! '

............................................................

     It was Friday. Usually Rae was glad for Friday's, but not this
time. 'Could it be only a week? Only a week since Walter came?'
Rae lay her head on the pile of manuscript paper on her desk.
Walter's picture smiled at her unbearably, so she put it down.

     "Are you all right, ma'am?" A soft voice startled her.

     He had come in quietly, not expecting anyone to be there. He
was almost as surprised to see her as she was to see him.

     Wiping her face quickly she looked up into a pair of shaded
blue eyes. His baseball cap nearly covered his face, and his form
was tall and lanky in baggy coveralls.

     "Do you need anything?"

     "No thank you, I'm fine. Where is Ralph today?"

     "Oh, Ralph quit ma'am. I've been taking his place." He smiled
shyly and extended his hand. "My name's Al."

     She took his hand briefly and gave him a weak smile. "Well, Al
my name is Rae. Nice to meet you." He began to dust and worked
gingerly around her. "You don't have to be delicate. As long as
you don't knock anything over, I don't mind."

     He continued to work, talking to her about learning his job.
"It was all pretty new at first, but Ralph was a good teacher. He
knew who liked to have new liners in their baskets, and who didn't,
things like that. And he knew all about the chemicals. There are so
many different ones, I don't think I'll ever learn 'em all." He
looked around at the clean spaces. "All done, ma'am."

     "Al if you call me ma'am one more time I'll scream." Despite
herself she smiled a bit. His chattering had relaxed her and made
her think of something beside her own misery.

     "Yes ma'am, ah Rae. If you need anything else, just call me."
He smiled at her again and left.

     Rae picked up the picture of Walter and stroked it lightly.
'How I miss you.'

     Outside the door Al watched her and listened. Maybe Skinner
had dumped her after all. Maybe this whole operation was useless
now.....

................................................................

     Her house seemed so empty now. She got home from school and
looked around at the quiet rooms. Even after three weeks tears still
prickled her eyes. Walter had filled her little house almost to
bursting with his huge shoulders and hearty laugh.

     She had noticed the change immediately three weeks ago when she
returned home from Jim's. Everything was still where she had left
it, only Walter's things were gone. His shoes no longer stood by the
back door, his robe no longer hung in the bathroom . The only thing
left of him was a half-empty bottle of cologne.

     She looked at her mail as she walked to the living room then
threw it on the table. Sitting on the sofa she looked at the
sculpture of the seals from San Francisco. She pulled a pillow to
her stomach and wondered as she often did: 'What is he doing now?
How was his day? ' But her reverie was interrupted by the doorbell.

     She was startled by a delivery person and a small basket of
flowers.

     "Ms Craine?" He held out a clipboard for her to sign, then the
flowers. Rae thought it odd that he didn't wait for a tip.

     The card read simply "How about a little company?" with no
signature. She was suspicious, but the handwriting was not
Walter's. In fact she didn't recognize it at all.

................................................................

     Dave strode into the Assistant Director's outer office with a
flourish. He was feeling expansive and flirted shamelessly with the
pretty secretary. His tweed jacket was appropriately scruffy, as
were his jeans and cable sweater. He had paid special attention to
his hair and beard, and his Irish tweed hat sat at a jaunty angle.
He felt good, and was eager to share his good feelings with his good
friend.

     He sat in the proffered chair beaming at the assistant while
Walt concluded his meeting. He flipped briefly through a brochure
on 'What the FBI Does for You' and looked up at the sound of the
opening door.

     When he saw Skinner his expression changed from pleased to
worried. His friend looked haggard, like he hadn't slept in weeks.
His eyes were sunken, haunted.

     Skinner looked up without recognition at first. It was too
incongruous to see Dave here in his office. But he broke into a
smile when Dave stood and held out his hand. "Dave, this is a
surprise. Come in, please."

     Once inside Dave took a seat on the sofa and Skinner sat
opposite on a chair. The two studied each other momentarily.

     "Walt, what's wrong? You look like hell!" His voice betrayed
his worry. "Haven't you been sleeping?"

     "Not much. She sent me away, Dave." Skinner removed his
glasses and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "We had a fight, and she sent
me away. I haven't heard from her in three weeks."

     "So what are you waiting for? *Call her*." He leaned forward
to emphasize his point.

     "I'm not going to force myself on her. She knows where to find
me."

     Dave shook his head and stood, "Come on. I need a drink and so
do you. Let's get out of here, find a bottle of scotch and cry on
each other's shoulders."

     Skinner checked his watch; 3 pm. He went to his desk and
called Kimberly on the intercom. "Kimberly, I'm leaving for the
day. Please have the files I requested open for tomorrow
morning.....pardon? Thank you, you have a good night, too."

...............................................

     Rae was putting the flowers on the dining table when the
doorbell rang again. She was even more surprised by who was there
than by the flowers.

     "Hi. I hope you don't mind my stopping by like this. I thought
we could go out for a cappuccino or something, " Al said, holding
his hat.

        Rae was embarrassed to find that her mouth was hanging
agape. She had been thinking so intently about Walter that she was
amazed to see another man standing on her doorstep. She closed her
mouth with a snap and smiled. "I'm sorry, Al. I wasn't expecting
anyone. Won't you come in?"

        In the two weeks since their first meeting Rae had become
quite fond of Al. He always chattered to her while he was cleaning
and was unfailingly polite. If he saw her outside the music room he
would smile and chat for a few minutes. Once or twice, after she had
worked late he had walked her out to her car with the admonition to
be careful driving home. He was sweet and helpful and Rae
appreciated his non-demanding nature. He made her feel less lonely.

        But he had never come to her house before.

        Alex walked in and looked about him. The small foyer let
right out onto a warm, inviting living room filled with soft colors
and odd combinations of little items. On this table an arrangement
of family photos (Alex took note of several photos of Skinner around
the room), on that table a collection of unusual bric-a-brac (a
large seashell, candles, a book, an old fishing lure...) and on the
coffee table a modern sculpture of a seal family. He felt
immediately at ease, as though the comfortable surroundings released
his tension and made him feel at home.

        He turned to watch Rae close the door and turn to face him
with a smile. 'Or maybe it's the owner of the home that makes me
feel at ease...' he thought as he felt an answering smile tug the
corners of his mouth. "I hope you don't mind my dropping by like
this. I was on my way home from an errand and went past your
Grandmother's store. It made me think of you and how lonely I was
and if you were alone too and..."

        "You sent me the flowers, didn't you, Al?" Her voice was
soft and Rae felt a warmth for Al. She realized that she knew hardly
anything about him.

        "Yes, yes I did. I hope it's okay. I just wanted to let you
know that you have a friend, you know, if you need to talk or
anything." Alex lowered his head. Something about her forthright
gaze made him unable to meet her eyes. 'But... I *do* want to be her
friend,' he realized with a flash. 'I want her to like me, to trust
me.'

        Rae laid a hand on his arm, "Thank you, Al. It was very nice
and I'm glad that you want to be my friend. I know a great little
coffee shop down in Delafield. Would you give me a few minutes to
change?"

        Alex nodded and watched as Rae disappeared up the stairs.
She was so trusting, so kind... Alex wondered what it would be like
to stay here, in one place. Pewaukee was a nice little town, very
picturesque with it's little lake. He found that he fit in easily
here and enjoyed all of the little doings: the Fireman's picnic on
Labor Day, the dances at the VFW, shooting pool at Joan and Billy's.
All of the things he had done to find out about her...

        "Get close to her, Alex," he had said. "Find out what kind
of woman she is and if we can use her. See if she'll pump Skinner
for information. If it turns out that we can't bring her into the
fold, then you can take her and have your fun. Remember, she must be
frightened, terrorized in fact. But I want no permanent damage done.
Remember, she must be returned to Skinner intact. I don't want him
to see her as a martyr. No, Skinner's woman *must* live. Then he can
continue to try to protect her, and we can continue to use her..."

        A sick feeling rose in Alex's belly as he recalled the man's
words. He squeezed his eyes shut. 'I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't
be nice to her. I should make her afraid of me, then she won't want
to go with me...' He swallowed in a throat gone suddenly dry. He
yearned to have someone to talk to, to just *be* with.

        When Rae came back down the stairs she saw him gazing at the
seals and was struck by the sadness in his face. 'He looks like a
man who has no home, no one.' Rae slipped her hand into his and
smiled. "Let's go get that coffee, shall we?"

Chapter 2

     Jim watched Rae and the custodian talking animatedly in the
hall and felt unreasonably angry. He wasn't exactly sure why but Al
made him uneasy. Not the same type of uneasy that Tom had, he
didn't sense any danger to Rae, but rather a kind of sneakiness
about Al that made his skin crawl just a little. Jim had no
explanations for these feelings, he'd had only a few brief words
with the man, but Al just seemed awfully interested in Rae. Too
interested for it to be strictly casual.

     Jim sighed, 'I should be glad to see her smile again, even if
there is sadness in it.' Since their argument and Walter's
departure a month ago it seemed to Jim that Rae would never stop
crying. He had done what he could to get her out, taking her to
Joan and Billy's to shoot some stick, but he was beginning a
relationship of his own and it was hard to find time for
everything. In the last few days Rae had gone out with the
custodian three times, twice for coffee and once to a movie. She
seemed to treat Al just like she treated him, as a friend without
any of the fervor that she had for Walter, but Jim was worried just
the same. Walter was Raelene's man and if he didn't get his butt
back here his claim looked like it was going to be jumped.

     Rae saw Jim by the office watching her and Al. His eyes made
her faintly uncomfortable, as though she were cheating on him or
something. Inadvertently her eyes fell to the ring on her left
hand. Al was her friend, he was nice and he cheered her up but he
was no Walter.

     Alex watched the fleeting of pain across her face and knew what
her thoughts were. She had been frank about her relationship with
Skinner. She was certain that he was gone for good, but that she
wasn't available. He had done his best to assure her that he only
wanted to be her friend and he had made certain to space his visits
to emphasize the point.

        The other night, when he had shown up at her door in the
hopes of surprising her she had been gracious and kind. They had
chatted for hours over coffee, only leaving when the manager began
to turn out the lights. Alex was amazed at her willingness to talk
so freely and was delighted with her stories: on the road with the
band, touring all summer in a bus, her classes and her private
students. In the course of a few hours he felt as though he knew her
intimately. But he never again turned up at her door uninvited and
made his visits to the music room as brief as he felt appropriate.
Now that he had her trust he didn't want to lose it by being clumsy
or heavy-handed.

     Privately Alex thought that Skinner was a fool to leave her
alone like this, but he also had the feeling that she wouldn't stay
alone. He had no inside information on Skinner, all his observers
seemed to think that Skinner had resumed his regular schedule and
was never coming back here, but Alex wasn't so sure. He had
persuaded the Association to let him stay on for a couple more
weeks, just to see if anything else developed but he knew that his
time here was limited. If Skinner had in fact dumped Rae then there
would be no reason for him to stay.

     Rae was sure that she was telling him more than he wanted to
know about herself, but he never seemed bored or uninterested.
He listened with sensitivity and concern, she felt easy talking to
him. She didn't tell him everything of course and she had been
clear that she was off the market, but she did share much of
herself with Al.

............................................................

     Skinner saw his office as a refuge these days. At least he was
busy, and even though often irritated he felt relieved to come in
every day. There were files to open, cases to oversee and there was
always Mulder to keep in line.

     To give the agent credit he asked once about Raelene, then
dropped the subject. Skinner realized that his face must have
revealed more than he intended but if it kept Mulder quiet on
the subject then so be it.

     He had a hard time talking about Rae, especially with Dave. He
was insistent, no adamant that Skinner call her. The evenings
they spent together were one on-going discussion of Rae's motives
for sending him away. Dave had threatened more than one to take
his portrait back and paint Skinner out, putting himself in.

     But Skinner wouldn't let him touch the portrait now that it was
here. He stared at it long and hard, amazed at Dave's talent, and
wondering why he chose to paint them without clothes. Dave had
merely grinned wickedly saying that he was moved by his muse.

     The painting was a study of he and Raelene holding each other
close, facing each other. Rae's head was resting on Skinner's chest
and he was pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Their bodies
seemed to blend into each other. Both of them were smiling softly,
secretly as lovers do.

     Skinner ached when he looked at it. He was reminded sharply of
what Rae had said about the scent of his cologne making her feel
less lonely. Looking at that painting, thinking of what he'd had was
the loneliest he'd ever felt.

     His reflection was interrupted by Agent Samuels. He was having
trouble with this assignment, could the Assistant Director approve
a request for a classified file?

     Sighing, Skinner called Kimberly for the appropriate request
forms. It was going to be a long day.

............. ............................................

     Rae was sweeping the store, thinking quietly. This was the
first time she'd been back here since Walter left. She usually
popped in once a week or so, but she had avoided Gramma Alton's
store for a month now. She didn't want to tell the frail old lady
that the big, handsome beau that Gramma had so taken to was gone and
that her life was going to be empty.

     There was a light early snow falling outside, blowing around
the corners and swirling over the gray water of the lake. A few
clusters of brown leaves still clung to the trees and made a
sibilant rustling. The shapely naked branches waved like hands
against the lead colored sky. It reminded her that winter was here.

     Inside the store the wood stove was burning merrily and the
warm glow of the lights invited people inside. The first spate of
children spending their allowance money on candy had left and the
only people in the store were a couple teen girls looking at
magazines.

     When they were gone Gramma called Rae over to her spot near the
stove. Next to the old Franklin stove was a hand hooked rug and on
it sat Gramma's rocker, Charlene's straight chair and two old wooden
chairs. There was a little table on which Gramma placed her evening
glass of beer and sandwich and a small footstool for Charlene to
rest her sore ankles.

     Rae sat on one of the wooden chairs ('her chair' since
childhood - a round-backed barrel chair) and pulled her feet up
onto the seat. Wrapping her arms around her knees she watched
Gramma solemnly. She knew she was going to get a 'talking to' and
she dreaded it.

     Gramma knew that there was something wrong with Rae. The
girl's face was so expressive that she couldn't hide the sadness if
she tried. Rae had never deceived her, and Gramma hoped that she
wouldn't start now. She was tired. Tired of the store, the changes
in her little village home, tired of life. She wanted to join her
husband and baby in the hereafter and she knew that it would be
soon. But she had something to do before she left.

     She had to know that Rae would be cared for. She had eighteen
grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren and though she tried
her mightiest not to have a favorite this child sitting next to her
came closest to her heart.

     Rae was the child of her only daughter, her confused and
unhappy daughter's only girl. She had spent a lot of time here in
this store with them during her life and Gramma came to know her
and love her well. She was her Gramp's pride (how he loved to hear
her sing at her chores) and her joy. She had stayed close to them
over the years, stopping often in her busy life to clean, to talk
and to bring little gifts. While her cousins wandered about the
earth having families and making their marks, Rae remained. She
had cared for her mother through her illness and was left alone
upon her death.

        Gramma had mourned the loss of her daughter with a quiet
sadness. She knew that Rhonda's life had been troubled, though she
never understood why. All through her life Rhonda had suffered with
depression, sometimes spending as much as two weeks in bed. It had
been too hard on Jared, her husband. After Rae's fifth birthday he
filed for a divorce and moved out of town. By the time she was
twelve Rae was caring for her mother all alone. Her brothers, loving
souls that they were had left home to discover the wide world. But,
Rae remained.

        Now Rae was in danger of remaining again, when the world and
her lover beckoned. It was safe here in Pewaukee, there was no doubt
about that. But Gramma knew that, if Rae stayed here she'd be alone
for the rest of her days, with no big, handsome man to call her own.

        'Besides,' Gramma thought as she regarded her granddaughter.
"I want to see the light back in her eyes. The sparkle that that big
man of hers put there. I want to see her smile again...'

     "Child, where's your man? I was hoping that you'd bring him
by again before he left. Big handsome man he is, and I always like
looking at handsome men." Gramma smiled at the memory. "Just
filled up the room, he did. When's he coming back?"

     Rae looked out the window. "He's not coming back, Gramma. He's
gone." She couldn't keep the sadness out of her voice, the trace
of tears that still lingered when she spoke of Walter. She felt a
knobby hand under her chin as Gramma turned her head and
looked into her eyes.

     "Then you go *get* him back, Raelene. I don't know what drove
him away, but you go get him. Beg him on hand and knee if you have
to, child. He's *your* man anybody with eyes can see that.
Don't let anybody else have him!"

     "But Gramma *I* drove him away. He's better off without me."
She pulled her face away and looked down at the faded rug.
"He wants to have a family, Gramma and I can't give him one."

     "Nonsense! He wants you. It's right there in his eyes every
time he looks at you." Gramma rose and stroked her granddaughter's
golden hair with gentle hands. "Child, you've always thought that
you didn't have enough to give, but you have what he wants. Give to
him all you can and he'll never want for more. He'll never hurt you
like that other. There are many ways to have a family, there are
plenty of babies in this world who want parents." She held Rae's
face and looked deeply into her blue eyes, her husband's eyes.
"Don't lose your man! Babies grow up and go away, but your man will
be with you the rest of your life."

     Rae could only shake her head. Gramma was trying to help, but
she didn't understand. Rae looked out the window, 'Or does she?'

........................................................

     "Then analyze it like it's a case, Walt. On the other occasions
Rae tried to send you away, what were you asking of her? What was
it she felt threatened by?"

     Walt stretched his feet out onto the coffee table. He had
changed into sweatpants and a T-shirt. Dave had offered to cook and
Walt didn't discourage him. It had been a hellish day, a typical
Monday and he just wanted to relax. He looked into his glass of
scotch. Since Dave had introduced him to it he was developing a
taste for single malt, straight up ("Blended whiskey is only for
getting drunk, Walt," he had said.).

     Walt thought back to San Francisco, when she didn't want to
tell him about her ex-husband's abuse. Back to Wisconsin when she
didn't want to marry him. Both times it had to do with Tom. Both
times he was asking for some kind of commitment from her. He
was asking for permanence. But this time? She had said it: he
wanted kids and she didn't.

     "I was only asking, trying to open a discussion. But she got
really upset and began twisting what I was saying. Then she ran off.
I was worried sick. It wasn't until morning that I found out that
she was at Jim's." Walt shook his head. "I just don't understand."

     Dave's voice was soft and he looked at his friend with
sadness, "Maybe she *can't* have children."

     "Then why would she be on the pill?"

     "I don't know, Walt. There could be other reasons, I guess." He
pointed to the painting that sat on a chair across the room. "Think
of how that makes you feel, how you felt when I saw the two of you
like that and tell me why you won't call her."

     Walt looked, remembering the warmth. He lay his head back on
the sofa and closed his eyes. "She sent me away. I have to give her
time to....."

     "Damn you, Walt! You really piss me off, both of you! You hold
the most rare and precious thing in your hands and you throw it
aside because 'she sent you away'! Do you have you any idea what you
have with that woman? Does she know what she has in you? No! Just a
couple of whining brats moaning about who did what to whom. At least
Rae has an excuse, she has reason to be afraid. But you? What's your
problem?"

     "Dave, I don't want to fight her. "

     "Then give it up, man and get a life. If she's worth it to you,
if you really love her then she's *got* to be worth fighting for.
If there was another man involved you'd be right there, wouldn't
you?" Dave pointed once more to the phone. "Call her." He stalked
back to the kitchen without waiting for an answer.

     Walt stared at the painting. Dave was right about one thing. If
there were another man involved Walt would do anything he could to
keep Rae. Ruefully he remembered the bottle of cologne, his hurt and
jealousy. He was ready to fight for her then...

     'But isn't there another man involved?' He thought. 'Maybe her
ex-husband did something to her to make her not want children.'
Walt sat upright, an uncomfortable thought running through his
head. "What if he *did* do something to her? What if....." he
unconsciously spoke the thought aloud.

     Dave heard him and came out of the kitchen in time to see Walt
pick up the phone and dial hurriedly.

     A strange, muffled voice answered the phone. It sounded
familiar to Walt, but then again it didn't. "Is Raelene at home?"
he asked the man.

     "I'm sorry she can't come to the phone right now." He paused.
"Walter, is that you?"

     "Yes, it is, Jim. What's wrong?"

     "Walter I have bad news. I would have called, but I didn't
know how to reach you."

     Walt felt a cold clenching in his stomach. "Jim, what is it?
Is Rae all right?"

     Jim paused and sniffed. "No, Walter. Nothing's okay." He heard
a choke in Jim's voice and another sniffle. He realized that Jim was
crying. "Walter, Gramma Alton died this afternoon. Some of the
family is here, Rae's planning the funeral with them."

     "Oh no. Jim what happened?" The image of the feisty old lady
came into Walt's mind; her knowing smile and the touch of her
gentle hands. Walter hung his head, 'Poor, Rae.'

     "She just went to sleep and never woke up. Charlene thought
that it was odd that she went in to take a nap, Gramma never took
naps unless she was sick. When Char checked on her she was gone. She
didn't know what to do so she called Rae at school." Jim lowered his
voice. "Walter I don't know what to do. I can't comfort her. Nobody
can. She can't stop crying. She had a disagreement with Gramma on
Saturday, and she feels responsible somehow. Walter please come.
You're the only one who might be able to help. I know it's asking
a lot, but I don't know where to turn anymore."

     "I'll call my assistant at home and ask her to reschedule
everything to next week, then I'll get the first flight to
Milwaukee. When is the funeral?" Walter didn't even have to think.

     "They're trying for Wednesday, the visitation will be
tomorrow. Hurry, Walter. She's trying to be so strong for everyone
right now that she's not letting anyone close. She just pushes me
away when I try to help her."

     "I'll be there as soon as I can. Don't tell her I'm coming, it
may be late but stay with her Jim. Don't let her be alone."

     "I won't. Thanks, Walter. I'm sorry if this interrupts any of
your plans, but...."

     "My only plan is to be with Rae. Jim, take care of her until I
get there, try to make her eat something." Silently Walter squeezed
his eyes shut as he hung up the phone. 'I'm on my way, Baby. Hang
on, oh Rae, please hang on...'

Chapter 3

     Dave watched his friend as he looked out the tiny airplane
window into the dark sky. Walt's large frame was squeezed
uncomfortably into the narrow seat and he seemed fidgety. A sense of
anticipation and urgency emanated from him, mingled dread and
excitement.

     From what Walt had told him Rae was very close to her
grandmother and her death would be a blow. Dave wished he had met
the lady. Walt spoke of the twinkle in her eye and her frank
admiration of him with a blush. Anyone who could make Walter Sergei
Skinner blush was someone Dave certainly wanted to meet.

     He only hoped that this was the catalyst that was needed to get
them back together. Walt had woken several times during his stay
with nightmares of an old hag. Dave knew that she appeared
intermittently through Walt's life, but now it was nearly every
night. He would hear him call out from his room or see him walk by
on his way to the living room, sweaty and shaken. When he asked
about her Walt said little except that she was back.

     The air in Milwaukee was crisp and cold. Recent snow had left
a dusting on the ground and the wind smelled like there was more
on the way. Walt nearly ran to the rental counter to get them a car
and took the first one available. He didn't seem to care that it
was a big gas guzzler of a Caddy, leather seats, power everything -
the works. All Walt cared about was getting to Rae. It was after 1
am now. By the time they got to the car and drove to Rae's it would
be nearly two.

     After throwing their things in the trunk Walt took the wheel
and drove surely along the Wisconsin freeways. He pointed out
interesting landmarks that he had learned on his last visit, but
concentrated mostly on the road. When they left the freeway and the
darkness of the country enfolded them they fell silent. Walt
frowned at the console clock: 1:50 am.

     Huge flakes began to drift past the windows. They swirled as
the car sped past. The road was still dry, but Dave was certain
that, by morning there would be a white blanket at their feet.

     He was adequately attired - sweaters and tweeds were all he'd
packed, but he was concerned for Walt. In his haste Walt had thrown
a dark suit with a shirt and tie into a suitcase, plus his
underclothes and shaving kit. He hadn't even changed out of his
sweats for the trip. If it hadn't been for Dave's reminder that it
was, after all November he might not have even grabbed a jacket.

     Walt slowed as they neared a settlement. They twisted down a
hill and into the main street of a little town. The dark water of a
lake reflected the pewter skies to the left and to the right was
a quaint line of shops. It was a lovely little village, with the
exception of a grouping of ugly condominiums on the far waterfront.

        He sighed as Walter told him about the development, and how
Rae and her Gramma had been on a council to halt it. But money won
out. The big city planners with their big bankbooks pushed the
building plan through. Now it hung like a modern blot on the
charming lakefront. Dave shook his head, 'Progress!' He thought
silently. 'The plague of mankind.'

     Dave remarked on the Alton's sign. The windows were shuttered
tightly and were draped, along with the door in black. Despite
it's current somber, desolate appearance it was a tidy little place
of weathered wood with a wide front porch. Dave could just imagine
sitting on that porch in the summer sunshine, looking across the
street at the sparkling little lake.

     "That was Gramma's store. I don't know what will happen to it
now," Walt replied. "We're nearly there."

     He pulled into the drive of a neat little cottage - white with
gray trim. There was a single light on inside and floods in the
yard. Walt barely had the car turned off before he was out and
over the deck, fumbling with the keys. But a note stuck in the
door said that it was open, so the two men went quietly inside.

     Walt breathed deeply as he went through the utility room door
into the kitchen. There were food smells and smoke (he was
surprised, Rae had a no smoking policy as far as he knew) and
an undercurrent of flowers. He looked around, drinking in the
sights like a starved man.

     Dave also looked around. The tiny kitchen let out into a
square dining area, then through an arch into a long narrow living
room. There was an open staircase to the second floor. It was a
small place and he felt like a giant who had stumbled into the
home of an elf.

     "Dave, wait here. I'm going to go up and see if Jim is there."
Walt slipped off his shoes and took the stairs two at a time.

     Upstairs Jim heard the noises and got up. He was sitting on
the floor by Rae's bed and stopped Walter before he got to
the top.

     "She's just fallen asleep. I was worried that she'd cry all
night, but she must be played out. She's been going since six this
morning, then the call came at eleven. She left school right away
and she's been chasing and trying to hold it all in since." He
looked into Walter's eyes. "Thanks for coming. I know you two
aren't....."

     "Yes we are. Rae and I are going to work it out, Jim and
whatever she needs, she's going to have.  I'm not going to leave
without her this time. My friend Dave is downstairs. Can he go home
with you for the night?" He rested his hand briefly on Jim's
shoulder. After seeing Jim's nod Walter turned his attention to the
darkened bedroom.

     She was laying on her side facing the wall. She had curled up
and was holding a pillow against her chest. She was still dressed,
probably in the clothes she'd worn to school.

     Walter slipped out of his jacket and lay down beside her. He
snuggled her close to him and wrapped her into his arms. Rae
whimpered a little in her sleep but quieted immediately and slept
soundly.

     Walter felt a tear trickle down his cheek as he felt her warmth
seep into him. He kissed her ear tenderly and whispered, "Honey, I'm
home," before relaxing into sleep.

....................................................................

     He awoke to a familiar tickle on his nose as Rae's honey
colored hair moved with his breath. He didn't want to move. He
heard the wind whistle around the house and knew that they were in
the midst of a full blown storm. All the better. They had an excuse
to stay in bed. 'If she doesn't toss your butt out.'

     She stirred against him, mumbling something.

     Rae drifted in a sweet dream. Walter was here. It was October
and they were here in bed together. He was holding her tight.
There was no argument, no leaving, no tears. Just his warmth
and gentleness and strength. They would go visit Gramma today,
soon he would kiss her awake. She could feel him smiling against
her shoulder, nibbling her ear.

     "Would you make a pot of coffee?" She murmured. A soft smile
touched her lips.

     "Sure, honey. As soon as you kiss me good morning." His breath
tickled her ear.

     Rae moved onto her back and opened her eyes, smiling up at
him. She reached up to stroke his cheek and her expression
changed. Her eyes grew wide and her mouth formed a small 'Oh'.

     The night time stubble on his cheek woke her fully. It wasn't
a dream! Walter was here, holding her, looking at her with eyes
full of love and concern.

     "How.....what....what are you doing here?" She tried to get
up, but he held tight.

     "I called last night and Jim told me. I came as quickly as I
could." His voice was as full as his eyes and he held her face in
his palm. She was so pale and thin looking. Her cheekbones stood
out sharply and her eyes were red rimmed from crying. He kissed
her gently.

     That gentle kiss, that tender communication of his care for her
was more than Rae could take. She began to cry, a hiccuping, gasping
cry. All her hopes for him dashed, his last chance out the window,
because she knew as certainly as she knew the coming of day that she
could never let him go again.

     Walter pulled her head to his chest and let the hot tears wet
his shirt. He held her, stroked her hair, murmured softly to her.
All her pain and fear were in those tears and he hoped that they
would cleanse and renew her.

...............................................................

     They lay quietly together not speaking. Rae didn't know what
to say and Walter was just glad to have her in his arms again. She
wanted to tell him to go, to leave Wisconsin and not come back,
but the words wouldn't come. He felt so good beside her and his
arms were so strong that she couldn't speak.

     "Rae, I love you. I would have come sooner but........"

     "Walter you should leave. You should go now. "

     "No."

     "Walter...."

     "No." He lowered his lips to hers. "I'm not leaving Raelene.
Face the fact that you're stuck with me because you're not going to
get rid of me again." He smiled a bit and stroked her hair.
"Besides, who else is going to build you that new kitchen?"

     "But....." she bit her lip. She knew that she had to tell him.
It was be the only thing left for her to do. She swallowed hard.
"Walter I can't have children. You'll be giving up your chance to
have a family if you stay with me."

     A frown crossed his face. "I don't understand. If you can't
have children then why birth control? "

     Rae took a deep breath, 'Here goes'. "I didn't say I couldn't
get pregnant, I said I can't have children. There are medical
reasons that I take them, but also to keep me from getting
pregnant."

     Walter saw the pain in her face, the memory of something
awful. He steeled himself, he *had* to know. "Take your time,
honey. Just hold me tight and tell me." He tightened his arms
around her and pulled her head to his chest.

     Rae listened to his deep steady heartbeat and began her tale.
She spoke softly, steadily gathering strength from him. She felt
him squeeze her when she came to the worst of it and she buried
her face momentarily in his shirt. But she didn't cry.

     "I'm sorry, Walter. I tried to get you to leave, I knew you'd
be angry that I can't......"

     He pressed his fingers to her lips. He *was* angry and so
horrified that he couldn't speak. His worst suspicions were right,
her ex-husband *had* done something to her, he just hadn't realized
that it could be this bad.

     "I'll kill him." His voice was gravely. He was choking back
tears. That man had the most beautiful thing on earth, and all he
could do was abuse her. His anger threatened to spill over if he
didn't do something. "I'm going to kill him with my bare hands." He
laid Rae gently against the pillows and got up. "I have to get
something from the car. I'll be right back."

     He stalked out of the room and down the stairs. He didn't want
to frighten her but he had to get this out. He paced the small
living room, clenching and unclenching his hands. He opened the
front door and went onto the porch. Snow fell heavily now that there
was a lull in the screeching wind. He stepped off the porch and the
fiery cold of the wet snow shocked him. He sat on the step and put
his head in his hands. Tears came in a storm, cold and wet on his
face. He had only cried like this once before. He hadn't liked it
then and he didn't like it any more now.

     Rae came softly down the stairs and felt the draft from the
open door. She had been horrified by Walter's outburst and didn't
want him to go off in a haze of anger. She heard him on the porch
and went out.

     He was sitting in the snow, barefoot and crying. She sat beside
him and pulled him against her. "Walter don't. It's over now. Please
don't. If you can forgive me for not being able to have children
then....."

     "Forgive you? Oh, Rae." He put his arms around her and they
clung to each other on the step. "How can I forgive you for
something that's not your fault? I don't care if we can't have
children. If we really decide that we want them, then we'll find a
way to have them. What I can't forgive is *him* for hurting the
woman I love, for making you lose your baby." He cupped her face in
his hands. "For making you afraid to trust me." He smoothed his
thumbs along her cheekbones.

     She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. "Oh, Walter
are you sure? Are you absolutely sure? A man like you... you could
have any woman you wanted..."

        "But the only woman *I* want is you." He held her face and
gazed into her deep blue eyes. "I'll never hurt you, Rae and I'll
never leave you. Please, Love, please trust me"

        Tears streamed down both their cheeks as she nodded. His
lips claimed hers with the promise of his love and Rae leaned
against him, gathering strength and warmth from him. Somewhere, up
there, she knew that Gramma and Grampa Alton were smiling. Gramma
had been right: he *was* her man. She squeezed her eyes shut and
sent a heartfelt thanks to the sky, 'Thanks, Gramma.' Then Walter's
voice whispered next to her ear.

        "Let's go in, honey. I'm getting kind of cold."