-Beth-
Silent tears struck down my face. Oh my God. This wasn't happening. It seemed as if hours passed before I thought anything. Those three little words brought me both great joy and complete devastation.
"You, um, you also said those words 3 years ago. How am I supposed to know if you mean it now?" I finally stuttered out.
"Goddammit, Beth!" he said. "You have NO idea how much it took for me to just say that! Sure, I'll be the first to admit that I was an ass, but - geeze, can't you forget it and live in the present? Man, I just said that I love you! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
I sniffed and let out a little cry. His voice softened.
"Don't cry. You know I hate it when you cry."
"Taylor, I, I…" I wanted to tell him that I loved him, too. I wanted to tell him so badly, but there was something inside of me telling me not to. Maybe it was the feelings that I have for Isaac. Maybe it was fear of being hurt again. "I have to go." I said.
"Beth, no, wait!" he begged.
"What?"
"I know you feel the same. Your eyes never lie."
"I don't care about my eyes telling the truth. It may be the truth, but I don't want it to be. I can't help the feelings that I have for you. Sometimes I want to love you, like I did before and other times I want to hate you for everything that you did to me. And I don't know which feeling is stronger!" I said, trying to control myself.
"Love is always stronger than hate. Always." Taylor said, sounding as tho he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me.
"But it's so much easier to hate you than it is to love you." I said.
"Then try."
"Try? How?"
"You'll have to kiss me. If you can truthfully look into my eyes and tell me that you feel nothing but hate, then I swear, I'll let this drop and never bother you again."
"But if I don't feel hate?" I asked, already knowing that I was going to have to chose choice B.
"That's for you to decide." He said.
"I'm coming over. I need to know this as soon as possibly can." I said, then hung up the phone, not waiting for him to respond. I pulled a jacket on over top of my t-shirt and then slid my feet into a pair of sandals.
"Mom, I'll be back. I'm going for a walk." I called before closing the door shut behind me. I hurried over to Taylor's place. I needed to do this. He was right because I had to find out once and for all. If I felt something, which I knew I would because I had loved him so much, then … well, I didn't know what would happen if I felt something. He said that it would be up to me as to what would happen.
Even though I had just moved back to Tulsa, I still knew how to get to Taylor's house. I could get there in the dark, from anywhere in town, in any direction with my eyes closed. I had been there so many times before that it was like a second home for me. I looked up at the street sign, just to make sure I was turning onto 78th Street. Yep, right on track.
"Beth, my feelings for you never changed or left." He said. My heart was stuck in my throat and I couldn't say anything. There was a small pause before he continued. "I love you."