Monday, February 25, 2008
When I reflect on where my courage comes from, I get a totally new view of my desire and it’s shadow, resistance. For without these elements my courage at best fades to nothingness and in general never surfaces to a light at all to begin with.
As I age it is not my courage which changes but my use of or direction of it. Maybe in some sense I’ve met enough challenges, jumped enough hurdles, climbed enough mountains and crossed enough waters to gain an understanding of how I allow a higher level dynamic to flow through me when I decide to go forward. The presence of this higher dynamic or God on my journey is ever present. I know this as a truth in my life for I have felt it or witnessed it time and time again. When all had seemed at its darkest and I had neither strength nor hope to hang on to any longer, it was only desperate surrender to the consequences of my situation which awakened my awareness of a power greater than all that engulfed me somewhere deep within. It was my surrendering my resistance to the whatever of life that allowed me to feel a holy spirit embrace me and carry me until I regained some strength. Then further guide me until I once again “thought” I was managing things/life on my own. Or conversely When I would be surging ahead on one of my goals and riding on its crest, feeling the thrill and excitement of accomplishment well earned, that I knew I was touching a power greater than my own or the sum of my team. And when I reflected back at the many steps to my/our progressive success, a higher power’s foot, hand and heart print was everywhere in evidence.
With age and experience I’ve developed a trust that there is more to life than meets the five senses. When I align with this higher purpose, I experience an element of grace in my journey. When I fight or resist it by any method or judgement, then my life becomes a struggle to survive. The more I struggle the more I forget. The more I forget the weaker I become. The weaker I become the less I have left to resist with and all strength and hope are lost. I am left with only an ability to choose surrender once more. Surrender back into God’s love. Surrender back into God’s forgiveness. Surrender back into God’s grace. For me, at a more mature age, courage comes from surrendering to these blessings from a force much greater than anything I can imagine.