Sung by Peter Sellers and some beer drinking, chain smoking muppets on
The Muppet Show

                "Cigarettes and Whiskey"

(spoken)
A preachment, dear friends, you're about to receive,
on John Barleycorn, nicotine, and the temptations of Eve.......

(sung)
I once was happy and I had a good life
I had enough money to last me for life
I met with a gal and we went on a spree
She taught me to smoke and to drink whiskey

Cigarettes and whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane
Cigarettes and whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane

Cigarettes is a blot on the whole human race
A man is a monkey with one in his face
That's my definition, believe me dear brother
A fire on one end and a fool on the t'other

Cigarettes and whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane
Cigarettes and whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane

Write on the cross at the head of my grave
To women and whiskey here lies a poor slave
Take warning dear stranger, take warning dear friend
They'll write in big letters these words at my end

Cigarettes and whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane
Cigarettes and whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane
Hallelujah brother.