LEGAL THEFT?

He strolled into the bank just the other day,
told a teller to fill the bag right away.
Then out the door on a quick run,
never had to have a gun.

Before he left, gave the camera a big smile,
just to show them all that he had style.
He just knew that he'd never get caught,
and he'd keep all the money that he got.

Finally the police showed at his door,
and he asked what they had come there for.
Reply was "some time in jail you have landed",
the bank video tape caught you red handed."

But that tape will not hold up in court,
I've got that from a unquestionable report.
Just leave now and throw that video away,
it's not valid, ask that ref from the NBA.

If they can award a title on an unwon game,
I can get away with something about the same.
No one did anything to that ref named Dick,
you calling me a criminal makes me so sick.

I can celebrate my victory just like Chicago can,
I mean after all, you know I am a Bulls fan.
Take down after take down on the court floor,
with no fouls called till they reached about four.

There is no way you're gonna haul me away,
not with the leeway criminals have today.
Your video tape is a controversial call,
the NBA says they prove nothing at all. 

 



MEMORIES

She has memories of days gone by, 
memories of when she didn't need to cry. 
Memories of being healthy, & sickness free, 
memories of times that she shared with me. 

Memories of a much more peaceful time, 
memories of days without this much crime. 
Memories of a love that was not lost, 
memories of what this love happened to cost. 

Memories of night, and also the day, 
memories of what she use to say. 
Memories of being free of cancer & of pain, 
memories of not being in financial strain. 

Memories of days filled with love, and/or hate, 
memories of other days that were just great. 
Memories only, life has all gone by, 
as in her memories she sits down to cry. 

HONEY DO    

The famous two words that dads love to hear,
but yet they seem to bring such fear.
It's honey do this,  and honey that too,
just a few backyard things for dad to do.

Till my garden space,  if you will,
we're about done with winter's chill.
Fix the seat on the baekyard swing,
hurry up now,  it's already spring.

Go to the nursery and buy these seeds,
here's a list of all my needs.
Oh, don't forget to mow the lawn,
you can do that right after dawn.

You should also clean up after our dog,
and please haul off that rotten log.
Oh, one more type of seed I wanted too,
I'd like to try growing some honey dew.



AND A CHILD CRIES

Somewhere a child cries everyday,
worldwide, & here in the USA.
Too often it happens in someone's life,
a man? beating up on his wife.
Dad, please stop a child cries,
hurting mom is not wise.

He says that is nothing, it's just lies,
and cares not that a child cries.
All the marks she tries to disguise,
in fear for mom's life, a child cries.
Dad, don't make mom black & blue,
she hasn't done anything to you.

And a child cries again today,
why did dad just run away?
Doesn't he know this is a sin,
guess not,  he'll do it again.
Bruises all over including her face,
and a child cries,  I'm out of place.

While mom is baking apple pies,
even then, her child cries.
Did I do wrong mom, did I fail,
why did they take dad off to jail?
Why did he tell them all those lies?,
life goes on, and a child cries.



BARNYARD SHUFFLE

Yep, that old dance is still around,
it's done as you walk on farm ground.
Watch where you step, and step real high,
or you'll tromp right in that fresh cow pie.

But that's exactly what started this dance,
don't fall or you'll have it on your pants.
Tiptoe through the droppings left by the cattle,
prepare for the dance and this old battle.

Shake your legs hard to clean off your boots,
as you mutter something about them old coots.
While you're shaking your leg around in the air,
don't slip and fall on your derriere
.
If that happens while you're doing this shuffle,
the clean up job will be a real struggle.
So be extra careful around the bull pucky,
and hope that you end up being lucky.
Just make sure you don't fall on your face,
for cow pie there, would be out of place.


SOOPER DOOPER POOPER SCOOPER

I saw a man behind a pickup shoveling manure,
driving by it smelled like a pungent sewer.
He told me putting up with the smell wasn't too hard,
just put a clothes pin on your nose, as you do your yard.

I don't know for sure if that is true,
everyone passing by was saying peeyew!
He shoveled real fast, and spread it thick,
so he could get out the area quick.

I've never seen anyone who could shovel that fast,
the pickup was unloaded before I got past.
It was obvious at being a pooper scooper,
this guy was really a sooper dooper.

THE TREE

I didn’t see that girl till she saw me, 
as I rode by she was hiding in the tree. 
She had climbed up there so very high, 
and I couldn’t see her as I went by. 
 
After I found out she was hiding there, 
I decided maybe some time we could share. 
One night she was at my brother’s place, 
I tried to avoid looking at her face. 
 
I really didn’t know just what to say, 
but I believe it went something like this way. 
I asked her what she said her name was once, 
she said I didn’t,  man,  I felt like a dunce. 
 
Then finally she told me Judy was her name, 
I tried being clever, but what a shame. 
Then eventually I asked her for a date, 
she said ok, but I can’t come home late. 
 
No problem I said, my timing is down to a fine art, 
when you have to be home, I’ll do my part. 
I guess while she was high up in that tree, 
she was thinking that man’s for me. 
She first thought I looked like forty years old, 
at least that was what I was told. 
 
I used to rev up my motorcycle as I drove by at night, 
then found out her dad was ready to fight. 
So I started killing the engine way up the block, 
and pushed it by at a very quiet walk. 
 
I didn’t want to make her or her dad mad, 
because any chance we knew would be had. 
So I walked by as quietly as I could go, 
until I finally married that girl called “Jo.” 


CLEAN YOUR ROOM 
 
Go down the hall and get a broom, 
I said it’s time to clean your room. 
There’s too much trash on the floor, 
and a whole lot more behind the door. 
 
And who taught you how to make your bed?, 
now make it right, just like I said. 
Clean your room, make it shine, 
just like I always do with mine. 
 
Make your bed nice and neat, 
yes you have to use a sheet. 
Your closet is a total mess, 
I didn’t expect anything less. 
 
Hang up your clothes where they belong, 
why must you do everything wrong” 
Pick your clothes up off the floor, 
or I won’t wash them anymore. 
 
Your hats don’t belong on the bed, 
put them away when they’re not on your head. 
If you must have posters on the wall, 
use tacks on them so they don’t fall. 
 
Clean the fingerprints off the door, 
and the scuff marks on the floor. 
Keep the door closed so the cat stays out, 
she doesn’t know what a litter box is about. 
Then when you have your room all done, 
you can go out and have some fun. 

I BELIEVE IN YOU

When you were a newborn, I said I believed in you,
then wondered why you couldn't sleep the night through.
Before I knew it you were two years old,
and you wouldn't do what you were told.

That didn't matter though, I still believed in you,
for that very long trying year while you were two.
Then came the difficult ages of three, four, and five,
but I'll still believe in you while I'm alive.

It seemed at six years old, and also seven,
that perhaps you really were a gift from heaven.
That was a smoke screen, because at eight and nine,
I had to eat all of those words of mine.

From ten years old, until you were thirteen,
you were the most ornery kid I've ever seen.
From fourteen to sixteen didn't seem so bad,
I believed in you just like I always had.
From then through eighteen, you were great,
perhaps because you always had a date.

I believed in you and have since you arrived,
now you're married and gone and I still survived.
Come back and visit anytime you want to,
I'm so proud, and always, I believe in you.

WRITE AWAY

What can I do?, I've locked up my computer,
the toilet's plugged, call motor-rooter.
Tell them hurry, my manuscript is due today,
why did they say to tell me "write away?"

I'm already doing that, I'm trying to type,
now it smells like the bathroom's ripe.
I hope they fix the toilet quick,
and why did my computer have to get sick?

I've got 4 more hours to get this all done,
and I thought that writing was supposed to be fun.
I see the work crew, they're here at last,
oh no, they just drove right on past.

Here's my keys, catch them with my car,
and let them know just where we are.
They wouldn't have passed, if they'd followed their nose,
nothing in this house smells like any rose.

I finally got through to the computer technician,
his machine said that he had went fishin'.
I called another one up and he said, "write away,"
how does everyone know what I'm doing today?

If I hear those two words one more time,
when they get done they won't get a dime.
Well everything's fine now, and they've got their pay,
I'll beat my deadline if I mail this "right away."


MUEL FUEL

When I realized it was time to plow my field,
to see how much this year's crop would yield.
I went to the corral to get my horse,
and found that he couldn't work of course.

It seems that he had pulled up lame,
but I had to plow, just the same.
So I figured my mule would pull that plow,
but he acted like he didn't know how.

I told him, "you'll get no fuel, not one strand of hay,"
but he didn't even so much as bray.
Then my wife yelled, "mule, get off your rear,
or you'll never see a female here."
That mule jumped up in front of the plow,
he couldn't wait to dig a furrow now.


I'M NOT OLD

I may look it, but I'm not old,
pay attention to what you're told.
My feet may not move so quick,
and I might use a walking stick.

But I'm not old, that's what I say,
I still make it from day to day.
Don't use my wrinkles as a gauge,
to determine that I'm in old age.

Those wrinkles are nothing but fallen smiles,
and I'm still good for many miles.
A spring chicken I may not be,
but I'm still going as you can see.

It's not an old person in your view,
I'm just not quite as young as you.
No, I'm not old yet, you must agree.
no matter what you think you see.


I BELIEVE IN ANGELS

I believe in angels, but do you,
do you think that all the stories are true?"
Are there really angels up above,
who watch over us all with love?

They watch over us and guide our path,
so we don't stumble, they are our staff.
They aware of our every deed,
including the kind of stuff we read.

They are there in times of our every need,
they always follow our God's lead.
Whether you're an adult, or a child,
their compassion after Christ was styled.

To attend to you both night and day,
that is why they were sent our way.
They keep us safe, and bring us cheer,
and help us get through every year.

God sends us angels every day,
to protect us during our earthly stay.
Yes I believe in angels, that it's true,
I've seen the one who's watching you.


THE BIG 5-0

When you turn 50, does life turn into bull-pucky,
or is just because that you're so unlucky?
Do you feel like your body's falling apart,
and you just can't get your motor to start?

Do you feel all of the sudden that you're all alone,
with every move you make, do you moan and groan?
Did your get up not get up with you this morning,
or is your body just trying to give you warning?

You've hit 50 now, the point of your biggest fears,
and you probably think that you've stripped your gears.
Who knows what will happen after you turn 50,
maybe life no longer will be so nifty.
But it's all a matter of what you think,
but make sure you increase your calcium and zinc.


"DIRNK", WHAT DOES THAT MEAN"?

A convenience store sign read "hoagie and 'dirnk' too,
I just wonder if that might be good for you.
I've never heard of a "dirnk", what does it mean,
is it animal, vegetable, or in between?

There probably isn't anyone who would know,
but it might be fun to try one though.
If you would like to try one as you dine,
hurry before they get to change their sign.
If this turns out to be their best seller yet,
they'll really advertise it, that's a sure bet.


CAMPING FUN?

I remember going camping with my dad,
and all of the fun? that we had.
When I was old enough, my dad told me,
go pitch our tent by that old tree.

I told him I couldn't put up the tent,
it's plain to see the poles are bent.
No problem, he told me, here's what you do,
gather some tree limbs, quite a few.

OK, I said, I'll give it a try,
I was way too old to sit and cry.
But putting up a tent with crooked poles,
what's more, it's all full of holes.

Yes, camping with dad was lots of fun,
but I was so glad when the trip was done.
Now I take my son with me when I go,
and one more thing that you should know.

I own that tent with the crooked poles,
and yes it's still all full of holes.
My son told me I should get another one,
but I won't, because he is HAVING FUN.


THE CANDLE STILL BURNS

Still burning for your return is my candle,
with a desire to reunite that I can't handle.
Since we have been parted, my heart just aches,
I don't want to hear about life and its breaks.

All I know is that my candle won't go out,
you can be sure of that, and never doubt.
If you feel the same, and for me you yearn,
I hope that your candle will always burn.

The candle's still burning, won't you rush back?,
when we are apart, there's something that we lack.
This gap can't be filled without your return,
until then, the candle will continue to burn.

Through the darkest of times, it gives its' light,
glowing so brightly, all through the night.
This candle will burn till you're safely home,
and I am assured that you'll never again roam.

No more distant places, or far away land,
where we can't hold each other's hand.
Yes, the candle still burns for your return,
and that is something the world should learn.

THE DENTIST

My mom told me I had to go to the dentist,
she should have known I would resist.
She said, "he's still going to work on that tooth,
and that my dear is the honest truth."

That dentist is supposed to have a gentle touch,
and it's not going to hurt, at least not much.
So why does it seem like he's drilling for oil,
and the inside of my mouth is starting to boil?

There's smoke coming out, is it fire I sense?,
to which he replies, "no, and please rinse."
I would love to, but my lip's on the floor.
he's almost done, just a little bit more.

The drilling's finished, now he's filling the hole,
is inflicting the utmost pain his goal?
If that's his pleasure, or his sick need,
I won't let him know that he did succeed.

There's no way that I'll ever go back,
if she tries to force me, I will attack.
My mouth is so sore, and man did it bleed,
and that was something I sure didn't need.

I attempted to drink a glass full of water,
it spilled down the front of me, why did I bother?
Now I know that I will not even try to eat,
until once again, that both of my lips meet.


WE'RE HUMAN TOO

Although we're not as big as you,
please remember that we're human too.
Please don't treat us mean and cruel,
and make that your number one rule.

To raise us right, you must be strong,
but you don't have to treat us wrong.
When we do things wrong, or make a goof,
don't let your temper blow off the roof.

If we upset you, tell us that's enough,
don't make it an excuse to treat us rough.
We're too fragile to be bouncing off the walls,
or to be thrown around within the halls.

Show us your love, and your care,
let us know for us you're there.
All we ask is fairness, day and night,
and you'll find out we'll turn out right.
We must all help to erase child abuse,
something for which the world has no use.











    

        

        
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