Ever noticed how the real bitch in the carpool always has the guy who knows how to cook a souffle, who sends flowers, who is frequently heard to say, "You're so right, darling"?

What's wrong with this picture? She's not even nice.

Exactly. She's smart.

Smart women get the nice guys because they don't lower their standards for men -- or anyone else for that matter.

Smart women take the attitude that if this is the best you can do, they'll just go to the dance without an escort, the movie without a date, and the rest of their lives without the true companion constantly celebrated on FM radio.

A smart woman has figured out that her biological clock is not really ticking that loud, that her grandmother was still fertile well into her fifties, and, anyway, if she had wanted a rug rat, she would have had one by now.

Smart women have also worked out that all the media hype about not finding a husband when you're growing older is bullshit promulgated by male-owned media machines to make women desperate and compliant, to make sure that men will always have their pick of scared women to choose from and that they won't have to work any harder at being decent.

Smart women have learned that the important question is not "Will I ever get married?" but "Do I want to get married?" (Or "Why on earth would I want to get married?")

Smart women know that you can ALWAYS settle for less than what you really want. You can always get serious with a guy you're not really in love with or one who doesn't treat you exactly right. So there's no point in making any compromises today, or tomorrow either for that matter. There's always going to be time to do the wrong thing.

Smart women aren't lonely enough. They've noticed you get a lot done when you're on your own.

Smart women have often drawn the conclusion that sugar daddies aren't worth it. If you allow someone to buy you, he's going to think he owns you. (Imagine that.) Smart women know it's a hell of a lot easier to figure out what you're good at and make your own money than it is to entertain some tyrant. This frees you up to see a nice guy, whether he has money or not.

Smart women have also freed themselves from the psychological need to be dominated by their men.

Smart women like to feel powerful themselves, and appreciate men who can handle that.

Smart women have adopted a firm line with men that can best be summarized: "treat me right or take a picture of me." I have an architect friend who has an even better line. Whether it's a design not worth building or a relationship not worth any more investment, she growls, "NEXT!"

Smart women are over men who fear commitment, who can't control their hormonal urges, who grunt instead of making conversation, who aren't reasonably punctual, who won't spring for an occasional evening out on the town, who don't listen, who don't know how to be supportive of their smart women's dreams.

Smart women know that being a jerk doesn't make a guy exciting.

Smart women are excited by men who call everyday without being pushy, who do what they say, who know how to say "I love you" and, more importantly, how to act out that love in 100 ways that prove it. In other words, smart women are no longer attracted to the bad boys.

They've been out with all the bad boys. Yawn. Been there, etc.

Now they cultivate the bad boy in the nice boys they go out with, which is something COMPLETELY different.

Take it from a grateful, recovering nice woman: smart is better.