"What the Hell is Going On?" Original fanfic by Danny Justa MSTed by H Cuz (hcuz@squonk.net) Co-MSTed by Ian Pugh (skypilot@ezaccess.net) Well, here goes my second MSTing. It's a crossover between Dragonball Z and ReBoot (a great show from Canada about life inside a computer). Some could argue it's a multicrossover, but I wouldn't say that. In any case, unlike LIM, this fic is a short, sweet li'l one-parter. Enjoy! :) Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters are the property of Best Brains. I am not making any money off this MSTing. Please don't sue. Sailor Moon and all related characters are copyright Naoko Takeuchi. ReBoot and all related characters are copyright Mainframe Entertainment. This MSTing belongs to me. It may be distributed freely as long as no money is made and no changes are made. "What the Hell is Going On" is the property of Danny Justa. This MSTing is in no way intended to be mean towards him... in fact, he handed me the fic personally and has been bugging me to get the MSTing done ever since. So here it is... * * * B E G I N * * * --------------------- (Mystery Science Theater 3000 theme song -- Season 10) In the not too distant future, somewhere in time and space, Mike Nelson and his robot pals are caught in a nasty place, They need to survive the wrath of Pearl, just an evil gal who wants to rule the world, From her castle below she sets her sights above, just to torture all her captives on the Satellite of Love! { Mike: Get... me... DOWN!!!! } "I'll send him cheesy fanfics, the worst I can find! (la la la!) He'll have to sit and watch them all, and I'll monitor his mind!" (la la la!) Now keep in mind Mike can't control where the fics begin or end (la la la!) He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his robot friends! *ZOOOOOOOM!!!* ROBOT ROLL CALL! CAMBOT! "You're on!" GYPSY! "Oh my stars!" TOM SERVO! "Check me out!" CROOOOW! "I'm different!" If you're wondering how he eats and breathes, and other science facts, (la la la!) Just repeat to yourself 'It's all made-up, I should really just relax', For Mystery Science Theater 3000!! *TWANNNNNG!* [Door sequence: 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7.] Gypsy: Gee Crow, don't you think it was just a LITTLE mean to sneak up on him like that so we could take him apart? Crow: Well, I want to know if it's true or not! Besides, we'll put him back together when we're done. Gypsy: Do we even know how to do that? Crow: No. Mike: Hi, Tom. (pause) Tom? You okay? Crow: Don't worry, Mike. We just took him apart. Mike: Okay, as long as it's-- (spit-take) You TOOK HIM APART?! Why? Gypsy: Well, you know how in the TV show ReBoot, computers have their own little worlds inside, with viruses, Guardians, sprites, binomes... Mike: Yeah, so...? Crow: So, since Servo has a computer for a brain, we thought we'd look at the world inside him, and maybe even find Bob or Matrix or... Mike: (sigh) OK Crow, lecture time. We'll be right back. Tom: ....Wow! Thanks, Mike. What the hell just happened?! One minute I was admiring my underwear collection-- Crow: Well, Gypsy & I have some bad news for you, Servo. You better sit down for this one. Tom: Crow, I can't really SIT. Gypsy: Your brain doesn't have a Guardian!! Tom: What?! Oh, NO!! What'll I do if a virus tries to take me over? Mike: Servo, calm down! ReBoot's a cartoon, it's just make-believe, and Pearl is calling. Tom: That makes me feel so much better. Pearl: Greetings, guinea pigs! Mike: So Pearl, what's with the computer? Pearl: Well, since you just LOVED "Lost in the Multiverse", we've already started downloading its sequel. But the story is so long, it's going to take a few weeks to download. Bobo: Although that's partially my fault, I admit it! I'm the one who suggested AOL... Observer: Anyway, you're not getting a reprieve, because we have some OTHER fanfics to torture you with in the meantime. Pearl: The bad news is, "Kamek's Revenge" is taking up tons of diskspace. So, unfortunately, you won't be getting the 20-part Sailor Moon/Pokémon/ Pizza Cats self-insertion lemon we had planned. Mike: Don't worry guys, she can't send us that one. Bots: Phew... Pearl: No, but I CAN send you THIS!! It's a short little multicrossover based on that computer-based cartoon from our neighbors to the north. Mike: You mean a ReBoot fic? Tom: Uh oh... Pearl: Aren't we quick today! And the title... well... (leans into the screen with a maniacal grin) Let's just say that's a surprise!! Send it up, Casper. Observer: Ahem. Pearl: Sorry. Brain Guy. Observer: AHEM. Pearl: Just send it up, okay, OBSERVER?! Observer : Okay! Mike: A ReBoot multicrossover with a surprise title? Crow: This doesn't bode well, does it? Mike: No, not really. Tom: Hey, do you think Pearl's computer has a Guardian? Crow : Huh... (The bots' train of thought is interrupted by lights and buzzers.) Mike: WE HAVE FANFIC SIIIIGN!! [DOOR SEQUENCE: 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1.] Tom: Oh, joy. Another multi-crossover. I can hardly contain myself. Mike: At least this one's short. > What the Hell is Going on Tom: A bad fanfic. You should know that. Mike: That's the title? Crow: To quote Bob, this is bad. Very bad!! > Warning incoming Mike: ...Fanfic. >game. Warning incoming game. Tom: Well, I have to admit, that IS a good way to cross-over ReBoot with something else... Crow: So what season is this in? Hello, story? Are you there? > (Dot) Reboot Tom: HEY!! No Animaniacs!! Mike: Dot Matrix, Servo. Dot Matrix. Tom: Oh. (pause) NO SPACEBALLS!! Mike: (sigh) Wrong Dot Matrix... > (Bob)Reboot Crow: Unfortunately, Bob hadn't made it to the game in time, so nothing happened. > (enzo) Reboot Tom: Reboot to the head? > (Dot) What kind of game is this? Mike: Actually, this isn't a game at all. It's a crossover fanfic! Crow: Flee for your lives! >(BoB) Mike: "BoB"? Tom: *B*ill *o*f *B*ermuda. > I've never seen this game befor. Tom: Befor, eh? I'll be for that. >Glitch game stats Crow: What's the magic word? >(Dot)Well... Tom: Bob, I'm... pregnant. Mike: Not NOW, Dot... You're WHAT?! Crow: That's just strange. And mildly disturbing. Tom: Sorry. >(BoB) It's a um hand to hand combat game. Mike: I prefer nose-to-armpit combat, myself. Crow: And remember, commas are our friends. > (Dot)Um. Mike: Ouuummmm.... >What am I Tom: You're Dot. Duh. > (Bob) It says Mike: Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Crow: Bite me. Tom: WHAZZUUUUUUUP?! >your name is bulma Mike: Dot had a name change and no one told us? Tom: So Dot is really Bulma... who would have guessed? Crow: Not me. >(Enzo)Whoh Crow: What? Tom: Where? Mike: And, for heaven's sake, why? >and now your going to tell me I'm a little kid Mike: What, you're not? >with super powers named Mike: ...David Kintobor? Tom: ...Marissa Picard? Crow: ...Oscar? Blecch... >Gohan! All: ...Oh. Crow: Foreshadowing, folks! Tom: I never figured Enzo to be a DBZ fan... though in an odd way, it fits. > (BoB) yep Tom: Yep. Saaaaay, you ain' from 'round these parts, are ya sonny? Crow: What'd I tell ya? Foreshadowing. Mike: And now it's *B*arry *o*f *B*angladesh. >(Enzo) Alphaneumeric Tom: Wow. That was almost spelled right. Crow: Alphanumeric! I just used the wild-guess foreshadowing cliché!! Cool! > (Aundra)Check out this bike Crow: It's got training wheels and a little bell. >(bike) rurrrr rurrrrr Crow: Umm... right. Mike: Is the bike purring? Tom: I'd be purring if AndrAIa was sitting on m-- Mike: (casts him a warning glance) Crow: Servo, remember this is YOUNG AndrAIa... Tom: GACK!! What was I THINKING?! Mike: I hope you've learned a lesson. Tom: Yes. I must wash my hands. >(Enzo) What the Hell are you Tom: A bike, but that's not important right now. Mike: Is Enzo talking to anyone in particular? Crow: Don't ask me... >(Bob) I think I'm some one Mike: As opposed to some four? Tom: This IS ReBoot. You never know. >named Small lady Crow: Our hero. Tom: It's official... the author hates Bob. >round 1 fight Mike: Ding-ding! Crow: Now who's talking? Tom: I think it's the game. Crow: OK. Just so that's cleared up... > (Dot) I'll go first Tom: At what? Crow: Jacks? Hopscotch? Tiddlywinks? Chutes and Ladders? All: AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH! > (Bob)The user is killing her Crow: Uhh... already? Mike: Slow down, story! Tom: Man... KOOPA wrote better action scenes than this! Crow: Action? Where?! > snap Mike: Crackle! Crow: Pop! Tom: Dot Krispies. >(Dot)You bitch Tom: Would it be stupid of me to ask WHO THE USER IS?! Crow: 'Fraid so. Tom: Damn. Mike: I think Dot probably reserves that insult for Mouse... >you broke my nale! Crow: Oh, the humanity!! Tom: Mike, what's a nale? Mike: Maybe it's like a nail. Crow: The word's not in this handy-dandy thesaurus. Mike: Why not use a dictionary, Crow? Crow: Hey, the SoL didn't COME with a dictionary. Mike: I'll have to order that one from the place I got the encyclopedias. Crow: Don't bother, Mike. We like complaining about having no dictionary. Tom: Yep. Mike: Ah. >DIE DIe DIE Tom: Yeah! Kill the user so the fic will be over!! Crow: OK... There's OOC, there's _hopelessly_ OOC, and then... well, there's this. Mike: Now Dot's starting to sound like Issei. Or Beavis. Crow: I could've done very well without THAT image, thank YOU. > 2 hours later Tom: Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't fighting games have timers? Mike: That's what I thought... Crow: And last I heard, fighters had ENERGY BARS... >Die Die Crow: 2 hours later and she's still yelling? Mike: Her vocal chords must be a mess by now. Tom: Especially considering how slowly time moves in ReBoot. >Heh heh Mike: Die! Die! Heh-heh! Tom: The chair! Give 'im the chair!! > D-i-h-i-y Tom: Gimme a "D"! Others: D! Tom: Gimme an "I"! Others: I! Tom: Gimme an "H"! Others: H! Tom: Gimme an "I"! Others: I! Tom: Gimme a "Y"! Others: Y! Tom: What's that spell?! Others: ... Crow: OK, I give up. What's it spell? Tom: Heck if I know. >flop Tom: Okaaaay. I officially have no idea what just happened. Crow: So Dot's dead now? Mike: Bob's Chibi-Usa, Dot's dead... That leaves Enzo & AndrAIa. Yup, they're all doomed. >KO Player wins All: Naw, ya think? Tom: Perhaps this is the game that Enzo lost. Yay! That means the User will cheat and everyone loses. That means the end of the fanfic! Crow: Servo, that game wasn't Dragonball Z. Mike: And anyway, if they DID lose and became Game Sprites, we would have to follow them as they hopped through the games. Tom: ACK! Nevermind!! > o/~ God must have spent Crow: ... a million dollars trying to get all the Pokémon cards. Tom: But enough about DJ Croft. Mike: And Tuxedo Chris. Crow: And Marissa Picard. Tom: And Oscar. Mike: And Adam Chris Leigh. Crow: And David Kintobor. Tom: We now return you to your scheduled fanfic already in progress. >a little more time on you... o/~ Crow: Or in Servo's and my case, Joel Robinson. Tom: Aw, the fanfic is singing to us! How sweet! Mike: Sweet? Try disturbing. Crow: You're just mad because you didn't build us. Mike: Partially. > everybody run Mike: The fanfic's about to resume up ahead! Tom: Run away! Run away! >Aaa Crow: Who's talking? Tom: No one. A big hairy monster was attacking the writer as he wrote this. > aaaa Mike: We have movie sign!! >aaa Tom: This author seems overly obsessed with the first letter of the alphabet. Crow: Fonzie, perhaps? All: Ayyyyyyyyyyy! > HHuHHH Mike: ACK! Where did THAT come from?! Crow: Whoa! Sounds like someone's gettin'... umm... never mind. Tom: That had better not be Dot talking. >aaaaaaa... Crow: Yes. Aaaaaaa. We've established this. Tom: Congratulations, author!! You've managed to completely confuse me, bore me, AND take away my will to live! You should feel proud. Mike: Well, remember the title. >(Enzo) What the Hell are you Tom: You tell me, kid. Crow: We're the gods of Good Fanfiction! We've come to make the fanfic better!! Mike: Not likely, I'm afraid. >(Goku) a game sprite, Tom: Goku's a game sprite? When did this happen?? Crow: Say, don't Bob & Goku have the same voice actor? Mike: Remember, guys, the fanfic isn't supposed to make sense. If we accept that, we'll be done quicker. > and this is pickleoe Crow: You know what they say: You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your leoe. >and this is my friends and family and the real Gohan. Crow: And these are Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins who are visiting from Miami. Say hi! Tom: But if Gohan is a game sprite, then how could Enzo-- Mike: Tom! Don't explode! We need you! > (Aundra) Mike: Deformed cousin of AndrAIa. > What the Hell are you Crow: I just TOLD you!! Pay attention... Mike: Hey Servo, can I ask you something? Tom: Go ahead. Mike: What the hell are you? Tom: Why the hell are you asking me? Mike: Shut the hell up. Tom: Ah, go to hell. Crow: The fanfic is getting to you guys, isn't it? Others: Hell yes. Crow: I thought so... >(SS) Mike: Oh, so it's a ship. Tom: Maybe it stands for Stupid Story. Crow: Abbreviations usually work better if you let the reader know what you're abbreviating first. > "We are sailor Scouts of justice... Crow: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Mike: OK, now this is just outright stupid. Tom: And it wasn't before? Mike: Point. > (Aundra) Yeah yeah now shut the hell up Mike: (Scouts) Hey, you asked. Tom: C'mon Rei, barbecue her! You know you want to!! Crow: I see AndrAIa went to the Steve Austin school of speaking. Mike: That's not AndrAIa. It's her twisted clone Aundra. Crow: Well, that explains everything. > Pikaaachue zap Mike: Now who could that be? Crow: A Pokémon called Pikaaachuezap. Tom: Argh! The game cubes are merging again! Crow: Or it's a multicrossover... Tom: Yeah, that too. >(Bob) dont tell me am Pokemon, Tom: Sorry. Are Pokemon. (pause) What does that mean, anyway? Mike: I'll ask Dr. T sometime. Crow: Heck, right now I _miss_ Thinker. >(Goku) This is my game Mike: My binky! >ka-ma-Ha-ma-Ha that aut to do it Crow: When all else fails, use an ungodly-powerful fireball. Tom: Hey, it worked for Oscar. Heck, it worked in the actual show. >(Vegata) Tom: Deranged hybrid of Vegeta and Vega from Street Fighter. Mike: I say Vegeta, you say Vegata! Crow: I say Vegata, you say Vegeta! Mike: Vegeta! Crow: Vegata! Mike: Vegata! Crow: Vegeta! Both: Let's call the whole thing off! o/~ >may I? Tom: ...Have this dance? Mike: That makes for a bizarre image... >(Goku) be my guest Crow: ...At my birthday party this Tuesday. Please? >(Vegata) bang, Crow: Bang bang, you're dead. Tom: These sound effects are so realistic. > by by now Crow: The book "bang", by "by now"? Is it me or did that make no sense? Mike: It ain't you, buddy. Crow: I was afraid of that... Tom: What? Vegeta just shoots someone to end the game?! Who did he shoot anyway? Mike: The author didn't think that was important. Crow: Don't look at me. I'm still trying to figure out what happened in the first few sentences of the fic. Mike: Well, if the author set out to create a totally nonsensical story, as the title indicates, he's succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. Tom: I couldn't agree more. >Game Over user wins Mike: So this was an anti-fic? Crow: I think we should've figured that out when Bob turned into Chibi- Usa. > (Faung) This is not good Mike: Look! Up in the sky! Crow: It's a bird! Tom: It's a plane! Mike: No! It's... All: CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!! >Ha Ha Got you Mike: And your little dog, too! Tom: I got you, babe... >(Faung)What the Hell is rong with this thing Tom: It's in a bad fanfic, deal with it. Crow: Phong cursing. Sure, that's really IC. Mike: That's not Phong, see? It's Faung. Crow: Oh, right. Silly me. > (weriini) Tom: Who... Crow: ...on earth... Mike: Smile and nod, guys. We're almost finished. >I want Panckakes waa... All: SHUT UP!! Tom: Oh, so it's Reeny. Mike: That's the most interesting spelling of her name I've ever seen. Crow: Little did she know, they only had... FRENCH TOAST! BWAHAHAHAHA!! Mike: Stop that! Crow: Sorry. Tom: French toast.... I'll have that image in my mind for a while. Crow: We aim to please. > To be contnuited... All: AGGGHHH!! Crow: I've never seen anything "contnuited" before. Maybe we're safe. > ...will their be a sequal All: NO!! Tom: Please? Crow: How can there be a sequel? All the major characters were nullified. Mike: How could you tell? Crow: I can't. I'm guessing... >will their be a plot Mike: Well, there was no plot in this one. Tom: More importantly, who will give a crap? >fiend out Tom: Get thee out, thou foul fiend! Out, fiend, out! >next time on What the Hell is going on Crow: Let's not and say we did. [DOOR SEQUENCE: 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7.] Mike: Hey guys, where are you going? Tom: To the main engine room. Crow: We're going to see if the computer THERE has a Guardian! Mike: But if you take the main computer offline, we'll all die! Crow : Oh. (The bots start walking again.) Mike: Besides, you-know-who is calling. Pearl : So, ready to give in yet, Nelson? Mike: Never!! Crow: We laugh in the face of your multicrossovers! Tom: Ha ha ha! Pearl: Oh come on. I know that deep inside, you're shivering in FEAR!! Mike: Actually Pearl, the fic wasn't that bad. A lot of things were wrong with it, but mainly small things like spelling, grammar, and the script format. Tom: All it was really missing was some semblance of a plot. Pearl: What about the lemon scene? All: Lemon scene? Pearl: You know, the Luna/Artemis scene? Crow: Mike, I don't know what she's talking about, but if I missed that scene, don't tell me. Mike: Calm down, Crow! Luna & Artemis weren't even IN the fic! (Now the Observer is looking nervous as well.) Pearl: Weren't... in the fic... (whirls around) Which one of you boneheads screwed it up THIS time?! Bobo: Sorry Lawgiver! We had to use the Edited Version!! Pearl: WHY?! Observer: Disk space... Pearl: (shouts a long series of curses that can't be repeated here) Mike: So THAT'S why the fic was so painless... It was edited! Of course!! I should have known... Crow: Hey, does Pearl remind you guys of Hexadecimal? Tom & Mike: No. Crow: Me either. Pearl: Well, Nelstone, you may have survived this time, but your next fan- fic will be a little gem, from the world of Mega Man, that will have you screaming in agony!! Until then, have fun... [Roll ending credits.] * * * E N D I N G N O T E S * * * ----------------------------------- Well, my second MSTing is in the books. This one was mercifully short, but I had a great time riffing it. And I think the author had a great time reading it. Yes, the original draft of this fanfic contained a lemon scene, though I never saw it. And no, there's no 20-part Sailor Moon/Pokémon/SPC S-I crossover, at least to my knowledge . (Bad grammar = good sport? Hmmm...) ;) SPECIAL THANKS GO OUT TO: IAN PUGH! My co-MSTer. He contributed plenty of riffs to this one. Once again, thanks for the assistance! :D Looking forward to working together on "What if Mega Man Defeated All the Robot Masters?" MY SISTER SARAH! For her unwelcome-- yet valid-- suggestions & critiques. JOEL HODGSON! For starting it all! BEST BRAINS INC. & THE SCI-FI CHANNEL! For continuing to bring us MST3K. ;) LYNXARA, THE FLASHMAN, & DINOBOT! Theirs was the first MSTing I ever read. Yep, that's right, it was (shudder) THAT fanfic. But don't pity me... these guys (and girl) did a great job of ripping it apart. ;P TIMOTHY MCLEES! For posting this on his awesome site! ALL THE OTHER MSTERS OUT THERE! For the inspiration! :) DANNY JUSTA (THE AUTHOR)... For being such a great sport and for giving me the fanfic in the first place. ;) ALL YOU PEOPLE READING THIS! Yes, you!! After all the time I spend on this, I'm grateful for people like you who take the time to read my work. After all, that's my intent for writing! :D So what did you think? I want to know if you liked this MSTing. Send feedback to hcuz@squonk.net! As always, all flames, spams, and porn will be deleted on sight. I need the disk space anyway. ;) And yes, I did (mostly) copy & paste this part from my last MSTing. ;P --------------------------------------------------------------------------- My MSTings so far: MSTing #1: "Lost in the Multiverse". Well, Chapters 26-55 anyway. A multi- crossover in which the Sailor Senshi battle Kamek the MagiKoopa, most famous for his role in the Nintendo game "Yoshi's Island". MSTing #2: "What the Hell is Going On?" The ReBoot/DBZ crossover you've just read. MSTings I have planned for the future: (Note: I removed the numbering system since some fanfics might go up sooner than I'd thought.) "What if Mega Man Defeated All the Robot Masters?" A Mega Man crossover with Beast Wars. "Kamek's Revenge!" The sequel to "Lost in the Multiverse". This one could take a while, but it's even more MSTable than the original. Plus, I'll have experience on my side for this one. ;) "Neon Exodus Evangelion 2:4" ...But only the DJ/Asuka lemon scene, since the rest of the chapter wasn't all THAT bad. No, really. "Scouts Grow Up" A story with no real plot to speak of. Basically, the Sailor Scouts all wish to be hundreds of feet tall and (for some odd reason) more well- proportioned than is humanly possible. Their clothes tear off, and... It's just WEIRD. "The Return of Mr. X" Another Mega Man fic, sent to me by Ian. :) "The Cutey Honey Sleep Tight Story" My first MSTing of a full-fledged lemon. It uses just about every lemon cliché in the books, and it's relatively mild, so it should be a good first lemon MSTing for me. :) MORE TO COME!! :D Until the next time! ;) --H Cuz hcuz@squonk.net STINGER: (Bob) I think I'm some one named Small lady