August 28th: Commercial Teasers: Dont you hate it when you're watching tv, and a long break comes back, so they show a small part of what you're watching, then cut back to more commercials. WHAT IS WITH THAT? Damnit, i dont need to see what it is im watching, just to go back to more commercials. comedy central is really bad about that. They have some of the longest breaks ive ever seen, though MTV i think is the king. show 2 videos about 3 minutes each, then go to a 5 minute break. thats why they play about 4 vidoes an hour, then go to their latest crappy show they try to play to have 'variety'. Speaking of, i have noticed more rock on vh1 recently than mtv. i think they are trying to slowly progress into ANOTHER all rap video channel. I mean, they get rid of alternative nation, yet the "MTV Jams" countdown is on at least 3 times a day. I mean, damnit, i can remember the last alternative video countdown. it had bush guest hosting it after 16stone came out. August 27th: Spiders: Pro and Con. Pro: none. so, they 'eat bugs', but they are bugs themselves. and, i can take flies or other things, so what good are they doing anyways? Yes, just so i tell you before kelthang or silver, I do have arachnaphobia. I hate spiders. I just, well, dont want to deal with them. While im on the topic of spiders, one has moved in at the balcony. My four attempts to kill it have failed. Its hard to kill a spider in the middle of his web, sly bastard. It also is able to sneak away all the time. ARGH! I went out on the balcony a few nights back, and this locust in the middle of shedding its shell hopped up at me. I dont know about you, but i had never seen a locust before, and they are rather freaky looking. They are these big, things. And they suck. I was able to do away with him, though, MUWAHAHHAHA. I shall reclaim my balcony though! I WILL! August 26th: Best Buy! We went to best buy to buy kelthang's new computer. First off, i hate the fact that when you go to play the game samples, they put them in the most uncomfortable places. You cant sit down, and theres no chairs. So, you cant play more than 10 minutes without trying to become more comfortable, and failing. Miserably. Next, dont you love those hidden prices? Things that look like they are $40, but when you go to but it, it turns out to be $150? Or the game prices that are NEVER correct? You look around to make sure, it says $40, but its always at least $10 more when you take it there. Plus, it seems like everything I ever get from best buy has SOMETHING wrong with it. Its like they buy all the second rate merchandise they can get their hands on, and sell it for.. well... a lot more than its worth. But.. the worst part it.. where is the competition? Circuit City is reliable, but costs a LOT more. Its like you are screwed no matter what you do. August 25th: The movies! Well, Kelthang and I went to go see Godzilla yesterday. The plus was it was only 50 cents to see. But... lets take a look at the downside. Well, besides the fact that the theatre's legroom was about as much of a geo metro, we were sitting near this guy who feels like yelling at the movie would actually.. well, DO something. He was some sort of strange Rupaulish person and kept talking/laughing louder than Eol ever dreamed. Its really kind of frusterating when trying to watch a movie and at all the wrong places some strange person explodes into laughter. I dont think im doing a very good job of explaining this, but hell, im sure you have been in similar situations. August 24th: Have you ever noticed how hard having something burnt on the bottom of a pan is hard to get rid of? Like a month ago I had this macaroni that I wanted to make. Well, since I didnt have anything to go on it, i thought 'hey, ill use some of this frozen cheese silver gave me'. Well, after cheese has been frozen for a long time, it starts to...... not be good. At all. So, i was melting this cheese in the pot with the macaroni, and well, i guess some of it burned onto the bottom. Well, it is STILL THERE. i scrub like crazy and it DOES NOT GO AWAY. Not only the fact that the cheese was really gross and I couldnt even eat half of the macaroni because it was like eating tainted rust or something. So, back to the point, lets recap. Frozen cheese sucks. Burned cheese sucks. Frozen cheese burned cheese macaroni sucks even worse. August 23rd: The MTV Music Video Awards. Get ready, because this may take me awhile to rant. Though my interest in MTV has declined rapidly in recent years, the video awards was always a time to sit down and see what videos were actually good. 2 years ago, Tonight, Tonight won best video of the year. Last year Jamiroquai and "that song" won best video. Both of these videos are great examples of ***CREATIVITY***. Something different than the norm. Well, when i saw the nominees for this year, i almost died. Lets take them one by one. The Verve - Bittersweet symphony. Ok, i like the song well enough, and the video made me chuckle. Its about a guy walking down the street and not caring if he ran over anyone in his way. Ok, on first watching its entertaining. But, its not something that I couldnt see any day on a city street. It is just NOT what I think of when i think of a best video of the year. its what i think of as 'hey, look, its that video. thats on. again'. Will Smith - Gettin Jiggy Wit It. Hmm. Well, ill say right out: I am not a fan of current rap music, but i liked the fresh prince and I was kind of disappointed with will smith's adapting to what everyone else likes. Very disappointed. And this video is exactly what i mean. A bunch of people dancing in outfits. NOTHING ELSE IS GOING ON. Its like going to a club. But, its on mtv! If this wins video of the year, i will scream. Puff Daddy - Its all about the benjamins. Well, I actually started to like this song, the rock remix. But the video was nothing special. at all. they are at a prom, and start singing and everyone gets into it and they party in puffy's bus. YAAY. This awards show is such bullshit, seriously. Madonna - Ray of Light. The only video that has even a bit of creativity, it shows a bunch of flash photography so that everything goes really fast. Its been done, many times. Its the only video im not really pissed off about, but even as such, its nothing extremely original or special. Its kind of one of those things you say 'that was kind of cool' at, and after that you dont give a rats ass. Well, MTV, bring exactly what the masses want. Distill creativity and give out boringness. August 22nd: Dogs. Well, Poodles really. As some of you know, firsthand, my parents have a small poodle for a pet. Well, for those of you who dont know, let me tell you a few things about poodles. They are definately in the top 2 rank of most annoying by far dogs. Car drives by, barkbarkbark. People walk by, barkbarkbark. Nobody walks by, but dog thinks he hears something. Barkbarkbark. The "SHUT UP" doesnt work too well either. Its quite annoying to try to sleep during the day, because those god damned high pitched yaps break through all sorts of barriers and get inside your head. They also dont seem to understand the fact that, tiny dog + big dog = big dog, no tiny dog. And the things are NASTY. You try to pet one or pick it up, SNARLBITEHURT. It sucks man, i mean, i live with the damned thing for likr 5 years, and it still bites me when i try to pet it. And then, theres the flip side. The "big" poodles. Im sorry, but who in their right mind would own one of those things? The whole point of having a poodle is to have a small annoying dog. Not a big annoying dog. You want a big dog, get a labrador. This is like having 3 foot long chihuahua's. ITS JUST WRONG! While we're on the subject, a cat peed in Silver's laundry. Heheheh August 21st: Breakfast Cereal. Have you ever noticed how all breakfast cereals nowadays are ripsoffs or spinoffs of others? Theres super bran cherios and salty toast crunch. Then you have those generic bags of "Fruit Rings" at wal mart: the evil empire. Where are the classics? Boo Berry, Tutti Fruity Mummy, Count Chocula? They come around occasionally at halloween, but other than that, its candy bar cereals for us. I mean, when was the last time Cookie Crisp tasted like cookies? It tastes like Kix with little black dots on it. And oreo cereal?!?!? Oreos are cookies, and sort of annoying yet once eaten semi addicting cookies. Personally, i can never say i am in the 'mood for an oreo'. Its more of a last resort cookie. Anyways, i even miss Ghostbusters: the cereal. It was better than the Last Action Hero cereal pack. By far. August 20th: Pretzels.. we get these pretzels from wal mart for snacks, there is quite a bit for only $1, but the problem with it is, no matter how carefully you open the bag, there is ALWAYS a rip in it. and the rip follows the pretzels down and down, spilling them out, and making it so you have to be EXTREMELY careful with them. This is *REALLY* annoying because it makes good beer and pretzel fun into an all star contest to try to avoid ruining the bag before its empty. On a related subject, i might as well start with bags of potato chips. Im sure you've noticed, that no matter how hard you check, you will only get 25% of the bag full of chips? I mean, the excuse is 'well, this way you have non broken chips'. Well, damnit, ill pay for shattered chips if they give me 4 times as much. Ruffled chips it isnt as bad, but the thin chips you really get ripped off. Im sure the guy that packs the bags is constantly threatened to put just enough chips in each bag that people are still a bit hungry after finishing it and therefore must open another bag. Its one of those strange, evil conglomerate activities, and for that we must tear down the Frito-Lay company, and create full bags of chips for the world! Or, at least they could avoid charging $3 for each 25% full bag. Even the generic $2 bags are kind of a ripoff. August 19th: Comedy Central's non south park programming. The Daily Show is quite funny, actually, but im really sick of a lot of the self advertisements Comedy Central does. If you ever sit and watch a movie, you will see what the next south park episode is at least 6 times, and have Craig Kilborn give you a Daily Show newsbreak about 5. I mean, this is the kind of crap that makes that black psychic network lady so much more inviting. Or the 'are you embarassed to go barefoot? Well, no longer!" commercials. I always wondered how they got airtime. And now i know. Comedy Central. August 18th: Gommel. You know, it seriously kind of pisses me off that this "big fan" of my web page starts trying to boycot it now. Like im some sort of 'sellout'. Personally, i dont think that adding a bunch of images to my page makes it worse, i think it makes it a HELL of a lot better. I dont know how many of you have seen the tripod editor, but its a load of crap. And, to make a page like this that was as successful as it was, was damned hard work. If you want to compete, Gommel, make your own god damned web page. But my 'conglomerate of evil' will continue chipping away at the world, if you dont mind. Me and my 'graphics' are going to get bigger. and better. and take your lousy canadian modem hours to load. so, as i havent said in a very long time, lick a sponge you dirty whore. August 17th: Everything is good and happy. Popups are gone. Counter fixed. Page got its makeover. So, what to bitch about? Hmm. this is a tough one. You know what? Today has been such a good day, this is the one and only "non complaint of the day". Flowers are beautiful. Butterflies are out and kids are prancing about, and little elves are shining my shoes and 10 foot tall flowers are singing to me about happiness. This is just a great, great day. Except for jason, who worked a 16 hour shift and is going back 7 hours later. He might have some reasons to bitch. but.. well... back to the flowers and fun! August 16th: Ever notice how with color printers, they never seem to be able to print the color or words you want the most? I printed out some NFL team schedules, and everything came out, the dates, the times, except the TEAMS they play. They arent any good without knowing who they play!!! I mean, you pay all this money for this super neat fancy laser printer that isnt worth a damned thing if it cant print the right colors. And on those last minute homework assignments? HAHAH, no way. Anything in color you want will either not be there, or will be in a sickly, barely noticable yellow color. August 15th: Speed bumps. Have you ever noticed how they are always put in the worst places to have them? And, why do you have four of them in a row? Shouldnt one of them suffice? In a residential area, with cars and trucks all around, i doubt that anyone is going to be pushing 50mph (or AER milowakers per minute for you and your weird metrix system people) in the area, so why do you have to make it a pain in the ass to get out to the main street where people take the blind corners at 70mph anyways? I mean, do they just want to make sure you like 10 seconds more? August 14th: MY COUNTER!!!!!!! Have you noticed how my counter doesnt list a number any more? Well, if any of you can mail tripod and get it fixed, ill give you a page devout to you and you alone. We can use it to replace the gommel page. I mean, I cant even tell how many hits ive gotten, i could be at 25,000 by now for all i know. Ironic, though, how the less interested i was in updating my page, the more popular it has become. Maybe its because im not spoonfeeding you anymore! MUWAHAHAA. Well, Im going to try harder to at least get the weekly ones done by monday. But thats right... FIX THAT COUNTER! And try to maintain the current hits on it, or at least mail tripod to try to find them out. If i get a new counter, we go to ground zero. And that just sucks. August 13th: Saturday Night Television. Alright, if you are the kind of night person like me, you probably notice that after 3am, tv SUCKS. All the channels that have entertaining stuff go to golf or food processor infomercials. Ever notice how no matter what informercial you are watching, it has that damned blonde chick in all of them? I guess test audiences found her to be 'peppy'. Well, whenever there is a commercial break. You know whats on? Phone sex and psychic commercials. And its not some neat variety like a hickory farms basket, but its the same damned one with that black lady and her friends who are shocking and amazing you. The psychic friends network went bankrupt, when will the rest of them??? I miss the good old wholesome commercial breaks about hurricane videos. BRING THEM BACK! August 12th: Dont you hate it when you go to an amusement park, and some punk 15 year old kid has a candycane striped stick, and they act like they have this huge authority over you? I remember this one guy, we like to call "TC" or, too cool for us, had one of those red blinkie things he used to shine on his team partner guy. They were our ride ambassadors. I would feel safer if 'old drunkass jimmy ranlo were behind the machine drinking his whiskey and muttering about needing high school chicks. I mean, compared to this smartass kid who still thinks shining a red dot on someone is "cool". Cool enough to do all day. The guy also was like 'behave or ill kick you out of the park'. Like that guy would have the balls to do a damned thing. I wish that the high school kids they hired would only sell food. Its much more demeaning. August 11th: EVIL COMPUTER BEEP PHONE CALL! For the last..say week or so, we keep getting this "Out of Area" phone call. Like, maybe twice an hour or so. So, its kind of hard to sleep. And when you answer, all it does is beep. Like a pager or something. Ive tried talking to the beep, but the beep doesnt respond too well. When you try swearing at the beep, it just beeps right back. And when you hang up on the beep, it calls back right after you finally drift back to sleep. The moral to this story? Im giving away a "super bonus mystery prize" to whoever finds the source of this beep. And slaughters them. Not some nice clean kill, but the painful kind that will leave the FBI baffled for decades. August 10th: Have you ever been talking to someone, and after you make your point, they keep looking at you like you left something out? I never know what to do then. Do you just repeat yourself? Or stamp your fist on your leg to impound the point into their head? Typically i just kind of nod at them until they understand that im done talking. But its really an uncomfortable time for me. Thanks for joining me and my sharing with you. August 9th: Kelthang's drinking problem. Kelthang has a very serious drinking problem. Whenever im just chilling out, he is always dragging me to the liquor store, and trying to get me drunk. The guy just doesnt stop! He tries to pass it off as if its all "my" fault. "I never used to drink before you came". But we all remember his little adventures to wal mart where he would buy computer hunting games. I mean, who in their right mind would buy a computerized deer hunting game, thats really really lame, from wal mart? Only a drunk kelthang. So, next time you see him, urge kelthang to kick his drinking problem, and to give it all to rathmar so he doesnt get fired from his job. Because that would suck. and we dont want that. August 8th: I was calling to order chinese the other day. And I really like chinese food, but for some reason, why do they always have the person answering the phone barely be able to speak english? I mean, its hard enough trying to figure out what you want to order, but when the person you are talking to turns 'what is the dinner special' into 'orn eio eihrn tynmly' you start to get a little frusterated. I mean, they have some american guy sweeping the floor, why cant he answer the phones? im not trying to be racist, but when you are in the middle of kansas, where the percentage of people who speak understandable english is everyone except for the person answering the phone at the restaurant...???? God damnit, i want my Sesame Chicken! August 7th: Radio Commercials. Have you ever sat there, and suddenly the radio starts playing those really lameass commercials with a couple annoying people start talking back and forth about something stupid like 'norrel telecenters'. Theres a local commercial where two "hicks" named Lem and Clem rattle back and forth using a bunch of hick cliche's talking about how they work for Sprint. It really makes me want to start kicking over stuff, after they play the SAME commercial for the forth break in an hour. I mean, how often do you have to hear a couple of people's annoying voices prattling along? I could watch the god channel if i wanted that. August 6th: Those cheesy movie commercials after the movie has been out for a few weeks. Like i want to see a bunch of people dancing and singing in the mall who got paid $20 to say that "Something about Mary" is the best movie, and you need to see it a few more times. I mean, do YOU want to see a movie because a bunch of people dance around singing fast food. It gets really bad when its all a bunch of those romantic comedies, and they take some song that was a minor hit a dozen years ago, and make it have a "two month revival" when everyone starts singing it like a musical. If i wanted to watch a bunch of boringass people singing lame songs, id rent "newsies". I mean, have you ever seen "Newsies" rented at a video store? i think not. August 5th: Malls. Why in the hell do all malls have to overcharge at the food court? I mean, its not like amusement parks where a 16oz pepsi is 2.25 (actually, its c***-c***. Pepsi would never charge that much. maybe i should refer to it as a '16 oz cola'. Well, i went and the chinese place FINALLY had sesame chicken. $4 per 'special plate'. so, i get it, and after waiting 10 minutes and refusing to buy a drink at least 5 times, i got my meal. And let me say, i got a bigger plate at a college campus chinese place for half the price. ????? It really pissed me off, if i am going to shell out almost $5 for a meal, i better be getting enough to fill me up. For the same price, i could have had better sesame chicken all you can eat at this place in Lawrence. Bastards. August 4th: Nervous skinnydippers. Ok, so as usually im sitting out on the balcony chilling, reading my book. Its like 2 or 3 am or something. These two girls start giggling and climb the little fence around the pool. So, i sit there and read, and next thing i know, they are sitting there in the middle of the pool naked, giggling, and well, not really doing a damn thing but standing there. So, i go inside and get a beer and come back out to read, and all of a sudden they get all nervous. Well, if you are going to skinnydip in a public pool, in the middle of an apartment complex, with a guy who was sitting on the balcony with the light on already, you should expect to have SOMEONE there. Hell, i wasnt even staring or with binoculars or vid camera, i just wanted to read my damn book. So they wait a minute, decide im not leaving and get out, put clothes on, and leave, giving me dirty looks (or at least i think they were, my eyes arent that great anymore). So, what the hell is up with that? I was there first. I mean, its not like you were up to any hardcore pornography or anything. Hell, i dont know what the hell they were up to. Hmm. Maybe next time i will use a vid camera, and sell the footage to lonely mudders for 59.95. "Rathmar's Too Hot for Chicks" August 3rd: Kelthang SirClapsalot. Well, Kelthang has his weird affixiation with clapping. It bugs the shit out of me after my mexican neighbors at college used to clap along to soccor games at all hours of the day, but to have this roommate of mine do it simply to piss me off? I mean, it will be like 2am, the lights are off, and im half asleep, and he will walk in and clap twice, really loud. We were watching a movie, and he claps twice again, and in the corner of my eye i can see him just looking at me with a silly grin on his face. So i give him an annoyed look and he busts up laughing. First off, i dont know why the hell people take enjoyment out of being annoying. Unless your name is Gilbert Godfried. I say 'damnit, why do you do that'. And he says its a "bad habit" and he cant help it. What the hell is up with that? I mean, you dont 'out of habit' clap loudly then sit there and wait for your friend to bitch at you. I dont get it why people always love to piss me off. Because i dont get that jokingly "hey, ha, you got me you son of a gun" mad, but it really pisses me off. Go to hell, i can tell you are wanting to clap at me right now you bastards. August 2nd: Post Parental Visit. Well, my parents came and went. And actually, things werent as bad as i hoped. Free meal at outback! (A-OK in my book) and i got this weird pager thing that told me when it was time to get a seat. cool, no? Well, as always, we had a 'trainee' waitress. And this manager guy sits down in the booth next to me, and gives us this 10 minute speech about how she is a waitress and needs training and that the shrimp is good today. Now, goddamnit. When I go to the outback, if some managerial person sits down in the booth with me, it better me some near supermodel chick, not some balding fat guy in his 40's. I dont need dom delouise telling me to get babyback ribs. August 1st: Parental Visit. Yes, the time is about to come where my parents are dropping by to visit me at my new home in Kansas. Well, new residence. Im hoping I can make the couch look as comfortable as possible. Perhaps I can look pathetic enough to get some sort of handout. At least I get a free meal out of it. I just hope my parents dont think this is some sort of strange homosexual situation. I mean, me running off to live in Kansas with a guy I know from a computer game.. sounds a little suspicious :P. Hopefully my parents arent that stupid though. But, the problem is flushing the smell of alcohol and silver's cigarettes out, and making it look like some sort of honor student's college dorm. Like the kind of room Fitz is going to have when he gets to college. Minus the assraping music posters. July 31st: NFL Exhibition Games. I was watching the KC Chiefs and Green Bay Packers play each other, and before the end of the first quarter, the starters were being pulled. God damnit, for such a good game potential, I dont want to watch a bunch of CFL candidates dancing around playing slop ball. I would think that the 5th string guys playing for a prayer at staying on the team would bust their ass, but it was like watching the World Football League. Go Barcelona Dragons! July 30th: The Kansas City Royals. Can you name someone on the royals? I sure as hell cant. And they are ALL over the sports news here, why i dont understand. I cant wait until the chiefs are all over the news, since they can actually play their sport. I bet the chiefs could beat the royals at baseball. The royals are kind of like watching those games where the 'underdog' high school plays the state champs, and gets the piss beat out of them. every game. And yet, the papers and news rave about how they broke their 11 game losing streak or whatever. *sigh* I just dont get it. Maybe I am the only one who thinks the royals make the Brewers look like a great franchise. July 29th: instant oatmeal. Ever notice when you are making instant oatmeal, that you can NEVER EVER EVER get the right ammount of water needed? Its either too much, and you get this puddle with a little bit of oats in the middle, or not enough and you get this dry, sort of dirt like substance to slowly digest. Or maybe its just that instant oatmeal plain sucks. Especially when your friend gives you a box of it, and all the cinnamon and apple ones are gone, and you get 'raisin' and 'original'. I dont know when the last time you had 'original' was, but it would be like cooking a potato to eat without anything on it. No, it would be worse. July 28th: VCR McCrunchems. Yes, its a plague that curses us all, but mostly curses this house right now. Not only does Kelthang's VCR play evil, eating games to all the tapes played on it, where you have to sit, turn the vcr off, blow inside, put it in, and pray that it works, over and over, but now my VCR is starting to act up again. If you use the vcr rewinder, it makes these funny noises and well, funny noises are BAD when combined with VCR's. Especially when it sounds all like churning and you think you can smell burnt plastic and rubber. Bad. Very bad. July 27th: The Kansas City Gods: It seems like a rule, whenever me or Silver want to go to Kansas City... the gods interveine and make the weather horrible and try to deter us. It doesnt work, but in my life I have yet to see a not miserable kansas city. It goes so far to rain, knock out power, force us to not eat at ponderosa, and even to rain out dog racing!!! DAMN YOU KANSAS CITY GODS, I SHALL PREVAIL! July 26th: I cant believe this! They 'wouldnt let me write any more text'. Well, I wanted to start breaking them up anyways, but to make them FORCE me to do it really bursts my onion seeds. You know? Well.. anyways... back to griping. We went to this taco bell drive through tonight. Which is cool and all, but first off those damned speakers.... yes, we've all heard it. seen the pepsi commercial. But still man, this was even worse. At the window, they had this.. contraption. It was like exchanging money, only worse. You had to put the money in this big weird thing, it took it into the people, and then they (after a long delay) put your food in it, and it comes out all... i dont know. the whole thing just bothered me. Maybe a drive thru person got shot.. sucking. I dont know. But that kind of crap annoys me. Why should a taco bell have more security than a bank teller? Oh well..