(The setting opens suddenly with Stunnin Steve, Sugar Ray James, and Silencer Chris Fry all coming out of the back to the suspense of the crowd. Steve has a bold poker face on and the announcers are in shock as we are on 5 minutes before Fire goes to air.) Mike Ixnay: Ladies and gentlemen, we are only five minutes before Fire takes the airwaves, but apparently the stations are giving us a few extra minutes before hand... I wonder what this is all about with Steve coming out... Larry Nabisco: I dunno, but they look like they are all serious tonight... Stunnin Steve: Yo yo yo Monroe Louisiana!!! (the fans give Steve a big heel pop) Stunnin Steve: I just got the word from the back taht you will have a new Wolrd Heavyweight Champion tonight... (Ray and Silencer sing a fanfare doing a Wolfpac point toward Steve as the fans go wild.) Stunnin Steve: Apparently, all of you have spoken loud and clear, becuse tonight, I am going to tear up that paper chump, Ru, in the middle of the ring!!! Now grendel, you have challenged me to a straight jacket match for the PPV... Well little man, I accept the opportunity to whip your ass like the little red-haired stepchild you are... Sugar Ray James: Hey Steve, I heard about this nice little resturaunt from tiny from down on the corner... (the fans are laughing) Stunnin Steve: What is that? Sugar Ray James: Oh, you haven't heard? It's supposed to be the best!!! (Steve looks out into the audience as they continue to laugh) Stunnin Steve: What are you talking about??? Sugar Ray James: Well, I was asking him about a resturaunt for GRENDEL and Ru for after the show... Stunnin Steve: Oh really? Where is it? Sugar Ray James: Oh, it's right down there!!! Stunnin Steve: Down where??? Sugar Ray James: DOWN THERE!!! (Stunnin Steve, Sugar Ray James, and Silencer all do a crotch chop as the fans go wild. Steve is laughing with Ray as he speaks back into the mic) Stunnin Steve: Ru, GRENDEL, get ready for your beatings... we're out! Mike Ixnay: Oh my god, Stunnin Steve v. Ru tonight??? Stay tuned fans for the heat to be turned up on this cold night in January for Fire!!! (The camera fades, and then reopens to an explosion of fire on the screen. In the distance, you can see footage of EXTREME wrestling of past featuring such top stars as Stunnin Steve, GRENDEL, Bowen Danes, RpTide, Wolverine, The Nugget World Order, The Lady Killers, and Jason Wylde. The camera fades in to a filled arena in Monroe, Louisiana (where it is dry) with fireworks going off in the runway and entrance ramp, and pyros igniting in the four corners of the ring. The Friday Night Fire theme music is at full blast, and the fans are going wild.) Mike Ixnay: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome again to another exciting edition of Friday Night Fire!!! We come to you live from Monroe, Louisiana... just 53 or so miles from our headquarters in Monticello, where it is raining cats and dogs!!! Larry Nabisco: Glad we're here... Mike Ixnay: As always, I am Mike Ixnay and this is Larry Nabisco here to bring you, the fans of the NEW, the hottest extreme wrestling action on the planet today!!! We have a stellar card lined up for you tonight as Stunnin Steve will wrestle for the World Title against Ru in the Main Event tonight! This is a match fans all over the world have been waiting for for ages!!! Stunnin Steve, in a match for the most coveted title in our sport's history!!! Larry Nabisco: And apparently we have a BIg surprise for the fans tonight... Mike Ixnay: That's right Larry, we will have The Lady Killers back in action tonight against The Nugget World Order!!! Apparently these two men have settled thier differences behind closed doors... Larry Nabisco: It's a good thing too... tag team wrestling could heat up that extra notch with one of the greatest tag teams in the history of the NEW back together again! Mike Ixnay: Also tonight, we will see tiny, the United States Champion, in action... the CruiserWeight Title division will be announced for the drawing for next Friday, first... Scheme Gene is in the ring waiting for the appearance of new rookie sensation of the NEW, Sport Jones... Gene, take it away!!! (Scheme Gene is waiting in the ring, when "Basketball Jones" plays over the PA.) Scheme Gene: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the newest addition to the NEW, A man for all occasions. Sport Jones! (Jones walks down and goes into the ring to talk with Gene.) Larry Nabisco: Will ya take a look at the SIZE of this man!!! He could be a linebacker!!! Mike Ixnay: I know... Sport Jones: Yo Gene, that's right. I am a man for all occasions. Rise to the challenge, and throw it off the cliff is my motto. Scheme Gene: Well you've got the ability to do it it seems. Tell me, what are your thoughts on your upcoming match with Venom? Sport Jones: Venom? that little garter snake? I'll Crush him like the the Vikings destroyed the Jaguars. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get ready for him. Scheme Gene: Thanks Mr. Jones. Good luck, back to you Mike and Larry... Mike Ixnay: Apparently Sport Jones is ready as we kick things off for the first Friday Night Fire of 1999!!! ("Brain Stew" by Green Day plays as Venom approaches the ring with The Green Dragon close behind.) Mike Ixnay: Here they come, the two newest members of The Terror Squad, The Green Dragon and Venom. I've seen Dragon in traning, and I must say that he has improved in the short time that he has been out of the NEW... Larry nabisco: Until he proves it in the ring, he is along with the young and the useless... I have to see it first... Mike Ixnay: And Venom is an up and comer in this sport as we speak. From what I heard, these two went to the same wrestling school, but went seperate ways with Dragon going to the NEW and Venom going to the IRWF to start out. Now they are here together in the NEW to I guess sort of make a name for themselves. (bell rings) Sport Jones v. Venom: Mike Ixnay: The match is under way, and Sport Jon has a distinct weight advantage over Venom wouldn't you say??? Larry Nabisco: I'd say so... Mike Ixnay: I'm sure you would, and Venom is moving around the ring, looking for anening. enom is moving in andort Jon a clothene, Ve ducks and VEOM WITH ADROPKICK!!! Venom has Jon stunned, he whips him to the ropes, Venom with a hiptoss into an armbar on the ground. Venom is looking to be in good hape so as he haon groud... Larry Nabisco: Jon is pulling up though and hiptosses him over and Venom ducks past Jon, Venom is playing stck and blow with this guy... Mike Ixnay: Venom with a belly to back suplex!!! I can't believe he got hm up!!!venom igoing to the head scissor now and I think he is playing smart game row, trying keep this grounded. Larry Nabisco: He's not underestimating this young rookie one bit... Mike Ixnay: Smart move, Venom is applying more pressure to Jon's neck and Jon is pulling up to the ropes, he has his foot on the ropes and the ref is calling for the break...1....2...3.. Venom releases the hold.... Venom is attempting a whip on Jon now, and Jon is holding his ground. Venom with a kick to the gut and he whips Jon to the ropes... Venom is going for a bakdrop, but JON WITH AXEHANDLE!!! Larry Nabisco: Uh oh... Mike Ixnay: Jon is setting Venom up in a powerbomb position, but VENOM REVERSES WITH A TORNADO DDT!!! Venom has Jon down and he pins..1....2.. kickout by Jon. Jon is in trouble here, and Venom is pulling him and nit looks like Venom may be ready to finish him off!!! Larry Nabisco: And he's not wasting te or moes on this guy... Mike Ixnay: Venom is going for a T-Bone suplex, and Jon's wieght is anchored, Venom can't lift him up... Jon with another axehandle he lifts up Venom.... POWERBOMB ON VENOM!!! Jon is pulling him back up and Dragon is on the apron!!! Jon goes to knock him off, and Venom is going for clothesline... JON MOVES OUT OF THE WAY!!! Larry Nabisco: Oh no!!! Mike Ixnay: Venom knocked Dragon off the apron, adnJon with a roll up....1....2....3.... Jon wins!!! Larry Nabisco: I can't believe it!!! Mike Ixnay: What a match to start off the first Fire of 1999 and we'll be right back ais!!! (commercial for athletic supporters, sponsored by Sport Jones, plays as the camera fades) (The camera fades back in to "Enter Sandman" by Metallica playing on the PA as Steven Slash approaches the ring.) Mike Ixnay: Welcome back to Friday Night Fire fans!!! As you have seen over the past few weeks, animosity has been building between the former champion of the world, Grendel, and his former tag team partner, Stunnin Steve... and it dates back to not too long ago when on this program, Grendel, Crimson Black, and The Powers That Be all had men in white jackets come out and put the man in a straight jacket. Larry Nabisco: They locked him up in the paddy wagon alright, but he had it coming for a long time since he did the same thing to Scotty G... Mike Ixnay: I don't count on this one simmering down for quite some time... ("Turn To Dust" by Def Leppard plays as The Saltine Slayer approaches the ring doing a silly martial arts display.) Mike Ixnay: Oh my god... fans, coming to the ring at this time, is another relatively new wrestler to the NEW, the man known as Tha Saltine Slayer. Larry Nabisco: He looks more like a big joke to me... Mike Ixnay: He reminds me of that guy that did stand up comedy on The Nutty Professor... that Reggie guy??? You know who I'm talking about right? Larry Nabisco: He seems like it with his "kick your ass" style... Mike Ixnay: Oye... Saltine Slayer: All you people out there, shut yo moufs up while I speak up on dis... (the crowd boos at The Saltine Slayer) Saltine Slayer: Stevie Slash, yo crackheaded foo', what you doin' up in my space? Don't you know I can kick yo ass wit my innovative "kick yo ass" style? (the crowd boos as Slash looks around) Saltine Slayer: I am the best rassler in tha world today, I am a three time world skreet fighting champion... (Slayer holds up three fingers while Slash holds up one. Slayer then kind of nods at Slash) Saltine Slayer: And I want you to know, that you betta know yo role... and get yo ass outta here, befoe I send yo skank ass to tha hospital... (Slayer turns his back to Slash) Saltine Slayer: As for the rest of you... (before he can get his next words out, Slash attacks Saltine Slayer from behind and the bell rings) The Saltine Slayer v. Steven Slash: Mike Ixnay: The bell has rung and this match is officially underway... Slash is going to the atack on Slayer now and Slash with some axehandles to the back and the fans are pulling behind him... Larry Nabisco: I can't believe this, Slayer is just really underestimating this young lad here... Mike Ixnay: Slash with a back rake on Slayer now and Slash is turning him around... Slash is attempting a whip to the ropes, but Slayer reverses, Slayer with a knee to the groin area, and now he is choking out Slash on the ground... listen to the fans!!! crowd: "Slayer Sucks!!! slayer Sucks!!!" Mike Ixnay: I have never heard such dischord for anyone!!! Slayer is now taunting the fans and totally forgetting about Slash... Larry Nabisco: Slash is getting up!!! Mike Ixnay: Slash is behind slayer, he rolls him u...1....2...3.... Steven Slash wins!!! (bell rings and the fans go wild) Mike Ixnay: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! Larry Nabisco: Steven Slash won the match!!! Mike Ixnay: Slayer lost track of the match, turned his back, and that was all she wrote!!! slash is on his way back to the locker room area and The Slayer is enraged!!! Saltine Slayer: NOOOOOOO!!!!! NO NO NO NO NOOOO!!!!!! I couldn't have lost to a damn jabronie like that puke!!! Slash, get yo ass back in teh ring right now!!! Slash!!! It's not ova till tha last body hits tha river, and you can count on dat!!! (the fans are laughing at Slayer as he holds his ears) Mike Ixnay: The Saltine Slayer is enraged, the fans are loving it, and we'll be right back folks!!! (commercial for saltine crackers plays featuring The Saltine Slayer. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU CRACKAS!!!") (The camera fades back in to the arena, Mr. Reaves can be seen standing by with Scheme Gene at the runway) Mike Ixnay: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Friday Night Fire!!! Over the past several weeks, a lot has been going on behind the scenes to get a new CruiserWeight division kicked off in the NEW. As I understand, the CEO of the NEW, Mr. Reaves, has an important announcement to make concerning that division. Gene? (camera pans over to Gene and Reaves at the entrance ramp) Scheme Gene: Ladies and gentlemen, I am standing by with Mr. Reaves, the CEO of the NEW at this time to bring to you, the fans of the NEW, this big announcement about the CruiserWeight division. Mr. Reaves? Mr. Reaves: Thank you Gene... as you all know, i have been working hard... day and night bwehind the scenes looking for the people that will lead the newly coming CruiserWeight division into the new generation of wrestlers that is coming in. This list s almost comprehensive, but we will have a full list AND an official drawing... NEXT Wednesday Night!!! LIVE, after a houseshow as we will bring it to you from the Locker Room... (the fans give a huge pop) Scheme Gene: Oh my!!! Mr. Reaves: The names I have so far... are Matt Foster, the Green Dragon, Venom, Ryu Kenzaki, The Saltine Slayer, and Wolverine!!! (the fans blow the roof) Scheme Gene: Oh my, this could be a great division!!! Mr. Reaves: You damn right it could... (Reaves and Gene are interrupted as Ares grabs the mic all of a sudden) Mike Ixnay: What the... Ares: So Steve-o, you forgot about your old buddy, the greatest CW and JW the world has EVER seen, the one and only ICON of the wrestling world... Ares??? Mr. Reaves: Ares, you haven't even been under contract to the NEW for months!!! From what I understand, you are in the FoWWW right now as thier champ... Ares: Hey Steve-o, I am the man that made the TV title, I made the Extreme division Extreme, I made the tag team division what it is now, and when Stables were still popular, I made the stable division HOT!!! I am DA man!!! Mike Ixnay: HERE COMES WOLVIE!!! Wolverine: Hey man, you getting up in people's faces about not being in the CW division??? You talkin smack about being the greates CW and JW the world has ever seen? Have you forgotten about the man, the ICON, and the BEST damn wrestler the world has ever seen... the man standing before you, Wolvie??? Ares: Hey man... Wolverine: No, listen up!!! I AM the extreme of the NEW... I AM the man that all these people pay good money to see and tune in each week for. You are on MY turf now bud... Ares: Hey Wolvie, this is still MY turf too... if you got the brass, we can always go at it one more time... just for good ol times my boy, and I'll whoop you like the little bitch-boy you always been to me... Wolverine: Don't sing it... BRING IT!!! Ares: I'll see you in the ring... (Ares walks off as Wolvie whispers to Mr. Reaves) Scheme Gene: Oh my, this could get ugly... back to you Mike and Larry... (The NAO Theme starts to play) PDC (From back): OH, YOU DIDN'T KNOW????? Mike Ixnay: You know what that must mean..... Larry Nabisco: They're back!!!! PDC: (Entering the arena) YOUR ASS BETTER CALL SOMEBODYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Theme Continues to play, as PDC comes down to the ring, dressed in dreads and a South Park T-Shirt, with Pimp Dogg tights) Mike Ixnay: The Best Tag Team in the World has reentered the picture. There's the Pimp Dogg, Jesse Cain, now.... Larry Nabisco: And now he points back, could it be? Would it be? Is it?............. WHAT THE HELL? (PDC points back to......Scorpio, holding a Howdy Doody dummy dressed in camouflage) Mike Ixnay: What in the world, why would he rag on his own partner like this? Larry Nabisco: I have no clue. Mike Ixnay: Yeah, we already know. (All three men enter the ring) PDC: Cut the music. (Fans cheer, some chant BUCK!!!) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, CHILDREN OF ALL AGES, THE POWERS THAT BE, IN ASSOCIATION WITH NEW EXTREME WRESTLING, PROUDLY BRING TO YOU, IT'S former N-E-W TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLDDDDDDDDDDDDD.......... THE PIMP DOGG, JESSE CAIN, THE BAD ASS BUCKMASTER, THE MOTHERF*CKING LADY KILLERS. (Holds mic to the Buck doll) Scorpio: (In high pitched voice) AND IF YOU'RE NOT DOWN WITH THAT, I GOT THREE WORDS FOR YOU: I SUCK IT!!!!!!!!! PDC: No, Buck, it's just suck it. Remember that next time. BM'S DOLL: OH, ok, does that mean I can't be gay anymore? PDC: No, no one's gonna stop you from being a flaming homosexual, Buck, that's obvious. BM'S DOLL: Who we facing tonight? PDC: The losers that took out your jabroney ass, Buck. You lost our titles. BM's DOLL: I know, how can I make it up to you? PDC: You can say that you suck, that I carried the Lady Killers, and that you have less a role in this team than the f*cking ring announcer. BM's DOLL: Yeah, but that's obvious. PDC: You're right. Speaking of which, Mr. Ring Announcer, please announce the names of tonight's enhancement talent. ("Unforgiven 2" by Metallica plays over the PA as Head and The Freak approach the ring with The Green Dragon and Venom following closely behind.) Mike Ixnay: And here comes The Terror Squad!!! Larry Nabisco: ALL the troops are out here tonight aren't they? Mike Ixnay: Head and The Freak are taking off toward the ring!!! (bell rings) The Nugget World Order v. The Lady Killers: Mike Ixnay: We're under way!!! PDC catches Head as he gets in the ring and he's going to work on Head right away!!! PDC is pummeling him on the ground... Larry Nabisco: But here comes Freak from behind!!! He nails PDC and now Head and The Freak have the advantage... this is a horrible situation for PDC to be in... Mike Ixnay: Freak is holding back PDC and Head is pummeling him in the ring. Freak shoves PDC toward Head and Head is setting up PDC for a powerbomb, Freak is helping hoist him up and DOUBLE POWERBOMB ON PDC!!! Freak is pulling PDC back up... Larry Nabisco: The Powers are joining Scorpio down at ring. What is this all about??? Mike Ixnay: I don't know, but Head and The Freak are both doubleteaming on PDC right now, Freak is holding PDC back and Head goes to the ropes for a clothesline... Larry Nabisco: GRENDEL and Scorpio grab Head's leg as he runs by and THEY ARE DRAGGING HIM OUT OF THE RING!!! Mike Ixnay: The Powers are doing a number on Head, and here comes Dragon and Venom!!! Danes with a chop to Venom and The Dragopn is going for Scorpio!!! A riot is breaking out between The Powers and The Terror Squad here at ringside!!! Larry Nabisco: We need to get back to the action in the ring though, PDC is in there with Freak and FREAK WITH A CHOKESLAM ON PDC!!! The Freak with a pin on PDC...1...2......3....4.....5...... where's the ref??? Mike Ixnay: The ref's distracted with the action on the outside and HERE'S MATT FOSTER!!! Larry Nabisco: Matt has a chair and HE NAILED THE FREAK WITH THE CHAIR!!! Mike Ixnay: The Freak is out and Head is tied up on the outside... PDC goes for the pin...1.....2...3.... Larry Nabisco: PDC wins!!! This one has fallen apart at the seams, The Lady Killers win over The Nugget World Order, the fight continues on teh outside, and we'll be back after this!!! (commercial for The Powers That Be's most infamous moments, featuring Scotty G, Grendel, Stunnin Steve, The Lady Killers, Scorpio, and much MUCH more!!!) (The camera fades back in with "Tha Niggaz Took Over" by Dr. Dre playing over the PA. The KFC Bandit is coming out with The Watermellon Fellon following him, rubbing his shoulders, and forming a bee-line.) Mike Ixnay: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen to Friday Night Fire!!! After seeing that last match, i am left wondering, WHERE THE HELL IS BUCKMASTER??? Larry Nabisco: It is probably one of the Powers' old scams... they are probably trying to fool us... Mike Ixnay: Well, they are doing a good job right now... up next is a match featuring our United States Champion, tiny, who is on an intense diet to get his weight down by the next PPV so he can hold on to his title... Larry Nabisco: Mr. Reaves, always the manipulator... Mike Ixnay: Well, maybe so, but now we are awaiting the arrival of the champion as we... (Tiny walks out as "Intergallactic" by The Beastie Boys begins to play over the PA with a microphone and an apple in his hand.) tiny: (to his opponent) Hey buddy, check this out. (squeezes his gut) Mike Ixnay: What is this??? tiny: Yeah that's right, not much there, huh? I lost a roll this past week and I'm damn proud of it! I'm feeling prime right now to beat your goofy ass DOWN! Larry Nabisco: I guess he's fighting fire with fire!!! (tiny drops the mic, takes a bite of the apple, and throws the apple at his opponent as he charges into the ring.) Mike Ixnay: Oh my god!!! (bell rings) tiny v. The KFC Bandit: Mike Ixnay: tiny's in the ring and we are underway!!! tiny is gong right to work on the Bandit and the Fellon is on the outside coaching I guess you would say... Larry Nabisco: That's what your tag partner is for... Mike Ixnay: But this isn't tag wrestling... tiny with some stiff chops to The Bandit, and a whip to the opposite corner, tiny is running to the other side and HE MEETS THE BANDIT'S ELBOW RIGHT IN HIS FACE!!! Larry Nabisco: AHHHH!!!! Mike Ixnay: The Bandit has tiny staggered now and he goes for the clothesline... TINY IS DOWN!!! The Bandit is going to work on tny with stomps and The Fellon is on the outside cheering on The Bandit... Larry Nabisco: tiny is just stumbling around, I don't think he is going to fall to the ground that easily... Mike Ixnay: The Bandit pulls up tiny, attempted whip on tiny and tiny reverses, tiny stops and he's going for the Urban Bombshell... but The Bandit slips out in the nick of time... Larry Nabisco: Watch out for him tiny!!! Mike Ixnay: The Bandit with a rollup...1....2.. kcikout by tiny and tiny with a clothesline, but The Bandit ducks... The Bandit with a kick to the sternum. The Bandit is hoisting up tiny for a T-Bone, but he can't lift him!!! tiny with an axehandle to the back!!! tiny is going to work on the back of The Bandit now and The bandit is in trouble!!! tiny is not going down for him... Larry Nabisco: And the Bandit is a pretty big guy!!! Mike Ixnay: Uh oh, here comes Mr. Reaves and Dan Sweeny, they each have an icecream cone, and a bag of doughnuts... Larry Nabisco: They're trying to get tiny to crack I guess... Mike Ixnay: I don't think he even sees them... tiny stay son the attack to The Bandit, tiny whips him to the ropes and HARLEM SIDEKICK TO THE BANDIT BY TINY!!! Tiny pulls up The Bandit and URBAN BMOMBSHELL ON THE BANDIT!!! tiny pins....1...2...3..... tiny wins!!! Larry Nabisco: Can this man be stopped??? Mike Ixnay: I dunno, but Reaves and Sweeny dropped thier cones and doughnuts real quick, because tiny is chasing them to the back!!! Larry Nabisco: Go get 'em tiny!!! Mike Ixnay: We'll be back after this!!! (commercial for tiny's aerobics workout video with diet planner package plays) Mike Ixnay: Welcome back fans, and we are all set for the big main event to night with Ru defending the NEW World Heavyweight Title against Stunnin Steve. This is a match that fans from all over have been waiting for for a long time. Stunnin Steve, one of the biggest names int eh industry, against the up-and-comer in Ru for the most coveted prize in the NEW and in wrestling. Larry Nabisco: I can't believe we are getting it on cable!!! Mike Ixnay: We continue to innovate and set the standard for all of wrestling as we head to the ring for the action... (the fans pop as "Voodoo Child" by Jimi Hendrix plays over the PA Systems. Stunnin Steve is approaching the ring with Sugar Ray James at his side, and Steve is doing a little air guitar.) Mike Ixnay: Steve is hanging out with the lowest scum on the earth, but hey... the fans still love the guy, that is the calibur of the impact he has had on the sport and on the fans... Larry Nabisco: He looks like he is in the best shape of his life!!! Mike Ixnay: But the many wars tell the stories, the Crazy Joes, the Crimson Blacks, the Bagwells, the Destructos, and all the other men he has faced in this sport will all tell you that he is one tough son of a gun. ("Got The Life" by KORn plays over the PA as Ru carts out a buggy.) Mike Ixnay: Oh my god, what does he have with him THIS week??? Larry Nabisco: I think this kid went to the grocery store just for Steve... Mike Ixnay: My god, is that a waffle iron and a cheese grater I see? And what is he going to do with a blender and an electric whipper? Larry Nabisco: I can tell that Steve is going to have his hands full tonight for this match... Mike Ixnay: Maybe a little more full than you think. Steve is out of the ring right now grabing a chair and Ru is running up toward Steve!!! Larry nabisco: STEVE THREW THE CHAIR AT RU!!! Mike Ixnay: Steve is going to get him away from that shopping buggy while he still can, and this one could get brutal... (bell rings) Mike Ixnay: The bell has sounded and we are officially under way and Steve and Ru are on the outside right now, Steve is shoving back Ru with some stiff chops, Steve with some punches to the forehead, and Ru is taking every lick that comes his way!!! Larry Nabisco: What Ru lacks in size, he makes up for it with his... bizarre taste in hardcore wrestling. Mike Ixnay: Steve has Ru against the ringpost and he's going for a clothesline... RU MOVES OUT OF THE WAY!!! Steve hit the post hard with his shoulder, and Ru is going to the buggy right now... HE'S GOT A BUTCHER'S BLOCK!!! HE NAILS STEVE IN THE FOREHEAD WITH THE BUTCHERS BLOCK!!! Larry Nabisco: Get out of there Steve!!! Mike Ixnay: He's hittting Steve in the back with the butcher's block and Steve is hobbling toward the guardrails, and STEVE WITH A BACK KICK, HE KICKED RU IN THE SHIN!!! Ru dropped the block and he's holding his shin now, and STEVE WITH A DDT ON THE BLOCK ON THE OUTSIDE!!! Larry Nabisco: He needs to go for something while he has the chance... Mike Ixnay: Steve is going to the buggy now, and he lifts it up and empties it. Steve is running toward Ru with the buggy HE NAILS RU WITH THE BUGGY!!! Ru is cornered in the guardrails now and Steve drops the buggy. Steve with a kick to Ru's midsection and a hiptoss out of the corner of the guardrails. Larry Nabisco: Steve is pulling Ru up and he shoves him face first into the pile of Ru's trinkets. Steve is sifting through the pile of trinkets, and he has a frying pan!!! Mike Ixnay: Ru is regaining conciousness, aned he has the cheese grater!!! Ru is scraping Steve's back with teh cheese grater!!! Mike Ixnay: Steve is bleeding profusely!!! My god!!! Steve drops the pan and Ru grabs the waffle iron... WAFFLEIRON TO THE BACK OF STEVE!!! GOOD GOD!!! Larry Nabisco: Steve grabs the frying pan AND HE SWINGS BACK AND HITS RU SQUARE IN THE FACE!!! Mike Ixnay: BOTH MEN ARE BLEEDING ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! Steve is grabing the Windex, and he is squirting Ru in the face with it!!! Larry Nabisco: Can this get any sicker??? Mike Ixnay: What is that guy from Taco Bell doing out here with that toilet on the little red wagon??? (The Taco Bell guy walks up to Ru while Steve stumbles around at ringside.) Taco Bell guy: Are you Mr. Ru??? (Ru nods and grabs the toilet) Mike Ixnay: Ru has the toilet and HE SHATTERS IT ACROSS THE BACK OF STUNNIN STEVE!!! WHAT THE HELL??? Larry Nabisco: This is going a little too far, but that is what we are all about... Mike Ixnay: Steve is crawling over to the ref who has the outboard motor, Steve grabs it from the ref and Ru is going for an axehandle AND STEVE TOSSES THE MOTOR AT RU!!! Ru has fallen back and Steve is falling back too... Larry Nabisco: STEVE LANDS AN ELBOW BETWEEN RU'S LEGS!!! Mike Ixnay: Steve is bleeding all over the place as is Ru... Ru is holding his crotch, and he grabs Steve by the hair, Ru rolls Steve into the ring... Ru is grabbing a pool cane from the outside, and Steve is crawling to the corner. Larry Nabisco: Ru is back in with the cane, and Steve is pulling himself up. RU WHACKS STEVE IN THE BACK WITH THE CANE!!! Mike Ixnay: Ru is tearing into Steve with the cane and Steve is holding on for dear life on the top rope, and he kicks back and knocks the cane out of Ru's hands!!! Larry Nabisco: Steve falls back and STUNNER ON RU!!! Mike Ixnay: Steve with the Stunner on Ru and now Ru is out cold in the center of the ring!!! Steve is holding himself up by the top rope... Larry Nabisco: HERE COMES GRENDEL!!! Mike Ixnay: What is he doing out here??? Larry Nabisco: I dunno, but this could get serious... Mike Ixnay: Grendel is in the ring and he pulls Steve out of the corner... POWERBOMB ON STEVE BY GRENDEL!!! Grendel is pulling Ru over Steve and the ref is in the ring. The ref counts...1....2...3..... IT'S OVER!!! (bell rings) Mike Ixnay: Grendel has just costed Steve the World Title, and now he is pulling up Ru... GRENDEL WITH A POWERBOMB ON RU!!! Larry Nabisco: AND NOW HERE COMES SUGAR RAY JAMES AND SILENCER CHRIS FRY!!! Mike Ixnay: The are all after Grendel!!! Silencer is in and Grendel is going for him but RAY FROM BEHIND GRENDEL WITH THE CANE!!! Larry Nabisco: Here comes Bowen Danes and Pimp Daddy Cain!!! Mike Ixnay: Ladies and gentlemen, we have to go... tune in for Monday Night Massacre this Monday!!! (cut to copyright)