MargKeigher Irish Wit

A Wee Bit Of Irish Humor
Dear Mother,

Michael and I are enjoying our honeymoon fine,
but strange things happen in this town.
When we arrived up at the hotel bedroom we found
it contained two single beds,and me thought we were
going to have a room to ourself.

Michael found a second-hand shop and went to buy one
for his watch.He also arranged to have your sundial
floodlit so that you can tell the time at night.
I had to warn him however that the practice of
changing his socks once a month was not enough,
that eating crubeens in bed was out,and that when
we got home he would have to remove the store of turf
from the bath.I hope the babysitter has given up
sitting on the baby.

I always thought she was not too bright since the teacher
asked her something about the great Irish Poet of
the 18th century and she replied "They're all dead."
It was her you know who rinsed the ice-cubes in hot
water and began crying when she could not find them
a little later. How is Aunty Mary since she refused
delivery of the parcel marked C.O.D. as she claimed
it was salmon she ordered.
She is an awful woman for the nagging.
She thinks she has nagged Uncle Jack into giving up
the smoking because a month ago he went out to buy a
packet of cigarettes and hasn't come back since.
Poor Uncle Jack - a heart of gold but fond of the drink.
He will always be remembered. I think, for his famous
remark "When you go tell them I'll be
home before you."

All my love to You and Dad

Sheelagh

A MOTHERS LETTER

Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive.
I am writing this slowly because I know that you can't
read fast. Your won't know the house when you
come home, we've moved.

About your father he has got a
lovely new job, He as 500 men under him, he cuts grass
at the cemetery. Your sister Mary had a baby this morning.
I haven't found out yet whether its a boy or a girl so
I don't if you're an aunt or an uncle.

I went to the doctors on Thursday and your father
came with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth
and told me not to talk for 10 minutes.
Your father offered to buy it from him.
Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of
Irish Whiskey at the Dublin Brewery. Some of his
workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely.
They cremated him and it took 3 days to put the fire out.
It only rained twice this week, first for 3 days then
for 4 days.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last
payment on your Grandmothers plot wasn't paid in 7 days
up she comes.

Your loving Mother.

A man stumbled up to the only other patron
in the bar, and asked it he
could buy him a "Drink"

"Why of couse" comes the reply.

The first man then asked, "Where are you from?"

The second man answered "Ireland"

"You don't say I,m from Ireland too.
"replied the first man "lets have
a drink to Ireland"

"Gladly" replied the second man

"What city" asked the first man

"Dublin" replied the second man

"Dublin? I'm from Dublin too." relpied the first man

"What school did you go to?" asked the second man

"St. Mary's. Graduated in '62" replied the first man

"Unbelievable" the second man said
"I went to St. Mary's too. Graduated in '62 also"

About this time one of the regulars entered,
and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on" he asked the bartender.

"Nothing much" replied the bartender.
"But the O'Mally twins are
drunk again.

An Irish Blessing
May your thoughts be as glad as the shamrock.

May your heart be as light as a song

May each day bring you bright happy hours,
that stay with although
each year.

IRISH COFFEE

1 Teaspoon Sugar:
1 Tablespoon Double Cream:
1/4 pint Strong Black Coffee:
Generous measure of Irish Whiskey:

Dissolve the Sugar in the Coffee in Warmed
long-stemmed Whiskey Glass.
Add Whiskey to within one inch of rim and stir
Holding Teaspoon at edge of glass pour cream
over the back of spoon slowly so that Cream
floats on the surface

"DO NOT STIR"

:WHEATEN BREAD:

1/2 Teaspoon Salt:
1/2 Teaspoon bread soda:
1/2 -3/4 pint of Buttermilk
1lb of Whole-meal flour
(mixed with White flour:)

Mix ingredients and add enough
buttermilk to wet dough.
Kneed lightly and quickly.
Place on a well greased 7inch tin.
Cut a cross on the top.
Place in hot oven for 45 minutes

Enjoy

DANNY BOY

Oh Danny boy, the pipes the pipes are calling
from glen to glen, and down the mountain side.
The summer's gone, and all the flower are dying
'tis you 'tis you must go and I must bide.

But come you back when summer's in the meadow.
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'tis I'll be there in sunshine or in shadow.
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying.
And I am dead, as dead I well may be.
You'll come and find the place where I am lying.
And knee and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me.
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me
I simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

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