Dark shadows dance upon the bright white walls of the corridors, defying the laws of gravity. They giggle like children playing hide and seek as they dart in and out of the cracks in the mortar and through the lines on the speckled, tile floor. Whispering obscenities in anger for having died alone, in obscurity, forgotten. Their silhouettes show no signs of the arms and legs left behind, buried in distant places... I study each figure as I walk the long walk to the smoking pit. Making sure your shadow does not descend from the eighth floor in my selfish absence and I read every word on every locked door, count every spot on the floor, wondering who bled life there, and I listen to the silence. The translucent gateway to the outside opens magically as I approach. Somehow it knows I am one of the living, and the shadows that hawk me recede into the walls. Afraid of the bitter cold. It reminds them of death. I sit in a soliloquy on a frosted wooden bench, spotlighted by the red glow of an inadequate heat lamp, like a day old hamburger thinly wrapped and stale in some off-beaten fast food chain. Waiting... The heat lamp, tired of fighting the overwhelming odds of winter, clicks off. Leaving me to shiver as I fill my lungs with the smoke of two cigarettes chained until the stench of burning filter permeates the condensated exhales of distorted circles. Without warning panic descends upon me like the darkness of 3 A.M.. I need to be on the eighth floor, behind the restricted entrance to intensive care. I need to make sure all twenty-one life lines keeping you from becoming a shadow are imbedded deep in your skin like ticks. I need to hear the beep, beep , beep, of your heart beat. I need to hold your hand. I need to watch you breathe. I study each figure as I walk the long walk back from the smoking pit. Making sure your shadow does not descend from the eighth floor in my selfish absence and I read every word on every locked door, count every spot on the floor, wondering who bled life there, and I listen to the silence. Tony Spivey Copyright 1998
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