MEMORIES OF STEPHEN



Stephen Christopher Carson
"Toby"
21 March 1970-22 January 1998


"THE BOXER"
by Simon & Garfunkel


Stephen was a spring baby, born the first day of spring when it was still on March 21. He was an average baby, 7 lbs 4 1/2 ozs and 20 inches long. He was a beautiful baby boy and was always a happy baby.


This was the first picture
taken of Stephen


Stephenís Mother Remembers

I remember thinking that the name I gave him seemed too big for such a little guy and began searching immediately for an appropriate nickname. I was watching a movie that Sunday afternoon at the hospital about a red headed little boy who was terribly misunderstood and always in trouble. His name was Toby. I was immediately drawn to this character and loved the name and just adopted it for our son. He became Toby to all that knew him.

He was a happy baby with a really sweet personality, content most of the time. He had beautiful features, which seemed to captivate people. As he grew he became more and more loveable.

Having him and his older brother Dan so close together (13 months apart) kept me more than busy. They were a lot like the Kats and Jammer Kids and got into a lot of things. At the age of 2 and 3 they managed to lock their babysitter in their bedroom closet.



This is Stephen when he was 8 Years old.
He was growing into a fine looking young man.

WHEN IT ALL BEGAN?

Stephen loved sports and seemed to do very well at them. He and his siblings would regularly engage in everything from tree climbing to playing baseball in the front yard.

When Stephen was 8 years old he and his brother were playing baseball. It was getting close to dark when their mother called them in. It was his brother's turn to be up to bat and he wasnít happy with his motherís call. He angrily threw the bat into the air. It hit Stephen in the back of the head*. This was the first real trauma to Stephenís head. It was not to be the last. From this time on Stephen started to change.

(*NOTE: Stephen's brother in no way intentionally hit Stephen with the bat, it was totally accidental. I also want to apologize to Stephen's brother for telling about this incident, but I really beleive this was a major turning point in Stephen's attitudes and emotions. I pray he will understand the purpose of telling about this accident.)

He began to have fits of rage and violence that were uncontrollable. He started having trouble in school and with some of the kids in the neighborhood. We had some testing done to see if some damage from the blow to the head could be detected. The doctor ruled that out and said nothing could be found to substantiate any damage. The doctor said Stephen was just suffering from a personality disorder and would grow out of it. We have always wondered about that since he had been such a happy go lucky little guy up to the point that he was hit in the head.

Even with the rage and violence Stephen dealt with he seemed to have a knack for drawing people to him. He loved to clown around and make people laugh. He was very good at it and it often got him into trouble at school.



Stephen At Age 15
A Nice Looking Young Man


When Stephen was 15 years old we were living in an old farmhouse that sat on 750 acres. We rented the house while the farmland was leased out to another farmer in the area. A small country river that was probably 300 yards from the house split the land almost in the middle. At one spot along the river was a high steep bank that was a good 30 feet above the river. Stephen used to love to slide down that bank into the river. The more times he slid down the bank in one day the muddier it got and it was that much more fun to him.

We also had a large old barn on the property that was empty except for a large pile of straw in the middle. Stephen would take his bicycle up to the 2nd loft in the barn and then ride the bicycle off into the pile of straw. He went swimming with some friends one time at a place called Black Bridge over the river. He dove headfirst off the bridge into the water and got his head stuck in the silt on the bottom. His friends were scarred senseless because al they could see of him was his feet sticking above the water. When he pulled his head put of the silt it was black and covered with the silt. All Stephen did was laugh and told his friends it was a blast.

These were some of the most peaceful times we had with Stephen. His rages seemed farther and farther apart and he seemed to be enjoying life for a change. These were the years from 1985-1987.



Stephen and his older brother Dan


By the time Stephen was 19 years old, this became a common site in our living room. Stephen and Dan both had started lifting weights when they were about 16 years old. The strength of both boys increased rapidly, however, it seemed like Stephen always came out the winner. This picture of Stephen and Dan was taken in 1989. Imagine two young men 19 and 20 years old and the size of these 2 wrestling in the living room like two high school boys in wrestling class. By the way, nothing ever got broken.


PAGE TWO:
REMEMBERING STEPHEN-THE MAN &
THE FINAL CHAPTER

STEPHEN-THE MAN


PAGE THREE:
PLEASE TAKE TIME TO VIEW THIS PAGE
IT IS HIS SIBLINGS MEMORIES OF STEPHEN.

STEPHEN'S SIBLINGS REMEMBER HIM


THE FOLLOWING LINK IS TO A MEMORIAL PAGE
THROUGH A WEB SITE FOR SUICIDE SURVIVORS.
THIS IS MY LETTER TO STEPHEN.

1000 DEATHS IN LOVING MEMORY OF STEPHEN


PLEASE TAKE TIME TO VISIT THE SITE BELOW.
IT IS A GREAT SITE THAT OFFERS SUPPORT FOR THOSE
OF US LEFT BEHIND BY SOMEONE WE LOVE WHO
DIED BY SUICIDE.

1000 DEATHS-LOVED ONES LOST TO SUICIDE


PLEASE VISIT THE SITE BELOW.
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR THOSE
LEFT BEHIND AFTER THE SENSLESS MURDER OF
A TWO YEAR OLD BOY.




My deepest thanks to My Parents Are Survivors
for this award. I will be forever grateful for
your caring and support.
October, 2000





Thank you Janet for the
beautiful Mandella






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