(he'll get
this reference)
image from www.blacktable.com
Dennis Match By Rick Chandler Illustration by Brandon Bird Las Vegas Weekly, July 10-16, 2003 Hannity & Colmes, June 27, 2003: Miller Unplugged Dennis' first FOX rant
Companion page to An Open Letter to Dennis Miller
Packrat that I am, I have a hard time throwing things away
(which is why I might've created "An Open Letter to Dennis Miller"
in the first place!).
So here I'll put the stuff that's accumulated over the months
and is now too much to keep on the first page.
Gotta keep a tidy living room, after all.
Welcome to The Attic.
********************************************************************
OH, THE PAINE!--1/21/04
A fan just e-mailed this quote to me:
"Let them call me a rebel and I welcome it, I feel no concern from it;
but I should suffer the misery of demons were I to make a whore
of my soul."
--Thomas Paine
****
DENNIS IS A DACHSHUND! SAYS A FAN--1/7/04
This came by e-mail from "I'm the nana" of "Kalifornia", 1/6/04:
Subject: Dennis Miller/Dachshunds just alike.
Date: Tue, 6 Jan 2004 19:52:56 -0800
I knew the first time I heard one of Dennis Millers Rants, that I
had found a kindred spirit. Truly a person like myself who sees'
the irony in lifes' crap. The way it is thrown at us daily and how
people react to the most ridiculous things in ways I can only perseve
as being "mental midgets" The way in which politicians treat the rest
of us as drooling idiots that need to be spoon fed its daily "lie of
the day" in order to think they are doing their jobs.
The best reason I love Dennis is because he has Dachshunds. He will
be the first to tell you that a person that has them must know about
irony. Dachshunds go the other way when you call them. They know how
to find the space that has been sat in and they will take it. They do
not budge in their beliefs and if they see a rodent (see: politician)
they go after it with a tenacity that borders on obsessed.
Thank you Dennis I knew there was a reason you knew something that
others didn't. Go after it grab it by it's throat and hang on. Just
like our Dachsies do (I have three) because they are courages and
brash and like a good fight.
(name)
Kalifornia :>)))
I happen to live next door to a dachshund. Whenever I or anyone else
passes by, he wails and goes into a series of sharp barks.
One day my niece visited and said, "That dog hates me." I replied,
"That dog hates everybody." However, I find that dog amusing, and
his owners are good neighbors. I have the dachshund and his larger,
gentler companion--a dog with curly chocolate hair--treats for
Christmas (through the owner, of course!).
*****
12/29/03: see new entries in Open Letters to Dennis Miller (letters by others).
A few months ago, 7/10/03, Doublethink posted this testimonial about this site:
***Melanie Lee noticed my virtual roasting of self-serving
halfwit Dennis Miller (IMNSHO, the Sonny Tufts of the 21st
century), and alerted me to her own Open Letter to the
un-funnyman.
Nice work, Melanie -- although you're much kinder than I
could ever be. Everybody else, go check out Melanie's URL.
It's not just a single letter, but a nice, long page full
of quotes, pictures, and more What-the-Hell's-Wrong-With-
You-Dennis? links than you can count. Melanie even found an
anti-Miller rant from one of my guilty-pleasure heroes,
legendary King of Gore Herschell Gordon Lewis. Now, when a
man who's made a career of movies featuring extreme closeups
of severed fingers and buxom babes being crushed to death by
boulders and rolled down hills in barrels full of spikes is
offended by anything, well, need I say more?***
ANOTHER ONE RIDES THE BUS... --12/28/03
Rushing out of the candy store to catch the bus home, whose face
and stretched-out body should greet me on an ad on the bus' side:
DENNIS MILLER CNBC JAN 26 9PM
(if I remember correctly)
And I'll say he's looking pretty darn good in the photo!
BTW, the December 22 issue of Time Magazine features
reporter Rebecca Winters asking Miller ten questions.
He gives us a taste of his usual liberal-bashing and Bush-praising,
but his response to Winters' question about why he rejected the GOP's
push to draft him for the next US Senate race in California
included this:
I like open minds, and I think in Washington right now,
we might as well start painting those people red and blue.
Dennis, that's the most intelligent thing you've said since this
right-wing kick of yours began! Do I see some red flaking off your skin?
Another quote I like:
Tina Fey might be the best "Weekend Update" anchor who ever did it.
She writes the funniest jokes.
I've heard too many men in the media bash Tina Fey and it's pleasant
to hear a man standing up for her. Thanks! I think she's one of the
best, too.
Also BTW, no one got me a Dennis Miller doll for Christmas, but my
sister did get me a DVD player!
NO, DENNIS DID NOT SAY THAT!--12/5/03
Someone sent me an angry e-mail, "Dennis Miller the Racist",
stating that she cancelled her subscription to HBO because
of a recent Miller rant saying "There's no such thing as
a Palestinian." Please restore the HBO; Dennis didn't say that.
It was another comedian, Larry Miller:
The Daily Standard: Whosoever Blesses Them: The intifada and its defenders
by Larry Miller, 04/22/2002 12:00:00 AM
What tipped me off: webpages with this article dated 2003, and
saying that Dennis has a show called Dennis Miller Live on HBO!
Now, Dennis' 2002 take on the Middle East is quite different!
Since 2002, Dennis has taken at least one racist swipe at Middle Easterners:
"If I'm on an airplane and I see a guy sitting there looking
like the Shoe Bomber, I'm calling the stewardess over and
I'm saying, 'Hon, unless this guy is playing harmonica for
the J.Geils Band, I want him off this plane.'"
But this goes nowhere near denying the existence of Palestinians.
This isn't the first time Internet carelessness has pasted Dennis'
name over Larry's, as Snopes.com's "The Millers' Tale" reports.
Beware the Urban Legends! And keep a cool head.
BTW, IMHO: Israel has the right to exist. Israel is under
constant attack by Arab terrorists. This does not give Israel
the right to treat any and all Palestinians like dogs, any more
than the existence of Black criminals gives cops the right to do
a Rodney King--or a Nathaniel Jones--upon any and all Black men.
Also, if you prove "historically" that there's no such thing
as a Palestinian, then also, "historically", there's no such thing
as an American, a Canadian, a Mexican, a Brazilian, et al.
OCTJMO, ICBW.
DID DENNIS TAKE A BABY STEP LEFT?--11/20/03
First of all, I want to acknowledge a few letters I've
received over the past few weeks that I haven't posted yet!
My personal life has gotten hectic, so I can't devote as
much time to my Internet life as I'd like.
Also, I have photos of me in my Miller-inspired "Patrotic Jester"
Halloween costume--but the scanner in my neighborhood cybercafe
is broken!
In Miller's most recent interviews he's said he's
"99% liberal" on most issues except keeping 50% of his income,
and killing the bad guys before they kill us. In other words,
he wants to protect his assets and protect his @$$.
Yet, I read he recently joked that Bush never said he'd find
nuclear weapons in Iraq, but "nu-cu-lar" weapons. That must
be his first Bush-deflating joke in over a year.
Also, he risked the ire of the reationary Fox network by
dumping them in favor of CNBC. And, in probably his most
sensible action of late, he rejected the GOP's bid to put
him up for US Senator against Barbara Boxer.
(I should mention that a 1988 SNL skit and a more recent
Internet cartoon have pegged Miller as a future US Senator!)
Do I see Miller's head sticking up out of the Bush Republicans'
back pocket? Maybe we won't win "Our Dennis" back, but hopefully
he'll win himself back.
*****
Recent articles:
Dennis Miller, Unbalanced:
The comedian's new CNBC talk show will push his point of view
New York Newsday, 11/12/03
Dennis Miller Does CNBC, E!Online, 10/31/03
Miller Tweaks Liberals,
San Francisco Chronicle, 11/8/03
Comedian Dennis Miller isn't afraid to get political
CONTRA COSTA TIMES, 11/6/03
and another probing article asking "Why, Dennis, why?":
Right-wing ranter: Dennis Miller
Miller time: Once a genuinely funny comedian,
Dennis Miller has become a conservative shill
By Joshua Ellis, Las Vegas CityLife, 11/19/03
****************
Dennis Miller's first appearance in Boston Public is scheduled
for Friday, October 24, on FOX-TV: the first of a three-episode arc.
I saw him in Joe Dirt and Murder at 1600 and I thought he did well.
In a recent FOX-TV interview, Boston Public star Chi McBride
said that Miller tends to underestimate his own acting skills.
Dennis' movies tend not to be hits, but that may be a problem of
choices, not talent. Then again, he did little skit work on SNL.
****************
10/8/03: In deference to Dennis' current illness I won't bash him
here today, but, well, California can use a little bashing, IMHO:
Okay, California, you saw fit to heed a Republican-backed recall
and fire a man elected less than a year ago, whose worst crime
was imposing an unpopular tax.
Say--we in NYC have been unhappy with Mayor Michael Bloomberg's
ticket blitz--fining someone for sitting on a milk crate, for
instance. Shall we now recall Bloomberg and replace him with,
say, Neil Simon?
Are recalls Not For Democrats Only?
California, you have made your bed. Enjoy the screwing.
For your sake I hope Ahnold is better than I think.
10/5/03: Today my pastor preached against caving into the Beast
of Revelation.
Later today I read Dennis' new 10/4/03 FOXrant about Tuesday 10/7's
California gubernatorial recall. It's a new, sickening low in
liberal-bashing:
Now I know they are expecting a big turnout next week,
especially now that Arianna Huffington has loosed up her
three-and-a-half votes to freely roam the plains. You know,
if you look up “unlikable” in the dictionary, well, I’m not
going to tell you there’s an actual picture of her, but you
will kinda imagine you see one… sorta.
Liberals in California quibble with anything to do with
common sense and they now seem to be inferring that some of
our citizens cannot navigate the narrow shoals of pushing a
chad out with a sharp implement. It would appear that the
liberal Ninth Circuit Court and other left-leaning groups
herein feel that they can poke holes in anything unless of
course it’s a punch card voting ballot.
...The liberals are so wrong in this case, I feel like
they’re gas-lighting me. They have somehow now managed to
make empathy an intellectual exercise. Beware of that
condescension and remember that liberals always feel your
pain unless of course they caused it.
Dear Conservative Denny, do you feel the pain you are causing me now?
(And I'm not even a Californian!) I believe Bill Maher made similar
comments about dummies and chads, but wasn't he chastising both sides?
Den, are Bush and the rightists so weak, so fragile, that they can't
stand one iota of criticism from you? Are liberals so strong that
you can bash them left and right (!) and yet they'll rise again?
BTW, even though I'm not a CA'n, I've received two conflicting e-mails
re the Recall, which I've posted here.
To my compatriots 3,000 away: put this Repub-funded recall into the
garbage where it belongs. Let them try again in 2006. Aren't the
Republicans always speaking against moral relativism?
"Between trying to impeach Bill Clinton, Florida 2000 and
the recall in California, I'm beginning to think that
Republicans will do anything to win an election -- except
get the most votes." - Bill Maher
10/2/03: I found transcripts of some of Dennis Miller's latest rants
on the FOX NEWS website. In one I thought he was giving the
"appropriately named" Barbara Boxer a compliment on her debating skills,
and I thought, Wow, that must be the first compliment he's given a Democrat all year!
But no, I read it wrong. His best compliment for a Democrat has been,
"Good man, but a lousy governor" for Gray Davis.
His best--or worst--insult for a Republican or right-winger? I can't find one!
Where is the equal-opportunity basher of old?
9/30/03--Can a person simultaneously rise and sink at the same time?
Try this on: DENNIS MILLER FOR SENATOR FROM CALIFORNIA...a la Ahnold.
From Yahoo! News: Notes and Quotes from the Calif. Recall: Miller Time?:
"Comedian Dennis Miller running government instead of bashing it?
Three GOP strategists interviewed by the Los Angeles Times in the
last week said they want Miller, a registered Republican, to consider it.
"One suggestion is to draft him as the opponent to Democratic U.S.
Sen. Barbara Boxer next year, but so far Miller is keeping any
political aspirations to himself."
From the same webpage:
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"The idea that a celebrity without political experience, such as
Schwarzenegger or Miller, could be elected isn't a good thing.
All this drives home the idea — I think a false one — that you don't
need any particular skills or background to be a senator or governor.
All you need is ambition and fame."
Martin Kaplan, director of USC's Norman Lear Center,
which studies politics and entertainment.
From the LA Times, 9/27/03:
Republican Strategists Eyeing Dennis Miller for State Politics
(You must register to read it)
I heard ABC-TV's The View discussed this on 9/29/03.
Meanwhile, a "woof" from Bartcop:
"Hey Dennis - quess what?
When Bush is exposed as a murdering fraud,
and he becomes the most hated man in politics,
we don't want you back - stay on the loser's side."
Of course that's Bartcop's message, not mine.
Speaking of court jesters, decades ago Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
wrote that Britain should REVIVE THE COURT JESTER:
"Instead of reviving the Court Poet, why not revive the Court Fool? He is
the only person who could do any good at this moment either to the Royal
or the judicial Courts. The present political situation is utterly
unsuitable for the purposes of a great poet. But it is particularly
suitable for the purposes of a great buffoon. The old jester was under
certain privileges: you could not resent the jokes of a fool, just as you
cannot resent the sermons of a curate. Now, what the present Government
of England wants is neither serious praise nor serious denunciation; what
it wants is satire. What it wants, in other words, is realism given with
gusto."
Dennis, why not apply for the job officially--instead of just de facto?
Read about who Dan Rice was.
Just remember: a jester should speak more to the king than for him.
9/24/03--a disappointed Miller fan has sent a him a letter
in care of the Brillstein-Grey company,
and shared that letter on Bill Maher's Message Board.
Here's an excerpt from "My Rant to Dennis Miller":
For years I’ve been amused (& even awakened) by your insight into
the stupidity of both the right & left but I always felt that you
were pointing out their BS for the benefit of both the BS’er & the
BS’ees alike. Maybe you’ve always been just another comedian who
only cares about injustice if it can get a laugh or if it impacts
you. I never thought so & I really hope not!
In my opinion, you’re you have moved towards a selfish, status-quo,
conservative policy.
Guess what? The best system, SO FAR just isn’t good enough! Even if
it happens to be great for you at the moment!
What’s really sad is that you can totally afford to endorse the
leaders who have the best intentions for the most people (without
feeling any significant consequences if doing the right thing costs
you a few bucks). Or maybe you actually bought the trickle-down
economics ruse.
...The great thing about this country is that almost everybody’s got
a shot as “making it”. My problem is that the field is slanted way
too dramatically for the privileged - & that the resulting disparity
almost always becomes self-fulfilling – most of our best hopes for
the future get lost -never having had a real opportunity or
environment to contribute.
Before you label me a Communist, I’m all for Capitalism & the U. S. –
To my mind, no better system or country so far.
But it’s really scary that Savage & Limbaugh (& the current
administration, for that matter) put forth the concept that our
system & our country are SO good - that it’s treasonous to suggest
there’s room for improvement.
I’m all for striving for wealth & success - but let’s even up the playing field...
(written by Bruin)
**
Dennis: it's not just me, MNL, anymore--it never was. I'm supposing
many of your fans, like me, feel like you were walking beside us,
even ahead of us--then you suddenly turned and attacked us.
Even if you weren't really one of us (and sometimes I'm not
even "one of us"), you once spoke as if you understood us and even
believed we were worth listening to...
It's been nearly six months since this website went up. I can't
believe you don't know what's going on here or on the Maher message
board. Dennis, if you have a statement for us, I'll be happy to publish it.
If you don't want to e-mail me, use the guestbook, or have Maher
or Ted Robinson PM me on their message board.
***
9/22/03--During Dennis Miller's performance at Westbury Music Fair 9/7/03,
he asked in an incredulous tone how anyone could think Bush is evil.
Today I was e-mailed a link to this article:
Stage Zero:The Moral Development of George W. Bush
By CAROL NORRIS
The article, also found here, argues that Bush is stuck
in the "Stage Zero" moral development, that of a grade-schooler:
from www.allhatnocattle.net
**********
Did I see a glimpse of the old Dennis Miller peering out
on Jay Leno Wednesday July 23?
Read this (my entry, 7/24/03)
**********
Miller fans and foes:
check out Rolling Stone August 7, 2003 issue, hard copy.
Letters page, cartoon on bottom.
Unfortunately I can't find this cartoon on the website.
Can you?
The current MAD Magazine also casts a look Dennis' way,
in their article about "true red-blooded American patriots".
It's not the first time MAD has had Dennis in its sights.
Hmm...does that make him a cultural icon?
BTW, I caught Dennis Miller's performance on NBC-TV Saturday July 19
at the American Century Championship celebrity golf tourney.
Bad golfing, yet good humor and sportsmanship.
He said, essentially, that he'd been "dishing it out" for years,
and, in a stroke of cosmic justice, here was one venue where
he'd have to "take it".
Way to go, Dennis!
Here's another take on Miller and golfing in the
Tahoe Daily Tribune, July 18, 2003.
Rick Chandler strikes again!
And thanks for mentioning this website!
**********
Congratulations to Dennis Miller for this 2003 Emmy nomination:
Individual Performance in a Variety or Music Program:
Jon Stewart, "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart," Comedy Central;
Dennis Miller, "Dennis Miller: The Raw Feed," HBO;
Martin Short, "Primetime Glick," Comedy Central;
Robin Williams, "Robin Williams: Live on Broadway," HBO;
Wayne Brady, "Whose Line Is It Anyway?," ABC.
Miller's "Raw" received mixed reviews, running the gamut
of raves and rants.
In the realm of political irony, this also got nominated!
Commercial: "Angry Chicken," Nike Footwear;
"Fish," PBS Promo;
"The Osbournes," Pepsi Twist;
"Sheens," VISA;
"Squares," Volkswagen Beetle.
This very ad featuring Martin and Charlie Sheen was pulled
due to Martin's anti-war protests! Congrats, Martin Sheen!
(You too, Charlie.)
P.S. Martin was also nominated for
Lead Actor in a Dramatic Series ("The West Wing")
(Note: the winners, respectively, were Wayne Brady, "Fish",
and James Gandolfini of The Sopranos. The West Wing won for
Best Dramatic Series.)
**********
Dennis Match
By Rick Chandler Illustration by Brandon Bird
Las Vegas Weekly, July 10-16, 2003
timed to Miller's appearance at the Paris Las Vegas
Congrats, Rick and Brandon!
**********
"The last time I can remember an entire nation being on the
same page, it was Germany in the late thirties and it didn't
really turn out to be that funny. Remember: In its time and place,
what Hitler said was considered politically correct; and it's that
blind adherence to what is situationally palatable that is truly
dangerous. We should question it all. Poke fun at it all.
P*ss off at it all. Rail against it all. And most important,
for chrissakes, laugh at it all."
--Dennis Miller, The Rants, 1996 (which I bought on Ebay)
Worthy words from the Dennis of old--especially now since he's
bashed the left wing exclusively more times than a loosened piece
of foam rubber.
**********
On a positive note: from Observations of a Misfit's message board:
"I'll see if I can find a good picture of Miller
(named after Dennis Miller, the comedian, NOT the beer),
my older, more sophisticated cat."
Posted by Jodes at May 24, 2003 02:17 AM
(scroll way down)
Awww...and he is kind of cat-like, isn't he?
Hmm...maybe like a panther...
**********
Here's Dennis' first go-round riding the FOX:
photo from www.foxnews.com
Hannity & Colmes, June 27, 2003: Miller Unplugged
**********
Two more "woof tickets" for Dennis:
"Dennis Miller no longer has an agent. He now employs a pimp."
--Barry Crimmins (former Miller jokewriter), 7/1/03
Dennis Miller Joins Bush’s Election Campaign.
A Satire Based on the Truth. (7/1/03)
A BUZZFLASH READER SATIRE
by Osama Bin Hiding
Dennis, I apologize for being so hard on you right now.
I guess I'm furious at you for gaining after kissing up to GWB
and bashing liberals, while Martin Sheen, Danny Glover,
Natalie Maines, and other celebs who've opposed Gulf War II and
Bush have lost gigs, airplay, etc.
Also, I'm having too much fun kicking you when you're UP.
I guess I know now how you feel when you go liberal-bashing.
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down...
**********
Miller flew on Air Force One from San Francisco to Los Angeles
with the president on Friday, and later gave a stand-up routine
at a Bush fund-raiser in Los Angeles.
Miller Emerges as New Voice for Bush Re-Election
Yahoo! News, June 28, 2003
If Dennis were single, I could imagine his next move being
to move into a room in the White House as George W. Bush's
personal court jester. Which may not be a bad thing.
Abe Lincoln had Dan Rice.
Who knows, Miller could actually prevent His Shrubness from
turning into Hilter.
From what I read in Conrad Hyers' The Spirituality of Comedy,
Adolf Hitler had no court jester.
So, which will it be: Darth Miller to His Imperial Majesty,
or Prince Esther to King Georges?
"And who knows but that you have come to royal position
for such a time as this?"
--from Esther 4:14 (NIV)
Am I picking on this poor guy too much?
****
They [Bush donors in California] were also served pre-speech jokes
by comedian Dennis Miller, who later earned a ride not only on
Air Force One but also in the president's limousine.
His well-received assessment of the Democratic White House hopefuls:
"I haven't seen a starting nine like that since the '62 Mets,"
a reference to the New York baseball team that won 40 games and
lost 120.
Yahoo News: Bush Adds $5 Million to Campaign Coffers,
June 27, 2003
Dennis, Dennis, how far are you going to take this ride?
"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole
world, and lose his own soul?" --Mark 8:36 (KJV)
Normally, an entertainer getting a ride in the Prez' limo
or in Air Force One wouldn't scare me, but in light of
your antics over the last few months...
how big is the fruit on that tree?
**********
doot-doot DOO! doot-doot DOO! FOX-y!
Miller Takes His Rant to Fox News
Wed Jun 18, 4:19 AM ET
Shall I congratulate you, Dennis, on a job-hunt well done?
He's a twenty-first century Fox
Oh, he's a twenty-first century Fox...
**********
image from www.blacktable.com
THE MILLER'S CROSSING, by Rick Chandler, The Black Table
a Scrooge-like visit from the Ghost of Dennis Past
Dennis Miller is collecting more woof tickets on the Internet than
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at the Westminster Kennel Club Show.
("woof ticket" = "dis")
So far, The Miller's Crossing is the best "woof" of all.
*********************************************************
NEW SITE:
I Could Be Wrong
"the approved fanlisting for Dennis Miller"
is seeking fans to join. By Carrie.
Hmm...perhaps her site and mine can balance each other out!
*********************************************************
P.S.: May 7, 2003
Dear Den, Congratulations on your first opinion piece
in a newspaper ever:
OUT OF THE LOUPE: 'Why Are We in Iraq?':
Meet Norman Mailer, Third Cousin of the Rational Op-Ed.
Monday, May 5, 2003, in the Wall Street Journal
in response to
We went to war just to boost the white male ego,
by Norman Mailer
Monday, April 29, 2003, in the London Times.
Personally, I think some of the Mailer quotes you cited are more
worthy of the old Dennis Miller than much of the stuff you wrote
in your column, but of course that's just my opinion. I could
be wrong.
Again, congratulations, Dennis! --MNL
P.P.S. Mailer! Miller! Miller! Mailer! It's war, folks!
Mailer has written his own open letter to Dennis Miller, 5/8/03;
text copied here.
Put their names in a search engine and you'll see other third-party
commentary on the Miller-Mailer feud. BTW, Mailer seems to have
some of the same regard or affection for Dennis as I do--
as a lot of his disappointed fans do. Quote:
"You're too good to become squalid and kiss-a** for so little."
Addendum: I've read that Miller sent Mailer a nice
appreciative letter--
contents not revealed to the public.