By Amy

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Authors Note: As much as I loved the X/W thing, I hated this last eppy, and wanted happiness again. This is my way to achieve it!

Dedication: This is for Karen, who wanted Oz and Willow smoochies and of course, thanks to Tracy, my faboo beta reader. :)

It hurts to think about her. I can't seem to stop myself. I don't want to be that man, or that type of man that won't forgive. And I love her. So this silence is hurting me as well.

I want to talk to her. Oh, who am I kidding? I want more than that. I want to hold her, I want to feel her mouth against mine, touch her hair. That fiery stuff between my fingers always drove me wild. Did I ever tell her that? I'm not sure. I would give almost anything now to be able to tell her that. Why can't I look at her?

That is to say, why can't I look at her without wondering. And hurting. But I do. I look at her--I can't seem to stop myself-- and I wonder why she did what she did. Part of me is insisting that it was the life or death stress of it all. But the other part, the part that noticed how jumpy they were around each other tells me otherwise. I wish.... I wish so many things now.

She looks at me kind of wistfully whenever we pass in the halls or bump into each other at lunch now. Wistful.... There is a lot of sadness in her face now. I see it, and I want to make her laugh. I want to hear her laugh, not just for her, but for me as well. I can't do this anymore, this wanting. This pain. It won't work. I'm not that kind of guy.

The next time she approaches me, I'll forgive her.

Willow looked at Oz across the room. Her eyes filled with unbidden tears; They had been doing that a lot lately. Buffy saw her eyes moisten and leaned across the lunch table to pat her hand compassionately.

"It's gonna be okay, Will. I'm almost sure... Oz loves you too much for it not to be. Just explain it to him the way you had explained it to me, and it will be fine. It might take awhile, but it will be fine." Buffy kept her voice lowered and steady, trying to convince her friend.

"But Buffy... I don't think I can forgive myself for doing that to him. For doing it to all of us. Now Xander and I hardly speak. He was my best friend.... That seems like so long ago. And the guy I love won't talk to me. I see him sometimes, looking at me. I can't stand that I'm the one that put that injured look on his face!" Willow burst out, flushing a deep red. She looked around anxiously, to see if anyone had heard her. Everyone was oblivious as usual. She looked at Oz, who was trying not to look at her.

"Buffy-- I can't do this. I can't," she choked, flying from her seat. She ran from the cafeteria and headed outside.

I don't know if anyone else did, but I heard her. I heard her sweet voice on the breaking point of tears and I wanted to rush over to comfort her. I wanted to be there for her. It's past me, now, the hurt she caused. I know it was a mistake. But I still will wait for her to come to me. I have to... Would it be fair if I went to her?

Maybe I'll go for a walk outside.

Willow leaned against the wall and slid down, the rough surface pulling at her shirt. She pulled her knees up to her chest and covered her sobs with her hands, hoping no one would hear her. "Oh, Oz.... I wish you were here. I wish I could ask your forgiveness. I wish I deserved it." Her voice was ragged as she cried.

And unexpected voice made her lift her head. "I'm right here, Baby." His voice too, was rough with tears and he knelt down to embrace her. She fell into his arms and grasped his shirt, sobbing against his chest.

"Oz, I'm so sorry. I love you so much, I hate myself. It was just--It was just that I had waited for that for so long, that I forgot that I had stopped waiting when it happened. I know this doesn't mean anything to you, but I'm so sorry! I wish... I wish that I had realized before how won-d-d-erful you are... How much I love you." Willow hiccupped as she trailed off.

"Willow, I know why you did it. I know, Baby. It's okay. It hurt me, yeah, it hurt a lot. But that's only because I love you. I love you more than anyone.. I've never had the chance to love anyone like this before. " He stroked her head soothingly. "Have I ever told her that the feel of your hair drives me wild?"

Willow looked up at him, her eyes wide with shock and relief and fear. "That's it? You don't... You don't hate me? Why don't you hate me, Oz?"

He sighed. "Oh, a lot of reasons. One of them is how you said my name just now. One of them is your hair. Overall, I'd have to say that I don't hate you-- That I *can't* hate you, because I love you too much. I forgive you, Willow." His voice was filled with love and he tenderly stroked her jawbone.

She looked up at him with something akin to awe before more fear filled her face. "But... Xander...." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand. He gulped hard, his heart tightening briefly at the name.

"Yes, I know you will still be friends with Xander. In time, I might be friends with him again, too." Willow reached up to touch his face.

"Oh, Oz. I love you so much. I can't even think of any other words, that's how much." She wrinkled her forehead and he chuckled.

"Well, we have a while to try."

He kissed her.

Her mouth against mine after all these weeks feels like heaven. The smell that I've been away from for so long comforts me as I hold the girl that I love. Her hair brushes my cheek and I take it in my fingers, rubbing it. She sighs a little and leans in for more. Tears stain both our faces, and I hold her closer.

I can't hold her close enough.