[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY PROCTER & GAMBLE PRODUCTIONS, INC.] [POUNDING ON DOOR] SERGEI: FELICIA! FELICIA: GO AWAY! SERGEI: PLEASE! FELICIA: OH, GOD. [POUNDING] SERGEI: PLEASE. FELICIA: I WANT YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM ME. GET AWAY FROM MY PENTHOUSE, GET AWAY FROM ME! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? SERGEI: FELICIA, I WILL DO EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANT. I WILL STAY OUT OF YOUR LIFE FOREVER, BUT PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, PLEASE. FELICIA: WHAT'S THIS LITTLE SESSION GOING TO BE ABOUT? SOMETHING FOR THE BOOK? YOU GOING TO GIVE YOUR READERS A LITTLE CHUCKLE ABOUT MY SLEEPING MASK? IS THAT IT? SERGEI: YES, FELICIA, I DESERVE THIS. FELICIA: YOU DESERVE WORSE THAN THIS. SERGEI: FELICIA, IT WAS WRONG FOR ME TO WRITE BOOK ABOUT YOU, AND I CANNOT STAND TO HURT YOU, AND I HAVE HERE THIS. THIS IS MY NEWEST DRAFT OF BOOK. PLEASE, IF YOU WOULD DO ME GREAT HONOR -- FELICIA: OH, YOU DON'T ACTUALLY EXPECT ME TO READ THIS? OH. OH, JEEZ. OH, BOY. SERGEI: PLEASE, FELICIA -- FELICIA: I WOULD RATHER STICK NEEDLES IN MY EYES THAN TO READ THIS SLEAZY, EXPLOITIVE EXPOSE ON ME. YOU UNDERSTAND? SERGEI: YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO CRITICIZE ME, TO DESPISE ME, TO HAVE CASS WINTHROP THROW ME INTO THE JAIL -- FELICIA: THANK YOU. SERGEI: AFTER YOU READ MY BOOK. FELICIA: WILL YOU GO AWAY IF I PROMISE TO READ IT? SERGEI: YES, YOU HAVE MY WORD. YOU HAVE -- ALL MY WORD. FELICIA: OH, BOY. YOU HAVE REALLY GOT SOME NERVE IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO READ THIS. AFTER EVERYTHING I DID FOR YOU? OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING -- FELICIA: I PROBABLY DO OWE IT TO MYSELF TO READ THIS EXPLOITIVE LITTLE PIECE OF TRASH. TYRONE: SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY? MARLEY: UM -- I PROMISED DONNA THAT SHE COULD TAKE ME SHOPPING. SHE'S IN A MAKE-OVER MODE. TYRONE: WAIT A MINUTE. SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITHOUT YOU FOR THE REST OF THE DAY? MARLEY: I DON'T KNOW. YOU COULD BURY YOURSELF IN WORK FOR A FEW HOURS AND THEN COME UP FOR AIR AROUND DINNERTIME. TYRONE: DINNERTIME? MARLEY: MM-HMM. TYRONE: WELL, I GUESS THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN. MARLEY: I -- I BETTER GO. I'LL GET SOME RETAIL THERAPY. TYRONE: ALL RIGHT. I'LL CALL YOU LATER, OK? MARLEY: OK. ETTA MAE: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? TYRONE: LOOK, ETTA MAE, THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, ALL RIGHT? ETTA MAE: IT WAS BAD ENOUGH WHEN YOU WERE HER LAWYER. NOW YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH THAT CRAZY WOMAN. TYRONE: I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT. ETTA MAE: OH, YOU'RE GOING TO STOP ME FROM TELLING THE TRUTH? TYRONE: WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS NOT THE TRUTH. NOW, YOU DON'T KNOW MARLEY THE WAY I DO. ETTA MAE: I KNOW ENOUGH, AND NONE OF IT'S GOOD. TYRONE: SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL, GIVING, INCREDIBLE WOMAN, AND IF YOU SPENT ONE MINUTE WITH HER, THEN YOU WOULD SEE THAT. ETTA MAE: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAN'T SEE. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE. IT MIGHT BE PRETTY TO THINK SO, BUT IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN. NOW, MARLEY HUDSON HAS DONE THE MOST INHUMAN, HEARTLESS, HATEFUL THINGS TO THE VERY PEOPLE THAT SHE'S SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT MOST IN THE WORLD, PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN MY FRIENDS, YOUR FRIENDS. TYRONE: YEAH, WELL, AT LEAST THEY UNDERSTAND THAT SHE HAD A BREAKDOWN BUT THAT SHE'S BETTER NOW. ETTA MAE: THAT WAS NO BREAKDOWN, HONEY. THAT WAS THE REAL MARLEY HUDSON, THE ONE THAT HIDES BEHIND ALL OF THAT SWEETNESS AND LIGHT. VICKY, NOW, SHE CAN'T SEE IT BECAUSE THAT'S HER SISTER. AND JAKE, HE JUST WANTS TO KEEP VICKY HAPPY. TYRONE: ETTA MAE -- ETTA MAE: BUT YOU -- YOU CAN GET OUT OF IT. TYRONE: I KNOW YOU THINK YOU'RE HELPING ME, BUT YOU ARE DEAD WRONG. ETTA MAE: YOU ARE GOING TO WISH I WAS. NOW, YOU NEED TO DROP THAT MARLEY LIKE A BAD HABIT BEFORE SHE MAKES A SHAMBLES OUT OF YOUR LIFE LIKE SHE DID EVERYBODY ELSE WHO GAVE HER THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. TYRONE: I'M BETTER THAN THAT, ETTA MAE. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE YOU HAVE TAUGHT ME TO BE BETTER THAN THAT. NOW, YES, MARLEY HAS HAD A TOUGH TIME WITH THINGS LATELY, AND YES, SHE HAS MADE SOME MISTAKES, BUT SHE IS A DAMN FINE WOMAN. AND I'M GOING TO HAVE A FUTURE WITH HER NO MATTER WHAT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE HAS TO SAY ABOUT IT. JAKE: HONEY, I'M HOME! VICKY: HELLO, DARLING. HOW WAS YOUR DAY? JAKE: OH, IT WAS PERFECT AS ALWAYS. HOW ABOUT YOURS? VICKY: OH, IT WAS JUST FINE. HERE, SWEETIE. THANK YOU. WELL, YOU KNOW, I SHAMPOOED THE CARPETS, I HELPED THE CHILDREN WITH THEIR HOMEWORK, I PAINTED THE HOUSE, AND I STILL HAD TIME TO MAKE YOUR FAVORITE MEAL. JAKE: YOU CAN'T -- YOU CAN'T COOK. VICKY: OH. HI, YOU MUST HAVE ME CONFUSED WITH THE OLD VICKY, I THINK -- YOU KNOW, THE ONE WHO BURNED EVERYTHING SHE BAKED, WHO FED THOSE POOR CHILDREN LEFTOVERS, WHO WORE THOSE AWFUL, REVEALING CLOTHES. SHE'S GONE, THANK HEAVENS. JAKE: NO, I -- I LIKED THAT VICKY. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? VICKY: OH, LET'S SEE NOW. WELL, I THINK IT WAS SOME TIME AROUND WHEN I TURNED YOUR MOTORCYCLE INTO A TRELLIS. JAKE: HONEY, WE'RE SO -- WE'RE SO DULL. VICKY: OH, THAT. THAT HAPPENS. JAKE: NO, IT HAPPENS TO EVERYBODY ELSE. DON'T YOU REMEMBER? WE SWORE TO EACH OTHER THAT WE WOULD MAKE PEOPLE DRAG US KICKING AND SCREAMING INTO DULLSVILLE. VICKY: HONEY? THEN WE HAD A BABY. JAKE: OH, SO THIS -- THIS IS OUR HAPPILY EVER AFTER. VICKY: FOREVER, AND EVER, AND EVER, AND EVER, AND EVER. JAKE: OH, MAN. WHOO. HEY. VICKY: HEY. JAKE: WHAT'S UP? VICKY: YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU HAVING A DREAM? WAS IT ABOUT ME? VICKY: YOU TELL ME YOUR DREAM, I'LL TELL YOU MINE. JAKE: AH. NOTHING. VICKY: "NOTHING," YEAH. JAKE: NOTHING. VICKY: IS THAT WHY YOU WOKE UP IN A PANIC, BECAUSE IT WAS NOTHING? JAKE: NO, IT WAS JUST -- IT WAS JUST -- IT WAS AN ANCHOVY PIZZA KIND OF DREAM. VICKY: HMM. JAKE: HMM. VICKY: YOU WERE DREAMING ABOUT ANOTHER WOMAN, WEREN'T YOU? WEREN'T YOU? YOU WERE. JAKE: NO. AS A MATTER OF FACT, I WAS DREAMING ABOUT OUR LIFE AFTER THE BABY COMES, THE FAMILY. VICKY: WERE YOU REALLY? WERE YOU REALLY? YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT, TOO. I WAS. I WAS THINKING ABOUT ALL THE STUFF WE HAVE TO DO, YOU KNOW, LIKE -- I DON'T KNOW -- I GAVE AWAY ALL THE BABY CLOTHES AND WHERE WE'RE GOING TO PUT THE NURSERY AND WE HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE. PAULINA'S THE ONLY PERSON WHO KNOWS. WE SHOULD HAVE A PARTY OR SOMETHING WITH 100 -- JAKE: WHAT? WHAT? VICKY: IT'S NOTHING. IT'S -- JAKE: "NOTHING" LIKE NOTHING, OR "NOTHING" LIKE BABY NOTHING? VICKY: NO, IT'S NOTHING. IT'S JUST, I DON'T KNOW, A LITTLE CRAMPING OR SOMETHING. JAKE: CRAMPING? ALL RIGHT. OK. VICKY: NO. JAKE: WHAT SHOULD I DO? VICKY: NOTHING. JAKE: JUST TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO. I'M FINE. TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO. VICKY: I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH DR. DOYLE THIS AFTERNOON. I'M SURE SHE'LL -- I'M SURE SHE'S GOING TO TELL ME EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT. JAKE: "ALL RIGHT"? IT'S NOT ALL RIGHT WITH ME. I'VE NEVER HAD A BABY BEFORE. THIS IS MY FIRST. COME ON. YOU AND I -- WE'RE GOING TO THE DOCTOR RIGHT NOW. LET'S GO. UP, UP! VICKY: OK, OK, OK, OK. JAKE: GENTLE. VICKY: HI. DR. DOYLE, DO YOU REALLY IT'S NECESSARY TO DO THE SONOGRAM? I MEAN -- DR. DOYLE: WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE BOTH WORRIED. IF ANYTHING'S WRONG, WE'LL FIND OUT WHAT IT IS RIGHT AWAY, OK? VICKY: OK. DR. DOYLE: WE NEED TO DO AN ULTRASOUND. VICKY: AH. THAT'S COLD. JAKE? JAKE: EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE FINE, HONEY. EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE FINE. DR. DOYLE: FIRST, LET'S TRY TO FIND THE BABY AND A HEARTBEAT. HOW YOU BEEN FEELING? VICKY: OH, GREAT, YEAH. I MEAN, A LITTLE EXHAUSTED, A LITTLE NAUSEOUS, BUT, NO, GOOD. [HEARTBEAT] VICKY: AND THEN I HAD THAT CRAMPING THIS MORNING, AND -- DO YOU HEAR SOMETHING? DR. DOYLE: OK. OK, THERE IT IS. THERE'S YOUR BABY, ALIVE AND KICKING. JAKE: THAT'S HIM? VICKY: THAT'S HER. DR. DOYLE: FROM WHAT I CAN SEE AND HEAR, EVERYTHING SEEMS JUST FINE. VICKY: WELL, YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE CRAMPING? DR. DOYLE: WELL, YOU MIGHT BE FURTHER ALONG THAN YOU THINK OR -- JAKE: OR WHAT? COME ON, DOC, OR WHAT? WHAT IS IT? WHAT COULD BE WRONG? WHAT'S GOING ON? DR. DOYLE: LET'S SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE. OH, MY. VICKY: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "OH, MY"? IS SOMETHING WRONG? IS IT THE BABY? DR. DOYLE: WELL, THAT'S THE BABY RIGHT THERE, AND THAT IS ANOTHER BABY. JAKE: OH, IT'S ANOTHER BABY. THAT'S ANOTHER BABY. THAT MEANS SHE'S HAVING -- THAT MEANS WE'RE HAVING TWINS. DR. DOYLE: YEAH, YOU'RE HAVING TWINS. CONGRATULATIONS. VICKY: WE'RE HAVING TWINS. WE'RE HAVING TWINS. JAKE: WHERE'S THE BABIES NOW? SHOW ME THE BABIES. DR. DOYLE: OH, RIGHT THERE AND RIGHT THERE. VICKY: OH, THEY'RE GIRLS. DR. DOYLE: WELL, IT'S REALLY TOO EARLY TO TELL FOR SURE. VICKY: OH, NO. NO, THEY'RE GIRLS. THEY'RE GIRLS. I CAN TELL. I CAN FEEL THAT THEY'RE GIRLS. THOSE ARE OUR DAUGHTERS. THOSE ARE OUR BABIES. DONNA: OK. I'VE GOT LOTS OF MONEY -- OH, DON'T YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. MARLEY: THANK YOU. DONNA: AND CREDIT CARDS. AND ARE YOU READY TO DO DAMAGE AT THE MALL? MARLEY: ACTUALLY, THERE'S BEEN A CHANGE OF PLANS. DONNA: OH, GOOD. WE'RE GOING TO CHICAGO, RIGHT? MARLEY: WELL, I'M GOING A LITTLE FURTHER THAN CHICAGO. DONNA: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? MARLEY: I'VE DECIDED TO LEAVE BAY CITY FOR GOOD. I'M GOING TO GO BACK TO CHINA. DONNA: IF THAT'S YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE, IT'S NOT VERY FUNNY. WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT? WHERE'S IT COMING FROM? MARLEY: WELL, I JUST NEED SOMETHING MORE IN MY LIFE, DONNA. DONNA: WHAT? WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? MARLEY: I JUST NEVER SHOULD'VE COME BACK HERE. NOTHING HAS GONE RIGHT FOR ME OR FOR ANYONE ELSE SINCE I CAME BACK. DONNA: DARLING, I KNOW THAT IT'S BEEN AWFUL FOR YOU, BUT THINGS HAVE TURNED AROUND, AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING SO WELL. MARLEY: THAT'S BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WANTED EVERYONE TO THINK, BUT IT HAS BECOME PAINFULLY OBVIOUS TO ME THAT I HAVE MADE TOO MANY MISTAKES WITH TOO MANY PEOPLE TO EVER LIVE IT DOWN. DONNA: THAT'S ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE. MARLEY: DONNA, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ME. ALL RIGHT? IF I GO BACK TO CHINA, I CAN -- I CAN DO SOME GOOD THERE. PEOPLE NEED ME THERE. IT JUST MAKES THE MOST SENSE. DONNA: THE MOST SENSE TO WHOM? CERTAINLY NOT TO THE CHINESE. NOT TO ME. AND IT'S NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY SENSE TO VICTORIA. MARLEY: NO, YOU CAN'T -- YOU CAN'T TELL HER. YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME YOU WON'T SAY ANYTHING TO HER OR ANYONE ELSE. DONNA: NO, YOU PROMISE ME THAT YOU WON'T DO ANYTHING UNTIL YOU'VE GIVEN THIS A LOT MORE THOUGHT, MARLEY. PROMISE. MARLEY: OK. I WILL. I PROMISE. NOW, THERE ARE SOME THINGS I HAVE TO GO DO. DONNA: SO WE'RE NOT GOING TO THE MALL? MARLEY: I LOVE YOU. DONNA: I LOVE YOU. YOU CALL ME LATER, OK? MARLEY: YEAH. DONNA: YOU PROMISE? MARLEY: MM-HMM. MARLEY: BYE, DONNA. SERGEI: FELICIA? SHE'S CRYING. FELICIA. ARE YOU -- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? FELICIA: I READ IT, ALL OF IT. SERGEI: YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEAK. YOUR TEARS ALREADY SPEAK VOLUME. FELICIA: IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. I COULDN'T PUT IT DOWN. IT MADE ME LAUGH, IT MADE ME CRY. I'M SURE IT'S ALL PART OF YOUR STUPID PLAN, ISN'T IT? SERGEI: WHAT PLAN? FELICIA: OH, PLEASE. YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT SOME UNDERHANDED PLOT AROUND IT. SERGEI: WHAT, YOU'RE GOING TO CALL THIS PROPAGANDA? CAN PROPAGANDA AND LIES MOVE YOU TO TEARS? FELICIA: IT'S GOOD. ALL RIGHT? IT'S REALLY GOOD. BUT THAT'S NO EXCUSE FOR TAKING ME AND EXPLOITING ME SO YOU COULD MAKE A BUCK. SERGEI: FELICIA, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. ETHNICALLY, I AM A PIG. BUT IF I COULD DELETE THIS MISTAKE FROM MY LIFE, IF I COULD JUST START OVER -- FELICIA: NO. NOBODY GETS THAT KIND OF LUXURY IN LIFE, SERGEI. NOBODY. WELL, I HOPE YOUR NEW WEALTH WILL SOOTHE YOUR CONSCIENCE -- I MEAN, AS IF YOU EVEN HAVE ANY CONSCIENCE. SERGEI: CONSCIENCE, YES, I HAVE. AND WEALTH? NOT AT THIS PRICE. FELICIA: WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO? SERGEI: SERGEI RADZINSKY DOES NOT WISH TO BE A PIG. DONNA: KIRKLAND, GET YOUR FEET OFF THE COUCH! GET DOWN, YOU SILLY BOY. OH, GOOD, YOU'RE HOME. TURN THAT THING OFF. TURN IT OFF. SO? VICKY: UH, WELL, YOU KNOW. DONNA: ISN'T SOMEBODY GOING TO SAY SOMETHING? PLEASE? JAKE: WELL -- GOING TO -- VICKY: OH, THEY'RE GOING TO FIND OUT. JAKE: FIND OUT. VICKY: YOU KNOW, SO -- YEAH, ACTUALLY, JAKE AND I DO HAVE SOMETHING WE WANT TO TELL YOU GUYS. KIRKLAND: WHAT IS IT? DONNA: YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY, AREN'T YOU? VICKY: NO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE A BABY. DONNA: OH, DARL-- VICKY: WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TWO BABIES. DONNA: TWO BA-- OH, DARLING, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TWINS! THIS IS FANTASTIC! OH, I'M SO HAPPY! OH! VICKY: AND WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT FINALLY GETTING A CHANCE TO BE A BIG BROTHER, HUH? KIRKLAND: BIG BROTHER? VICKY: YEAH. DONNA: YOU'RE GOING TO BE GREAT. VICKY: SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? KIRKLAND: COOL! VICKY: COOL? THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, COOL? YOU GET UPSTAIRS AND TELL ME ABOUT WHAT YOU DID AT CAMP TODAY, SQUIRT. SEAN: GOOD JOB, MAN. JAKE: WELL, IT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS -- TWO MORE McKINNONS. DONNA: IS EVERYTHING OK WITH THE BABIES AND VICTORIA? JAKE: YEAH, EVERYTHING'S FINE. DOCTOR SAID EVERYTHING'S NORMAL, FINE, NORMAL, FINE. DONNA: SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? JAKE: OH, IT'S WEIRD, YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW, IT'S ONE THING TO HEAR THAT THE WOMAN THAT YOU LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN LIFE IS HAVING A BABY -- THAT'S ENOUGH -- AND THEN THE NEXT THING IS TO SEE THE -- THE BABIES ON THE LITTLE SONOGRAM THING, TWO LITTLE LIVES. I MEAN, IT'S ALMOST -- I KEEP GETTING THE FEELING LIKE SOMEBODY SHOULD -- I DON'T KNOW. THERE MUST'VE BEEN A MISTAKE ALONG THE WAY OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I JUST SHOULDN'T BE THIS HAPPY. IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, SOME DREAMS, THEY COME TRUE AND OTHER DREAMS MUST BE INDIGESTION OR SOMETHING. DONNA: FEAR OF FATHERHOOD. JAKE: WHAT? WHAT, YOU KIDDING ME? I'M A GREAT STEPFATHER TO STEVEN AND KIRKLAND. BOTH THOSE KIDS LOVE ME. DONNA: OF COURSE THEY DO. SO WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? JAKE: WELL, IT'S JUST I -- I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT FOR VICKY AND I BEING -- BEING PARENTS, REAL -- THAT IT WAS HAPPENING, RAISING A KID FROM THE GROUND UP, AND I -- AND -- TALK ABOUT A NIGHTMARE, DONNA. I MEAN, IT WAS LIKE THE WORST HORROR FILM I'VE EVER SEEN. IT WAS LIKE ALL THE COLOR AND LIGHT JUST DRAINED RIGHT OUT OF IT. THE McKINNONS, THE WAY I SWORE THAT THEY WOULD NEVER BE. I MEAN, A KHAKI-WEARING, LAWN MOWER-RIDING, MINIVAN-DRIVING, SUBURBAN LIFE. DONNA: JAKE -- JAKE: NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WITH THAT. DONNA: JAKE, JAKE -- JAKE: NO. DONNA: YOU'LL NEVER BE BORING -- NEVER. JAKE: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I'VE SEEN IT A THOUSAND TIMES. THE BOY MEETS THE GIRL THAT HE'S ALWAYS LOVED. THEY FALL IN LOVE. THEY HAVE A BABY. THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, HE'S WEARING ONE OF THOSE CARRIER THINGS AND FIGURING OUT FEEDING SCHEDULES AND MORTGAGE RATES AND -- VIC. VICKY: HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT? HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT? JAKE: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. DONNA: LET ME TAKE CARE OF IT. LET ME TAKE CARE OF IT. DONNA: JAKE JUST HAD A MOMENT OF PANIC. OF COURSE HE WANTS TO BE A FATHER. VICKY: THAT'S NOT WHAT UPSET ME. DONNA: WELL, WHAT DID? VICKY: I COULD UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY WHAT HE WAS SAYING. YOU KNOW, WHEN IT WAS JUST STEVEN AND KIRKLAND, IT WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW, WE JUST GREW UP TOGETHER. AND NOW, WHAT, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE MATURE, RESPONSIBLE MOTHER OF FOUR? DONNA: WHO SAYS YOU HAVE TO BE MATURE? VICKY: JAKE AND I WERE ALWAYS A LITTLE BIT LEFT OF CENTER, YOU KNOW, AND NOW EVERYTHING'S GOING TO CHANGE AND WE'RE GOING TO BE JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. DONNA: DARLING, YOU'RE ALWAYS GOING TO BE A LITTLE LEFT OF CENTER. YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BE LIKE ANYBODY ELSE. I KNOW YOU WANT THOSE BABIES. VICKY: OH -- I WANT THEM SO MUCH. DONNA: AND I KNOW THAT JAKE DOES, TOO. AND IN NO TIME, THOSE LITTLE GIRLS ARE GOING TO HAVE HIM WRAPPED AROUND THEIR TEENY, LITTLE FINGERS. AND ME? I'M GOING TO GET TO DO WHAT I DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO DO WITH YOU AND MARLEY. VICKY: IT DOESN'T EVEN FEEL REAL TO ME YET, YOU KNOW? DONNA: YOU JUST WAIT A COUPLE OF WEEKS WHEN YOU START TO LOSE YOUR WAISTLINE. VICKY: OH, NO. DONNA: BUT YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT BACK. YOU ALWAYS GET IT BACK. AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET TO RAISE THOSE LITTLE GIRLS TOGETHER. AND THEY'RE GOING TO BE JUST AS CLOSE AS YOU AND MARLEY ARE NOW. SO GO FIND YOUR HUSBAND AND CLEAR UP THIS SILLY MISUNDERSTANDING AND JUST GET USED TO BEING HAPPY FOR A CHANGE, PLEASE. VICKY: OH. I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT. DONNA: OF COURSE I'M RIGHT. I'M YOUR MOTHER. VICKY: THANKS. THANKS. JAKE: VIC, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT WHAT I SAID EARLIER. VICKY: NO, NO, NO, I'M SORRY. SOMETHING'S WRONG. JAKE: WHAT IS IT? WHAT, THE BABIES? VICKY: NO. NO, SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH MARLEY. I'VE GOT TO GO. JAKE: VIC -- [TELEPHONE RINGS] [RING] [RING] [RING] [RING] [KNOCK ON DOOR] MAN: HI. YOU CALLED FOR A LIFT TO THE AIRPORT? MARLEY: YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S ME. NOW, THESE BAGS ARE READY, AND I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE. MARLEY: "DEAR VICKY, THESE WORDS WON'T BE EASY TO HEAR AND THEY WOULDN'T BE ANY EASIER TO SAY, SO MAYBE THINGS WILL JUST MAKE MORE SENSE IF I TRY TO PUT THIS DOWN ON PAPER. HOW DO YOU FIND THE WORDS TO SAY GOOD-BYE?" SINGERS: WHEN I'M WITH YOU YOU TAKE ME AWAY TO ANOTHER WORLD >> CELEBRATING 35 YEARS OF TELEVISION EXCELLENCE. FELICIA: BUT YOUR PUBLISHER'S GOING TO BE SO UNHAPPY ABOUT THIS. SERGEI: IS SMALL MATTER. FELICIA: BUT YOU SPENT THE ADVANCE. I MEAN, YOU HAVE TO TURN IN SOMETHING. SERGEI: NO, I WILL SATISFY MY OBLIGATION TO THESE VULTURES. FELICIA: BUT HOW? STEPHEN KING CAN'T EVEN CRANK OUT A NEW NOVEL ON THE WEEKEND. SERGEI: DON'T WORRY FOR ME. I WILL HANDLE IT. FELICIA: BUT HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HADE IT? SERGEI: I WILL GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT. I HAVE DUPLICATE ON HARD DRIVE AND COPY IN DUFFLE BAG. FELICIA: I SHOULD'VE KNOWN. YOU REALLY HAD NO INTENTION OF TOSSING AWAY THIS EXPOSE, DID YOU? SERGEI: WHAT? NO, THAT IS TRUTH. WHAT, DO YOU CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT SERGEI RADZINSKY HAS MALICIOUS HEART AND NO CONSCIENCE? FELICIA: THEN WHY DON'T YOU PROVE IT TO ME? SERGEI: OK. I OWE THIS PUBLISHER BOOK, YES? FELICIA: YES. SERGEI: BUT I WILL NOT GIVE THEM ONE PARAGRAPH, ONE WORD, IF YOU DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION. FELICIA: SO ONE WORD FROM ME AND THIS WHOLE THING IS OVER? SERGEI: MY CAREER WILL FLOUNDER, IT WILL FLOP. ONLY IF YOU SAY NO, I WILL NOT DO IT. FELICIA: I SAY NO. SERGEI: AS YOU WISH. FELICIA: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. YOU WROTE IN THE BOOK THAT I WAS A "CONFUSION OF DELIGHTS," THAT AS WELL AS BEING GIRLISH AND CAREFREE, I WAS ALSO WORLDY AND ELEGANT. SERGEI: IS TRUTH. FELICIA: WELL -- WAIT. I HOPE THAT YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE FAMOUS. YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS CLAMORING FOR YOU, WRITING UNAUTHORIZED BIOGRAPHIES. THEY DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE AT ALL. THEY -- THEY DON'T TELL THE TRUTH. THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO SATISFY THE PUBLIC'S TENDENCIES OF DEGENERACY AND VOYEURISM. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? SERGEI: YES, FELICIA, I UNDERSTAND. FELICIA: OK. OK, SO WHAT? OK. SERGEI: "SO WHAT," WHAT? FELICIA: I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY A RABID FAN. YOU'RE NOT SOME BITTER HAS-BEEN OR WANNABE. SERGEI: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? FELICIA, IS THIS A GREEN LIGHT? IS THIS A GO? FELICIA: THIS IS A GO. SERGEI: OH! OH, THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES! FELICIA: GET UP. SERGEI: FELICIA, YOU ARE THE KIND, BEAUTIFUL, GENEROUS LADY. FELICIA: I KNOW, I KNOW. SERGEI: LOOK, I WILL SEND THIS COPY TO PUBLISHER. FELICIA: UH -- NO. LET'S -- LET'S JUST WORK ON IT A LITTLE, ALL RIGHT? SERGEI: OK. FELICIA: YOU KNOW, I MEAN, YOU WANT TO SEND YOUR VERY BEST TO HIM, DON'T YOU? SERGEI: I WOULD BE SO HONORED. FELICIA: GOOD. DRIVER: LADY? LADY? MARLEY: OH. DRIVER: YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD. MARLEY: I DON'T KNOW. I JUST -- I JUST HAD THE WEIRDEST FEELING. DRIVER: SOMETIMES LEAVING IS LIKE THAT. MARLEY: YEAH, RIGHT. HERE, THIS IS READY, AND I'LL BE JUST ONE -- JUST ONE MORE SECOND, OK? VICKY: MARLEY. MARLEY: VICKY. HI. VICKY: HI. MARLEY: HI. VICKY: I SAW THE CAB OUTSIDE AND YOUR BAGS. WHAT, ARE YOU JUST -- JUST GOING TO LEAVE WITHOUT A WORD OR -- MARLEY: I JUST THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE BEST FOR EVERYONE. VICKY: BECAUSE I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING ON WITH YOU. I KNEW IT. I COULD FEEL IT. AND THE WHOLE WAY OVER HERE, I'M SAYING TO MYSELF, "PLEASE, PLEASE JUST LET HER BE HERE, LET HER BE HERE." WELL, HOW COULD YOU THINK OF LEAVING WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE? MARLEY: I LEFT YOU A NOTE. VICKY: I DON'T WANT A NOTE. I WANT YOU TO STAY. WHAT HAPPENED? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN? DID SOMEONE DO SOMETHING TO YOU? WHAT, WHAT -- MARLEY: I -- I OVERHEARD -- I OVERHEARD ETTA MAE GIVING TYRONE AN EARFUL OF THE UGLY TRUTH. VICKY: SO WHAT? SO WHAT? SO YOU HAVE TO PROVE YOURSELF TO SOME PEOPLE. YOU CAN DO THAT. MARLEY: NO GOOD IS GOING TO COME OF MY STAYING HERE. I'M JUST GOING TO END UP HURTING TYRONE, LIKE I HURT YOU AND LIKE I HURT JAKE AND -- VICKY: MARLEY, YOU CAN'T GO. MARLEY: I HAVE GIVEN THIS A LOT OF THOUGHT, AND I CAN THINK OF A MILLION REASONS WHY I SHOULD GO AND I CAN'T THINK OF ONE THAT I SHOULD STAY. VICKY: I CAN THINK OF PLENTY -- UH, TWO OF WHOM ARE GOING TO BE BORN IN THE NEXT SEVEN MONTHS. MARLEY: SEVEN MONTHS? BABIES? ARE YOU PREGNANT? VICKY: YEAH, I'M PREGNANT. I'M PREGNANT WITH TWINS. MARLEY: TWINS? YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TWINS? VICKY: YEAH. MARLEY: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. THAT'S SO WONDERFUL! VICKY: I'M GOING TO HAVE TWINS, YOU SEE, AND THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T GO, BECAUSE THESE LITTLE GIRLS ARE GOING TO NEED THEIR AUNT MARLEY. MARLEY: GIRLS? VICKY: WELL, I DON'T KNOW, GIRLS. IT'S TOO SOON TO TELL. BUT STILL, I NEED YOUR HELP RAISING THESE HELL-RAISERS. I MEAN, WHO'S GOING TO KEEP THEM IN LINE, YOU KNOW? WHAT, JAKE? SO YOU SEE, YOU CAN'T BE -- YOU CAN'T BE HALFWAY -- MARLEY: I CAN'T STAY. VICKY: PLEASE STAY. PLEASE? WE'RE A PART OF EACH OTHER, AND I LOVE YOU. SO PLEASE TELL ME YOU'LL STAY. VICKY: OH, HELLO. DONNA: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I'VE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT YOU. VICKY: I WAS OUT, DOING A LITTLE SHOPPING SPREE, AND I BROUGHT SOMEONE HOME WITH ME. AHEM. SHE WAS GOING TO SKIP TOWN. DONNA: MARLEY? MARLEY: BUT I DECIDED TO STAY. I MEAN, HOW CAN I LEAVE JUST WHEN THINGS ARE GETTING SO EXCITING? DONNA: OH, HONEY. I'M SO THRILLED. VICKY: AND I DID MENTION THAT THIS WAS PERHAPS THE FIRST TIME THAT THE WOMEN COULD OUTNUMBER THE MEN IN THIS FAMILY. SPEAKING OF MEN, WHERE'S YOUR UNCLE? SEAN: BACK YARD. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MEET HIM THERE AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVENIENCE. VICKY: OK. YOU THINK IT'S A GOOD TIME? MARLEY: WELL, THERE'S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT. DONNA: WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? VICKY: NOTHING. NOTHING. DONNA: WHAT? VICKY: I HAVE A DATE WITH MY HUSBAND. SEAN: GOOD LUCK. VICKY: THANKS. DONNA: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON. WHATEVER IT IS, I HOPE IT WORKS. VICKY: LOOK, I KNOW -- JAKE: GOT MY MESSAGE. LISTEN -- YOU LISTENED TO ME BEFORE WHEN I WAS A JERK, SO I THINK YOU OWE IT TO ME TO LISTEN TO ME NOW THAT I'M GOING TO MAKE SOME SENSE, I HOPE. I KNOW YOU OVERHEARD ME TALKING ABOUT THE DREAM, AND I'M SURE THAT THAT SOUNDED IMMATURE AND SELFISH, AND I THINK THE REASON FOR THAT -- I'M GUESSING THE REASON FOR THAT IS I'M STILL VAIN ENOUGH AND IMMATURE ENOUGH AND SELFISH ENOUGH TO HATE THE FACT THAT I'M GROWING UP. NOW, I KNOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE -- I DON'T KNOW -- LIKE PETER PAN OR PREHISTORIC OR JUST LIKE A GUY, BUT GUESS WHAT -- I'M A GUY, SO IT KIND OF GOES WITH THE TERRITORY. HONEY, WHEN I SAW THE PICTURE OF THOSE BABIES ON THAT SCREEN, I -- JAKE: REMEMBER THAT OLD ITALIAN LADY THAT USED TO LIVE DOWN THE STREET FROM YOU AND BRIDGET? VICKY: MRS. TURISI? JAKE: YES. DO YOU REMEMBER SHE USED TO CALL HER GRANDKIDS "LIFE"? REMEMBER THAT? SHE USED TO SAY, "HEY, COME HERE, LIFE," AND SHE'D JUST WRAP HER ARMS AROUND THEM AND SHE'D JUST START CRYING. WELL, I GUESS WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY IS THAT WHAT WE SAW ON THAT SCREEN TODAY -- THAT WAS LIFE. YOU KNOW, AND THAT WAS LIFE THAT WE MADE. AND I'M TELLING YOU, THAT JUST SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME. IT WAS ALSO ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE. I'M TELLING YOU SOMETHING, I'M LOOKING AT YOU AND TELLING YOU, SOME OF THE VERY BEST MOMENTS IN MY LIFE HAVE BEEN BECAUSE OF YOU, WITH YOU. WE'RE NOT WORSE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. YOU'RE THE ONE THAT TAUGHT ME THAT THE MORE YOU GIVE, THE MORE YOU GET BACK IN RETURN. COME HERE A SECOND. VICKY: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? WHOA! JAKE: ROOM FOR TWO MORE. I GOT THE WHOLE THING. LIKE ON A HOT SUMMER NIGHT, YOU KNOW, WE SWING AND SING AND LOOKING AT THE STARS. OH! VICKY: OH, COME ON. A SPORTS JACKET? JAKE: YES, I WAS THINKING MAYBE IT MADE ME LOOK VERY HEAD OF THE FAMILY. WHAT DO YOU THINK? AND CHECK THE POCKET. CHECK THE POCKET. VICKY: THIS IS A RECEIPT. IT'S IS A RECEIPT FOR YOUR MOTORCYCLE. YOU DIDN'T SELL IT, DID YOU? YOU LOVE THAT MOTORCYCLE. JAKE: I KNEW YOU'D NEVER ASK ME TO GET RID OF THIS THING. I'M THINKING, "WHAT AM I DOING FLYING AROUND LIKE THIS? I GOT KIDS THAT NEED ME, RIGHT?" YOU, THOSE BABIES -- YOU'RE MY FAMILY. YOU'RE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE. VICKY: I know that. JAKE: I DIDN'T EVEN THINK TO EVER FOR ONE SECOND EVER MAKE YOU DOUBT THAT. SAY SOMETHING. VICKY: OH, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I LOVE YOU. SERGEI: HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF -- IF MAYBE WE WERE -- FELICIA: WHAT? IF WE WERE WHAT? SERGEI: KISSING. FELICIA: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. SERGEI: WELL, WHAT? IT IS THE NATURAL THING FOR TWO PEOPLE WHO CARE VERY MUCH ABOUT EACH OTHER TO DO. FELICIA: OH, YOU'RE CRAZY. SERGEI: YOU ARE AFRAID. FELICIA: OF WHAT? KISSING YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IS THIS A DARE? SERGEI: DOUBLE DARE. FELICIA: YOU'RE ON. SERGEI: WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? FELICIA: SORRY, I CAN'T. I CAN'T. SERGEI: FELICIA, IT'S GOING TO BE VERY DIFFICULT TO KISS IF YOU ARE MAKE LAUGHTER. FELICIA: I CAN'T DO IT AT ALL. I CAN'T. SERGEI: WHAT? FELICIA: WE JUST CAN'T. SERGEI: OK. FELICIA: WHAT? SERGEI: YOU HAVE IT YOUR WAY. WE WILL BE FRIENDS. WE WILL BE PARTNERS. AND I HEAR IT IS VERY GOOD WAY FOR HUSBAND AND WIFE TO START MARRIAGE. FELICIA: BOY, YOU DON'T GIVE UP EASY, DO YOU? SERGEI: WHAT WOULD THE FUN IN THAT BE? FELICIA: YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. NOW, GO BACK TO WORK. MARLEY: TYRONE, I -- TYRONE: I KNOW YOU JUST WEREN'T GOING TO LEAVE. I KNOW YOU JUST WOULDN'T TAKE OFF WITH NO NOTICE, WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. MARLEY: I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU. TYRONE: WHEN? WHEN YOU GOT TO WHERE YOU WERE GOING? MARLEY: I KNEW YOU'D TRY TO TALK ME OUT OF IT. TYRONE: WHAT HAPPENED? I KNOW SOMETHING MUST'VE HAPPENED TO MAKE YOU WANT TO JUST PACK UP AND LEAVE LIKE THIS. MARLEY: I OVERHEARD ETTA MAE TODAY WHEN SHE WAS TALKING TO YOU ABOUT ME. TYRONE: OH, GOD. MARLEY, THAT'S JUST ETTA MAE STILL TREATING ME LIKE I'M A 9-YEAR-OLD. OK, AND THAT'S ONE PERSON. MARLEY: ONE PERSON WHO MEANS THE WORLD TO YOU. TYRONE: YEAH, AND YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME, TOO. NOW, LOOK, I TOLD YOU THE OTHER DAY, I LOVE YOU. AND I MEANT IT. MARLEY: STOP SAYING THAT, ALL RIGHT? TYRONE: AND YOU LOVE ME, TOO, MARLEY. MARLEY: IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE IT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING. TYRONE: WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. IT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE A DAMN THING, NOT IF YOU'RE GOING TO WALK OUT OF HERE LIKE THIS. MARLEY: TYRONE, I'M -- TYRONE: MARLEY, I KNOW IT ISN'T GOING TO BE EASY. BUT NOTHING WORTH HAVING IS. MARLEY: YOU'RE RIGHT. TYRONE: YOU'LL STAY? MARLEY: I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. TYRONE: NO, YOU'RE NOT. VICKY: I WAS JUST AS AFRAID AS YOU WERE. JAKE: YOU? WHY? VICKY: LOOK, I'M GOING TO BE A MOMMY AGAIN, YOU KNOW, AND AS MUCH AS I LOVE THAT AND YOU AND THESE BABIES, I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE, EITHER. JAKE: WELL, IT HAD TO HAPPEN SOMETIME, RIGHT? VICKY: NO. NOT RIGHT, NOT TO US, NO. JAKE: WAIT. WHY NOT? VICKY: BECAUSE. BECAUSE OF WHAT I HAVE IN THIS BAG OVER HERE. IT'S CALLED ANTI-CHANGE INSURANCE -- AND IT WAS VERY PRICEY, I MIGHT ADD, BUT WORTH EVERY SINGLE DIME. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. JAKE: OH, YOU ARE INCREDIBLE. VICKY: NO, NO, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S INCREDIBLE? THERE'S ONE FOR YOU AND MOM AND MARLEY AND STEVEN AND KIRKLAND AND ME. JAKE: WHERE DID YOU GET THESE? VICKY: THE GUY TOLD ME IT HAS A LIFETIME GUARANTEE. WHICH IS JUST ABOUT PERFECT BECAUSE THAT'S HOW LONG YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE GUY WHO RODE IN ON THAT BIKE AND -- AND STOLE MY HEART AWAY, JAKE. JAKE: WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'D BETTER GIVE THE GUY AT THE BIKE DEALERSHIP A CALL BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO SELL ME THAT BIKE BACK BECAUSE OF MY WOMAN. IF IT'S A MOTORCYCLE-RIDING, ROCK 'N' ROLL FAMILY, THEN WHO AM I TO STAND IN OUR WAY? VICKY: EVEN THOUGH WE'RE GOING TO BE PARENTS, YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HAVE TO BECOME SOME SUBURBAN NIGHTMARES, BECAUSE WE'RE ALWAYS GOING TO BE THOSE KIDS FROM LASSITER, SWINGING ON THE SWINGS. JAKE: DO ME A FAVOR. DON'T FORGET WHO WE ARE OR WHERE WE CAME FROM. VICKY: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED? JAKE: HMM? VICKY: YOU NEED ME TO PAINT YOU A LITTLE PICTURE. GET ON THE SWING. OK. THIS IS HOW IT GOES. IT IS A BEAUTIFUL SUMMER EVENING ABOUT A YEAR FROM NOW, AND WE RIDE UP ON THE BIKE, AND STEVEN AND KIRKLAND ARE ON THE PORCH WITH SEAN AND THEY'RE ALL LISTENING TO MUSIC, AND MARLEY AND MOM ARE TAKING CARE OF THE TWINS. AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, LIKE MAGIC, OUR FAVORITE SONG COMES ON. AND WE ALL GO OUT INTO THE FRONT YARD AND START DANCING. AND THE NEIGHBORS THINK WE'RE NUTS. AND WE ARE THE HAPPIEST FAMILY IN THE WHOLE, WIDE WORLD. YOU'LL LIKE THAT. JAKE: I LOVE THAT. OK. THIS FUTURE YOU HAVE PAINTED FOR US -- IS IT ANYTHING LIKE THE PAST? VICKY: UH-UH. IT'S BETTER. BETTER. YOU'D BETTER GET READY FOR THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFETIME. THERE YOU GO. JAKE: YOW! [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY PROCTER & GAMBLE PRODUCTIONS, INC.]