(Scene then fades to the inner arena where a huge explosion sounds off from the four corners of the
ring and a fireworks display goes off at the runway)
MI: Welcome fans to NEW live on PPV, and apparently we have a special guest coming tonight. We
have 8 exciting matches for you tonight, 3 Title Matches, and in the Main event, 30 men will go at it for
a shot at the NEW World Heavyweight Championship!!! Without further adue, let's get to the ring for
the first match live on PPV!!!!!
(Jimi Hendrix's "Purple Haze" plays as Mister Sixty
Nine walks down the aisle, sticking out his tounge
and giving the fans the high sign.)
Mike Ixnay: And now, we have a match-up from, I
guess you can say, a RISING STAR in NEW, and, one of
the legends of Death Valley, the Blue Inferno Steve
Grant.
Larry Nabisco: You know, Mike, there has been a lot
of speculation as of late about the whereabouts of
Steve Grant. He hasn't shown up for training with
Scarecrow and Hawk, he hasn't been at any of the
executives regular meetings with the talent roster.
I'm beginning to wonder if he'll even show for this
match.
MI: We'll find out in a moment, let's go to our ring
announcer, Michael Buttbuffer.
Mr. 69 v. Steve Grant:
Michael Buttbuffer: "Ladies and gentlemen...let's get
ready to rumble!!! Our first competitor... From the city of Tempe, Arizona, weighing in at
221 pounds, MISTER SIXTY NINE!!!
(69 slaps hands with the fans and then launches
himself over the top rope into the ring. He grabs
Buttbuffer's mic and shoos him away.)
69: "Listen up! Where's the ref? Bring him out!"
(Senior official Antonio Gugliatta Jr. gets out of
his ringside seat and walks into the ring.)
69: "This is the grandson of one of the legendary
wrestlers in our sport, Umberto Gugliatta. He trained
some current champions, you know. Mister Gugliatta,
would you begin a 30 second count? If Steve Grant
isn't here by the end, then we can re-name him the
Yellow Inferno, and I get another point in the
victory column. Ring the bell, goddamnit..."
(The bell rings.)
Antonio Gugliatta, Jr: 1.... 2..... 3...... 4...... 5....... 6....... 7...... 8...... 9........ 10........ 11.......... 12........
13...... 14....... 15....... 16.......... 17......... 18......... 19.......... 20......... 21....... 22...... 23.........
24.......... 25....... 26....... 27...... 28....... 29........ 30..........
(The ref calls for the bell)
69: "Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner...ME!"
(Some of the fans are booing, dissapointed not only
in being denied a match, but at 69's bad attitude.)
LN: "Well, 69 has certainly proven himself."
MI: "Has he really?"
(The lights go out. Laughter echoes in the arena.)
VOICE: "WHY DON'T YOU TELL THEM MORE ABOUT YOURSELF,
SCOTTY? COME ON, DON'T BE AFRAID!!!"
(The lights go back on. Antonio Gugliatta Jr. is
unconscious on the mat and 69 is looking around the
arena frantically.)
69: "What the hell..."
(The lights go out again.)
VOICE: "JUST BE YOURSELF, SCOTTY. IF YOU DON'T TELL
THEM WHO YOU REALLY ARE, I MIGHT JUST HAVE TO FOR YOU."
(The lights go again. Immortal Black Predator is
standing on the top turnbuckle behind 69. 69 is still
looking around. When he turns around, IBP comes down
on him with the Top Rope Fist of Death.)
IBP: "Ha ha ha..."
(When he speaks, we realize the mysterious voice
belonged to the Predator)
IBP: "This isn't the end, Scotty."
(IBP walks away and up the aisle as medical
attendents rush over to 69)
LN: "Well, that was certainly an interesting match."
MI: "That wasn't a match, Larry, that was the
beginning of something very, very bad. I can feel it."
LN: "Well, let's go to a commercial, that will make
us feel better."
(Cut to commerical for Merle Joy's 1-800-CATCH A
RISING BANDIT bail collections agency)
MI: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, and boy is that Immortal Black Predator guy creepy or
what???
LN: Goodness!!!
Drifter v. EnFuego:
***Ain't My Bitch from Metallica plays as The Drifter is on his way to the ring***
MB: Ladies and Gentlemen, our next match on NEWs "Survival Of The Fittest" live on PPV is
scheduled for one fall....
MI: Wait!!! Enfuego just jumped Drifter from behind as he was on his way to th ring!!!
LN: Get out of there Drif....
MI: EF uses a garbage can on Drifter and the ref is instructing them to go to the ring!!!! EF shoves the
ref away and EF is taking Drifter to the ring!!!!
LN: EF throws Drifter into the ring and EF is stepping through the ropes.... Drifter catches him with an
axehandle to the back!!!
MI: Drifter is lifting EF up and.... suplex on EF!!! Drifter is pounding away at EF now and..... he's
dribbling his head on the mat like a basketball!!!
LN: This kid is on fire!!!
MI: Drifter was pulled off by the ref and EF is back up.... EF hits Drif with a roundhouse kick!!!
LN: Drifter down and EF pins...1...2... kickout!!!!
MI: EF is going measuring up Drifter with a clothesline.... EF goes for it... HE MISSES!!! Drifter
catches EF with a DDT!!!!
LN: Drifter has EF pinned...1....2...kickout!!!
MI: Drifter is using a Texas Cloverleaf on EF!!! And here comes Ares!!!!
LN: What???
MI: Ares is in the ring and he pulls Drifter off of EF and GERMAN SUPLEX ON DRIFTER!!!!
(bell rings)
MI: Ares is on the top rope and.... FLYING HEADBUTT ON DRIFTER!!!!!
LN: Get that kid out of there somebody!!!
MI: Ares has the crippler crosface on Drifter and.... here comes Stunnin Steve!!!!
LN: EF is back up and he's telling Ares who's coming.... both men leave the ring in a haste and Steve
is in now standing over the fallen Drifter....
MI: Oh no.... Drifter is out like a light and.... Steve pick him up off the ground and into a fireman's
carry.... Steve is leaving the ring with Drifter!!!
LN: What is going on here???
MI: I don't know, but Drifter won this one with a DQ and Steve is helping him out of the ringside
area.....
LN: Oh boy!!!!
MI: We'll be back after this...
(promo for the ICW/NEW PPV in June plays)
MI: "What a great night this has been so far, and
this next match should prove to be just as good."
LN: "Yeah, Mike, next we're watching the Silencer go
against JJ Hart's biggest fan, Stunnin' Steve."
MI: "I think you mean JJ Hart is Stunnin' Steve's
biggest fan, Larry."
LN: "Whatever, them Arkansas boys is down home NUTS."
MI: "Would you stop? Let's go to the ring."
(Michael Buttbuffer stands in the middle of the ring.)
MB: "Our next match is scheduled for one fall."
Stunnin Steve v. Silencer Chris Fry:
("My Hero" by the Foo Fighters plays)
MB: "From Toronto, Ontario, weighing in at 252
pounds, the Silencer Chris Fry!"
(A row of fans hold up a Canadian flag as Fry walks
down the aisle, no emotion on his face. He walks up
the steel steps and into the ring.)
MB: "And his opponent..."
("Voodoo Chile" by Jimi Hendrix plays as Stunnin'
Steve comes running down the aisle)
MB: "From McGehee, Arkansas, weighing in at 289
pounds, Stunnin' Steve!"
(Buttbuffer barely has time to get the words out as
Steve attacks Fry before the bell.)
MI: "Buttbuffer is out of the ring, the ref has
called for the bell, and Fry has gained advantage
back after Steve's cheap shot attack."
LN: "Hey, the man has initiative, that's all."
MI: "Lariat by Fry....he tries to tie him up for a
small package...count of one, kickout."
LN: "Another lariat, and Fry throws Steve into the
ropes...Steve goes for a roundhouse right, but Fry
blocks it."
MI: "Fry is trying to put Steve on the
turnbuckles...it's not working...WHOA! Fry throws
Steve out of the ring! IS Steve knocked out?"
LN: "BACKSPRING ASAI MOONSAULT! But Steve rolls out
of the way! They're both on the floor now."
MI: "They're staggering back into the ring...Fry
attempts a spinning leg lariat, but Steve ducks and
then hits him with a headbutt!"
LN: "Steve nails him with an elbowdrop...pin...1,
2...kickout!"
MI: "They're up...Fry kicks Steve in the
midsection...BODYSLAM! A pin...1, 2, thr- NO!
Kickout..."
LN: "Fry is frustrated, he hits Steve with a reverse
neckbreaker! Pin attempt, kickout...oh no, Steve's
pissed..."
MI: "He flipped Fry the bird! A chop, another chop,
another chop...BIG CHOP! Fry's down!"
LN: "Here comes a big leg drop...Fry rolls out of the
way!"
MI: "Fry goes in for a small package...1...2...3!
Steve took himself out of the match with that missed
leg drop, I'm tellin' ya..."
MB: "The winner of this match...the SILENCER! CHRIS
FRY!"
("My Hero" plays as the ref raises Fry's hand.)
MI: "And as Fry exits the ring, Steve is staggering
to his feet. It looks like he may have injured his
knee."
LN: "The ref's helpin' out of the ring, you hear the
fans cheering, we all know what a great competitor
this man is."
MI: "And it's NEW bringing it to you!"
MI: Well, here come Julius Dough and Merle Joy, it's time for us to go and kick some sWo butt
Larry!!!
LN: I look forward to it....
Julius Dough: "Yoo hoo, guess who!"
Merle Joy: "What up? This is the prettyboy redneck..."
JD: "And the High Roller, bringing you the action.
Your regular broadcasters, Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle
Dumber, had to go to the back and change into their
gay wrestling tights. While we wait for them to hide
their bellies, tell us what you have been up to,
Merle."
MJ: "Just doing bail collections. My business is big
enough that I don't need to go out on cases anymore,
my boys do it for me."
JD: "So is it just like we see in the movies, like
the dude in 'Jackie Brown?'"
MJ: "Sort of. It can get rough. I suffered a neck
injury..."
JD: "Nah, don't play it like you was in the line of
fire, I heard that you busted a disc trying to look
down the dress of the bank teller at First Interstate."
MJ: "Let's just say...sometimes, you got to climb
those peaks."
Mike Ixnay & Larry Nabisco v. Crimson Black & Stu:
(The Doors' "The End" plays)
MJ: "Uh oh, here we go..."
JD: "Let's go to our special guest ring announcer,
visiting from Tokyo, here is Crazy Joe!"
CJ: "Is this thing on? Oh...um, here's CB and Stu."
(Crimson Black and the Artist Formerly Known as
Stuart walks down the aisle and up the steel steps
into the ring.)
CB: "Great way to usher in the new era..."
CJ: "Thanks, bud..."
STU: "He was kidding...loser."
CJ: "Um...okay. Here's the ref."
(Alice Cooper's "The Man Behind the Mask" plays as
Mr. Massacre walks down the aisle wearing a
referree's striped t-shirt.)
CJ: "And in case something happens to Toby, here's
out outside ring enforcer...)
(As Massacre gets in the ring, a huge Japanese man
walks down the aisle.)
MJ: "Well, well, take a look!"
JD: "It's the legendary Yoshiro 'Shotgun the Shogun'
Fujitaka! Former Asian Intercontinental Champion and
Toby and Joe's business partner!"
MJ: "Aren't the odds stacked a littl bit, dude?"
JD: "Shut up."
(Shotgun stands outside the ring.)
CJ: "Okay, am I forgetting anything?"
STU: "Our opponents, geek."
CJ: "Oh...here's those broadcast guys."
(The lights dim in the arena. A laser display begins
as techno beats pulse over the speakers. Mike Ixnay
stumbles out in blue long tights with a grey stripe
on the side and a bulky grey t-shirt. Larry Nabisco
comes out in his simple black trunks and boots.)
LN: "Let's get this over with, you pieces of human
waste."
MI: "Yeah, let's get out of here!"
(Crazy Joe gets out of the ring as Nabisco runs in
and pounces on Stu. Massacre calls for the bell.
Ixnay stays in the corner.)
JD: "Nabisco is going crazy on these guys! Stu's down
after a flurry of close-fist punches. Nabisco
clotheslines CB! Stu rolls into he corner, I guess
CB's the legal man."
MJ: "Where's Taskmaster Betty when you need her? I
better go down there and help!"
(Merle tosses off his headset and runs towards the
ring. Shotgun catches him an puts him in a headlock.)
JD: "Nabisco has CB in a crossface....what's Shotgun
doing to Merle? He's supposed to be on our side!"
(Dough tosses off his headset and runs towards the
ring. Dough runs over to Shotgun and begins arguing
with him. Immortal Black Predator takes his place in
the broadcast booth.)
IBP: "Well, someone's got to call the action!
Shotgun, Dough, and Merle struggle. Stu is still out
of breath. Ixnay is hiding behind the turnbuckles. CB
is in Larry's crossface. Joe is picking his nose.
Massacre is scratching his ass."
(Da Commish walks out and breaks up Dough, Merle, and
Shotgun.)
IBP: "CB breaks out of the hold and tags in Stu. BAD
MOVE! Nabisco Irish Whips Stu into Ixnay's corner.
Ixnay gets hit and goes flying into the foreign
broadcasters table!"
(Ixnay picks himself up off the broken table. The
foreign broadcasters are stunned.)
Tito Mylanta: "AY CARAMBA!"
Frenchie Canuck: "Pardon, monsieur?"
Ken Nagata: "Sayonara to this crappy job..."
(The foreign broadcasters walk away from the
destructed table and head towards the concession
stands)
IBP: "Nabisco has Stu up in the air! BRAINBUSTER! 1,
2, 3! It's over! See ya!"
(Predator bolts from the broadcaster's booth. Joe
walks into the ring.)
CJ: "The winner of this bout...the broadcaster dudes!
Momma?"
(Da Commish walks into the ring and grabs the mic.)
DC: "EVERYBODY GET OVER HERE NOW! Except Nabisco and
Ixnay. Get back to work."
(Nabisco raises his arms in the air as Ixnay comes
staggering over. They walk down the aisle as the fans
cheer. Destructo and Taskmaster Betty walk out from
the back, Antonio Gugliatta Jr. following closely
behind.)
DC: "Stu World Order? Front and center!"
(Shotgun, Joe, Massacre, Merle, Dough, CB, the
Predator, Antonio Gugliatta Jr., Betty, Des and Stu
gather in the ring.)
DC: "Now, look...interfering in matches is one thing,
attacking broadcasters is another. And what you've
been doing to poor Michael Buttbuffer...well, doesn't
the man have enough problems without the sWo?"
(They all shrug their shoulders.)
MI: "This is Mike Ixnay, we're back in the broadcast
booth."
LN: "And we're the winners! What's Da Commish doing?"
MI: "Let's go back to the ring."
(Da Commish lectures the sWo.)
DC: "Julius, why don't you go back to Brooklyn? You
were doing a lot of great work there for the Boys'
Club and Make-A-Wish Foundation before you got pulled
into this seedy business. What has become of you?"
JD: "You're right. I despise what I have become."
DC: "Merle, you're an idiot, but you have a business
to run."
MJ: "Thanks, coach!"
DC: "Joe, Shotgun, Toby, there are a lot of students
in JApan waiting for your guidance. Make sure they
don't turn out as screwed up as you."
CJ, MM, S: "YES SIR!"
DC: "Destructo, you have a world title to defend.
Predator, you better have a written explanation on my
desk by tomorrow morning to as why you interfered
with the 69/Grant match tonight. You can't write for
our magazine anymore. Gugliatta, you're as bad a ref
as your dad and grandad were wrestlers, so you're
fired!"
IBP & AGJ: "Sacrilege!"
DC: "Taskmaster Betty, you have no managing license
registered with us. And Crimson Black, you are hereby
banned from NEW."
CB: "I'll be back..."
TB: "See you in court!:
DC: "And Stu...I don't care if you accompany Des to
the ring tonight...and you are signed in that
three-way match with Loner and JJ Hart....but as far
as all this...the Stu World Order...consider it over."
(Da Commish walks away.)
STU: "Well, guys, it has been a blast."
D: "Yeah. We caused a lot of trouble."
CB: "There's no reason to frown."
JD: "Let's turn it..."
MJ: "...Upside Down!"
CJ & AGJ & MM: "Whaddya say?!"
TB & IBP: "We'll you be our friend today???"
(A jaunty little tune plays. They all sing.)
the sWo:
"Zippity doo da, zippity yay!
My oh my, what a ridiculous day!
Zippity doo da, zippiy yo
Say goodbye to the sWo....
S....W...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"
(The fans cheer as the sWo leave in a single line)
LN: "You know what? I'm gonna kinda miss 'em."
MI: "Oh would you stop? Folks, we'll be back."
sWo...RIP
1997-1998
MI: Well fans, Larry and I are back and....
LN: Yeah, they need to stay in retirement now that we beat the crap out
of them....
MI: Please Larry, Ladies and gentlemen, our next match is going to be
Stunnin Steve, JJ Hart and a mystery partner to face off against the
Turks and now let's go to Micheal Buttbuffer!!!
The Turks v. Stunnin Stev, JJ Har, & ???:
MB: Ladies and Gentlemen, the next mantch is scheduled for one fall....
***Emblem Of Unity March plays as The Turks come to the ring***
MB: coming to the ring at this time at a total combined weight of 710
lbs. here are Reno, Tseng and Rude.... they are the Turks!!!
MI: Without Rufus of coarse, he is sitting this one out...
LN: Never let your followers fight your matches for you, you may lose
the war...
MI: Well, maybe, maybe not!!!
MB: And coming to the ring, at this time from Northe Little Rock
weighing in at 175 lbs. here is JJ Hart!!! and his partner from McGehee
AR, weighing in at 289 lbs. here is Stunnin Steve!!!
MI: Wait a minute!!! Who is this partner he has been alluding to???
LN: I don't know...
(bell rings)
LN: But wee are underway!!! Reno and Rude go for a double clothesline
to Steve and.... Steve ducks!!! JJ bitchslaps Tseng on the outside as
they battle on the floor!!!
MI: Steve catches Reno with a Stunner!!! Rude is going for a
clothesline to Steve and... Steve with a back body drop to Rude to the
outside and into Tseng!!!
LN: Tseng broke Rude's fall... lucky Rude!!!
MI: Yeah, but Tseng is not moving... he may be injured!!!
LN: No time for that now!!! Steve is pounding away at a fallen Reno!!!
MI: The paramedics are carrying off Tseng, what an unfortunate
incident...
LN: JJ whips Rude to the guard rails on the outside... JJ isd going for
kthe Hartpounder Splash!!!
MI: JJ has the Scorpion Deathlock on the outside!!! In the mean time,
Steve has Reno in the corner.... Steve is choking Reno out in the
corner with his foot!!!
LN: Wait!!! Here comes Rufus!!!
MI: He's coming to help the Turks!!!
LN: Rufus is in.... he shoves Steve off of Reno!!!
MI: Whoa wait.... Rufus chops Reno!!! Reno falls forward!!!
LN: Is he...
MI: Rufus has joined The Foundation!!! Rufus with a figure four on
Reno!!!
(bell rings)
MI: The Foundation wins!!!
MB: The winner of the match, JJ Hart, Rufus, and Stunnin Steve!!!
MI: Wait... Rufus has the mic!!!
Rufus: I would like to thank Steve for his generous offer to join the
Foundation, but I asm retiring to be the official webmaster for The
Foundation homepage!!! It's been fun, The Turks are no more after
tonight!!!
MI: Rufus is retiring???
LN: Good!!! He sucked anyway...
MI: Shut up!!! We'll be back fans!!!
(Gene's hotline promo plays)
MI: Welcome back fans, and we have a special treat for you!!! It is a
3-way Stable War for the Stable Titles!!!
Death Valley v. The DEA v. Trent's Rave (Stable Titles):
***Hell's Bells plays as Hawk Manson and Scarecrow McBride Come to the
ring***
MB: Ladies and Gentlemen, out next match is a 3-way Stable War for the
Stable titles, coming to the ring at this time are Steve Grant, Hawk...
(Manson grabs the mic...)
HM: Well, Steve didn't show up tonight, so I guess Scarecrow and I will
have to take care of business alone.... come on...
***Princes of The Universe plays as Grendel, and Outcold come to the
ring wearing Overshirts***
MB: Coming to the ring at this time are The challengers, Grendel, Cold
Blooded and Cold Steel..... they are The DEA!!!!
LN: What is up witht e overshirts??? It's not cold in here!!!
MI: I dunno, but I guess we are about to find out...
***Something I can Never Have by NIN plays as The Rave comes to the
ring***
MI: DV looks worried...
LM: Wait!!! the Rave is wearing overshirts too!!! What is going on???
MB: Coming to the ring at this time are the NEW Stable Champions....
Wolverine, Jason Bagwell and Trent Raven.... they are The Rave!!!!
(bell rings)
MI: DV are in thier corner looking across at The Rave and The DEA.... they're all taunting Death
Valley.....
LN: Wait.... they're taking thier shirts off....
MI: They are wearing saying...rWo??? What is this???
LN: Rave World Order?!?
MI: That's what it is... and here comes JJ Hart!!!
LN: What's he doing out here?!?
MI: JJ is in DV's corner?!? Here comes Stunnin Steve!!!
LN: Steve is arguing with JJ... and the rWo is sneak attacking Steve, JJ, and DV!!!
MI: Steve caught Wolverine with a Stunner!!! McBride with a Chokeslam on Grendel!!!
LN: Bagwell is leaving the ring!!! Raven just DDTd JJ!!! Steve with a Stunner on Raven!!! The rWo
is leaving the ring!!!
(the bell rings)
MB: This match has been declared a no contest.... The Rave will retain the....
(Steve grabs the mic from Mike)
SS: rWo??? Is there anything you will not do?!? Right now I am standing with the future of
wrestling..... The Foundation!!! rWo, you have been picking on a lot of people lately and like a rave,
you will die off soon and no one will care!!! We will teach you a lesson you won't soon forget!!!
HM: DV is on the loose baby!!! My man McBride wants you, bagwell, to feel the wrath of the
chokeslam!!! Wa have not forgotten about you duckin us for the title shots... Bags, hell will hath no
fury when the Foundation gets a hold of you!!!
SS: And Rave, after this Friday, you will surrender to us what rightfully belongs to Manson.... the
United States Heavyweight Title!!!
SM: And that's the bottom line!!!
(The Foundation leaves to the adoration of the fans)
MI: Oh my!!! We'll be right back fans.... DV has just joined The Foundation, can you believe it?!?
(promo for Easy Steve's beauty school plays)
MI: Oh my!!! Where can we go after that???
LN: Well, if I were in the rWo I'd be real worried right now with The Foundation on the hunt...
MI: They're bringing the cage down... and here comes Wolverine!!! he has a bat wrapped in barbed
wire!!!
LN: And here comes Ares!!! Ares attacks Wolvie from behind with a chair!!! Where's the mag and
tea at???
MI: Ares is taking Wolvie to the ring... he rams him right into the cage!@!! Ares is slamming wolvie
against the cage!!!
LN: Isn't this great?!?
MI: Oh my!!! Wolvie cracked the bat and hit Ares!!! Ares is bleeding fron the wire!!!!!
LN: Wolvie is pullng Ares through the door.... they are in the cage!!!!
(bell rings)
Ares v. Wolverine (Internet Title):
MI: The match has officially started and Wolvie runs Ares into the ring post!!! Wolvie is taking a few
steps back and.... he goes for a clothes line!!! Ares moves out of the way!!!
LN: Wolvie runs right into the ring post!!!!
MI: Ares is in control now and he throws wolvie into the ring!!! Ares is on the top rope.... Ares with a
flying headbutt!!! Wolvie moves out of the way!!!
LN: Wolvie is hurt bad!!!
MI: But he's up!!! Wolvie pulls Ares up.... it's a Northern Lightning Bomb!!! Wolvies with a double
arm submission, but Ares is reversing it.... and Enfuego is on his way to the ring!!!!!
LN: Ares is pulling Wolvie up..... Wolvie with a low blow to Ares!!!
MI: EF hit the ref.... he's in the cage!!!!
LN: Wolvie has Ares up.... he's going for a DDT!!!!
MI: Wait!!! EF nails him with a pair of brass knucks!!!!! wolvie is down!!!! Ares with a crippler
crossface.....
LN: EF is leaving and the ref is back up!!!!
(bell rings)
MI: Wolverine is out cold!!!!
MB: The winner of the match, and still NEW Internet Champion.... Ares!!!!
MI: Ares is winded, but Wolvie gave it all he had....
LN: This is far from over!!!
MI: Stay tuned for ICW v. NEW.... Jason Bagwell v. Destructo for the World Title!!!!!
(Reaves/Ashe for 2000 office promo plays)
MI: Wait a second, what is Crazy Joe doing in the ring???
LN: I don't know.... the sWo retired tonight....
CJ: You know guys, I'm going to miss thisplace..... Stunnin Steve, this one's for you!!!!
(Crazy Joe hits himself in the head with a chair and the crowd goes wild as footage from an old Crazy
Joe v. Stunnin Steve match plays on the big screen)
CJ: You guys ready?!?!?!?!?!?
(the crowd erupts wildly)
Jason Bagwell v. Destructo (NEW World Heavyweight Title)
***The End by The Doorsplays as Antonio Gugliatta accompanies Destructo to the ring***
CJ: coming to the ring at this time, accompanied by his mentor, Antonio Gugliatta, weighing in at 240
lbs. from Pheonix, AZ here is the ICW World Champion.... Destructo!!!!!
MI: Here comes Bags from behind with the NEW World Title.... he hits Des from behind..... he grabs
Gugliatta, Powerbomb on Gugliatta!!! Bags is taking Des to the ring!!!
LN: I think the Rave has rubbed off on him...
(bell rings)
MI: the Silencer is out here!!! He's checking up on Gugliatta!!! Bags is stomping away at Des and
Silencer is on his way to the ring!!!
LN: bags is pulling Des up..... powerbomb on Des!!!!
MI: Silencer is distracting the ref and Bags has Des pinned....
LN: You could count to 20!!!!
MI: Wait!!! Trent Raven is in the ring!!!! Raven shoves Bags off of Des!!!!
LN: What's going on here?!?
MI: DDT on Bags!!! And Raven has left the ring!!!!
LN: Silencer is signalling the ref and he's starting the 20 count...1....2....3....
MI: Des is crawling over to Bags....4....5....6....7....8.....
LN: Oh no!!!
MI: Des rolls over Bags.....9.....10.....11.....12.....
LN: Des pins Bags...1....2...3..... Destructo wins!!!
CJ: the winner of the match, and new NEW World Heavyweight Champion.... Destructo!!!!!
MI: Raven is back in the ring congratulating Des and Silencer is in too....
LN: Are they?!?!?!?
MI: Yes!!! Des and Silencer are in the Rave!!!! Oh my!!! someone needs to help Bags out of there!!!
MI: Where can we go from here???
LN: I dunno... but we do have the main event!!!
MI: After all that has happened tonight, we close off with a 30-man
war!!! This will go down as one of the biggest cards in wrestling
history!!!
(the fans chant,"Ares!!!, Ares!!!, Ares!!!" as Larry looks behind him)
MI: I would like to welcome to the broadcast area at this time, the NEW
Internet Champion, Ares!!!
LN: What are you doing here you snot nosed little...
(With that, Ares picks Larry up out of his chair and delivers a swift
knife-edge chop to Nabisco)
Ares: Well Mike, let's get this party started!!!
MI: You got that right, let's go to Micheal Buttbuffer!!!
(bell rings)
MAIN EVENT: 30-man battleroyal
Micheal Buttbuffer: Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight's main event, is a
30-man over the top rope battleroyal and the winner will get the next
Title shot, for the NEW World Heavyweight Championship... ARE YOU
READY?!?
(the crowd cheers)
MB: NEW WRESTLING FANS, ARE YOU RRRRRRRRRRRREADY?!?!?!?!?!?
(the crowd cheers loudly)
MB: for the thousands in attendance and the millions around the world,
LLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RRRRRRRRRRUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!!
(dramatic music starts for the introductions and the fans erupt as pyro
shoots out of the four corners of the ring with fireworks going off at
the runway)
MB: The man that drew #1 from Corncob weighing in at 335 lbs.
representing The Foundation, here is Scarecrow McBride!!!
MI: Oh my!!! He could win it, he and Manson carried DV through thier
Stable Title reign!!!
Ares: He's a bud of mine and under Steve's wing he'll be great, but,
the odds are stacked against him strongly!!!
MB: The man who drew #2 from Hell's kitchen in New York weighing in at
275 lbs. representing the BrotherhooD of Darkness, here is Carnage!!!
MI: And one half of the World Tag Team Champions!!!
Ares: I wonder who is out next!!!
MB: Teh man who drew #3 from McGehee Arkansas weighing in at 229 lbs.
representing Trent's Rave, here is Wolverine!!!
Ares: That punk?!? He turned on Hav and Drif, he's such a punkass!!!
MI: Yeah, but he is one of the top new talents in NEW brought in by
Easy Steve!!!
Ares: Yeah, but my man Hatchetman will kick his ass...
MB: The man who drew #4 from New York City weighing in at 250 lbs. here
is Tseng!!!
Ares: The Turks were destroyed at the hands of The Foundation, end of
story!!!
MI: Well...
MB: The man who drew #5 from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 285 lbs.
here is Sugar Ray James!!!
MI: I heard that Ray was homeless for a while there...
Ares: So?!? Serves him right... fat ass...
MI: Okay now!!!
MB: MB: And the man who drew #6 weighing in at 320 lbs. from Hawk
Mountain representing The Foundation, here is Hawk Manson!!! Two more
wrestlers will be added at one minute intervals... LET'S GET READY TO
RRRRR...
(bell rings)
MI: Get out of there Mike, DV just attacked Tseng and Wolvie is taking
on Sugar Ray James in the corner...
Ares: Hats off to my boys DV for joining The Foundation, Steve will
help further thier careers...
MI: DV just eliminated Tseng!!!
Ares: go DV!!! Now go get that punk Wolverine!!!
MI: Wolverine just eliminated Sugar Ray James!!! Oh no, Ray hit
hard... he may be hurt!!! And here comes Prophet and Enfuego!!!
Ares: Yeah!!! Come on EF and get Wolvie out of there right now!!!
MI: Carnage, Wolvie, and DV are going at it and Prophet and EF just
entered the ring!!!
Ares: EF just eliminated Prophet!!!
MI: That quick???
Ares: Well, he was on the apron and EF knocked him off...
MI: EF just eliminated Wolverine!!!
Ares: Yeah!!! Way to go EF!!! Worse luck next time Wolvie...
MI: My goodness... Carnage just eliminated Scarecrow McBride!!!
Ares: Oh man!!!
MI: And here come Drifter and Reno and right now, EF and Manson are
double teaming Carnage... Manson with a piledriver on Carnage!!!
Ares: Check out the Carnage in the ring!!!
MI: Drifter comes over to help Manson and EF eliminates Reno!!!
Ares: Go EF!!! Go EF!!! It's your birthday!!!
MI: You're just too much Ares... Drifter, Manson, and EF are teaming up
on Carnage... Carnage is in trouble!!!
Ares: He hasn't been around long enough, he hasn't made too many
friends yet...
MI: Manson eliminates Carnage and here comes Cold Blooded and
Hatchetman...
Ares: Alright!!! Here's my boy, Hatchetman!!!
MI: Drifter and Manson just eliminated EF!!!
Ares: AHHHHH SHIT!!! Drifter you asshole!!!
MI: And they go over and... Cold Blooded is out!!!
Ares: Come on Hatchetman, go for Drifter!!!
MI: Hatchetman delivers a Hatchetkick and... Drifter falls out of the
ring!!!
Ares: It's just Hatchetman and Manson!!!
MI: You're right!!! They are giving each other the staredown... AND
THEY ARE GOING AT IT!!!
Ares: Yeah!!! Go Hatchetman!!!
MI: Hatchetman delivers a strong clothesline to Manson.... hatchetman
is going for a Martial Arts kick combo and here comes Rufus and
Stonecold!!!
Ares: I just came to the ring with a chair, magazine and tea and got
rid of Rufus in a snap!!!
MI: At the first PPV???
Ares: Yup!!!
MI: Hatchet delivers a Hatchetkick to Manson and.... Manson falls out
of the ring!!!!!
Ares: Yeah!!!!
MI: Now Rufus is in and..... Hatchetman Hatchetkicks him right back out
of the ring!!!!
Ares: Oh Hell Yeah!!!
And Stonecold is in.... And he's out with the Hatchet kick too!!!!
Ares: Whoopass 4-life baby!!!
MI: Lovin it huh?!?
Ares: Oh hell yeah!!!
MI: Here comes 1-2-3 Kidman and Aireas...
Ares: Bring 'em all on!!!!
MI: Hatchet takes Kidman out with the Hatchetkick, but Aireas flattens
him with a German Suplex!!!!!
Ares: Damn!!!
MI: Aireas is pulling Hatchetman up and executes a Diamond cutter!!!
Ares: Oh, no!!!! That jobber can't get rid of Hatchetman!!!
MI: Aireas with a figure four on Hatchetman....
Ares: Oh shit!!!!
MI: Here comes Silencer and Renaissance Man!!!
Ares: And Aireas just got rid of Hatchetman!!! That loser must pay!!!!
MI: Ren Man just sneaked up behind Aireas and threw him out!!!!
Ares: good job Ren Man!!!
MI: And Silencer is gong at it with the Ren Man..... Ren Man with an
Artistic Impression!!!!!
Ares: I thought these guys were in Hwy 666 in another fed.....
MI: This isn't another fed though....
Ares: I thought Ren Man had Silencer, but Silencer now has Ren Man in a
Silencer Snapper!!!!
MI: Here comes Cold Steel and Rigomortus!!!
Ares: Ren Man is trying to reverse the Snapper, but Rigo is in and.....
he clotheslines Silencer off of Ren Man!!!! Is Rigo a monster???
MI: No, just a ring outfit.... he just eliminated Cold Steel too....
Ares: Oh my!!!
MI: And Rigo is working over Silencer while Ren Man pull himself to the
corner....
Ares: Ren Man is just pacing himself....
MI: Here comes JJ Hart and Jens Muller!!!!
Ares: Who?!?
MI: JJ Hart and...
Ares: No, who was the other guy???
MI: Jens Muller....
Ares: Ah, I wonder where he came from....
MI: Germany!!!
Ares: Ah!!!!
MI: Jens is in and JJ pulls him out of the ring to get in!!!!
Ares: JJ is going where the action is, but.... Silencer has him!!! Silencer throws JJ out of the ring!!!!!
MI: Oh my!!!! And..... ARTISTIC IMPRESSION ON RIGO!!!!! What's up with the booing?!?
***Highway to Hell plays***
Ares: That music..... don't tell me it is who I think it is.....
MI: It's Sauce!!!! Oh my god!!!!! Sauce is coming to the ring and he is being accompanied by
Boomer!!! Sentinel is right behind them....
Ares: Oh no..... Get rid of Sauce right now!!!!
MI: this is a very Anti-Hwy crowd and Sauce and Sentinel are in.....
Ares: Rigo eliminates Sentinel, but now he has to worry about Sauce...
MI: Silencer s shaking Sauce's hand..... Oh my!!!! And Rigo and Ren Man are facing off against
Sauce and Silencer!!!
Ares: Silencer, Sauce and Ren Man triple team Rigo!!!! Oh no!!!!
MI: The Three men are working on Rigo..... Rigo was thrown out by this awesome trio!!!!!
Ares: Oh no!!!!!
MI: the three of them are raising each other's hands..... but, Ren Man clotheslines Silencer!!!!!
Ares: Ren Man eliminates Silencer!!!!
MI: Just Sauce and Ren Man left in the ring.... and listen to this crowd!!!!
(the crowd is chanting, "Stunnin Steve!!!, Stunnin Steve!!!")
Ares: Come on Steve, where are you????
MI: Here he is!!!! And Rude is coming to!!!!
Ares: Steve has a chair!!!! Steve has come to save the day!!!! He's the man|!!!!
MI: Steve is in the ring and...... he hits Sauce with the Chair!!!! Sauce is down in the ring and boomer
is mad on the outside!!!!
Ares: Ren Man just eliminated Rude!!!
MI: Steve just hit Ren Man with the chair!!! Ren Man falls out of the ring!!!
Ares: Dammit Steve, why did you do that????
MI: Steve drops the chair..... he's helping Sauce up..... he's shaking his hand!!!!
Ares: God no Steve!!!! You're not.....
MI: Steve is raising sauce's arm, the fans are throwing crap at Sauce and Steve!!!!
Ares: Please no Steve!!!!
MI: Wait!!!! It's the Stunner on the chair!!!!! Sauce is out!!!!!!!
Ares: go Steve!!!!!
MI: The fans are going wild!!! boomer is on the ring apron and Steve Stunns him across teh top
rope!!!!
Ares: Go Steve!!!! You the man!!!!!
MI: Steve is on top of Sauc ena dhe's dribbling his head on the mat like a basketball!!!!
Ares: Go Steve!!!
MI: Here comes Grendel and Mr.69!!!!
Ares: Isn't grendel 24-0 in Battleroyals????
MI: Yup, and this is his favorite fed!!!!
Ares: Come on Grendel, help Steve!!!
MI: Grendel and 69 are in and 69 kicks Steve off of Sauce!!!!
Ares: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not him...... Sauce!!!
MI: Steve grabs 69 and throws him out of the ring!!!!
Ares: Yeah!!! go Steve!!!!
MI: Grendel is working over Sauce right now and Steve goes over to help Grendel....... double
powerbomb on Sauce!!!!!
Ares: Go Steve and Grendel!!!!
MI: And here comes Havoc and A-bomb Bill!!!!
Ares: Whoopass 4-life!!!! go get 'em Storm!!!!
MI: Havoc and Bill are approaching Steve and Grendel..... stunner on Havoc!!!!
Ares: Oh no!!!!
MI: Grendel powerbombs Bill!!!!
Ares: NO!!!!
MI: Steve eliminates Sauce!!!!
Ares: Go Steve!!!
MI: Wait a minute.... Sauce pulled Steve under the ropes..... Steve, Saucea dn Boomer are going at it
on the outside!!!!!
Ares: And Grendel eliminates Havoc!!!!
MI: You know what this means?????
ARes: Yeah!!! Steve v. Grendel!!!
MI: Steve slamms Boomer on the outside....
(bell rings)
MB: the winner of the 30-man battleroyal, and the top contender for the NEW World Heavyweight
Championship...... Grendel!!!!!!!!1
SS: What?????
MI: Wait!!! Steve wasn't out was he?????
Ares: Keep it going!!!!
MI: Steve is back in the ring..... he has the chair.....
Ares: Grendel is celebrating on the middle turnbuckle!!!!
MI: Steve hit Grendel with the chair..... grendel is out of the ring!!!!
Ares: Steve has the mic...... he has something to say!!!!
SS: Grendel, I am the real winner of the battleroyal..... and that's the bottom line!!!!
Ares: That's right!!!! You the man Steve!!!!
MI: You're too much..... for NEW, this is Mike Ixnay saying we'll see you on F 'N Fire and have a
good night everybody!!!!!
(end transmission)