Marge Keigher's page Of Humor!

Thanks for Staying

Write It Down

An elderly husband and wife noticed
that they were begining to forget many little
things around the house.

They were afraid that this could be dangerous,
as one of them may accidentally forget to turn
off the stove, and thus cause a fire.

So they decided to go see their physician to get
some help.
Their physician told them that many people forget
at their age, and find it useful to write little
notes as reminders.

The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful,
and left the doctors office very pleased with this
advice.

When they got home, the wife said "Dear, will you
please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice
cream? and why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"

The husband replied " I can remember a dish of ice
cream!"

"Well" said the wife, "I also would like some
strawberries on it." You better write that down.
because I know you'll forget."

"Don' be silly" replied the husband "A dish of
ice cream and some strawberies.
"I can remember that!"

"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped
cream on top. Now you'd better write that down
now, you'll forget," said the wife.

"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said
the husband. "no problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries
and whipped cream"

With that, the husband shut the kitchen door
behind him. The wife could hear him getting out
pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent.
with his preparing a dish of ice cream,
strawberries, and whipped cream.

He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes
later. Walking over to his wife, he presented
her with a plate of bacon and eggs.

The wife took one look at the plate, and glanced
up at her husband and said, "hey you forgot
the toast,"

"I told you, to write it down"

The Basic Cow

The local farmer was thoroughtly
convinced that over the year's that he had been
bilked by the only car dealership in the village.

Then one day the owner of the car lot informed
the farmer that he was coming around to buy a cow.

So the farmer decided to attach the following price
tag to his cows tails

Basic Cow:                                $500.00

Two-Tone exterior:                     $ 45.00

Extra stumach:                             $ 75.00

Product-storing equipment:       $ 60.00

Straw chopper:                              $ 40.00

4 spigots@$30./each:                   $120.00

Cowhide upholstery:                    $125.00

Dual horns:                                    $ 15.00

Automatic fly swatter:                 $ 38.00

Fertilizer attachment:                 $185.00
  ========================================
TOTAL:                                          $1230.00
  ========================================

And went into the farmhouse
to await for the car
dealer with a grin on his face.

Church Humor

Over the massive front doors of a church,
these words were inscribed:
"The Gates Of Heaven"
Below that was a small cardboard sign
which read:
"Please use othe entrance"

Rev. Warren J. Keating, pastor of the
First Presbyterian Church of Yuma AZ.
says that the best prayer he ever
heard was
"Lord please make me the kind of person my
dog thinks I am"

A woman went to the Post Office to buy some
Stamps for her Christmas cards,
"What Denomination?" Asked the clerk
"Oh good heavens! have we come to this?"
said the woman. "Well give me 50 Baptist
and 50 catholics ones".

During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry
Eisenerg asked the children What "Amen" meant.
A little boy stood up and said:
"It meeens 'Tha-tha-tha--thats all folks'

After the church service, a little boy
told the pastor: "When I grow up, I'm going
to give you some money,
"Well thank you" the pastor replied "but why"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the
poorest preachers we've ever had.

Lumberyard Jokes

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck
drove into a lumberyard.

One of the men walked in the office and said:
"We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours.
don't you?"

The man said, I'll go check" and went back
to the truck. He returned a minute later
and said "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"Alright" said the clerk "How long do need them?"

The man paused for a moment and said
"I'd better go check"

After awhile the man came returned and said
"A long time. We're gonna build a house"

Shingles

A falla walked into a doctors office and the
receptionist asked him what he had,

He said: "Shingles"

So she took took down his name, address, mediical
insurance number and told him to take a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aid came and
out and asked what he had.

He said: "Shingles".

So she took his dpwn his height, weight, a
complete medical history and told him to wait
in the examining room

A half-hour later a nurse came in and asked
him what he had.

He said: "Shingles"

So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure
test, and a electrocardiogram, and told him to
take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An half-hour later the doctor came in and asked
him what he had

He said: "Shingles"

The doctor said: "Where?"

He said: "Outside in the truck.
Where do you want them