Mystery Science Theater 3000 presents:
"All Growed Up"
By Varakorn Ungvichian (rover_wow@yahoo.com),
Shay Caron (shay@protection-comic.com), and Jim Gadfly (gadfly@angelfire.com)
Well, after "Galaxy Quest", I decided to try my MSTing hand with this
one-hour Rugrats special. And by the way Rugrats is (C) 1991 Klasky-Csupo
and MST3K is (C) 1989 Best Brains. Everything else is (C) whoever owns them.
This one was MANY months in the making... Shay apparently got caught up in
real life (not that it's a bad thing ;-)) and, well, I had to wait for Shay
to finish his bits first. And in the interim, I had Jim help me with more
riffs. Lesson learned: don't do group MSTings with Shay Caron.

(Theme song, door sequence, all that stuff that opens an MST3K ep)

Mike: Hi, welcome to the Satellite of Love, and we here are discussing how
on *earth* Rugrats managed to run ten years... and then some.
Crow: Ten years. My, it's been *that* long since the show started.
Tom: You'd think that after such a long time, they'd either have grown up, or
perhaps quit. But instead, they just keep on toddling.
Crow: Yeah. This is just like The Simpsons, where the kids don't age and
all that crap.
Tom: Hey, you leave The Simpsons out of this!
Crow: Yeah, why don't you make me.
(The bots take their argument to the ground)
Mike: This is gonna take a while to clear up, so we'll be right back.

(Bumper, ads, whatever's during the breaks)

Mike: You know what's even worse? TV shows age like dogs, and with 10 years
on the board for Rugrats, the show's like a senile coot now.
Tom: Ironic, don't you think, since the show's about *babies*...
Crow (high sarcasm): Thanks for pointing out *that* irony.
Mike: And like senile old coots, this show is getting worse by the season.
I "grew up" with the first couple seasons before I was sent up here, and from
what I've heard, the show has been getting worse. In fact, they've now
resorted to 2 good old tactics.
Crow: Which are...
Mike: Adding new characters, and making new spinoffs.
Tom: On the characters side, there's Kimi and her mom...
Crow: Rowr...
Tom: As well as a poodle.
Mike: And on the spinoffs side, there's a show about Angelica going to pre-
school in the works.
Crow: Well, at least *that* would be a break from the inanity that passes for
juvenile naivity on the show these days.

(Usual alarms)

Mike: Looks like the guys in charge of Nick's schedule are calling.

(Once again, Forrester and Frank)

Forrester: OK, we've been observing your little Rugrats talk...
(Frank snickers)
Forrester: Frank, that wasn't supposed to be a pun... anyways, have we got
some news for you.
Tom: What, the Rugrats quit?
Crow: That *would* be news.
Frank: Uh, no, they grew up.
Crow: Well... that's *still* news, by any standard.
Forrester: They've made an ep of the show about growing up, and guess what?
Mike: It's gonna be a spinoff?
Frank: Whoa, how did you guess that?
Mike: I dunno, I guess I got lucky.
Forrester: Anyways, it's a 10th anniversary special for Rugrats, and it's
coming your way. Push the button, please.
(Frank pushes the button)

(Movie sign, traditional panic, door sequence, all enter the theater)

>(The episode begins when we join a sci-fi movie in progress.

Crow (smooth-tongued announcer): We now return you to our nameless sci-fi
movie, already in progress.
Tom: Hey, I thought this was "Rugrats: All Growed Up," not "Back to the
Crap"!...
Mike: But when you think of it, that would still be preferable to THIS.

>The film takes
>place in some kind of futuristic laboratory.

Tom: Doctor Forrester!

>Professor Spooky, the mad
>scientist,

Mike: Nope.
Tom: Oh. Good.
(beat)
Crow: It might was well be him, though...

>was about to reveal an important discovery; he was looking underneath
>a sheet as his assistant, Todd, munches on a slice of pizza.

Mike (Spooky): I could've ordered an assistant from "We R Igors", but noooo,
I had to be a cheapskate and get a "Todd".
Tom (Spooky): At least it could have been worse... I could have wound up
getting a "Frank". (shudders)

>Spooky acts like a
>madman throughout.)
>Spooky: Just as I suspected! We are looking at the greatest source of energy
>known to mankind!
>(Spooky lifts the sheet to reveal a pumpkin.)
>Spooky: And to think pumpkins around the world have been wasted on pies on
>Hallowe'en.

Mike (Todd): Well, there's jack-o-lanterns, Thanksgiving pies... well, come
to think to it, there's not that much!

>(Spooky injects wires into the pumpkin, which caused it to spark.)
>Spooky: With this magnificant gourd, I now have the necessary power to operate
>my greatest invention ever! A time machine to the future!

Tom: Can we say "plot contrivance" here?
Mike + Crow: Plot contrivance.
(Tom groans)

>(Todd drinks his soda. Spooky points to a red button on the time machine.)
>Spooky: I bet your wondering how it works.

Crow (Todd): Anything to do with flux capacitors? (Back to the Future ref)

>(Todd burps.)

Mike (Spooky): I'm glad you asked that.

>Spooky: Well, it's quite simple. I set this dial to a precise moment in the
>future. It could be days from now, weeks! Or even years! (crazed)

Tom (Spooky): Centuries! Millennia!! Even... dare I say it? EONS!!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Pardon my spit.

>Think of the
>possibilities!
>(Spooky falls.)
>Spooky: To be older, wiser, and to see your life as it will be some day!

Mike: This is getting to be the lamest Invention Exchange ever.
Tom: Getting? It's already the lamest.

>(Cut to Rugrats watching the film on TV.

All: (everyone jumps, startled) Whoa!
Crow: Give us a little warning next time.

>Cut back to film;

All: (everyone jumps) Gah!
Tom: That was just a reminder that, yes, the Rugrats are in this show.
Mike: Hopefully that was just a cameo appearance.
Crow: Yeah, this time machine pumpkin thing shows promise. Comparatively.

>Spooky shoves Todd
>into the time machine.)
>Spooky: There, there my boy. No need to be frightened.

Mike (Spooky): I hope you like one-eyed girls and beer-drinking robots. (a
nod to Futurama)

>(Spooky slams the time machine door closed. Cut to TV, which is showing the
>film.)

All: (jump) Wah!
Crow: Stop *doing* that!

>Spooky: Lets try, 75 years!
>(Cut to Rugrats.)
>Tommy: Boy! Professor Spooky has made some neat stuffs before, but this is the
>bestest yet! A time machine to the foocher!

Tom: The what?
Crow: Foo' Cher. It's how Mr. T refers to her.
Tom: (pause) I hate you, Crow.
Crow: And for good reason.

>Chuckie: I don't know. Todd doesn't look to happy about it.
>(Phil sneezes to the box of Reptar cookies, then gives it to Lil, who then eats
>the cookies.)

Tom: Eww, there ought to be a Surgeon General's warning for this show.

>Phil: Well, yeah! Who'd wanna leave all that pizza?
>(Cut back to film. Spooky presses a few buttons and pulls some levers. The
>pumpkin, still hooked up to wires, explodes.

Crow: Rule number 79 of cheesy sci-fi films: Something has to blow up.
Mike: Next, the watermelon!
Tom: This isn't a sci-fi movie! This is Gallagher's new sketch!

>Spooky opens the time machine door
>to reveal

Mike: Ah, I bet he's become a hideous half-man, half-pumpkin creature.

>that Todd is gone. Only his shoes remain.)
>Spooky: Success! I've sent a man to the future!

Crow (Spooky): Minus his shoes!
Mike: Or you've vaporized him.
Tom: Todd played by Tom Beckett. (Todd was pretty much silent in that above
segment, just like Tom Beckett's character on Remember WENN)

>(Cut back to Rugrats. On the TV, the film goes to the Chocolate Cheese Bar
>commercial.)

Crow: The Chocolate Cheese Bar, for all your cocoa, cheddar and champagne
needs, off the beltway.

>Tommy: Wouldn't it be neat to go to the foocher?
>Chuckie: But Tommy, what if the foocher gots more scary things than right now?
>Tommy: It won't be so scary, Chuckie, 'cause we'll be biggerer!
>Kimi: And smarterer!

Mike: And balderer!

>Phil: And we can spit!

Crow: And spiterer! Wait, that's not even *sorta* a word.

>Lil: You can spit now Phillip!
>Phil: Yeah, but it'll be smarter spit!
>(Angelica barges in with her karaoke machine and turns off the TV.)
>Angelica: As if you could do anything smart, DeVille!

Mike (Angelica): You couldn't even outsmart a bunch of DOGS... (Reference to
Cruella De Vil, whose last name is indeed pronounced like DeVille.)

>Tommy: Hi Angelica! We was just talking about goin' to the foocher!
>Angelica: Well your not going nowheres! I gotta show to to do and need you
>diaper-bags to be my applaudiance! Prepare to be razzled!

Crow: Y'know the problem with reading a transcript of Rugrats? We can't tell
what parts are typos and what parts they actually said like that in the show.
Tom: Either way it's darned annoying.

>(speaks into mike) La
>la la la la, la la la la laaaaa!

Crow: Her singing voice is worse than Babe's.
Mike: Hey, I happened to like that film.
(Trivia: the voices of Tommy and Chuckie did the voice of Babe in the 2
films: Christine Cavanaugh did the first, EG Daily did the second.)

>(The Rugrats marvel at Angelica's new contraption, oohing and aahing.)
>Tommy: What is that thing Angelica?
>Angelica: It's my new tapiokie machine!

Mike (Angelica): Anyone hungry?
Tom: Not if it's tapioca.

>Now just listen and clap when I'm done.
>(Angelica presses a button to start the music, "America The Beautiful". As she
>sings, the Rugrats cover their ears and groan.)
>Angelica: (singing) Oh beautiful, for special buys,

Crow: At Menards!

>For hamburg waves of grain...

Mike: Ah!  Stop torturing us!  We've only just got here!

>Kimi: Is it my imagination, or is Angelica getting louderer?
>Lil: I didn't think Angelica could be louderer!
>Angelica: (singing) For purple mountain's majesties,
>Above the fruited rain!

Tom: The new hit single from Prince. (Purple Rain ref)

>(Angelica squeezes her juice box, spilling the conitents onto the floor.)
>Angelica: (singing) Angelica! Angelica!
>Bob shared his lunch with me!
>So now I'm good, with motherhood,
>From me to shining me!

Mike: And I thought Roseanne was bad.

>(Angelica finishes.The Rugrats didn't clap, so she presses a button on the
>machine that sounds like clapping. She takes a bow.)
>Dil: Doggie!

Tom: We agree with him...
Mike: Yeah, what he said.

>Angelica: (to Dil) You're not coming to any more of my concerts 'till you're
>potty trained!
>Tommy: This is a really neat toy Angelica! Can I try?
>Angelica: Step away from the tapiokie machine, Pickles!

Crow (Angelica): I've got my guns trained on you. Just back away slowly.

>Tommy: But I just wants to play too!
>Angelica: I said no! This is my new toy, and I'm gonna be the only singing star
>around here!
>(Angelica picks up mike, causing a feedback noise.)

Crow (Rolling Stones): I can't get no, satisfaction!

>Tommy: But Angelica! We always let you play with our new stuff!
>Angelica: And...
>Tommy: So, uh, you should let us play too!
>Angelica: Okay Tommy, I'll let you play with my tapiokie machine after you dumb
>babies give me stuffs I want!

Mike (Angelica): Like your SOULS!!

>(Dil throws a rattle at Angelica and giggles)

Tom: Good shot, kid!

>Angelica: (growls) Someday, drooly, you're gonna throw something at me and I'm
>not gonna be nice about it no more!
>(Dil razzes Angelica.)

Crow: I *like* that kid.

>Didi: (from kitchen) Who wants cookies?
>Angelica: Oh no! Aunt Didi!
>(Angelica returns to the karaoke machine and starts singing again, with her back
>towards the Rugrats.

Mike (Angelica): I'm ignoring you!
Bots (Rugrats): Good!

>Didi enters as she sings.)
>Angelica: (singing) Angelica! Angelica!
>Bob shared his lunch with...
>(Didi acts surprised at the mess.)

Tom: But she *knew* it was coming.

>Angelica: Oh! Aunt Didi! I was so busy singing, I didn't see the babies making
>this awful mess!
>Didi: (sighs) Thats okay, Angelica.
>(Didi hands Angelica a plate of cookies.)

Mike: Hereby known as Mistake Number 1.

>Didi: C'mon kids. Mommy's got some cleaning to do.
>(Didi picks up the Rugrats and puts them in the playpen.)
>(Angelica takes the cookies and puts them behind her back,

Crow (Angelica): Nothing up my sleeve...

>then puts the plate
>on the ground.)
>Angelica: Maybe you should put them in time-out forever.

Mike: That's so excessive! Half of forever would be fine.

>Didi: Angelica, they're only babies.
>(Didi picks up the empty plate and takes it to the Rugrats.)
>Didi: Here you go.
>(Didi finds out that the plate is empty.)
>Didi: Oh! Dear!

Tom (Didi): Golly!
Crow (Didi): Gosh!
Mike (Didi): Shucks!
Crow (Didi): Yipes!

>(Angelica gives the Rugrats an evil look.)
>Angelica: Don't I get a cookie Aunt Didi?
>(Angelica winks innocently.)
>Didi: I think Spike must've had a snack while I wasn't looking.

Crow: Yeah, always blame the dog.

>C'mon Angelica,
>there's more in the kitchen.
>(Didi walks into the kitchen. Angelica follows her, but not without evilly
>chuckling at the Rugrats and eating a cookie.)
>Kimi: Ooh, that Angelica!

Tom (Elmer Fudd): I'm gonna get you, you wascaw! (Gun noise)

>Chuckie: (to Tommy) I can't belive she tricked your mommy!

Crow (Chuckie): Your mommy's a moron.

>Phil: She's good!

Mike: She's a bitch.
(beat)
Mike: Can't help but calling her that.
Tom (in awe): Can you *say* that, Mike?

>Tommy: It's not fair you guys! Whenever we get something new, Angelica always
>gets to play with it!
>Chuckie: And she usually breaks it too!
>(Dil whines.)

Crow: I'd be whining too if I were in the middle of all that.

>Tommy: Well, I'm gonna play with that tapiokie machine whether Angelica likes it
>or not!
>Chuckie: But Tommy! You heard her! We're not supposed to play with it!
>(Tommy opens the playpen with his screwdriver.

(Tom makes the Tim Allen sound from "Home Improvement" theme)

>The Rugrats walk out.)
>Chuckie: Remember, Angelica's bigger than us, she's- she's kinda mean!
>(The Rugrats, without Chuckie, proceed to the karaoke machine. Chuckie starts to
>follow, hesitantly.)
>Chuckie: I know! Let's go back to the playpen and watch Dilly spit-up!

Crow (high sarcasm): Yeah. Can't wait til THAT appears on Letterman.

>(Tommy talks into the mike.)
>Tommy: Hello? La la la!

Mike (Tommy, a la "Uptown Girl"): Up down girl, she's been living in her
up down world...

>(Angelica returns with a cookie and a jar of peanut butter.)
>Angelica: (very angry) Hey! What do you and your bald brain think you're doing?
>(Angelica crushes cookie in her hand.

Tom: Noooo! Don't waste a good cookie!

>The Rugrats start to run away.)
>Angelica: You're resting my patience Pickles! Now hand it over, or else!
>(Tommy runs. Angelica drops the peanut butter and jumps to catch the machine,
>which is now being dragged along by the Rugrats.)
>Phil: (to Tommy) Over here! Over here!
>(Chuckie and the twins scream.)

Mike: Which reminds me... seen any Kevin Williamson flicks lately?
Tom: Now, Mike, you know we don't exactly have the time to watch 'em...
Mike: C'mon, that was just a joke.
Tom: (after a pause) Oh.

>Angelica: Get back here!
>(Phil and Lil throw a cushion at Angelica.)
>(The mike cord got entangled in Dil's chair, causing Tommy to fall. The other
>Rugrats run into the closet. Chuckie, however, stops and goes to Tommy. As Tommy
>& Chuckie try to free the karaoke machine from Dil, Dil is dragged along. While
>doing so, Dil tosses a cookie at Angelica; she lets out a roar. Tommy & Chuckie
>drag Dil and the karaoke machine into the closet, then closes the door.)

(During the sequence, the bots do Dukes of Hazzard music)

>Angelica: (angry) Give me my tapiokie machine!
>(Angelica pulls on the door while Phil does the same on the other side. The
>force caused Angelica to fall on the floor.)
>(The Rugrats are inside the closet.)

Mike: Since absolutely no one was paying any attention...

>Chuckie: What are we gonna do Tommy?
>Tommy: I dunno, but I'm tired of Angelica always bossing us around! Gettin' us
>in trouble and making us do stuffs we don't wanna do! She treats us like

Tom: Lemme guess... a bunch of babies.

>we're a
>bunch of babies!

Tom: Mm-hmm.

>(Cut back to outside of closet.)
>Angelica: I'll give you dumb babies till the count of ten to open that door!

Mike (Angelica): 1, 2, 10! (lots of gun noises) Keep the change, you filthy
animal. (Home Alone ref)

>(The Rugrats looked scared.)
>Angelica: 1... 3...
>(Angelica proceeds to open the door.)

Crow: And she rips their throats out!

>Phil: I dunno what come next, but I have a bad feeling it's ten!
>Angelica: (yelling) 4!

Crow: Why's she still counting?

>Chuckie: Well we're not exacly growed-up yet y'know!
>Angelica: 15...
>Tommy: That's it Chuckie! We'll go to the foocher, where we'll be so growed up
>that Angelica won't boss us around!
>(Angelica continues to struggle with the door.)

Mike: Oh, she opened the door, but it closed itself on her foot and now they're
getting into a fistfight.

>Lil: But we don't gots our own time machine like Professor Spooky gots!

Tom (grumbling): Thank you, little miss obvious.

>Angelica: 1, 2, 90, eleventy, 14, 19...
>(Tommy looks at the stuff around the closet.)
>Tommy: Sure we do!
>Angelica: 22, a bazillion, a bazillion and a half, 5, 7, 74, 10!

Crow (Angelica): (makes locked door noises) Hey, which wise guy locked the
damn door?!

>Phil: Uh, hurry!
>Chuckie: (stammers) Uh, I dunno about going to the foocher you guys!
>Angelica: 9...

Tom: But... she... already said 10.
Crow: Oh, like we're supposed to notice that?

>Kimi: I can't hold it no mores!

(All make poop noise)

>(Tommy plugs in a set of headphones into the headphone jack of a boom box.)
>Tommy: Hang on everybody! We're going to the foocher!
>(Tommy turns a dial on the boom box.)

Crow (Tommy, very loud): LET'S PARTAY!!!!!

>(Cut to view of ceiling.)
>Angelica: (echoing) 10!
>(The whole closet is distorted in a whirlpool fashion.

Crow (Babylon 5 style): Jump!  I repeat; jump!

>Fade out.)

Mike: Well... I guess it's a break, so let's go!
Tom: Thank god, it was just getting cheesy.
Crow: Not as cheesy it WILL be...
Tom: Ugh.

(all leave the theater, reverse door sequence, back to bridge)

Mike: So, I wonder what the babies will look like 10 years from now.
Crow: Well, they're gonna have hair and "grown-up" stuff like that...
Tom: Knowing the Rugrats... the hair's gonna be ugly. And the voices... ugh.
Just thinking of that makes me sick.
Mike: Yeah, me too.
Tom: Well, for me, it *literally* makes me sick. (goes off screen)
(beat)
Mike: I didn't know that robots could throw up.
Crow: Who said anything about throwing up? He's probably gonna try to flush
himself down the toilet.
Mike: In that case, I guess you better check on him.
Crow (going off screen): Tom, you better not be doing anything stupid...
Mike: A sick and suicidal bot. Who would have thought? At least it beats a
vomiting robot... We'll be right back.

(Bumper, ads, whatever's during the breaks)

(Yes, I know that was a bit short, even by my standards, for a host segment,
but hey, there wasn't much I could think of!)

(As they're entering the theater)

Mike: So where'd you find Tom?
Crow: Found him just where I expected... in the sewage. Tom, was *that* your
idea of self-therapy?
Tom: Well, yeah.
Mike (high sarcasm): Ah, wading in sewage... the perfect method of
self-therapy. Are you feeling better, Tom?
Tom: Well, let's just say, it's time to bring in the preteens.

>(Fade back to closet, still distorted.)

Crow: Hey! Is this Rugrats or an LSD trip?...

>Angelica: (echoing) 10!

Mike (MTV's Making the Video voiceover): And now, the world premiere of...
(normal) Hold it, that doesn't work...
Tom: Get on with the story already...

>(The closet view returns to normal. The door opens.

Mike: Ka-ching! (Reference to the Pink Floyd/Wizard of Oz synchronicity
where the shot of Dorothy's front door opening to Oz coincides with a cash
register sound on the "Other Side of the Rainbow" album. Thanks Joe!)

>Angelica now looks ten years
>older, as do all the Rugrats in this segment, which takes place ten years
>later.)

Tom: No, really? DUH!
Crow: Given that they all look ten years older, I wouldn't have expected it
to take place in 1841.

>Angelica: I can't believe you and your mutant friends are still playing in a
>closet!

Mike (Angelica): How did you manage to live in a closet for ten years,
anyway?
Crow (Tommy): Er... We ate Chuckie.

>You are such preteens! That Emica CD is brand new! Hand it over!
>(Tommy crawls out of closet and stands up.)
>Tommy: But you said we could borrow it Angelica!
>Angelica: Your memory's slipping Pickles! I said you could maybe look at my
>Emica CD!
>(Chuckie crawls out.)
>Chuckie: But we wanted to learn all of her songs before the concert tomorrow.

Tom: Which means there's gonna be a big musical number at the end, right?
Mike: Well... yes.

>Angelica: You want too much, Finster, now gimme my CD. I'm gonna be late for the
>bus.
>(Phil crawls out.)
>Phil: Does anybody but me think we need a bigger club house?

Crow (random Rugrat): Let's see, there's me, and oh yes! Everybody here.

>(Lil and Kimi fall out.)
>Lil: Phillip! When you are the bottom of the pyramid, you hafta tell when you're
>gonna move!

Mike: Isn't that something I got from Dilbert?

>Kimi: I think I ripped my pants!

(All gasp) (Ref to an ep of the Simpsons where Krusty talks about how he was
banned from TV in the 50s for saying "pants".)
(BTW, you think the line is a reference to another Nick cartoon "SpongeBob
SquarePants"? That show has a song where the title sponge sings something
about his life being in a mess because he ripped his pants.)

>Angelica: This is the last time I'm gonna ask nicely. Fork over the CD!
>Dil: (voice only, from closet) Here! Catch!

(Mike makes explosion noise, to give the impression that Dil's thrown a
bomb or something)

>(Dil throws what is now an old Reptar doll at Angelica.)
>Angelica: Very funny Dylan!
>Dil: (giggles) I thought so!
>Angelica: Maybe I should tell Aunt Didi about the lizard in the shoe box?

Crow (Dil): Go ahead, make my day.

>Dil: Not funny! Not funny one bit.
>(Dil surrenders the CD to Angelica.)
>(Cut to kitchen. Camera looks at a picture of Grandpa near the sink,

All (Westlife, their version of "Uptown Girl"): Uptown girl, she's been
living in an uptown world, I'll bet she never had a backstreet guy, I met
her mom and never told her why.
(The video of this song has a quick shot of a B&W picture of Claudia
Schiffer, who later appears in the flesh in the video)

>where she's
>washing dishes.)

Crow: Grandpa is a *she*?!

>Didi: I know it isn't easy being over 90 years old, but you still have to think
>about your health.
>(Pan down to reveal that she was talking to Spike.)

Mike: Boy, he didn't age well at all, did he?

>Didi: I just don't understand, I've been so careful about your diet all these
>years.
>(Tommy walks into the kitchen. He picks up a wad of bacon and feeds it to
>Spike.)

(Crow does cymbal punchline sound)

>Tommy: Hiya Spike, you old boy.
>(The others walk in. Angelica puts on her headphones.)
>Angelica: Honestly, Aunt Didi; how do you put up with these juveniles?

Tom (Didi): To tell you the truth... I have no idea.

>(Stu walks in, wearing a disco suit.)
>Stu: What do you think?
>Angelica: Forget I asked.
>(Stu shows off some of his disco moves.)

Mike (sings): Living with a hernia... (That's a reference to "Weird Al"
Yankovic's song parody of "Living in America".)

>Dil: I don't remember you wearing that daddy.
>Angelica: (to twins) That's because someone dropped him on his head when he was
>a baby.
>Phil: (to Lil) Dil's fine; we only dropped him once.

Crow (Phil): A day. Except on Two for Tuesdays.

>Stu: Grandpa Lou gave me this scorpio medallion on my 18th birthday. It's my
>good luck charm. I wore this to every dance contest I entered back in the day.
>In fact I was wearing this when I met your mom.

Tom: You moron. Get with the century already, will ya?
Mike: A little hostile toward nostalgia, aren't you?
Tom: Hey, nostalgia killed a friend of mine once.
Mike: ...

>Didi: Normally, I didn't date men who wore jewelry, but in this case, I made an
>exception.
>Stu: And after that, I never danced without this medallion or your mother again.
>
>Didi: Oh Stu.

Mike: ...I know I'm going to regret this, but--
Tom: I *told* him it was swallowing goldfish, not swallowing pirahna, but
would he listen?
(Referring to the 1950s dare of swallowing live goldfish.)

>(to the kids) Tomorrow is the "Dinosaurs Of Disco" dance contest at
>the park, so your dad and I are dusting up our old routine!
>(Stu and Didi do a few moves.)

Tom: Michael Jackson he's not.

>Angelica: You guys are going to dance like that in front of people?
>Didi: Your mom and dad are dancing too!
>Angelica: Ugh! How embarrasing!
>Tommy: (to Stu and Didi) You guys'll definitely win!
>(Tommy gives his thumbs up of approval.)

Crow: And his middle finger of... Well, can't think of anything suitable.

>Stu: So long as I got my medal.

Mike (Stu): And my four leaf clover, and rabbit's foot.
Tom: He's gonna lose the medal, no two ways about it.
Crow: I bet it gets stolen and Tommy has to track it down before the
competition.
Tom: You bet? How about a pair of ROM chips for that?
Crow: Okay.

>(The bus outside honks.)
>Didi: Oh! There's the bus! You better hurry, you know how the driver doesn't
>like to wait.
>Angelica: Now listen up. I don't want any of you guys talking to me on the bus,
>I've convinced everyone that we're just casual acquaintences.

Crow: Now, you *know* this is ten years in the future, 'cause she isn't
mispronouncing *anything*.

>(The Rugrats walk onto the school bus. Didi talks to the bus driver.)
>Didi: And please be careful going over bumps. Dil's stomach has been a little
>queezy lately.
>(The bus driver turns to Didi. The driver is Grandpa.)

All: D'oh!
Mike: Where's a bomb when you need one?  It would be safer and more humane.

>Grandpa: He'll throw-up just like all the other kids, that's why they invented
>sawdust.
>(Dil walks onto the bus.)
>Dil: Hey Grandpa. How's Grandma?

Tom (Grandpa): Er, dead, just like last week.

>Grandpa: Still off cruising the Nile. She sends her love.(to the others) Hang on
>kids, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

Tom: And he drives at twenty miles an hour and leaves both blinkers on.
Crow: *Both* blinkers? How's he manage that?
Tom: I'm not exactly sure, but he does.

>(Grandpa closes the bus door.)
>Grandpa: I've had 3 bowls of oatmeal and a pint of prune juice, and I'm rarin'
>to go! (shifts gears and drives) Wheee!

Mike (groans): My comment still stands.

>(Angelica sits down beside Samantha in back seat.)
>Angelica: Hey Samantha, have you heard the new Emica CD? Just came out
>yesterday!
>Samantha: Cool! Lemme see!
>(Samantha realises that there's something slimy on the CD.)

(Everyone sweats.)

>Samantha: Ewww! Is that peanut butter?

Mike: Oh!
Crow: Of course!
Tom: Whew.

>Angelica: Oh my gosh! Where did that come from?
>Tommy: (to Chuckie)  Don't look now, but I think Angelica found the peanut
>butter.
>(Chuckie looks back

Tom (Tommy): You idiot, what did I just say?

>and sees Samantha, he opens his mouth in shock and acts like
>he's fallen in love.

Mike: Oh, put your pants back on!

>Samantha is looking at herself in a pocket mirror, when she
>puts it away she sees Chuckie; he gasps and turns around.)
>Tommy: What's wrong Chuckie?

Crow (Chuckie): Wet myself. Twice.

>Chuckie: (giggles nervously) That girl.
>Tommy: Who? Angelica?
>Chuckie:  No! Not Angelica! Her friend! I was looking at her then she looked at
>me and then she almost smiled and I had to turn around.

Tom (Tommy): And that's when you wet yourself.
Crow (Chuckie): Twice.

>(Tommy turns around looks at Samantha then looks back)
>Tommy: That's Samantha Shane.

Mike: She was in "Working Girl". No kidding, look it up.
(beat)
Crow: Yep, she was one of the secretaries. Yeah, one of those "Crewman #6"-
type roles.
(Last line refers to "Galaxy Quest", where one character complains about
having such a role. And yes, one of those credited in "Working Girl" was
named Samantha Shane.)

>(Cut back to Angelica and Samantha; they are looking at the CD insert.)
>Samantha: Oh, wow! That's a totally cute look!
>Angelica: I have those same exact shoes.
>Samantha: Really? Can I borrow them for the Emica concert tomorrow?
>Angelica: Well, um, I actually lost them somewhere.

Crow (Angelica): They were, er, stolen by elves.

>(Samantha looks at Tommy, who's looking at Samantha. Getting caught in the act,
>Tommy ducks down.)

Tom (Samantha): I think I just saw a prairie dog.

>Samantha: Ooh, that Tommy Pickles keeps looking back here. I can't believe that
>you have the same last name and you're not even related.
>Angelica: I know, it's awful. I asked my parents if I could change my last name
>to LaTiffany, but they said no.

Mike: "Angelica LaTiffany"?
Crow: Sounds like a porn star name. Not that I would know.

>Samantha: Parents.
>(Cut back to Tommy & Chuckie. Phil eavesdrops from the seat behind them.)
>Tommy: Are you sure she smiled at you, Chuckie?
>Chuckie: Yes, well, almost. I feel kind of sick.

Tom: That's love, pretty much.

>But, in a good way. I never
>felt this way before, Tommy.
>Tommy: Wow!
>Chuckie: And, I would've smiled back, but I'm afraid my lips would get stuck on
>my braces.
>Lil: Does that happen?

Tom (Chuckie): Well, I brushed my teeth with Elmer's glue this morning...
Crow (Lil): That's ridiculous... at least you should use Gorilla glue.
("Don't monkey around with other glues", they say)

>Chuckie: Well, it hasn't happened yet, but I think it's possible. And I cant
>risk smiling at a cute girl like Samantha, and there's a chance that halfway
>through, my mouth is gonna get all tangled up and, can I?
>Kimi: You guys! Tomorrow we're officially practically teenagers!

Mike: And that has... *what* relevance to the conversation?

>We're going to
>our first concert!
>Lil: Yeah, unless you count those baby concerts, where they gave out juice and
>made us quack.

Crow (Phil): Yeah, I remember. We had sore tummies for the next couple weeks.

>Phil: Anyone else miss those sippy cups?
>(The other Rugrats respond strangely.)
>Phil: I was just checking.
>Tommy: You know, Emica always ask somebody in the audience to come up and sing
>with her. I hope it's me.

Mike: Prediction: it will be. What other point is there in bringing it up
anyway?...
Crow (AT&T ad): Have you ever been invited onto stage to sing with a pop
superstar? You will.

>(Cut back to the back of the bus, where Samantha and Angelica are looking at a
>magazine; the ad had a special promotion where someone can win a free T-shirt.)
>Samantha: Isn't Emica cool? Everybody's dressing retro for the concert. I'm
>borrowing my mom's faux fur mini. What are you wearing?
>Angelica: My mom's lime green power suit.

Crow: That doesn't sound retro, that sounds sad.

>Samantha: Ew! That's not retro, that's sad.

Crow: For the record, I said that first.

>Angelica: Did I say power suit? I meant crop top and matching capri pants!

Tom: Your mom's lime green crop top and capri pants?

>(Angelica points to magazine.)
>Angelica: And that!
>(Magazine has picture of Emica with the same medallion as Stu's.)

Mike: Oh, of *course* it does.
Tom: Where there's a coincidence, there's annoyance. Coincidence?

>Samantha: You have the same necklace?
>Angelica: Of course!
>Samantha: I can't believe it.
>(The bus stops and parks at Jim Jr. Jr. High School.

(All snicker at school name)

>The door opens and the kids
>disembark.)
>Grandpa: Okay sprouts, off to school. I got a skydiving lesson at 10:30.

Tom: Good. I hope he dies.
(Mike scoots in his seat a bit farther from Tom)

>(As Chuckie get up and picks up his upside-down backpack, his books fall out.)
>Samantha: (to Angelica) That's great about the necklace. If you really have it,
>I mean.
>(Angelica scowls at Samantha.)

Tom (Angelica): You'll be the first to die.
(Mike scoots even farther)

>(Chuckie closes his backpack and gets up. He bumps into Samantha. She scowls at
>his homeliness.

Mike: (winces) Geez, nice way to put it, there.
Crow: Look familiar, there, Mike?
Mike: Hey, shut up.

>Chuckie smiles, but the middles of his lips are stuck.)
>Samantha: The lips.
>(She smiles and gives Chuckie her lip balm.)
>Samantha: I don't need it back.

Crow: Boy, he sure takes his compliments where he can get them, eh?

>(Samantha gets off the bus. Chuckie looks at the lip balm and caresses it like a
>prized possession, smiling. Fade out.)

Mike: Chap Stick. For all those sticky situations. (beat) Guys? Let's take
a break.

(all leave the theater, reverse door sequence, back to bridge)

Tom: Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna take a nap for a couple of minutes.
(He does so, by slipping into a hole in the main counter, just like in the
MST3K film by the way.)
Crow (to camera): I'm gonna secretly slip this shirt onto Tom, so that when
he wakes up, he's gonna have the shock surprise of his life. (beat) Not that
he's had one anyway.
(Crow puts the shirt over the hole.)
(A couple minutes later, indicated by time lapse)
(Tom pops out of the hole, yawns, then hovers over to a conveniently placed
mirror, where we also see the camera by the way. We can see that the shirt
he's wearing is a white shirt with light blue sleeves. In other words, "All
Growed Up" Tommy's shirt.)
Tom: Hey! Whose bright idea was this anyway?!
Mike (coming in): Well, don't look at me...
Tom (like Biff Tannen saying "McFly"): Crow!...
(off screen, we hear Tom chasing Crow)
Mike: I've said this before, and I'll say it again. Kids grow up so fast.
(beat) We'll be right back.

(Bumper, ads, whatever's during the breaks)

(That aformentioned skit was suggested by Shay Caron... Thank you.)

Tom: Don't ever do this to me again, Crow, got that?
Crow: Oh c'mon, it was just a good-natured prank.

>(Fade into a science classroom, starting with a planet mobile and panning
>towards the center of the classroom. The science teacher. Mrs. Guppie, pulls 
>down a picture of the earth's insides. Pan down towards Tommy & Chuckie, who sit
>next to each other at their desks.) 
>Tommy: She said you could keep it? That's pretty serious. 
>Chuckie: I think I like her, Tommy. 
>Tommy: Is that why you keep writing her name all over your book cover?

Tom (Chuckie, high sarcasm): No, I just like to write it for fun...

>(Cut to Chuckie's book, which has Samantha's name written all over it.) 
>Chuckie: Well, it's only this book. 
>(Lil, sitting next to Kimi, talks to Chuckie.) 
>Lil: Hey Chuckie, are you using that lip sutff?
>Chuckie: No.

Crow (Lil): Good, the FDA demands a recall.

>Lil: Can I have it? 
>Chuckie: (yelling) No!

Crow (Lil, mumbling): Fine, run the risk of getting your lips burned, why
don't ya?

>(Cut to the front of the class. Mrs. Guppie is tapping her ruler on the desk.) 
>Mrs. Guppie: Let's move on to our science projects. Who would like to go first? 
>I bet Tommy would. 
>Tommy: Sure, Mrs. Guppie! 
>(Tommy gets up from his desk and carries his science project to the front of the 
>room. The project involves a pickle, a battery and some wires with clips and 
>probes.)

Tom: So he's gonna electrocute himself?
Mike: No, I did this thing in high school myself... It's cool.

>Tommy: I have here an ordinary dill pickle. 

Crow: Lame pun involving his brother coming up...

>Not to be confused with my baby 
>brother, Dil Pickles. 
>(The class laughs.)

(Crow groans)
Tom: Gallagher, ladies and gentlemen!

>Tommy: And now, I will demonstrate the principle of charged sodium particles. 
>You see, there's sodium in pickles, and sodium conducts electricity.

Mike: Actually Tommy, there's sodium *chloride* in pickles, and its ions
conduct electricity.
Tom: Mike... it's not exactly polite to argue with the film.
Crow: Yeah, it's not like our normal material is scientifically correct.

>Watch.
>(Tommy touches the probes with each other, making sparks. Then, he inserts a 
>probe in each end of the pickle.

Crow: The pickle then blows up. Kablooie!

>The pickle glows a bright orange. The class
>reacts in awe.)

Mike: See? What'd I tell ya, is that cool or what?

>Mrs. Guppie: Where ever did you get such a clever idea?

Mike (Tommy): I don't know. (makes sliming noise) (A nod to the show that
kick-started Nickelodeon, You Can't Do That on Television)
(beat)
Mike: Ah, those were the days, when Nick's biggest highlight was people
getting slimed.

>(The class applauds. Tommy removes the probes and puts his project away. As this
>happens, Angelica walks into the classroom and waves.) 
>Angelica: Sorry to interrupt, Mrs. Guppie! I love what you done to the place. 
>Are those new whiteboards?
>Mrs. Guppie: Flattery didn't work 2 years ago, Miss Pickles, and it won't... 
>work... now.

Tom: Teacher played by William Shatner. (the guy from Star Trek)

>Angelica: I need to talk to Tommy; it's a... a... family emergency! 
>Mrs. Guppie: Is everything alright? 
>Angelica: Yeah...

Crow (Angelica): I just realized I'm ugly.

>his dog has a bad case of gas.
>(The class laughs.) 
>Phil: She said gas! Not me! You all heard it! 
>Mrs. Guppie: (to class) Order! Order!

Mike (random student): A burger and fries, please!...

>(Angelica drags Tommy to the hallway.) 
>Tommy: Spike always has gas, Angelica. What's going on? 
>Angelica: Thomas, forget all our past differences. Forget I said never to talk 
>to me in public. Forget that I boss you around for the past 11 years. Right now, 
>I need you to do the biggest favor of your life for me.

Mike: Alright, I'm getting this weird image of her in the Godfather.
Crow: Better get used to it, Mike...
(Trivia: Angelica did a Godfather routine in "Rugrats in Paris".)

>I need to wear your
>dad's gold medallion to the Emica concert. 
>Tommy: But my dad's wearing it in that contest. It's his good luck charm. 
>Angelica: But I need it way more! You see, Samantha told Natalie, who told
>Ashley, who told Madison, who told her cousin in Holland, to say I have that
>same exact necklace as Emica, and the cousin sent a chain e-mail to all her 
>friends!

(All take a couple of secs to take all that in)
Tom: I sure hope this doesn't turn into a Rugrats version of "Six Degrees of
Separation"...
Crow: Yeah, who could stomach Kevin Bacon?
Mike: Besides, we've already had it with their go at "The Crying Game"...
("Clan of the Duck", a previous MSTing)
(beat)
Crow: Y'know, it just occured to me that the transvestite in that film was
named Dil. Coincidence or conspiracy?
Mike: More like coincidence... at least I hope so.

>Tommy: Angelica... 
>Angelica: Okay, so it's in Dutch! Who cares? I've been talked about around the 
>world!

Crow (Tommy): So what?...

>Tommy: Angelica, I can't. 
>Angelica: But if I show up without that necklace, Samantha will tell everyone I 
>lied! 
>Tommy: But you always sort of... lie.

Tom (Angelica): Yeah... so? That's not the point.

>Angelica: (yelling) That's not the point! 

Tom: D'oh!
Mike: Why doesn't he just jam a pen into her forehead? It would be cool.

>(The bell rings. The kids start to leave the class.)
>Tommy: I'm sorry Angelica. I just can't help you this time.
>Angelica: Some cousin you are, Pickles!

Tom (Tommy): Ah, speak for yourself!...

>See if I ever do anything for (yells)
>you and your dumb friends again!
>(Angelica walks away. Tommy shakes his head in disbelief.)
>(Cut to cafeteria. Then, cut to the serving line, where a big, surly worker 
>doles out a big blob of goop to each student.) 
>Dil: How come you have to wear that thing on your head and not on your arms? 
>(The cafeteria lady gives Dil an extra big blob of goop.) 
>Dil: Everytime I say that, she gives me the crusty part of the tuna casserole!

Mike: You'd think he'd stop saying that after a while, huh?

>(Dil walks away with Tommy, Chuckie and Kimi. Phil and Lil just left the line 
>with spaghetti.) 
>Lil: Look! Spaghetti, our favorite! 
>Phil: I don't know why, but it takes me back right to my childhood. 

Tom: But we just CAME from his childhood!
Crow: I think I'm getting temporal whiplash.

>(Phil picks up the spaghetti with his bare hands.)
>Kimi: Yuck! That stuff looks like worms! 
>Phil: That's it! Come on, Lil! 
>(Phil & Lil run away. Kimi joins them.) 
>Kimi: (to Tommy & Chuckie) Save you a seat!

Mike: I didn't even know the seats were sinners!

>(Chuckie proceeds to join them, but stops when he sees Samantha talking with 
>Angelica.) 
>Chuckie: (to Tommy) There she is. How do I look? Is my hair sticking up? 
>Tommy: No more than usual.
>Chuckie: Oh, no! She's coming this way! Fix it, Tommy! 
>(Tommy uses his fingers to attempt to straighten Chuckie's hair.) 
>Chuckie: I'm getting that feeling in my stomach again. 
>Tommy: Just act natural, Chuckie. Just be yourself.

Crow (Tommy): Didn't you see "Shrek"?

>Angelica: (to Samantha) No way. 
>(Chuckie looks towards the girls and groans a little bit. His hair is all over 
>the front side of his head.) 

Tom: Oh no!  Tommy's changing into the Pre-teenage Werewolf!

>Samantha: Ew! Come on, Angelica!
>Angelica: Smooth move, Finster. 
>Chuckie: I might as well just hide for the rest of my 2.5 years in braces. 
>(Chuckie walks away.) 
>Angelica: (to Tommy) Very interesting. Your best friend has a crush on my best 
>friend.

Mike (Angelica): This just like some screwy plot device from some really
lame movie!

>Tommy: Uh, what makes you think that? 
>Angelica: Please Tommy, I read teen magazines. Spill it! 
>Tommy: Well, okay. Chuckie likes Samantha, but now he's definitely too scared to 
>talk to her. 
>Angelica: I could fix that. 
>Tommy: You could? How? 

Crow: Blackmail?
Tom:  Witchcraft?
Mike (The Godfather): She'll make her an offer...she can't refuse.

>Angelica: Samantha listens to everything I say.

Tom: Samantha's as gullible as a dittohead.

>I'll just tell her what a great
>guy Chuckie is. 
>Tommy: You really do that? What's the catch? 
>Angelica: It's easy. I'll fix up metalmouth with Samantha, if you get me your 
>Uncle Stu's zodiac necklace. Deal?

Mike: Wasn't this scene originally in "Bedazzled"?
Tom: Well, since Angelica's practically a little *devil*, it would make
some sense. Course she's not exactly "little" now.

>(They look at Chuckie, who's sitting all by himself, depressed.) 
>Tommy: Deal. 
>Angelica: Perfect. I'll be over first thing tomorrow morning to pick it up. That 
>should give you time to, you know, borrow it temporarily.

Crow (Angelica): Know whatahmean, nudge nudge, say no more.
(Tom groans)
(Turns out that this joke from Shay was used in Monty Python. Incidentally,
there are a few more in this MSTing.)

>(They look at Chuckie again, still depressed. He straightens his hair.) 
>(Camera zooms in close onto Tommy,

Tom (transcriber): Then bonks him in the head. (One scene I remember from
"Scary Movie": Camera zooms in to a screaming chick, then bonks her on the
head, and she pushes it away, before continuing with the scene.)

>then fades out.)

Mike: I guess it's time for an extended breather. I think we must be like
halfway through this by now.

(all leave the theater, reverse door sequence, back to bridge)

Crow: So lemme get this straight. Tommy plans to "borrow" one of his dad's
"accesories".
Mike: Yep. And then he's gonna give it to her cousin.
Crow: And she's gonna wear it to a concert.
Tom: And she'll also introduce her friend to the braces kid.
Crow: Doesn't sound terribly complex, does it?
Mike: Of course not. The show is made for, shall we say, a youthful
demographic. It's not like they can handle complex storylines.
Crow: But when you've got to make a story last an hour, couldn't you just
go the extra mile and make the story a *biiit* more complex?
Mike: This *is* complex by their standards... let's run down the other 2
stories we've done: "The babies play football with a milk bottle" and
"Chuckie and Phil wear skirts". 
Tom: I guess we can accept that. But that doesn't mean that the story won't
be predictable.
Mike: Well, with the youthful demographic, "tons of plot twists" doesn't
exactly top the list when it comes to guidelines for writing decent kids'
entertainment.
Crow: Well, to quote Roger Ebert, it's about what we endure while we're
watching it, not about where it finally arrives.
(Yes, Ebert really did say that when he wrote about "The Story of Us".)
Mike: I hope we don't have to *endure* more lame writing... but I guess we
will. We'll be right back.

(Bumper, ads, whatever's during the breaks)

>(Fade in to Tommy and Dil's house; the school bus stops and drops Tommy & Dil
>off. They walk into the house.) 
>Dil: Do you really think dad's gonna let you borrow his medallion?

Mike (Tommy): Who said anything about him knowing? Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha...

>Tommy: I'm sure he'll understand

Tom: Hah, famous last words.

>after I explain about Chuckie and Samantha.
>Besides, I doubt Dad really believes in all that good luck charm stuff anyhow.
>(Tommy & Dil walk in. Stu, Didi, Charlotte, Drew, Chazz and Betty are also here, 
>in period 70s and 80s clothes.)

(All scream, hide)

>Didi: Poor Kira is missing all the fun.

Mike: What, is she stuck with Sisko or something? (as in Major Kira of DS9)
(beat)
Crow: Alright, if this "Kira" is Kimi's mom, something tells me this is
going to be a huge ripoff... And I think she is.

>(Betty purposely bumps into Chazz.) 
>Betty: Hey, Chazzster, thanks for filling in after Howie's little mishap 
>practising his dance moves.

Tom (Betty): He's still getting tetanus shots for it. (Ref to 'Nsync's Joey
Fatone getting injured during filming the music video for "Pop". Well
publicized since it was on MTV's Making the Video.)
Crow: (hard whump noise) ACK! (as Chazz) I can see why he got injured...

>(Betty pulls Chazz off of the couch.)

Mike: Is she flirting with him?
Crow: I hope not.

>Betty: Nothing doing, buddy -- that mirror ball trophy is ours.
>Stu: (voice only) Sorry, Betty, but I'm begging to differ.
>(Cut to Stu, wearing his disco suit.)

Tom: I'm bliiiind!
Mike: Oh, the humanity!
Crow: My retinas would be fused if I had any!

>Betty: (voice only) Whoa! Move over Tony Manero!
>(Stu struts his stuff.)
>Stu: That's right! You are looking at tomorrow's "Dinosaurs of Disco" champion! 

All: Where? (rim-shot)

>Drew: Hah! You're a dinosaur, alright. What makes you so sure you can still take
>the prize? 
>Stu: Three things, bro -- my moves... 
>(Stu dances.)

Mike: It's a short sentence, but contains a lot of incident.

>Stu: My dance partner...
>(Stu gets Didi to dance with him.)
>Didi: Stu! Careful with the partner!
>Stu: And last but not least. my good luck charm -- wouldn't dance without it.

Crow (Stu): My lucky shrunken head.
Tom: Well, you'd *have* to have a shrunken head not to see the next plot
twist coming...

>(Stu holds his medallion. Tommy and Dil look at each other nervously.)
>(Cut to exterior of house at night. Then, cut to Tommy's room, where Tommy is
>working on a fake medallion.

Crow (Tommy): Heh heh, Mr. T will never know the difference.
Tom: Hey, knock it off with the Mr. T! I'm still reeling from that "Foo'
Cher" line you did earlier.

>Dil walks in, yawning.)
>Tommy: Shh! What are you doing up?
>Dil: I can't get back to sleep.

Mike (Dil): Read me a story.

>(Dil looks at the round dog biscuit.)
>Dil: Are you gonna eat that cookie? 
>Tommy: It's a dog treat. 
>Dil: Even better! Let me try! 

Crow: What, does he think he's in a Betsy Sachs book? (Really obscure; she
wrote a kids' book called "The Boy Who Ate Dog Biscuits".)

>(Dil tries to grab the dog biscuit, but Tommy stops him.)
>Tommy: No, Dil, I need it to make a fake Scorpio medallion since I can't ask Dad 
>for his. 
>Dil: But won't Angelica know it's fake? What if she smells the cookie? 
>Tommy: Dog treat!

Tom: You got your dog treat in my cookie!
Mike: You got your cookie in my dog treat!
(Reeses' Pieces ad dialog)

>She's getting a real one. I'll switch this with dad's, just
>for a day. 
>Dil: Seems like a lot of trouble for a girl. 

Tom: I'm still not sure I understand the whole "girl" thing.
Mike: I think it's got something to do with pheromones.
Crow: Oh, those things that you use to talk to someone over great distances?
Mike: ...No, those are telephones.
Crow: Oh, then you mean those big gray animals with the huge ears.
Mike: You're thinking of elephants.
Crow: (pause) Oh, I know! When a ferret is unhappy--
Mike: Shut up, Crow.
Crow (cheerfully): Okay.

>(Tommy puts a chain on the fake medallion.)
>Tommy: There.
>(Tommy walks to Dil and shows him the completed medallion, waving it back and 
>forth.) 
>Tommy: What do you think?

Tom: It's shiiiiiny... I must take it home to put in my nest!

>Dil: (sleepy) I'm going back to bed.
>(Tommy has an idea. He continues to wave the medallion back and forth.)
>Tommy: Look into my medal. You are getting sleepy, Dil. Sleepy. Tomorrow you 
>will do all my chores and act like a monkey.

Crow: At the same time? That's gonna be tough.

>(Dil collapses to sleep. Tommy giggles.)
>(Cut to Stu and Didi's room; they sleep. Spike is laying down next to them. 
>Tommy sneaks in and switches the real medallion with the fake one,

Mike (Tommy): Yoink!
Tom (Stu): What?
Mike (Tommy): Nothing. Go back to sleep.
Tom (Stu): Oh, okay.

>then sneaks
>back out, closing the door behind him.)
>(Cut to night sky. Dissolve to morning sky; pan down to house.) 
>(Cut to Spike; he wakes up and smells the air. He wals to the fake medallion and 
>eats it.)

Tom: Today's defeater of the evil plot: the dog.
Crow: So the lesson here is, kill the dog before you carry out your evil
plan.
Mike: Crow! That's disgusting.
Tom: You could just maim it.

>(Cut to kitchen. Tommy walks in while Dil taks out the trash.)
>Tommy: I got it!

Mike (Tommy): An annoying voice and ugly hair!
Tom: Uh, Mike, could you quit reminding me of that?

>Dil: That's great, Tommy. Hurry up and eat breakfast 'cause I like to do the
>dishes before I mow the lawn. 
>(Dil acts like a monkey.) 
>Tommy: It worked! I guess I better get you a banana.

Crow: Ah, hahaha, those crazy kids and their hypnotic antics. Ha ha. Kill me.

>(Spike sees the real medallion on the table and picks it up with his teeth, then
>walks off with it.) 
>Dil: Spike, no! I just wiped the table! 
>Tommy: Dil, chill out. I told you to do my chores, not to turn into mom.

Mike: Oh, *there's* an image I could have lived without.

>(Dil acts like a monkey again while Tommy gets him a banana.)
>Tommy: Here you go, Dil.
>(Tommy notices that the medallion is missing; all that remains is a small pool
>of drool on the table.)
>Tommy: Hey! Where's the medallion?

Tom: Dude, where's my medallion?
(A pause. Crow and Mike whisper to each other.)

>(Dil continues playing a monkey.)
>Tommy: Okay, joke's over! Where is it?
>Dil: Spike's eating it!
>(The boys rush into the backyard.)
>Tommy: Spike!
>(They see the fake medallion's torn wrappers on the ground.)

(Crow and Mike stop whispering.)
Crow: Tom, we've talked it over, and we've come to the conclusion that we're
going to have to kill you.
Tom: Fair enough.

>Tommy: Oh no! The wrappers from the fake one!
>(They run to Spike, who's licking himself.

All: Aaaugh!

>Tommy opens Spike's jaws.)
>Tommy: He must've thought the real one was a dog treat, too.
>Dil: You mean... 
>(Spike stands up, panting.) 
>Stu: (voice only, from house) Tommy! Dil! 
>Dil: (to Tommy) You are

Mike (Anne Robinson): ...the weakest link. Goodbye!

>in so much trouble.
>(Cut to, and zoom into, Tommy, looking nervous. Fade out.) 

Tom: You may hand over the chips now, goldenrod.
Crow: Fine, here! (hands over chips) 

(all leave the theater, reverse door sequence, back to bridge)

(Mike reads from a book entitled "A Lesson Before Frying: How to Operate Your
New George Foreman Grill". A few seconds pass, and we hear what sounds like
an electric circuit buzzing, followed by giggling. Mike glances up, then
looks back to his book. This happens two more times before Mike stands up,
puts down his book, and walks to the right.)
Mike: Okay, I fear to ask, but what are you two doing?
(It turns out that Crow and Tom are each holding a long metal probe,
comparable to the two Tommy had in the glowing pickle scene. On the counter,
spread out, are: a bowling ball, a cheeseburger, Gypsy, and a pair of
underwear.)
Crow: Oh, hi, Mike! We were just doing that science experiment Tommy did in
the show.
Mike: Um, you know, that experiment only works with--
Tom: Oh, just jump up our butts.
Mike (confused): What, at the same time?
Crow: Observe! Exhibit A: my lucky bowling ball.
(Crow and Tom touch the bowling ball with the probes, and as the buzzing
starts, it glows an eerie orange.)
Mike: The hell?
Tom: Exhibit 2: part of Bobo's lunch. A very *small* part of Bobo's lunch.
(They touch the sandwich, which glows a sort of yellowish-white.)
Crow: Ah, that must be the mayonnaise.
Mike: Let me see those probes!
Tom: No time, Mike! Science calls!
Crow: Exhibit Gamma: Gypsy!
(You know the drill. Indeed, Gypsy glows a soft purple.)
Gypsy: Wow.
Tom: And finally, Exhibit IV: a pair of Mike's underwear.
Mike: Oh, now hold on--
(Crow and Tom touch the underwear with the probes, and it EXPLODES! HA! Bet
you didn't see THAT one coming!)
Mike: (cough)
(Eventually the smoke cloud fades. Everyone is covered with ashes.)
Mike: I hope you've learned a little lesson about science.
Crow: We have, Mike. Science is cool.
Mike: I'm gonna go take a long shower. We'll be right back.
Tom: Ew, bad mental image.
Mike: Look, shut up.

(Bumper, ads, whatever's during the breaks)

(That aformentioned skit also was suggested by Shay Caron... Heck, it was
WRITTEN by Shay.)

(As they're entering the theater)

Crow: Hey, you know what I just realised? There's another Rugrat and she
hasn't showed up yet.
Tom: Who?
Crow: Susie.
Mike: Who on earth is Susie?
Crow: This black kid, you don't see her often. I'd explain things, but first
let's get on with the show.

>(Fade into the house's exterior. Cut to kitchen.) 
>Stu (panicky) What am I gonna do? I had that Scorpion medallion for over 20 
>years!
>(Stu walks away, sobbing.)

Tom: It's depressing to watch a grown man cry. Well, not *this* bozo.
Mike: Yeah, it's more like *annoying*.

>Didi: Tommy, why would you take something that meant so much to your father,
>without asking first?
>(Tommy was about to speak, until Angelica enters, slamming the door behind her.) 

Mike (Monty Python): No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!!
Crow: As one of the Olsens would say... "How rude!" (The Olsens were famous
for sharing the role of Michelle on Full House, and towards the end of the
show's run, when she could speak, her catchphrase was "How rude!".)

>
>Angelica: Morning, favorite family! Today's the big day! While you guys dance to 
>your lame-o music, your kids are gonna be at the biggest, coolest concert of the 
>year, wearing all the latest fashions, of course!

Tom: Thank you, Miss Exposition.
Crow: Thank you, Miss Butthead.

>Didi: Not right now, Angelica. We're in the middle of a family crisis. 
>Drew: (quietly) Is it Spike? 
>Didi: No! 
>Stu: Yes!

Mike: Maybe!
Crow: I need a lifeline!
Tom: Pi squared over e!

>(Didi and Stu's answers above are simultaneous.)
>Stu: Our geriatric, overweight dog ate my medallion!
>Angelica: They what? 
>Dil: He thought it was a dog treat. Long story.
>Didi: And getting longer. Tommy was just about to tell us why he took the 
>medallion in the first place. Tommy?

Mike: Now let's watch him incriminate Angelica.
Tom: You seriously think he'll do that to *his own cousin*?
Mike: Well, at least I think he should...

>(Everyone is looking at Tommy.) 
>Tommy: Uh.... 

Crow: Wouldn't it be so cool if, just as he was about to say something, his
head exploded?
Mike: I have to admit, that *would* be pretty cool. But it would also be
over-contrived.
Tom: Have to agree with the over-contrived part... makes as much sense as
your loved one getting shot just as you pop the question.
(There's a scene in the movie "Charlie's Angels" where someone films such a
scene... for a soap, if I recall correctly.)

>Stu: (angry) We're waiting!
>Dil: I'll tell you why he did it!
>Tommy: Dil! No! 
>(Angelica plugs her ears.)

Tom (Angelica): I'm not listening! If I can't hear you, you cease to exist.

>Dil: Tommy took it because he...
>Tommy: ... because I wanted to wear it to the Emica concert so she'd see me in 
>the audience and invite me on stage to sing with her. I'm sorry, dad.

(Mike gapes in disbelief at the above)
Mike: WHAAAAAAAT?!?! What on *earth* is he doing?
Tom: Well, she's his own cousin.
Mike: Well, that was his dad he just fibbed to. Hardly any sin bigger than
that. (beat) I guess we can discuss this at the break.

>(Tommy bows his head. Angelica unplugs her ears and sighs.)
>Stu: Tommy, you took something that wasn't yours without asking. And now, it's 
>gone. (sigh) I guess we have to...

Mike (Monty Python): Fetch the Comfy Chair!
Tom: You guys been watching Monty Python, haven't you?
(Any Monty Python fan would be aware of the "Spanish Inquisition" skit where
some guy uses a comfy chair as "torture" for inquisition)

>Didi: (sobbing) ...we have to ground you! 
>Dil: But mom! Dad! We all supposed to go to the Emica concert together! 
>Stu: Sorry, son, but Tommy would have to miss it. 
>Tommy: But it's my first concert!
>Didi: (sobbing) Oh, cursed the revised edition of Lipschitz!

Tom: Oh sure, blame it on some lousy parenting book.
Mike: Yeah, guys like these think Harry Potter promotes wizardry.
Crow: Well, it does!
Mike: Does not!
Crow: Does too! It convinced *me* to try wizardry!
Mike: Crow, you're a gullible freak.
Crow: Oh yeah, good point.
Tom: You weren't even a very *good* wizard.
Crow: Hey, don't rub it in, okay?

>(Didi continues to cry. Charlotte walks over to Didi to comfort her.) 
>Charlotte: There, there. You're doing the right thing.

Crow: Directed by Spike Lee. (Referring to his "Do the Right Thing")

>(to Drew) Thank heavens
>Angelica is so well-behaved. We better let them have a moment alone.

Mike: Good thing Angelica's not a Mafioso, otherwise she'd probably be
preparing to maim Tommy the second they're alone...
(beat)
Tom: I call for no more Godfather riffs! Please?

>(Drew and Charlotte start to leave.) 
>Charlotte: (to Stu & Didi) See you at the disco tonight!

Tom: The disco FROM HELL.

>(Both Stu and Didi sob.)
>Angelica: (angrily, to Tommy) Nice going, Pickles! You can just forget about me 
>introducing Finster to Samantha now!

Crow (Tommy): Well, see if I ever do anything for you and that friend of
yours again!
Mike (Angelica): Fine!...
Tom: A bit out of character there, goldenrod...
Crow: Hey, it's a gut reaction.

>(Angelica bolts out. Cut to, and zoom into, a dejected Tommy.)
>(Cut to the backyard. The Rugrats are sitting under a tree.)

(Tom does music from the Charlie Brown films over the ensuing scene, and
then:)
Tom: 2 chips says someone will say something poop related in this scene.
Crow: Deal.

>Kimi: I can't believe you're grounded.
>Phil: I never thought I see the day!

Mike (Phil): Never I thinking that of this day come I see!

>(Cut to Tommy, still sad.)
>Phil: Not that I'm happy about it, or anything.
>Lil: You never do anything wrong.
>Chuckie: Why would you give Angelica the medallion anyway?

Tom (Tommy): She threatened to wedgie me while giving me a noogie and a
swirlie.

>Tommy: Uh, 'cause she asked me if she could borrow it to wear it to the concert.
>
>Phil: You know, if Spike ate that necklace, you'll still get it back. 
>All: Eww!

Crow: Sigh, close enough. Here you go...
Tom: Yep, 10 years later, they still can't shake off potty humor.

>Tommy: Yeah, but it's not in time for the dance contest.
>Chuckie: Who would want it then?
>Tommy: You guys go and have fun.
>(The Rugrats get up and leave.)

Mike (Rugrats): Okay, bye.

>(Cut to exterior of house.)
>Stu: (voice only) I almost feel like staying home with Tommy.
>(Cut to interior; Stu, in his disco suit, sits on the stairs, while Didi adjusts 
>her hoop earrings.) 
>Stu: There's no way we're going to win without my good luck charm.

Mike: He's lost his mojo!
Crow: Good.

>Didi: Stu, I am wearing polyester and platform shoes. We're going! Besides, I
>already lined up a sitter for Tommy.
>Stu: A sitter? What about Pop?

Tom: He was a senile old coot when they were *babies*. Imagine what he's like
*now*.

>Didi: Your father said he had plans, and was very mysterious about them. Oh,
>we're lucky to have found someone on such short notice. 
>(The doorbell buzzes. Stu gets the door.) 
>Stu: Great; probably gonna cost us twice as much.

Crow: I'm guessing it's Susie...

>(Stu opens the door; Susie is right outside.)

Crow: Ding ding!

>Susie: Actually, it's triple my normal rate, but I might give you a break on 
>mileage since I live across the street.

Crow: There's some character info for you.
Tom: Gee, how convenient.
Mike: Not necessarily *relevant* character info, but still, nice nonetheless.

>(Susie comes in.)
>Stu: Mileage? But you don't even drive yet! 
>Susie: Ha ha, gotcha, Mr. Pickles. So, who am I looking at? Tommy and Dil? 
>Tommy, Dil, Chuckie and Kimi? Or Tommy, Dil, Chuckie, Kimi, Phil and... 

Crow + Mike: (break into Viking song) Spam, spam, spam, spam, glorious spam!
Wonderful spam! Spam, spam, spam, spam...
(Shay agrees with me completely on the Python joke issue.)

>Didi: It's just Tommy, Susie. The rest of the kids are going to the Emica
>concert. 
>Susie: Who wants to see another teen sensation in a trendy wardrobe?

Tom: New this fall on ABC. Hosted by Regis Philbin.
Crow (WWTBAM contestant): I'd like to phone a friend.

>Stu: Couldn't get a ticket? 
>Susie: No! It was totally sold out. All my friends are going, and I'm stuck 
>babysitting. 
>(Susie walks away.) 
>Didi: (to Stu) That Susie Carmichael is so sweet.

Mike: I don't *get* her.
Crow: Do you *want* her?
Mike: Not particularly, but it's the principle that matters.
Tom: (half-heartedly) She's the wind, baby.

>Come on, Stu; it's time to
>boogie!

Crow: She forgot the "oogie-oogie".

>(Cut to backyard; the Rugrats are at the sandbox.)
>Tommy: Remember when we always used to sit in the sandbox when we were bummed
>out?
>Lil: Yeah. Sandbox, how could I have foesaken ye.

Tom: I'm not even gonna *try* to translate that.

>(Lil pours a small shovelful of sand. Phil is on his back, crossing his legs.)
>Phil: Yeah, we had a lot of good times in this here dirt.
>Chuckie: Lost a lot of good toys in here, too.

Crow (Phil): You *would* say that.

>(Spike jumps into the sandbox, getting sand all over the Rugrats.)
>Phil: You know, I thought it was deeper than this.
>Lil: Yeah, I never touched the bottom before.

Mike: If that was supposed to be innuendo, couldn't they at least have tried
a bit more?
Crow: How about a *lot* more?

>Wait! What's this?
>Chuckie: Is that my happy hippo pencil cap? Not that I'm still looking for it. 
>Lil: No, it's...

(Mike and Crow do the Monty Python theme)
Tom: Enough with the Monty Python already!!
(Q: How many Python jokes can you squeeze into a MSTing?
A: As much as you want.)

>(Lil pulls Stu's medallion out of the sand.) 
>Tommy: My dad's medallion!

(Mike + Tom do the Hallelujah chorus)
Crow: Gee, like who didn't see THAT coming?

>(Stu and Didi pull out of the driveway, into the street and drove off. Tommy & 
>Dil were a little too late in catching them.) 

Mike: The same people who didn't see *that* coming.

>Tommy: Mom! Dad! Wait! Don't go!
>Dil: Wait! Come back!
>(Tommy looks sad.)

Mike (Tommy): Ohh, I am so sad.
Tom: Eric does a *much* better "sad" face.
(That would be Eric of "Eric Conveys An Emotion
[http://www.emotioneric.com/].)
(That was a Shay riff. And yes, I visited the site. What kind of sick mind
runs this site?!)

>(Cut to the theater, where the Emica concert is getting ready, Lights switch on
>on stage. Cut to aerial view, them pan to a queue, where the ticket holders are 
>standing in line.) 
>Stage Announcer: Testing, 1-2-3; testing, 1-2-3...

Crow (announcer): Err, what comes after three?

>Samantha: Great seats! I bet Emica is gonna pick one of us to sing with her! So,
>show me the necklace.
>Angelica: Oh, my mom's bringing it in a little while, um, I'm had to have it
>cleaned, because, you know, it's really retro.

Tom (Angelica): It's so retro, Pong looks at it and goes, "Dang, that's
retro."

>Samantha: Right. I forgot.
>(Angelica acts scared.)
>(Pan from the theatre, across the parking lot, to the community center.

Mike: Convenient placement, huh?

>Cut to
>inside, where a DJ is spinning records and dancers are dancing on a lighted 
>disco floor to the music. The dancers are in sync,

Tom: Nsync?! Alright, if they're dressed like Jedi, then somebody better
kill them now!
(I'm referring to all that hubbub about Nsync being extras in Attack of the
Clones, the 5th, or 2nd, depending on how you count them, Star Wars movie.)

>except for Stu.)

Crow: I doubt that he'd be in sync if the music were off.

>Stu: I can't do it, Deed. I can't feel the beat without my medallion.

Crow (Stu): You know what Cher once said?
Mike (Didi): "Believe"?
Crow (Stu): No, "Take Me Home".
("Take Me Home" was recently covered by Sophie Ellis Bextor. I mention her
later in this MSTing.)

>(Cut to Tommy's house; Dil tucks the medallion in his bike pouch. Tommy is 
>outside a second-floor window, while the other Rugrats are on the ground.) 
>Tommy: Take it to dad right away! Okay, Dil? 
>Dil: We want you to take it.

Mike (Dil): The Tribal Council agrees with me.

>Lil: Yeah, it's not fair that you have to miss the concert, now that you found
>this.
>Tommy: I can't. I'm grounded. 
>Chuckie: Tommy, when have you ever let us say "I can't"? I'll tell you when --
>never!

Tom (Tommy): Really? What about when I wanted to cheat off you on your test?!
Crow (Chuckie): Well, OK, that was one time.

>So it's our turn to help you!
>Phil: We're bustin' you out, Pickles! 
>(Tommy smiles and clenches his fists.) 
>(Cut to living room; Susie is watching the "Dr. Spooky" movie, first seen by the 
>Rugrats ten years ago.)

Tom: Where there's a coincidence, there's annoyance. Coincidence?
Mike: Where there's *repetition*, there's annoyance too.
Crow: He's the one who started this whole mess! Damn you, Dr. Spooky!

>Spooky: (on TV, crazed) Think of the possibilities! 
>(Spooky falls.) 
>Spooky:(on TV) To be older, wiser, and to see your life as it will be some day! 
>(As Spooky does his spiel, Susie gets up, goes to the kitchen, and gets a soda.) 

Mike: So, how is this Susie?
Crow: Oh, she's as nice as they come.

>
>Spooky: (voice only, on TV) Well, it's quite simple. I set this dial to a 
>precise moment in the future. It could be days from now, weeks! Or even years! 
>To be older, wiser... 
>(As Spooky drones on, Susie returns to the living room.

Crow: Her dad's a TV writer, and her mom's currently a nurse. She's, shall I
say it, *better* than Angelica... And interestingly she can speak French.
Tom: You got that last one from Rugrats in Paris?
Crow: Yes. Ironcially, she stays stateside.
Tom: There's no point to her French fluency, then.
Crow: Well, yeah. I never did understand that. And I'd like to add that
she's going to preschool with Angelica in that new spinoff you mentioned.
Mike: That would be interesting.
(Yes, that's all true. I have my sources.)

>The Rugrats are
>upstairs. Plil & Lil give reach other the thumbs up. The Rugrats crawl to the 
>front door. Tommy jimmies the lock with -- surprise -- a screwdriver,

Crow: Now what is it with that kid and screwdrivers that the transcriber has
to point out?

>then opens
>the door. They act surprise when Susie was standing right outside.) 
>Susie: You think I don't know when you're up to something? 
>Tommy: Oh. 
>Susie: Whatever it is, you better count me in!

Crow: See? Nice as they come.

>(Cut back to ticket line at concert.) 
>Samantha: I think you lied to me, Angelica.

Mike: (pretends to be shocked) *No*! 

>You never had that necklace, and I
>bet you never been to Paris, and I bet you are related to Tommy Pickles!
>Angelica: I have so been to Paris, and I can explain about the necklace!

Crow (Samantha): Oh really?... What a phony!

>Samantha: Yeah, right! What a phony!

Crow: Hey!

>Angelica: Oooh! 
>(Angelica sees Tommy and the gang coming over on their bikes.) 
>Angelica: Huh? Tommy? 
>(She runs to catch up to them.) 
>Lil: Tommy! Don't stop!

Mike (Lil): Don't stop till you get enough! (Michael Jackson reference)

>(Angelica stops right in front of Tommy. He swerves out of the way, only to fall 
>over. The medallion falls out, but he catches it.)

Tom (baseball announcer): What a catch folks! Let's see that again!

>Angelica: You found the necklace! 
>Tommy: Yeah, but you can't have it, Angelica!

Crow (Tommy): NYAH!

>I should've never agreed to our
>deal. If Samantha can't see what a great guy Chuckie is without you telling her,
>then she's not good enough for my best friend!
>Chuckie: Tommy! She's coming over. 
>(Samantha walks over to them.) 
>Angelica: Come on! Just let me wear that thing for a minute! Samantha's gonna 
>think I'm a total fake!
>Tommy: Start telling the truth, Angelica. 

Mike (Angelica): Why should I? *You* go first...
Tom (Tommy): No, you!
Mike (Angelica): No, you...
(Mike + Tom continue the arguement in this fashion for a couple secs)

>Samantha: What's he doing with your necklace?
>(Tommy gives Angelica a serious look; Angelica looks nervous.) 

Crow (Angelica): Well, he likes to dress in women's clothing. Just ignore
him.

>Angelica: First of all, he's my cousin. And it's his necklace, not mine. He was 
>gonna let me borrow it. 
>Samantha: Oh wow! I really have to think about this, Angelica.

(beat)
Tom (Samantha): OK, I've thought about it, here's what I think: (razz noise)

>(Samantha walks away, but stops at Chuckie.) 
>Samantha: Hey. 
>Chuckie: (nervously) Hi! 

Mike (Chuckie): I can't believe I said "Hi". What was I thinking?!

>Samantha: Don't I know you?
>(Angelica walks to them.)
>Angelica: If you don't you should. He's only the cutest kid in school.

Tom: You wanna laugh hysterically, or should I?
Crow: Let's both.
Tom + Crow: (laugh hysterically)

>Samantha
>Shane, meet Chuck, I mean, Charlie Finster. The Third.
>(Angelica holds up 4 fingers for "the third".)

Crow: Not surprisingly, all middle ones.
Tom: Proof that Angelica is really Helga Pataki. (Reference to a bitchy
character on "Hey Arnold!" whose characters have 4 fingered hands.)
(I'm guessing that the above instance was just an animation mistake though.)

>Samantha: Hi, Charlie.

Crow (like speakerphone): You're supposed to say "Good morning, Charlie", not
plain "Hi, Charlie"... (An attempted "Charlie's Angels" reference)

>Chuckie: Hi. Uh, you gave me your lip balm the other day? 
>Samantha: Oh, now I remember! Braces, the worst. How long are you in for? 
>Chuckie: 2.5 years. 

Tom: And he probably actually said "two-point-five" in the show.

>Samantha: See, sometimes, after they tighten them, you drool and stuff, that's 
>when I learned about the lip balm. 
>Chuckie: You drooled? 
>Samantha: You know, you're gonna look really cute when they come off.

Mike: Cute? Somehow I really doubt that...
Tom: Well, they *do* have low standards.

>(Samantha touches Chuckie's face; he smiles.) 
>Samantha: Hey! Why don't we all sit together? It's really cool to have a cousin 
>to have the same necklace as Emica.

Mike: If that's cool by their standards, I'd hardly like to see what they
consider to be *un*cool...

>Ticket Taker: (with megaphone) I need to see everyone's ticket now! No ticket, 
>no seat!

Tom (Ticket Taker): No disco. No fooling around. (For some odd reason, I've
seen a couple MSTings with this riff. Well, here's another.)

>Susie: Guess I'm out of here, guys.
>(Susie starts to leave. Angelica catches up to her.) 
>Angelica: Don't go, Susie. Take my ticket. 
>Susie: For real? What's the catch?

Crow (Angelica): You owe me your IMMORTAL SOOOUUUL.
Mike: Angelica played by Elizabeth Hurley.

>Angelica: Don't make a federal case of it. I have to take something to my Uncle
>Stu. Right, Tommy? 
>(Tommy smiles.) 
>(Cut to stage, where Emica is. Overhead, there's a big screen image of her. In 
>the crowd, concert-goers are yelling, "Emica! Emica!")

Mike + Tom (also screaming, but somewhat monotone): Emica! Emica!
Crow: Attica! Attica! Att--er, I of course mean Emica.

>Angelica: No time to look! 
>(Angelica grabs Tommy.) 
>Angelica: You too, pipsqueak! Let's go! 
>(Angelica returns to grab Dil and runs off. Fade out.)

Mike: One more go round and we're outta here!

(all leave the theater, reverse door sequence, back to bridge)

Mike: I absolutely can *not* believe that Tommy didn't just incriminate his
own cousin over that medallion thing. It was *her* idea, it was *her* who was
going to wear it, not him. He was effectively a lackey, for crying out loud!
Tom: But she did offer to introduce Samantha to his friend, didn't she?
Mike: So? The deal was essentially "no medallion, no intro". No difference
if she were grounded. You're saying Tommy was too dumb to figure that out?
Don't forget he's not an infant anymore.
Tom: Good point there.
Crow: Yeah, and what about Dil? You saw that he *was* going to incriminate
her, didn't you?
Tom: So? There were no apparent consequences for *him* anyway.
Mike: OK, good point *there*. But remember, she's bossed Tommy around for
11 years, well, according to her anyway... Isn't it time Tommy got back at
her for once?
Tom: "For once"? Hardly. He's been getting back at her god knows how many
times since the show began.
Crow: Yeah, but once more couldn't hurt, could it? *Could it?* It would have
saved him all that trouble too.
Tom: Well, I have to agree with you there. I guess it couldn't have hurt
much for him to just tell the truth.
Mike: Good, since we've got the commercial sign, so we'll be right back.

(Bumper, ads, whatever's during the breaks)

(That aformentioned skit was mine. In other words, I thought it up, and I
wrote the darn thing.)

>(Cut to disco contest. Betty is bumping Chazz.)
>Charlotte: (to Drew) Oh, what a gimmick! 
>(Charlotte and Drew dance. Meanwhile, a judge disqualifies another couple.) 
>Judge: You're disqualified. You have to leave.
>(Betty bumps Chazz past the disqualified couple, into a speaker.)

Mike: Where'd Betty learn her dancing techniques? Wayne Gretzky?

>Judge: I believe you're done. 
>Betty: Not fair!
>(Cut to Stu and Didi dancing. Stu doesn't have much of a groove.)

Tom: Becuase they're playing "Block Rockin' Beats".
Crow (Chemical Brothers): Block Rockin' Beats! (does melody)

>Stu: I just can't do it, Deed;

Crow (Stu): I forgot to take my Viagra!
Mike (Dave Coulier): Hey, hey, cut it out!

>face it, without my scorpio medallion, I'm
>nothing.

Tom: Gee, you already said that in the last act, you think I wouldn't know
that, huh?!
Crow: A little high strung today, are we?

>Didi: But you're not even a scorpio; you're a libra. 
>Stu: Eh? 
>Didi: Actually, you're on a cusp, but trust me, Stu; you're a libra. 
>Stu: What are you talking about? I don't even believe in astrology! I just know 
>I can't dance without it 
>(Cut to overhead shot;

(All crane their heads upward)
Mike: I never did like overhead shots... they're such a sore on the neck.

>then, scan to enterance, where the Rugrats rush in.)

Tom: Here come the kids to do a good deed. And no, I don't mean the mom,
either!

>Tommy: Hurry! Come on, get out of the way! 
>Angelica: Excuse me! 
>Tommy: Dad! Catch! 
>(Dil tosses the medallion.

Crow: Watch it bean Dad in the head.

>Stu looks, and catches the medallion.)
>Stu: Tommy? Dil?
>(The judge stands by and taps his clipboard with his pen.) 
>Tommy: Good luck, Dad! 
>Didi: Stu, dance! 
>Stu: Yes! 

Tom (Brain [of "Pinky and the" fame]): Yes!

>(Stu puts on his medallion, and begins to dance. Didi joins in. The crowd 
>gathers to watch them.

Crow: Where's Sophie Ellis Bextor when you need her? (In her video "Murder on
the Dance Floor", she basically trips lots of dancers.)

>At the end, everyone cheered.)
>Angelica: Okay. We embarrased ourselves enough. Let's go.

Crow (Tommy, dumb): Uh... okay!

>(The Rugrats leave.) 
>(Stu begins to twirl Didi around overhead.)

Mike: There's a reason disco's dead. He's on stage now.

>Didi: Stu, I don't believe I can do that! 
>(Cut to entrance to concert. The Rugrats rush up to it.) 
>Angelica: Well, I guess I'll see you guys later.
>(Angelica leaves.)
>Dil: Too bad you have to miss the concert.
>Angelica: Yeah, yeah; we'll, that's the price of being nice.

Tom: Hey, she left!

>(Tommy walks up to Angelica.)
>Tommy: Angelica? What you did was, well, anyway, thanks.
>Angelica: Ah, forget about it. Were cousins, stuck to each other for all
>eternity.

Mike: I can't believe they *had* to borrow from CatDog...

>(Grandpa, in an Emica t-shirt, arrives.)

Crow: Ohhh, that is SO not right.

>Grandpa: That is the sweetest dogburned thing I ever heard you two sprouts say. 
>Rugrats: Grandpa? 
>Dil: isn't it past your bedtime, Grandpa? 
>Grandpa: Darn tootin'! But I wanted to see this Emica that everybody's talking 
>about.Your Grandma and I like to keep up with the new crooners. Of course, your
>Grandma had to go cruise in Egypt, leaving me with an extra ticket.

(Tom + Crow sing the Hallelujah chorus.)
Mike (church lady): How convenient.

>(Grandpa pulls a ticket out of his pocket. Angelica smiles.) 
>(Cut to the concert, where a musical number is wrapping up. Everyone, including
>the Rugrats, is dancing along.)

Tom: Ah! Why do they insist upon torturing us?

>Rugrats: Emica! Emica! Emica! Emica! 
>Emica: Thank you, thank you! Now for this next song I'm gonna need a little 
>help. Anyone interested? 
>(Everyone is vying for a chance to get picked.) 
>Emica: Let's see --

Crow: How about the cartoon's main character?

>what about that cool guy next to the dude in the braces?
>(Tommy and Chuckie look at each other with delight. Angelica rushes to them.)
>Angelica: Pick me too! We're cousins! Practically twin cousins! Please, please, 
>please! 
>Emica: Well, okay, come on up. 
>Tommy: Let's go! 
>(Angelica & Tommy get on stage. Everybody cheers.) 
>Emica: Maybe we should start singing.

Crow: Well, here comes the big musical number.
Tom: Y'know, maybe this won't be so bad after all...
Mike: Let's just try to enjoy the music, OK?
(The riffs will be sparse for the song segment... They're just gonna enjoy
the song, capice? But rather, mostly because I couldn't come up with decent
riffs for the segment.)

>(Multi-colored stage lights light up. The camera pulls away from the Emica sign 
>and under Emica's legs. She begins to dance. They begin to sing.)

Crow: The viewers begin to feel sick. (makes barf noise)

>Emica, Tommy & Angelica:
>You're a friend to me,
>I'm a friend to you,
>When we have each other,
>There's nothing we can't do.
>
>You were there for me,
>I am there for you.
>Whether good or bad times
>we'll see it through.
>

Tom: Introducing today's moral, ladies and gentlemen!!
Mike: Shh shh, pipe down.

>You're a friend to me,
>I'm a friend to you,
>You brighen up my day,
>when I'm feeling blue.

Crow: I have this urge to sing Eiffel 65...
Mike: Enough with the bad music please?
Crow: ...but since we're already doing a lame song, I'll abstain.
Mike: That's better.

>Emica: You should know wherever we'll be,
>Hold onto our dreams for you and for me.
>Whether we are near or apart,
>I'll always remember you'll be in my heart.
>Emica, Tommy & Angelica:
>You're a friend to me,
>I'm a friend to you,
>When we have each other,
>There's nothing we can't do.
>
>You were there for me,
>I am there for you.
>Wherever I go,
>I know this is true. 
>(As they sing that previous verse, the Rugrats are in the colored lights; Kimi 
>waves. At the last line, the view is from the back of the stage, with the camera 
>panning up to the stars.)

Tom: Uh oh, I sense a lousy sequence of flashbacks coming up.

>(For the next 90 seconds or so, various clips from previous episodes are seen.

Tom: As Guy Fleegman once said, "I am so sick of being right." (This is of
course a line from Galaxy Quest.)

>The clips, and the episodes they came from, are as follows:)

(No riffs here... more like a note: I had to convert this from the original
table format into some text equivalent, and as a result, the following lines
that describe the clips are VERY wide.)

>Clip  Episode:                                    Action in clip:                                Where To Find It In That Episode:
>1     Be My Valentine                             The Rugrats dance in Tommy's room.             6 minutes, 6 seconds (6:06) into episode
>2     Tommy Pickles and the Great White Thing     Tommy & Spike sway to the music.               Found very close to the end

Crow (thinking "thing" in a different sense): Hey!

>3     Send In The Clouds                          Tommy: I got an idea! Follow me!               2:04
>4     Real Or Robots                              Tommy grabs a screwdriver                      2:29
>5     Fluffy vs. Spike                            Tommy uses his screwdriver to open the         7:43
>                                                  playpen.

Crow: Ah, now I see the connection between Tommy and screwdrivers.

>6     The Big Flush                               Tommy, Phil & Lil crawl underneath some        9:07
>                                                  adults
>7     The Wild Wild West                          Susie, Tommy & Chuckie riding horses in        4:13
>                                                  an wild west adventure.
>                                                  (Please note that this scene was presented
>                                                  as an inverted (backward) image.)
>8     The Wild Wild West                          They enter a cave, and crawl out of a box.     8:41

Mike: ...and into Will Smith and Kevin Kline.

>9     Officer Chuckie                             The Rugrats run on a sidewalk, with Spike      9:10
>                                                  towing Officer Chuckie in the Reptar Wagon.  
>10    Faire Play                                  The Rugrats chase a frog while Didi works on   7:45
>                                                  stained glass.
>11    Discover America                            Angelica and Susie on a motorcycle.            13:04
>12    Piggy's Pizza Palace                        The Rugrats play in some balls.                10:13
>13    Destination: Moon                           The Rugrats leave a spaceship while on         5:14
>                                                  the moon.
>14    The Alien                                   An alien takes off his "Chuckie" suit.         2:54
>15    Chuckie's Wonderful Life                    Chuckie's guardian angel flies.                5:36
>16    Angelicon                                   Kimi plays with Superthing.                    0:40

Crow (again, with "thing"): Hey, how on earth can she get away with that?
On kids TV even...
Tom: Now look who's high strung now!...

>17    Chicken Pops                                Chuckie acts like a chicken.                   6:54
>18    I Remember Melville                         Lil: Look at him.                              4:35
>                                                  Chuckie: Melville, speak to me!
>19    Mother's Day                                Tommy: We should find Chuckie a mom.           7:24 / 10:11
>                                                  Chuckie: You'll do that for me?
>20    Changes For Chuckie                         Kira: (to Chuckie) You! (giggles)              10:45 

Crow: I guess Kira must be Kimi's mom... now why the *hell* isn't she in
this ep?

>21    Angelica's Ballet                           Chuckie in a tutu.                             6:20 
>                                                  Chuckie: Do I really have to wear this?  
>22    And The Winner Is...                        Susie hugs Angelica.                           10:59 
>23    Twin's Pique                                Phil & Lil: Why can't they tell us apart?      0:57 
>24    I Do                                        The Rugarts hug each other.                    11:01 

Mike (referring to the ep title): I don't. What's it to ya?

>25    No Bones About It                           Tommy hugs and licks Spike.                    10:48
>26    Potty-Training Spike                        The Rugrats try to get a diaper on Spike.      5:14
>27    Beach Blanket Babies                        Spike tows a cooler to the ocean's edge.       9:46
>28    The Blizzard                                Spike tows the Rugrats through an icy canyon.  4:25
>29    The Mega Diaper Babies                      Rugrats: The Mega Diaper Babies!               8:54
>30    The Inside Story                            The Rugrats shrink down.                       4:31
>31    Moving Away                                 The Rugrats hug Angelica.                      10:35
>                                                  Tommy: You like us! You really like us!

Tom: Remind me to NEVER vote for these guys in the Oscars. (Sally Fields
famously said "You like me! You really like me!" upon winning her Oscar.)

>32    The Gold Rush                               Angelica dumps a bucket of sand on Chuckie.    0:46
>33    Looking For Jack                            Angelica shoves a blanket into Chuckie's       0:50
>                                                  mouth.
>34    Angelicon                                   A giant Angelica tries to stomp on the         8:30
>                                                  little Rugrats.
>35    Sand Ho                                     Tommy & Angelica fight each other with         8:56
>                                                  swords.

Crow: "Sand Ho"?! I don't even want to *know* what that's about.

>36    Partners In Crime                           Tommy: Don't listen to her, Dil.               0:46
>37    Piggy's Pizza Palace                        Angelica: But it wasn't my fault!              3:20
>                                                  Prison bars close in front of her.
>38    Two By Two                                  A duck swims around Angelica.                  10:45
>39    Reptar On Ice                               Reptar: (singing) Kids on the ice!             9:47
>40    Let It Snow                                 It "snows" in the living room.                 9:54
>41    The Family Tree                             Didi: We're going to have a baby!              21:53
>42    Acorn Nuts and Diapey Butts (part 3)        Dil hangs in the Reptar Robot's jaws, while    15:40 in part 3;
>                                                  a bubble is blown out of his nose.             59:40 in Nick Flick
>43    Auctioning Grandpa                          Dil razzes.                                    3:30
>44    Dil We Meet Again                           Dil makes a poopie                             5:21
>45    The Way Things Work                         Dil: Poopie!                                   0:51

Tom: The word that best describes the quality of the show now.

>46    A Dog's Life                                Dil plays with his food.                       1:54
>47    My Fair Babies                              Phil & Lil smear each other with cake.         9:26
>48    Moose Country                               The Rugrats throw mud at each other.           4:32
>49    Chicken Pops                                Tommy pulls a worm out.                        6:38
>50    Mr. Clean                                   The Rugrats knock over a trash can.            5:37
>51    The Turkey Who Came To Dinner               The Rugrats set a turkey loose.                6:16
>52    Bigger Than Life                            Fairy Tale Rugrats fall through a trap door.   7:30
>53    Moose Country                               The Rugrats fall into a hole.                  4:23
>54    Crime & Punishment                          Phil, Lil, Tommy & Chuckie jump into mud.      10:45
>55    The Mattress                                The Rugrats get crushed by a folding           10:47
>                                                  mattress.
>56    Party Animals                               Grandpa kisses the Rugrats, tucked in bed.     1:20

Mike: Ahhhh, memories. (beat) Too bad they're not mine... Well, at least
most of them anyway.

>
>(From clips 1 to 10, the music is instrumental. Emica sings between clips 11 and 
>19.) 
>Emica: 
>All the moments we shared in the past,
>The hopes and the fears,
>The tears and the laughs.
>All the memories, all that we could be,
>There's one thing I know I always believed... 
>(From clip 20, the music is instrumental again.

Mike: Y'know, this song isn't quite bad...
Crow: Oh yeah? Compared to what? "MacArthur Park"?
Mike: Good point there.
(The late Richard Harris' "MacArthur Park" is one of the lousiest songs ever,
according to a poll conducted by well-known humor columnist Dave Barry.
Features the line "Someone left the cake out in the rain". Most recenly, he
appeared as Dumbledore in the first 2 Harry Potter flicks.)

>At clip 29, Emica, Tommy &
>Angelica sing again.) 
>Emica, Tommy & Angelica:
>You're a friend to me,
>I'm a friend to you,
>You brighen up my day,
>when I'm feeling blue.
>
>You were there for me,
>I am there for you.
>Whether good or bad times
>we'll see it through. 
>(From clip 40, music is instrumental.

Mike: Well, at least it's better than Barney...
Crow: Yeah, ANYTHING'S better than the purple dino.
Mike: What about Bear in the Big Blue House? (Another kids' show with kiddy
music, mentioned in a Barry column)
Crow: Good point.

>At clip 51, Emica, Tommy & Angelica resume
>singing, with cheering in the background.) 
>Emica, Tommy & Angelica:
>You're a friend to me,
>I'm a friend to you,
>You brighen up my day,
>when I'm feeling blue. 
>(Flashback ends. Cut back to stage.)
>
>Emica, Tommy & Angelica:
>You were there for me,
>I am there for you. 
>Angelica: Oh baby! 
>Emica, Tommy & Angelica:
>Whether good or bad times
>we'll see it through.
>
>You're a friend to me,
>I'm a friend to you,
>When we have each other,
>There's nothing we can't do.

Crow: Hey song, couldn't you just END? You're geting more repetitive than
"The Rockefeller Skank"!
Tom: And when your song's at the Barney level, that's never good.
("The Rockefeller Skank" is a song by Fatboy Slim AKA Norman Cook. Its lyrics
repeat themselves over and over and over.)

>(While Angelica waves at the audience, Tommy takes the mike from her, and starts
>to sing to Emica as she takes a bow.)
>Tommy:
>You're a friend to me,
>I'm a friend to you,
>When we have each other,
>There's... hey!

Tom (during last few lines): Cue catfight... NOW!
Crow: Finally, the song's over. (non-commital) Yay.

>(Angelica tries to take the mike away from Tommy.)
>Angelica: Gimme that! 
>Tommy: Angelica! 
>Angelica: Tommy! 
>(Tommy and Angelica struggle over the mike.)

All: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! (You know: Jerry Springer)

>Tommy: What are you doing? 
>Angelica: Gimme! It's my turn!
>Tommy: Hey, hey Angelica! Stop that! 
>(The Rugrats watch with surprise.)

Crow: Next thing you know, they're all getting beaten senseless with folding
chairs.

>Angelica: Can it, Pickles! 
>Tommy: Come on! 
>(Cut back to stage; Angelica and Tommy still fight over the mike.) 
>Angelica: Give it to the star of the family!
>Tommy: Oh, boy. 
>(Pan to left of stage,

Mike: I predict we go back to the current day... NOW!

>where we go back to the current day, when the original
>Rugrats are still fighting over the karaoke machine.

(Mike makes swish noise)
Crow: And the shared hallucination is at an end.

>Angelica was pulling the
>mike from Tommy, who then let the cord go, causing Angelica to fall and the 
>karaoke machine to break. After it lands, a faint roar is heard out of the 
>machine.)
>(The Rugrats run out of the closet.

Tom: ...Nah, way too easy.
Crow: And following them close behind is Ellen.
(pause)
Crow: You're right. This *is* way too easy.

>Angelica walks to the broken machine.)
>Angelica: Hey, it's broked! I don't know what you did, Pickles, but you dumb 
>babies better keep your mitts of my stuff for the next bazillion years! 
>(The Rugrats stop running.) 
>Tommy: Well, look at the bright slide, guys, only ten more years until 
>Angelica's nice to us.

Crow (Chuckie): You call that nice? I don't think so, bud!

>Angelica: Hey! Someone drooled on it too! I'll get you fluffy-headed babies! 
>(yells) Aunt Didi! Aunt Didi! 
>(Angelica starts to chase the Rugrats around.)

(The bots do Dukes of Hazard music one more time)

>(Cut to exterior overhead shot of house.) 
>Chuckie: (voice only) Tommy, is ten years gonna be a very long time? 
>Angelica: (voice only, yelling) Aunt Didi! 
>(Fade out.)

Tom (Babylon 5 voice): We have come full circle.  It ends NOW!

>The End

Mike: And we're outta here!
Crow: Hey, that's IT?!
Mike: Guess it is... Let's go.

(all leave the theater, reverse door sequence, back to bridge)

Mike: Well, that was nice little piece there...
Crow: Yeah, if you can look over all the bad hair, voices and music.
Tom: Guys? Stop reminding me of the bad hair and voices.
Crow: But it's the only thing we can make decent fun of!
Tom: Listen, if you want to make fun of the show around me, you better not
not make fun of how it looks.
Mike: OK, then let's talk about the so-called "plotline" of the 2nd half.
Crow: More of the same really. The scene with the medallion being pulled out
of the sand? At least the writers were ballsy enough to think that it would
surprise the viewers.
Tom: Yeah, and if you were surprised by that, you're probably either less
than 12, or brought up on a diet of "Hey Arnold!" and all that crap.
Mike: Hey, isn't it time that someone involved with what we just saw calls us
and speaks his or her mind?
Crow: Yeah.
Mike: Well, talk of the devil, we DO have someone calling in to speak his or
her mind. In this case, a her.

(Hexfield: Laraine Newman)

Mike: So Laraine, I understand that your character is the first to be, to
coin a phrase, "exclusive to All Growed Up". (pause) Say, why do I have this
odd feeling I've seen you about, I don't know, 20 years ago?
Laraine: Well, this should ring a bell: "Live from New York, it's Saturday
Night!".
Mike: Now I remember... late-70s SNL. OK, anyways, back to the point.
Laraine: Why yes, I do the voice of Samantha.
Mike: Speaking of that, I bet you didn't know that a person with the same
name as your character was a bit role in a Melanie Griffith film.
Laraine: Never noticed that before, I'll be looking it up.
Tom: You aware that the ep's been turned into a spinoff?
Laraine: Of course, and I'm looking forward to working with the cast and
crew again... provided they don't record my voices separately of course.
Mike: Surely you've seen the ep by now. What do you think of it?
Laraine: Don't quote me on this, but first, when the gimmick of the Rugrats
as students wears off, they'll have to pull out some tricks to keep the show
interesting and prevent it from turning into just a clone of my other
Nicktoon, "As Told By Ginger".
Tom: What's about about?
Laraine: A bunch middle schoolers, I'm the mother of one of them, and the
good ol' "popularity" plot device used in most "middle school" shows.
Mike: Just like "90210", eh? Go on then.
Laraine: Anyway, another thought is, please, no more Emica. Her voice is
awful, and the fact that it comes from some chick from Bold and the
Beautiful... it just makes me shudder.
Crow: Well, we think so too. That song was at the Barney level, was as
repetitive as Fatboy Slim and was just plain mediocre. If this is what pop
music is like today, I'm just glad we're stuck up here.
Laraine: Yeah, but at least Britney and co are losing popularity with the
masses fast.
Mike: Well, that gives us hope. Thanks for the time, Laraine.
(closes Hexfield)

Mike: At least Laraine agrees with us on lots of stuff there.
Crow: I wonder if the guys have actually *seen* the ep yet?
Mike: Oh, c'mon, of course they did, otherwise they wouldn't have sent it up,
would they?
Tom: Hey, you think the Mads actually *watch* all those lousy flicks they've
inflicted on us?
Mike: Yeah, good point. Speaking of which, back to them.

(Back to Dr. Forrester and Frank)
Forrester: Well, we did watch the ep, and let's just say we're *glad* that
it's being spun off.
Frank: Yeah, perfect for inflicting some *more* pain on a certain someone.
(Mike looks a bit afraid)
Forrester: We haven't got our hands on a transcript yet, but when we do,
we'd be more than happy to send it to you.
Crow: Yeah, bring it on. We've been watching crap for more than a decade, and
we're willing to watch some more!
Mike: Crow, I seriously doubt that you should just ask for crap from them.
Tom: Yeah, they're bound to send up even worse crap.
Frank: Of course we do.
Forrester: It's just that we don't have any material now, so I guess, until
next week, guys. (Frank pushes button)

Thanks to:
Jesse Shearer and Joe Klemm for giving me some of riffs for me to use.
Shay Caron and Jim Gadfly, for helping me.
Couldn't have done it without 'em!

Stinger:
>Phil: You know, if Spike ate that necklace, you'll still get it back.