thanks Dowie for these Telephone Answering Machines Replies My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. ~~~~~~~~~~~ A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is Why we're not here. So leave a message. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hi. Now you say something." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (From a Japanese guy in Toronto.) He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave *sexy* message, I call sooner! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls. If you'd like anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub. Their carpets are always clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need any pictures taken. They believe the stock market is a random crapshoot, and the entire insurance industry is one huge scam perpetrated by Mafioso accountants. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "This is not an answering machine: this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where you can be reached, and my owner will think about returning your call." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very, sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. I like doing it up and down, and Sonya likes doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you." *********************************** What if Dr. Seuss did Technical Writing Here's an easy game to play. Here's an easy thing to say: If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash. You can't say this? What a shame, sir! We'll find you another game, sir. If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you might as well reboot it and then go out with a bang, 'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, man, that sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC, Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom. > Black holes are where God divided by zero >All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. > Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese > Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of > I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met > OK, so what's the speed of dark? > How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? > Bacteria - they're the only culture some people have > Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm > When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. > The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. > Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. > Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding > Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. > Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. > Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. > If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? > I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol > If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! > Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States > Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. > Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ... > 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? > If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? > Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? > What happens if you get scared half to death twice? > Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? > For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. > The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. > Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. > If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you haven't tried yet. > Change is inevitable....except from vending machines. > Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things. > Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. > Always try to be modest. And be VERY proud of it! > If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. > Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. > Attempt to get a new car for your spouse--it'll be a great trade! > After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were: >>His obnoxious brother..........................Please Gogh >>His dizzy aunt ................................Verti Gogh > >The brother who ate prunes.....................Gotta Gogh > >The brother who worked at a convenience store.....Stopn Gogh > >The grandfather from Yugoslavia..............U Gogh > >The brother who bleached his clothes white......Hue Gogh > >The cousin from Illinois................... Chica Gogh > >His magician uncle............................Wherediddy Gogh > >His Mexican cousin.............................Amee Gogh > >The Mexican cousin's American half brother.....Green Gogh > >The nephew who drove a stage coach .........Wellsfar Gogh > >The constipated uncle .......................Cant Gogh > >The ballroom dancing aunt...................Tan Gogh > >The bird lover uncle........................Flamin Gogh > >His nephew psychoanalyst....................E Gogh > >An aunt who taught positive thinking.........Wayto Gogh > >The little nephew.............................Poe Gogh > >A sister who loved disco......................Ahgo Gogh > >And his niece who travels the country in a van....Winnie B. Gogh PERSONALITY TEST 1 HEARD ON THE MARK & BRIAN SHOW 4/23/98: Have a pen and paper handy before you read any further. As soon as you read a question, write the answer right away. NO CHEATING. Make sure to answer questions 1-10 before moving on. AgainŠ CHEATING!! Read the following questions, imagining the scenes in your mind, and write down the FIRST that you visualize. Do not think about the questions excessively. 1. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with? 2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it? 3. What interaction takes place between you and animal? 4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your Dream House. Describe its size. 5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence? 6. You enter the house. You walk to the dining and see the dining table. Describe what you see on AND around the table. 7. You exit the house through the back door. Lying the grass is a cup. What material is the cup made of? 8. What do you do with the cup? 9. You walk to the edge of the property, where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What type of body of water is it? 10. How will you cross the water? This has been a relational psychology test. The given to the questions have been shown to have a relevance to values and ideals that we hold in our personal lives. The analysis follows: 1. The person who you are walking with is the most important person in your life. 2. The size of the animal is representative of your of the size of your problems. 3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems. (passive/aggressive) 4. The size of your dream house is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems. 5. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not to drop by unannounced. 6. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers, then you are generally unhappy. 7. The durability of the material with which the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with the person named in number 1. For example, styrofoam, plastic, and paper are all disposable, styrofoam, paper and glass are not durable, and metal andplastic are durable. 8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of attitude toward the person in number 1. 9. The size of the body of water is representative the size of your sexual desire. 10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life. Now all you have to do is send this to people. PERSONALITY TEST 2 HEARD ON THE MARK & BRIAN SHOW 4/23/98: Warning! Do take the test as you read. There are 5 questions, and if you scan all the way to the end before finishing you won't get the honest. Enjoy! Remember, don't cheat. Scroll slowly and do each exercise. Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper and write it down. You will need it at the end. This is really sweet!!! Chapter I Arrange the following 5 animals according to your:, Tiger, Sheep, Horse, Monkey Chapter II Write one word to describe each of the following: Dog, Cat, Rat, Coffee, Ocean Chapter III Think of somebody (who also knows you) that you can relate to the following color. (Only one personfor each color!): Yellow, Orange, Red, White, Green Chapter IV And finally, indicate your favorite number and favorite day. (See interpretations below) : But before going on, just make one wish... Chapter I (This will define your priorities in life.) Cow means career Tiger means pride Sheep means love Horse means family Monkey means money Chapter II Your description of Dog implies your own personality. Your description of Cat implies your partner's personality. Your description of Rat implies your enemy's personality. Your description of Coffee is how you interpret sex. Your description of Ocean implies your own life. Chapter III Yellow - somebody who will never forget you Orange - someone whom you can consider as real friend Red - someone you really love White - your soulmate Green - a person whom you will always remember, for the rest of your life Chapter IV Your favorite number will be the number of persons you will be sending this test to and the favorite day will be the day that your wish will true! > > Basic Truths > >Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. > >Save the whales. Collect the whole set. > >A day without sunshine is like, night. > >Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock. > >On the other hand, you have different fingers. > >Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. > >Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? > >I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. > >When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. > >Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. > >Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. > >I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. > >He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged. > >She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower. > >You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be >misquoted, then used against you. > >I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges. > >Honk if you love peace and quiet. > >Pardon my driving, I'm reloading. > >Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? > >Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. > >Atheism is a non-profit organization. > >He who laughs last, thinks slowest. > > > > > > >> >> >> >>> These are real headlines, from real newspapers: >>> >>> 1. Include Your Children when Baking Cookies >>> 2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert says >>> 3. Police begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers >>> 4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case >>> 5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms >>> 6. Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus >>> 7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope >>> 8. Panda Mating Fails, Veterinarian Takes Over >>> 9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands >>> 10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids >>> 11. Clinton Wins Budget, More Lies Ahead >>> 12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told >>> 13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death >>> 14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant >>> 15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree >>> 16. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter >>> 17. War Dims Hope for Peace >>> 18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It may Last a While >>> 19. Cold Wave Linked to Temperature >>> 20. Enfields Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide >>> 21. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges >>> 22. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetary, Hundreds Dead >>> 23. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge >>> 24. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group >>> 25. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft >>> 26. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks >>> 27. Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed Needy >>> 28. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half >>> 29. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies ************************* Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas. Momentum is something you give a person when they go away. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I have never been able to make out the numbers. When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy. One of the main causes of dust is janitors. A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population. ************************ The following is from a 1950's Home Economics textbook intended for the High School girls, teaching how to prepare for married life. ************************************************************ 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. 2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. 3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. 4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. 5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him. 6. Some DON'TS: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. 7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind. 8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first. 9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax. 10. The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax. ********************************************************* Now the updated version for the '90s woman. 1. Have dinner ready: Make reservations ahead of time. If your day becomes too hectic just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you'd like to eat and at what time. This lets him know that your day has been crappy and gives him an opportunity to change your mood. 2. Prepare yourself: A quick stop at the "LANCOME" counter on your way home will do wonders for your outlook and will keep you from becoming irritated every time he belches at the table. (Don't forget to use his credit card!) 3. Clear away the clutter: Call the housekeeper and let her know you'll need her for an extra day this week. Tell her that any miscellaneous items left on the floor by the children can be placed in the Goodwill box in the garage. 4. Prepare the children: Drop them off at grandma's! 5. Minimize the noise: When he arrives at home remind him that the washer and garbage disposal are still not working properly and the noise is driving you crazy (but do this in a nice way and greet him with a warm smile...this way he might fix it faster). 6. Some DON'TS: Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Let him speak first, and then your complaints will get more attention and remain fresh in his mind throughout dinner. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Simply remind him that the last one home does the cooking and the cleanup. 7. Make him comfortable: Remind him where he can find a warm fuzzy blanket if he's cold. This will show you really care. 8. Listen to him: But don't ever let him get the last word. 9. Make the evening his: a chance to get the washer and garbage disposal fixed. 10. The Goal: To try to keep things amicable without reminding him that you make more money than he does. ************************************** >Subject: Learn from your Children! > >Things I've Learned from My Children (Honest and No Kidding) -- an >anonymous mother > >* There is no such thing as child-proofing your house. > >* If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with >roller blades, they can ignite. > >* A 4 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded >restaurant. > >* If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong >enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a >Superman cape. > >* It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a >20 by 20 foot room. > >* Baseballs make marks on ceilings. > >* You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. > >* When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a >few times before you get a hit. > >* A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. > >* The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit >by a ceiling fan. > >* When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too >late. > >* Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. > >* A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 >year old man says they can only do it in the movies. > >* A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day. > >* If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it >does not leak -- it explodes. > >* A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house >4 inches deep. > >* Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old. > >* Duplos will not. > >* Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence. > >* Super glue is forever. > >* McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know. > >* Ditto Tarzan. > >* No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't >walk on water. > >* Pool filters do not like Jell-O. > >* VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show >they do. > >* Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. > >* Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. > >* You probably do not want to know what that odor is. > >* Always look in the oven before you turn it on. > >* Plastic toys do not like ovens. > >* The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response >time. > >* The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. > >* It will however make cats dizzy. > >* Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. > >-*"*-.,,.-*"*-.,,.-*"*-.,,.-*"*-.,,.-*"*-.,,.-*"*-.,,.-*"*-.,,.-*"*- > *********************************************** > THE TOP 25 WORLD'S SHORTEST BOOKS > > >25. "Things I Wouldn't Do For Money" by Dennis Rodman >24. Human Rights Advances in China >23. The Differences Between Reality and Dilbert >22. "The Book of Virtue" by Bill Clinton >21. "To All the Men I've Loved Before" Ellen >20. "My Plan to Find the Real Killers" by OJ Simpson >19. "Strom Thurmond: Intelligent Quotes" >18. Al Gore: The Wild Years >17. Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean >16. America's Most Popular Lawyers >15. Career Opportunities for History Majors >14. Detroit - A Travel Guide >13. Different Ways to Spell "Bob" >12. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches >11. Easy UNIX >10. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance > 9. Everything Men Know About Women > 8. Everything Women Know About Men > 7. French Hospitality > 6. George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names > 5. "How to Sustain a Musical Career" by Art Garfunkel > 4. One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA > 3. Staple Your Way to Success > 2. The Amish Phone Book > >and the Number One World's Shortest Book > > 1. The Engineer's Guide to Fashion >-------------- > TOP 10 SIGNS YOU HAVE PMS > > >10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. > 9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette. > 8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. > 7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. > 6. Your using your cellular phone to dial up every bumpersticker > that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-***-****" > 5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. > 4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male. > 3. You're counting down the days until menopause. > 2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. > >and the Number One Sign You Have PMS > > 1. The ibuprofen bottle you bought yesterday is empty. >------------- > THE "PREDICTED" TOP TEN MOST IRONIC CELEBRITY DEATHS > > >10. Ellen DeGeneres - Suffocates in the closet > 9. Susan Lucci-Trips and breaks her neck while running up steps > to accept an Emmy > 8. Jenny McCarthy - Struck by a random thought > 7. Frank Sinatra - Killed by Strangers in the Night > 6. RuPaul - Prostate Cancer > 5. O.J. Simpson - Murdered by the "real Killer" in an apparent > suicide > 4. Madonna - Exposure > 3. Unabomber - Mail bomb returned due to "insufficient postage" > 2. Al Gore - Dutch Elm Disease > >and the "Predicted" Number One Most Ironic Celebrity Death > > 1. Bill Gates - Falls out of a Window >********************************************* ARE YOU ADDICTED TO CHAT? HERE'S A FEW SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT BE A CHATAHOLIC Your Job interferes with your chat time. Your idea of sex involves a keyboard and all the dirty words your momma told you never to use. Your monitor has lip prints all over it. You get more mail delivered from your server than your postman. You go to the County Clerk's office and apply for a marriage license between you and your motherboard. You have to check Encarta Encyclopedia for the definition of "sun". You look for ways to enhance your systems instead of your life. You get jealous when someone else looks at your monitor. You compare processor sizes instead of your children's accomplishments. You sleep with your harddrive. You rearrange your furniture for easy access to your computer from anywhere in the house. You forget how to turn on the T.V. You wonder what that big black box in the livingroom is. You buy a high tech security system for your home to protect your computer from thieves instead of your stereo and T.V. Your house looks like Computers R Us exploded. When a storm hits you unplug the computer and forget about the TV and stereo. Your definition of a date involves a private room with the security turned on. You ask the college dean where to sign up for Chat 101. You go to buy a new car and ask the salesman where the keyboard and modem are and how much RAM it has instead of horsepower. You think flowers smell like paper and ink. Someone asks you for your number and you give them your ICQ UIN. When you license your car your plates match your chat name or email address. When someone asks where you live your reply includes ".com". When someone says "ut Oh" your right finger twitches. Your theme song is "User is Online" Your keyboard reaches the toilet. You install a portapotty next to the computer. The Pizza Delivery boy knows you by your chat name. Your fine china is made by Chinet Paper Products. You have a dinner party and everyone gathers around your monitor to view your website instead of your slides from last summers family vacation. You can no longer distinguish between chat and reality. When your in a room with other people and it gets quiet you try to check to see if your screen froze. When someone asks "what did you say?" you tell them to Scroll Back. Your children welcome you to the living room. You turn off all other electrical appliances in the house so you can hear your Ut Oh's. You move the coffee pot next to your computer. You buy a mini fridge and set it within chair rolling distance of your computer. Your wife asks you to unzip her dress for her and you think of your computer. The mat at your front door says "Welcome to Chat.com" You start hating T.V. commercials because you know someone will want to talk to you again. You carry your laptop everywhere. Someone tells a joke and you shout "LOL LOL" You leave a room and say "BRB" You re-enter a room and say "IS BACK!!!!!!" Your wife spends so much chatting you begin to think "AFK" stands for Away From Kitchen. Your family and co-workers have to use your chat name to get your attention. The first thing you hug in the morning is your monitor. You start pacing the floor and having withdrawals when your ICQ goes down. ********************************************** Women Drivers!! I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on I-635, I look over to my left and there's this woman in a Mustang doing 75 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eye liner! I look away for a couple seconds and when I look back, she's halfway over in my lane. Scared me so bad I almost dropped my electric shaver in my coffee. ************************************************* http://www.angelfire.com/or/assuage/chiefpoem.html *************************************************