"Another Black Mark For Nick..." and "Sid's Schnoz" Just so I could expand my horizons, I decided to check out suitable non-pro stuff to MST. The result: This Hey Arnold! fic where Sid mulls over plastic surgery for his nose, and if you've seen the show, you know that he has a huge nose. But first, an editorial on Hey Arnold!'s creator working for the Cartoon Network... and how that might be a problem for the show's fans. Hey Arnold! is (C) 1996 Craig Bartlett and Viacom, and MST3K is (C) 1989 Best Brains. Everything else is (C) whoever owns them. (Theme song, door sequence, all that stuff that opens an MST3K ep) Mike: Hello, and once again welcome to the SoL, where we're... umm... (sees the bots are at the counter reading entertainment magazines) Mike: Say, what are you doing? Tom: Ummm, we're just catching up on the latest gossip from Hollywood. Crow: Hey look, Julia Roberts broke up with Kiefer Sutherland! Big shock there. Mike: Guys, does it say that they were supposed to marry soon? Crow: Uh, yes. Why? Mike: That was really old news, goldenrod. Crow: Really? Lemme look for the date... Oh. Tom: Okay, so one, we've been cut off from the rest of the world for more than a decade, and two, we're feeling a bit nostalgic today. Mike: Didn't you just say nostalgia killed your friend last week? Tom: Well, this is nothing like swallowing live goldfish. Mike: Right. I'm gonna take a short nap. (beat) We'll be right back. (the bots snicker) (Bumper, ads, whatever's during the breaks) Mike (with plastic chin and nose): OK, whose idea was this anyway? Tom: You wanna know what we were really doing with those mags? Reading about Hollywood's obsession with plastic surgery, that's what. Mike: Well, did you ever notice that they always mention only *women* in those articles? Tom: Uh... no. Mike: Besides, when was the last time you ever heard of a guy needing plastic surgery? Crow: Michael Jackson. Mike: Well, do I even *look* like him? I don't think so. Tom: Well, why don't we hear about male stars having plastic surgery? Except Michael Jackson, you know. Mike: As far I as know, probably because what we call decent-looking doesn't cut it for women in Hollywood, but it does for men. Crow: Except for Michael Jackson. Mike: Look, enough with the Michael Jackson... (The usual alarms) Mike: Here comes Cher and Barbra Streisand. (As usual, it's Forrester and Frank.) Forrester: Ah, I see you're talking about plastic surgery eh? Have I got just the thing for you. Crow: Oh great, we have to read an article about the dangers of plastic surgery? Forrester: Ummmm... sort of. It's actually a fic... (suddenly, the Hey Arnold! theme blares loudly from off screen) Forrester (trying to be polite): Frank, could you turn that down? Frank (off screen): Okay. Forrester: You'll have to excuse him... this show called "Hey Arnold!" is his new favorite cartoon. Crow: *Another* new favorite cartoon? He goes through them like James Bond goes through girls. Frank (coming on screen): Yeah, I get a "kick" out of the "football" head. Get it? Mike: Yeah, we got it. Forrester: Anyways, that's exactly where the fic is from. It's titled Sid's Schnoz. Frank, send them the fic... Frank: Well, I think I found something interesting... shall I send it up first instead? Forrester: Depends... What is it? Frank: An editorial, something about making the show into a movie. I dunno, I just scanned it. Forrester: Very well then, send them the editorial first. Tom: Oh great. It better not be some guy soapboxing about how good the show is... (Movie sign, traditional panic, door sequence, all enter the theater) Crow: For that matter, it better not be someone soapboxing about how *lame* movies from TV shows are. Tom: Like we should know all too well. Mike: Yeah, let's get it on. (Tom makes bell noise) Tom: Sorry, too good to pass up. > Another Black Mark For Nick; Another Great Toon for Turner Mike: Are these even supposed to be related? > > "It's commerce versus art... Mike: Tonight on "Smackdown!". > and commerce always wins." -- Gerald, > Hey Arnold Tom (Gerald): Why? Because commerce always cheats, that's why. > > How do I loathe Nick? Let me count the ways -- Crow: Rugrats, Rocket Power, Butt Ugly Martians, Chalkzone, The Fairly OddParents, heck, the list goes on and on. > their ridiculous > programming practices, their inane promotions, Mike: Yes, it's "Sniff the Diapers" day here at Nick. Tom: Yeah, what's next, having a hamster pick their shows? (Indeed, Nick did this in 2002. Interestingly, "As Told By Ginger" was picked quite a few times.) > their preference to > give new episodes to foreign markets first, Crow (programming guy): Hey, let's see if those snooty French guys like this stuff. Tom (ditto): Yeah, and if they do, *then* we give to the Americans. > lots and lots of reruns > for Americans -- the list goes on and on. > > And now, add one more item to Nick's list of faults -- pressuring > Nicktoon creators to work for Nick and Nick only. This, of course, is > known as an "exclusivity clause". Tom: Starring Tim Allen. > With this in your contract, it is > literally a "ball-and-chain" on your creativity. Crow: And then come the gang-rapes. > > And, because of the creator's refusal of this, the future of one of > Nick's most beloved Nicktoons hangs in the balance, while its creator > does some work for the competition. > > Craig Bartlett, the creator of Hey Arnold, had planned on producing a > second Hey Arnold film, Crow: Hold it. If there's gonna be a second film... that means... Tom: Yep. There's already *been* a Hey Arnold! movie. Crow: Really? I gotta go look it up sometimes... > tenatively called "Jungle Movie". Crow: Does that mean he runs into the Thornberrys? Tom: That would make for an interesting film. > Nick liked > the idea, so they wanted Bartlett to sign a contract that would have > Bartlett work exclusively for Nick for 2 years. There was a problem, > though -- Mike (Craig, a la "Showgirls"): I have a problem with exclusivity. (In "Showgirls", someone actually says "I have a problem with pussy".) > Bartlett is creating another animated series called Party > Wagon, which will be about Crow: Lemme guess. Partying in a wagon. > settlers travelling on the Oregon Trail Crow: Settlers travelling on the Oregon Trail? That would make for a real boring show... Tom (settler voice): Uh, which way is it to Oregon again? > (and will, no doubt, be another testament to Bartlett's Oregon > roots). Mike: "Bartlett's Oregon roots"? Sounds more like a miniseries. > That series won't be for Nick, but for its competitor, > Cartoon Network, which is owned by Time Warner and created by the > father of modern cable TV, Ted Turner. Crow (German accent): Heil Turner! > Nick, however, was adamant > about the exclusivity clause, saying something like, "No exclusivity > clause, no Hey Arnold". Tom: No disco. No fooling around. > In the end, Bartlett refused to sign the > contract. Effectively, Bartlett decides to keep the Party Wagon > rolling for Turner, while Nick is hopping mad about Bartlett doing > work for the competition. > > Bartlett is confident that he is making the right choice, Mike (Pepsi ad copy): The choice of a new generation. (Wasn't in my head at the time, but this joke is similar to one in "Wayne's World" where Wayne won't let his show be sponsored, and yet we see lots of corporate logos while he's talking about it.) > as he felt > that Nick is putting reins on his creativity. > > I agree with Bartlett, because, if you're not comfortable at one > place, you should go elsewhere. Nick, however, is starting to put > ratings and money first, Tom: Sounds like VH1 there... (VH1: Music First) > while force-feeding its viewers with a diet > of reruns for several months straight. Many Nick programs are now > being criticised, because of constant repeats. Crow: Hey, you don't see Lucille Ball being criticised for that! Tom: Give her a break, she practically *invented* the repeat. > Nick is the top cable > channel, but they've rested on their laurels too long. > Mike: Yeah, they've had enough rest. Time for them to get up! > As for me, I agree with most other animation fans, in saying that > Cartoon Network puts out better cartoons. Crow: Yeah, it's not that hard when you consider what Nick puts out *these* days. > While Nick still has some > gems in its line-up (Mike makes baseball organ music.) > (especially the Klasky-Csupo Nicktoons), they are > being tarnished by poor programming practices. Cartoon Network, on > the other hand, has a broader selection of new toons and old > favorites. And at Cartoon Network, being all things to all people > definitely works. Mike (random viewer): Yeah, for me, it's my morning pick-me-up. Tom (ditto): And for me, it's breakfast. Crow (ditto): And it's my shower. > While at Nick, Nick is kids... and ratings and > money, especially at the time when ad revenues are at an all-time > low. Its adult audience is relegated to Nick-At-Nite only, and > poor-performing Nicktoons are treated like yesterday's trash, Mike: Honey, could you take out the poor-performing Nicktoons? > with > odd time slots and the likelihood of spending eternity resting on the > shelves of Nick's archives, collecting dust (Ren & Stimpy, Rocko and > now, Angry Beavers Tom: Angry Beavers? Wonder what kind of show that would be... Crow: Something I wouldn't mind, heh heh. > are now given this treatment). And unlike Cartoon > Network, there's no room for cult hits on Nick. Crow: That last sentence sound familiar, Sci-Fi? > > I wish Craig Bartlett luck with his new project, and I hope Nick > realises the error of its ways, before it ends up in the red, with > poor ratings. Mike: OK, I think we've had enough soapboxing for one day. (all leave the theater, reverse door sequence, back to bridge) (Crow is at a computer) Tom: So what could you dig up on Arnold's little movie? Crow: Get this: it's about Paul Sorvino trying to tear down the little kid's neighborhood. Now if it were *Mira* Sorvino maybe it'd be my type of movie... Mike: Did it do any good? Crow: Um, let me check the box office sites... Is 13 million bucks good enough for you? Mike: Depends on the budget... you know, how much was it made for? Crow: 16 million. 3 million for making it, 13 to promote it. Tom: Whoa, 13 million just to promote a cheap film? Crow: Hey, it worked for the Blair Witch, but definitely not here. (beat) Crow: Whoa, this *has* to be my type of movie... Tom: Eh?... Crow: Jennifer Jason Leigh's in it. Cool. Mike: Okay. What can you dig up about movie number two? Crow: Let's see... you want besides from what we already read just now? Tom + Mike: Duh... Crow: Just two facts. One, Arnold's last name will be revealed. I guess that's a big deal, eh? And two, there's already a "lead-in". Tom: A "lead-in"? Mike: I think that means there's an ep that sets up the storyline... Any details? Crow: It's a 60 minute ep called The Journal, about the kid finding his parents' journal and reading it. Tom: 60 minutes of reading?! That'd be hell boring. Mike: Say, they didn't mention what the film's about... Crow: Got you covered there. Something about looking for his parents in a jungle. Apparently the lead-in ends with him finding a map in the journal. Mike: Well, it does sound like a good idea for a film. Crow: I think that's all we need to know... Mike: We better prepare for the main feature, so I guess we'll be right back. (Bumper, ads, whatever's during the breaks) (All re-enter the theater) Mike: Well, it's time for the main feature. Tom: Somehow, I don't think Hey Arnold! and plastic surgery are gonna go along so well. Crow: At least it's gonna be interesting. More than I can say for some of the stuff we've read... >It was a warm afternoon at P.S 118, with all the kids at recess, >playing. All the kids, that is, except for Sid. Sid was sitting on a >swing when Arnold had walked over. > > > >ARNOLD: Hey, Sid, something wrong? Mike (Sid): Yeah. Our class looks more like a freak show. > >SID: I'm tired of it, Arnold. Just tired. > >ARNOLD: Tired of what? Crow (Sid): I'm the only other major character on the show without a last name. Think about it. Mike: I think someone's here has visited too many "Hey Arnold!" fansites... Crow: For your info, Mike, I've only visited one. Mike: Oh really? Where? Crow: How about www.hey-arnold.com ? And don't forget the hyphen. (Yes, I visit that site all the time.) (And yes, I know that sequence of riffs is a bit long, but hey, that's artistic license for you.) > >SID: My nose! It's as long as the Nile! It takes up more than 90 >percent of my body! Tom: That *would* be one heck of a nose there. > >ARNOLD: Sid, come on. Everybody has their little quirks. That's what >makes us different. Look at me. I have a football shaped head, but >you don't see me moping around all recess. > >SID: So? I can't take this monstrosity any longer! My nose is so big, >that Stinky's nose looks like a baby! Mike: "Stinky"... not exactly the best name for a kid, is it? Tom: Yeah, unless you're, well, stinky. > >ARNOLD: You're just imagining things. Crow (Arnold): Didn't I ever tell you to stop taking crack? Mike: Whoa, that was straight out of left field. > >SID: Imagining things? Arnold, you don't have to lie, you know. Tom (Jim Carrey in "Liar Liar"): I can't lie!!... >Everybody knows that I have the biggest nose in the entire school! Crow: Yeah, and the smallest... Mike: Crow! Crow: ...brain. Geez! > >ARNOLD: (sigh) Fine, Sid. When you've come to your senses maybe >you'll understand what I'm saying. > > > >Arnold walked away just as Rhonda walked over. > > > >RHONDA: Hi, Sid. Mike (Sid): Are you here to help me? > >SID: Oh. Hey, Rhonda. > >RHONDA: I couldn't help overhearing your little predicament, and I >know the best plastic surgeon. > >SID: Plastic Surgeon?!? Those guys use needles! And operate on people >with drills! I wouldn't survive! > >RHONDA: Sid, Sid, Sid. It doesn't hurt a wink! > >SID: You've tried it? > >RHONDA: If I got plastic surgery, Sid, I would be too intimidating >for the other girls to handle! But, I do know someone who did. She >said that it was as easy as 123. > >SID: Well, where is she now? Mike (Rhonda): I think she's best friends with Cher now. > >RHONDA: She, um... passed on. > >SID: Passed on?! I'm sorry, Rhonda, but I can't risk my life for my >nose! Crow: You know, that would actually sound funny coming from anyone. > >RHONDA: Whatever you say, Sid. That is, unless you want to have a >humongous schnoz for the rest of your life. > >SID: Well, it's expensive anyway-- > >RHONDA: I'll pay. > >SID: Boy Howdy! Really? Mike: "Boy Howdy"? I've heard of weird catchphrases, but this one takes the cake! > >RHONDA: On one condition. > >SID: What? > >RHONDA: One Date. > Mike (Sid): How about an apple instead? > > >10 Minutes Later... > >Arnold and Sid were on the jungle gym. > > > >ARNOLD: You WHAT?! > >SID: I'm going out with Rhonda so I can get plastic surgery on my >nose. > >ARNOLD: But I thought you liked Nadine! > >SID: I do! That's why I need your help, Arnold! > >ARNOLD: No, Sid, you dug yourself into this mess; you can dig >yourself out. Crow (Arnold): In other words: Nothin' doin' pal! > >SID: But-- > > > >Arnold climbed off of the jungle gym. > > > >SID: Oh man, what do I do? > Mike (Arnold): I dunno, sleep with Rhonda? Crow: And to think you stopped me, Mike. > > >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mike: This is the heart rate of your average fanfic reader. > > >Sid had entered the cafeteria, and spotted a free seat right next to >Nadine. Crow (Nadine): The seat's free, but you gotta pay to bring the nose. >He started to go in that direction-- till he saw Rhonda, who >motioned for him to come her way. He sighed and headed over to >Rhonda's table. > > > >RHONDA: Well, hello, Sid. > >SID: Uh... yeah. So... got the appointment? > >RHONDA: Of course! It's scheduled for today at 8:00 PM. > >SID: That's a pretty strange time for a plastic surgery appointment, >don't ya think? > Tom (Rhonda): Well, the doctor has a tee time the next afternoon, and he wants to get done with you first. >RHONDA: What plastic surgery appointment? I'm talking about our date! >The plastic surgery appointment is tomorrow after school! > >SID: Oh. > > > >Suddenly, Sid looked out of the corner of his eye, and saw Arnold >giving him a knowing stare... Mike: And no nudity jokes, goldenrod!... Crow: Geez, stopping me at every turn, aren't you? > > > >THAT DAY... > > > >Sid and the gang were playing baseball in Gerald Field, All: D'oh! Crow: I didn't know he was like that! Mike: Hey, isn't *Johanssen* his last name? Crow: I see you've visited the Hey Arnold! fan site too, eh? (That last line was simply to allow for some sort of continuity, because after all, Mike did mention Gerald's real last name in my MSTing of the film Galaxy Quest. Check it out at my MSTings page: http://members.tripod.com/~Rover_Wow/mstings/ ) >when >suddenly, Arnold's voice echoed in Sid's head. > > > >ARNOLD: Sid... oh Sid! > Crow: Baseball? This is "Find the Lemon!" > > >Sid let out a squeak when Arnold's voice started to echo. > Mike: Dah! > > >ARNOLD: Vanity, Sid... VANITY! You're being vain... you're missing >out on Nadine because of Vanity! VANITY... > > Crow (Sid): Man, I gotta cut down on my crack. Mike: Uh Crow, the crack joke was hardly funny the *first* time. > >Sid let out a scream, and everyone on the field gave him a look. > > > >GERALD: Err... something wrong, Sid? > Crow: (Sid) You mean besides the fact that we're playing baseball inside you? Mike: I'm gonna blow chunks. >SID: Uhh... uhh... uhh... no... I-I was just contemplating the-- er-- >force of a-- er-- baseball hitting my foot... Gotta go! > > > >Sid runs off as Gerald walks over to Arnold. > > > >GERALD: That is one crazy kid, Arnold. > > Crow (Arnold): Gee, YA THINK?! > >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > >It was 8:00 PM, and Rhonda Wellington Lloyd was waiting >not-so-patiently for Sid at Chez Paris. Five minutes had passed. 10 >minutes... 13 minutes... > > Mike: Yes, precisely thirteen minutes. > >RHONDA: WHERE IS THAT HOTDOG-ED NOSE MUNCHKIN?!?! > > > >Just then, Sid entered, and ran over. (Crow makes various bumping sounds) > > > >SID: Sorry I'm late, Rhonda. > >RHONDA: Sorry? Sorry? You were 13 minutes late and you expect me to >accept that?! > Tom: (Rhonda) Twelve minutes late would have been alright, but thirteen is unacceptable! >SID: Uhh... yeah. > > > >Rhonda scoffed as Sid sat down. > > > >SID: So, umm, can we just get this over and done with? > > > Crow: Just wait untill he tries to get her in bed. > >WAITER: What would you like? > > Mike:(Rhonda) A bun and some horseradish mustard for the hotdog on my friend's face. > >Sid picked up his menu and started to try to say some of the French >Food Names. > > > >SID: Umm, We'd like some Lezz Razkomet ala Carte-- > Crow: (Waiter) I'm sorry. Liz just took her rack home for the night... >WAITER: Rugrats on a Cart? Excuse me! > Mike: No! No crossovers! Crow: Yeah. We're still reeling from All Growed Up here... (beat) Crow: Though I wouldn't mind if Samantha popped in... >SID: Oh... not that... umm, how about Is Car Goat? > >WAITER: Oh, these Americans... Crow: Sid, do us a favor and leave this schtick to Chevy Chase. Please? ("European Vacation" has him reading from an electronic phrasebook at a French restaurant.) > >RHONDA: (sigh) Okay, we'd like some Escargot, and Cafe' a la Creme. > >WAITER: (to Rhonda) Oh... there are a few good eggs out there! > > Mike: I don't even want to know what the heck that means. > >The Waiter wiped his eyes and walked off, soon coming back with >Snails and Coffee on a tray. Sid took a bite of the Escargot, and >then washed it down with a gulp of coffee. > (Tom makes a blech sound) Tom: That doesn't sound appetizing, does it? > > >SID: Wow, Rhonda, I didn't know you knew French! > >RHONDA: Well... I do try. > Mike: (Rhonda) I gotta make up for dating Sid "The Nose" Nobody somehow. >SID: So, what'd you order? Crow: I bet he gets sick when he found out what he just ate. > >RHONDA: Snails and Coffee with Creme. What else? > >SID: SNAILS AND COFFEE??!! Oh... gross!! > > > >Sid ran off to the bathroom, turning green all the way. Crow: Yep. Oldest joke in the book. (makes swish noise) Mike: Heh, he's turning into the Hulk. > > > >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > >Sid ran into the bathroom at Chez Paris, Mike: Yeah, like where else could he be going anyway? >and started to throw up into >the toilets. Just then, Arnold, who was also in the bathroom, spoke >up. > > > >ARNOLD: Uhh... Sid? > > > >Sid let out a squeak and turned only to see Arnold. > > Crow: What kind of relationship do these two have?!? > >SID: Arnold! What are you doing here?! > >ARNOLD: It's my Grandma's Birthday. What are you doing here? > >SID: I'm out with Rhonda. > >ARNOLD: (grimly) Oh yeah, I forgot. You know, Sid, I really think >you're making a huge mistake. > >SID: Arnold, why do you always have to bug me with your advice? Mike: (Arnold) For the same reason you bug me with that huge-ass nose of yours. > >ARNOLD: Well, it's just that I know you like Nadine, and going out >with Rhonda won't help your relationship. And, getting rid of your >nose is just dumb! I mean, you're nine! What do you need plastic >surgery for? > >SID: Arnold, my nose is ugly! How is Nadine supposed to like me if I >have a nose like that? Huh, Arnold? > >ARNOLD: Look, Sid, you gotta get over this nose thing! You inherited >the nose! It's a part of your family heritage! Your dad has a big >nose! Your mom has a big nose! Tom (Sid, some sarcasm): Thanks for reminding me about that, Arnold... >I have a football head! Helga is... Crow: ...a lesbian! Mike: Crow... Crow: Okay... an idiot. >well, Helga! Rhonda is snooty! Harold is chubby! Gerald has Tall >hair! Crow: (Arnold) And room for a baseball game! >We're all different in some way! I want you to think about >that, Sid. > > > >Arnold walked off. > > > >THE NEXT DAY... > > > >Sid was in a hospital bed getting ready for the plastic surgeons to >start operating on his nose. Rhonda was there also; she bribed the >doctors into letting her stay to see the operation. Mike: (after a spittake) "Bribed"?! She's only nine, for crying out loud, and she already knows how to bribe? Crow: Well, there goes the fic's G-rating. >But, one thing >kept bothering Sid. Arnold's words were echoing in his head: his real >words, and the words from before. > > > >ARNOLD: Vanity... I want you to think about that, Sid... you going >out with Rhonda won't help your relationship... Vanity... we're all >different... > > Crow (Sid): Man, I *seriously* need to kick my crack habit. Tom: Alright, you've had enough crack jokes. > >The Doctors had started to put an oxygen mask on Sid. > > > >SID: (thinking) What am I doing here?! Arnold is right! Getting rid >of my nose is just stupid! It makes me unique! I gotta stop them >before they... before they... before they put on the sleeping gas... > > > >Sid had fallen fast asleep. Crow: So have most of the readers, so? > > > >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > >It was two days after Sid (who had a bandage on his nose) got his >nose job, and the whole class was at recess. Sid had walked over to >Arnold, who was on the monkey bars again. > > > >ARNOLD: I can't believe you went through with it. > >SID: I tried to stop them, but I fell asleep before I could do >anything! > >ARNOLD: Whatever you say, Sid. > >SID: Well, anyway, I thought about what you said, and you were right. >I was just being vain and all. So I decided that yesterday I would >get my old nose back! > > > >Sid unraveled his bandage and showed his original nose. Crow: So... *what* was the point of having him go through with it? Tom: I smell a "falling nose" joke coming. No pun intended of course. > > >ARNOLD: Good. I'm glad that's over! > Crow: (Arnold) Nice to have you back, Pinochio! >SID: Yeah... look Arnold, I gotta go do something. See ya. > > > >As Sid ran off to where Nadine was, Arnold realized something. > > > >ARNOLD: Wait, Sid! Aren't you supposed to keep the bandage on?! > > > >5 MINUTES LATER... > >Sid walked over to where Nadine was, who was trying to catch a >butterfly. Tom (Nadine): Hey butterfly, can't you just stay still for a minute so I can catch you?! > > > >SID: Hey, Nadine, I need to talk to you. > >NADINE: What is it, Sid? > >SID: Well.. you see, I-I-I li-li-li-- > > > >Just as Sid was about to say "I like you", Crow: Here comes the crack dealer. "Hey Sid!" Mike: Haven't we had enough crack jokes already? Crow: Sorry, couldn't resist. >Harold, Stinky, and Joey >were playing kickball. When it was Harold's turn, he accidentally >kicked the ball high up in the air... > Tom: I bet it's gonna hit Sid's nose job. > > >JOEY: Whoa! Stray kickball! > >STINKY: Willickers! Mike: OK. Forget "Boy Howdy", "Willickers" is definitely the weirdest catchphrase there is. > > > >The kickball landed right on Sid's new nose, causing Sid to fall >back... and since the bandage wasn't attached... > > > >SID: Oww!! Oh man! Has anyone here seen a nose around? Tom: Mmhmm. Insert your own Michael Jackson joke here. Crow: Well, if it's his, trying *not* to is the hard part. Tom: Taming down a bit, Crow? Mike: Don't tempt him, Tom. > >THE END > > Mike: Glad that's over with. Let's leave... (all leave the theater, reverse door sequence, back to bridge) Mike: Well, that wasn't so bad... Tom: Yeah, when you compare it to our usual diet of sci-fi that is. Crow: And exactly what the hell is up with freaky heads on the show? We have Sid's big nose, Arnold's football head, Gerald's tall hair... and that's just reading this fic alone. There's quite a few freaky heads on the show besides these. Tom: Yeah, you'd think the character design crew were on *drugs* when they did this. Crow: Well, the show creator probably did some of the work himself as well. Tom: For that matter, what the *hell* is it with Nick and weird heads? Mike: Three words for you: They're *cartoons*, Servo. But certainly they must have done *something* right... how long has it been on again? Crow: How does 100 eps sound? Mike: OK, it's been on quite long... And it sounds like we have someone calling. Again. For all our luck, it's probably the voice of Sid. (Hexfield: Sam and Taylor Gifaldi) Mike: Lemme guess. The voice of Sid on Hey Arnold!. Sam: Uh, yeah, how'd you know? Mike: Just a lucky guess. And who's that with you? Taylor: Oh, I'm his brother. I've done Sid once too. Crow: Neat, is Sid expecting?... Taylor: Excuse me?! Tom: Never mind him, he's a bit lewd today. Always has been. So you're here to talk about Hey Arnold! right? Sam: Yeah. Listen, I've been looking on the webboards, and they practically all say the same thing: The fans want the second movie. Mike: Just because they're gonna reveal his last name? Sam: No, because it's part of a major point on the show... that Arnold doesn't have his parents. Crow: Yeah, what's up with orphans and single parents in cartoons? Taylor: Yeah, I've noticed that too. Sam: I wouldn't know, I only do voicework. But I do know there are some 'toons where both parents are around. You've got the Simpsons, the Rugrats, the Thornberrys, and I guess there are some more. Well, OK, they're more like exceptions to the rule... Tom: OK, back to Arnold. Any ideas why the first movie didn't do well at the box office? Sam: Well, it didn't do well with critics, and I think for the same reasons the X-Files film didn't do well with them. Crow: Could you be more specific? Taylor: As in, you needed to be familiar with the show already to understand what's going on. Sam: Yeah, even "the confession scene" didn't help. Tom: Hold it, what confession scene? Sam: Another big deal on the show is that this Helga girl keeps rambling on and on about her love for Arnold, when she's alone. It's only in the movie does she actually tell the football head. Crow: Sounds like a big deal. Sam: You know, this isn't the first time Nick's screwed the show's fans out of what they wanted. Crow: Eh? Taylor: We've heard that Craig wanted to do a spinoff involving an older Helga. Mike: Kind of like Rugrats making All Growed Up, right? Sam: Yeah, but without Arnold. And if you ask me, it isn't Hey Arnold! without Arnold. Anyway, they decided to turn it down. Crow: Why? Sam: Something about it being too dark. I've read comments about this on the webboards, and I've even heard of a site that's doing a series of fics based on Craig's concepts. (The site in question is at thepatakis.0catch.com.) Crow: Whoa, the fan community is that strong huh? Taylor: Obviously. Mike: Another question: Why did the show run so long? Sam: What I can think of right now? Let's see, It was a decent show. It often teaches the viewer some morals. And then there's Helga... Mike: Well, what's with her? Sam: She's got the most interesting personality. Enough said. Well, I think that should be enough. Tom: One last question. Why do many of the characters have weird heads? Sam: They're animated. Duh. Tom: Just as I suspected. Well, see ya! Mike: See ya. (closes Hexfield) Mike: Well, those two had *quite* a mouthful to talk about... Tom: Yeah, they made Hey Arnold! sound like the most controversial cartoon ever. Crow: Not bad for an innocent kid's cartoon, don't you think? Mike: Say, I wonder if they still have taste for the show... (Back to Dr. Forrester and Frank) Forrester: You know Mike? You're right about Frank going through favorite cartoons like Bond going through girls. I mean look at him now. He's watching this show called "As Told by Ginger"... Frank (offscreen): The characters look a bit freaky, don't you agree Doc? Forrester (ignoring him): It looks like he likes whatever happens to be on Nick. And you know what? I might get used to this... Mike: Really? Forrester: That is, as long as I get to watch some sci-fi in between, heh heh. Till next week, guys... Frank, could you press the button?... Frank? (beat) Forrester: Ah, what the heck, I'll do it myself. (presses button) Thanks to: Craig Bartlett for creating another fine cartoon. Best Brains and Sci-Fi Channel for giving us the inspiration to MST. Stinger: >SID: Passed on?! I'm sorry, Rhonda, but I can't risk my life for my >nose!