SHIRLEY
Yehuda! Yehuda, I can't wait till Christmas!
I got you the most fabulous present.  Wait till
you see it!  It's a...

YEHUDA
No, no, Shirley, don't tell me!  Don't tell me.
You'll ruin the surprise.

SHIRLEY
Ohh...but it's so fabulous, Yehuda.  You'll just
love it.  Oh I know, I know you'll just love it!
You better love it.  Oh, I love you!

YEHUDA
Down, girl.  Fabulous present, huh?

SHIRLEY
Absolutely exquisite!  Oh, it's late.
I gotta go down to the mall.  Bye, Yehuda.

(SHIRLEY exits.)

YEHUDA
Bye, Shirley.  Fabulous present?  Fabulous present?!
Yehuuuuuda!  Bet it's expensive.  But how could
Shirley Ursula Geste--Shirley U. Geste--spend all 
that money on me, when all I got her was...a homemade
chocolate cheese waffle cake?

I know.  I'll break open my piggy bank and get her
something real nice.  Oh...goodbye, camping equipment!
Do you suppose Shirley bought me camping equipment?

(picks up piggy bank)

Pig, you're about to bring home the bacon.

(YEHUDA goes off, we hear a CRASH.  A moment,
then SHIRLEY returns with wrapped gift.)

SHIRLEY
Yehuda!  Yehuda, the Lion of Judah!  Merry
Christmas, Yehuda!  Where is that lion?

(YEHUDA enters, downhearted, trying to be merry.)

YEHUDA
Hey.  Merry Christmas, Shirley.

SHIRLEY
Yehuda, what's wrong?

YEHUDA
Oh, nothing.  Skip it.  You want to open your
Christmas present?

SHIRLEY
Oh, sure!  Thanks.  Wait'll you see that fabulous
gift I've gotten you!

(SHIRLEY unwraps the box.)

Bloomingdale's?

(SHE opens her present: expensive-looking jewelry,
a jewel-studded bracelet.)

Oh!  My...

YEHUDA
Do you like it?

SHIRLEY
Why--why, yes.  I--I--I'm just--

YEHUDA
Happy?

SHIRLEY
Yeah, happy, I guess.  Yehuda, how could you afford--?

YEHUDA
Now let me see the fabulous present you got for me.

SHIRLEY
Oh, Yehuda...

YEHUDA
What's wrong?

SHIRLEY
Compared to this, my gift is not so fabulous.

YEHUDA
Oh, c'mon, give!  It's Christmas.

SHIRLEY
Very well.  Merry Christmas, Yehuda.

(YEHUDA opens his gift: a Matchbox-sized RV camper.)

YEHUDA
Oh, gee.  A toy camper.

SHIRLEY
I'm sorry you don't like it, Yehuda.

(SHE sobs.)

YEHUDA
Shirley, come on.  I do like it.  It's just 
that you said your gift to me was fabulous--

SHIRLEY
You don't think this is fabulous?  Then...
I thought...with that camping trip next summer
that you're saving for, this would encourage
you to keep saving your money and go for it.
Look, I wrote your name on the side.  "Yehuda".

(YEHUDA stifles a sob.)

YEHUDA
Yeah, you did.  But when you said you bought
me a fabulous present, I thought you meant
an expensive present.  I couldn't give you
a cheapo gift like my chocolate cheese
waffle cake.

SHIRLEY
But Yehuda, I love your chocolate cheese 
waffle cake.  What's this on the floor?

(SHE picks up a shard of piggy bank.)

Oh, Yehuda!  You broke your piggy bank
and spent your money on this?

(SHE indicates her jewelry gift.  YEHUDA sobs.)

That's really sweet of you, but...I don't 
need a jewelry bracelet.  Or anything.  All
I need is to know you're my friend.  Besides,
I love your chocolate cheese waffle cake.

YEHUDA
You're sure?

(SHIRLEY takes off jewelry.)

SHIRLEY
Take this bracelet back to Bloomies and 
get your camping money back.

YEHUDA
Oh thank you, thank you!  You're the
best clown friend a lion ever had.

SHIRLEY
I love you too, Yehuda. Of course, if
you happen to pass by K-Mart and see a 
couple of star-studded rhinestone earrings...

YEHUDA
Suppose you just stick with the chocolate
cheese waffle cake.

SHIRLEY
I'm just kidding, Yehuda.  In fact, I'll
help you make another one.

YEHUDA
Yum-MY.  Race you to the kitchen!
But first, let me play with my camper.

(SHIRLEY and YEHUDA zoom toy RV camper back and forth,
then exit singing THE HAPPY WANDERER or THE WASSAIL SONG.)


THE END


written by MNL 10/20/97
entered here 7/9/99