Men Jokes, to brighten your day!
They are hilarious and oh-so-true! Akane sent it to me to post! If you have
any too add, just email one of us! Thanks a bunch!
MEN BASHING ONE-LINERS
Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
Q: How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
A: At the circus, the clowns don't talk.
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
Q: What food describes most men?
A: Jerky.
Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this
very moment for their call. Who are these women?
A: Women working at 900 numbers.
Q: How is a man like a used car?
A: Both are easy to get, cheap and unreliable.
Q: Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is
handsome, a good lover and a stimulation partner?
A: In the pages of a romance novel.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he is God's gift to women?
A: Exchange him.
Q: Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many
men?
A: No phone numbers.
Q: What's a man's idea of a perfect date?
A: A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
WHAT MEN ARE LIKE
1. Men are like department stores...their clothes should always be
half off.
2. Men are like vacations...they never seem to be long enough.
3. Men are like computers..hard to figure out and never have enough
memory.
4. Men are like collers...load them with beer and you can take them
anywhere.
5. Men are like chocolate bars...sweet, smooth and they usually head
right for your hips.
6. Men are like coffee...the best ones are rich, warm and can keep
you up all night long.
7. Men are like horoscopes...they always tell you what to do and are
usually wrong.
8. Men are like plungers...they spend most of tehir lives in a
hardware store or the bathroom.
9. Men are like cement...after getting laid, they take a long time to
get hard.
10. Men are like laxatives...they irritate the poop out of you.
11. Men are like parking spots...the good ones are taken and what's
left is handicapped.
More Men jokes!!! ^_^
WHAT DO MEN AND BEER BOTTLES HAVE IN COMMON
Both are empty from the neck up.
HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO REPLACE THE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER?
Nobody knows!! It's never been done.
WHY DID GOD GIVE MEN BIGGER BRAINS THAN A DOG?
So at the very least, they won't hump your leg at a cocktail party.
WHY DID GOD GIVE MEN MILLIONS OF SPERM AND WOMEN ONLY ONE EGG?
Because they won't stop and ask for directions either.
HOW DO YOU GET A MAN TO STOP BITING HIS NAILS?
Make him wear shoes
HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?
One! Men will screw anything
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND GOVERNMENT SAVINGS BONDS?
The bonds will eventually mature
WHAT IS THE MOST INSENSITIVE PART OF THE PENIS?
The man
WHAT'S A MAN'S DEFINITION OF SAFE SEX?
A padded headboard
WOMEN WHO WANT TO EQUAL MEN LACK AMBITION
WHY IS A MAN LIKE A NAPPY?
He's always on your ass and usually full of poop
A MAN WALKING ON THE BEACH PICKS UP A BOTTLE AND RUBS IT. POOF! OUT POPS A
GENIE WHO GRANTS HIM THREE WISHES. THE MAN THINKS FOR A SECOND AND SAYS:
"I WANT TO BE HARD ALL THE TIME AND HAVE ALL THE ASS I WANT" POOF! HE TURNED
INTO A TOILET SEAT.
WHY DO MEN HAVE SUCH BIG NOSTRILS?
Look at the size of their fingers.
WHY DO MEN PREFER SHOWERS TO BATHTUBS?
Peeing in the tub is disgusting.
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