Mystery Science Theater 3000 Presents: Star Wars: A New Hope (Special Edition) "Star Wars" screenplay written by George Lucas MST3K Parody by Joe Barlow (jbarlow@ipass.net) Part 6, Fifth Draft Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Lucasfilm, Ltd. All Star Wars characters and locations, plus the script itself, were created by George Lucas. Mystery Science Theater 3000 (aka MST3K) is a registered trademark of Best Brains, as are the MST3K characters and locations. -------------------------------- > Luke and Leia crouch together in an alcove for protection as they > continue to exchange fire with troops. > LUKE: There isn't any other way out. CROW [as Leia]: But suicide is never the answer, Luke. > HAN: I can't hold them off forever! Now what? > LEIA: This is some rescue. When you came in here, didn't you have a > plan for getting out? > HAN: (pointing to Luke) He's the brains, sweetheart. > Luke manages a sheepish grin and shrugs his shoulders. MIKE [Goofy voice]: Uhhh... Gawrsh. > LUKE: Well, I didn't... > The princess grabs Luke's gun and fires at a small grate in the wall > next to Han, almost frying him. > HAN: What the hell are you doing? SERVO [as Leia]: Redecorating. > LEIA: Somebody has to save our skins. Into the garbage chute, fly boy. > She jumps through the narrow opening as Han and Chewbacca look on in > amazement. > HAN: (to Chewie) Get in there you big furry oaf! I don't care what > you smell! > Han gives him a kick in the rear CROW [Butthead voice]: I'm gonna kick your ass, Beavis... > and the Wookiee disappears into the tiny opening. CROW [Butthead voice]: Whoa! That was cool. > HAN: Wonderful girl! Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to > like her. Get in there! SERVO: This is the most intense game of Laser Tag I've ever seen! > Luke ducks laserfire as he jumps into the darkness. Han fires off a > couple of quick blasts then dives into the chute himself. He emerges > into a garbage-filled room. MIKE: Hey! It's my old room! > HAN: (sarcastically) Oh! The garbage chute was a really wonderful idea. > What an incredible smell you've discovered! CROW [as Luke]: That's just you, Han. > Let's get out of here! Get away from there... > LUKE: No! wait! > Han draws his laser pistol and fires at the hatch. The laserbolt > ricochets wildly around the room. [Everytime the shot hits a wall and bounces off, one of the Bots makes a pinball sound effect.] > Everyone dives for cover in the garbage as the bolt explodes almost on > top of them. SERVO: Tilt! Game Over. > LUKE: Will you forget it? I already tried it. It's magnetically sealed! > LEIA: Put that thing away! You're going to get us all killed. > HAN: Absolutely, Your Worship. Look, I had everything under control > until you led us down here. You know, it's not going to take them > long to figure out what happened to us. > LEIA: It could be worse. > A loud, horrible, inhuman moan works its way up from the murky depths. MIKE: It's Roseanne singing the National Anthem! > HAN: It's worse. > LUKE: There's something alive in here! > HAN: That's your imagination. CROW [as Luke, child's voice]: Huh-uh! 'Cause I don't have one. > LUKE: Something just moved past my leg! Look! Did you see that? > HAN: What? > LUKE: Help! SERVO [singing]: I need somebody... not just anybody... > Suddenly Luke is yanked under the garbage. > HAN: Luke! Luke! Luke! > Solo tries to get to Luke. Luke surfaces with a gasp of air and > thrashing of limbs. A membrane tentacle is wrapped around his throat. > LEIA: Luke! > Leia extends a long pipe toward him. > LEIA: Luke, Luke MIKE: So let's recap: the last minute of the film has just been people yelling "Luke" over and over, right? CROW: Seems that way to me. MIKE: Fine. I'll go back to sleep now. > grab a hold of this. > LUKE: Blast it, will you! My gun's jammed. > HAN: Where? > LUKE: Anywhere! Oh!! > Solo fires his gun downward. CROW [as Han]: Ow! My foot! > Luke is pulled back into the muck by the slimy tentacle. > HAN: Luke! Luke! MIKE: Luke! SERVO: Laura! MIKE: Chief? CROW: McCloud! > Suddenly the walls of the garbage receptacle shudder and move in a > couple of inches. With a rush of bubbles and muck Luke suddenly bobs > to the surface. SERVO [as Luke]: Waaaaah! My underwear's all wet and sqooshy. > LEIA: Grab him! What happened? > LUKE: I don't know, it just let go of me and disappeared. CROW [Captain Nemo voice]: Har, the squid has eluded me grasp again. > HAN: I've got a very bad feeling about this. > Before anyone can say anything the walls begin to rumble and edge > toward the Rebels. > LUKE: The walls are moving! SERVO: Even if the plot isn't. > LEIA: Don't just stand there. Try to brace it with something! > They place poles and long metal beams between the closing walls, but > they are simply snapped and bent as the giant trashmasher rumbles on. > LUKE: Wait a minute! > Luke pulls out his comlink. > LUKE: Threepio! Come in Threepio! Threepio! MIKE [as Luke]: Answer me! Waaaaaaah! > Where could he be? > A soft buzzer and the muted voice of Luke calling out for See-Threepio > can be heard on Threepio's hand comlink, which is sitting on the > deserted computer console. Artoo and Threepio are nowhere in sight. > Suddenly there is a great explosion and the door of the control tower > flies across the floor. CROW: Umm... it was open, guys. > Four armed stormtroopers enter the chamber. > FIRST TROOPER: Take over! (pointing to the dead officer) See to him! > Look there! > A trooper pushes a button and the supply cabinet door slides open. > See-Threepio and Artoo-Detoo are inside. > THREEPIO: They're madmen! They're heading for the prison level. ALL: ATTICA! ATTICA! > If you hurry, you might catch them. > FIRST OFFICER: (to his troops) Follow me! You stand guard. > THREEPIO: (to Artoo) Come on! > The guard aims a blaster at them. CROW [as the guard, cowboy voice]: This here's Betsy. > THREEPIO: Oh! All this excitement has overrun the circuits of my > counterpart here. If you don't mind, I'd like to take him down to > maintenance. > TROOPER: All right. SERVO [as the guard]: I trust you implicitly. > The guard nods and Threepio, with little Artoo in tow, hurries out the > door. Back in the garbage room, Chewie is whining as the heroes try in > vain to stop the walls from crushing them. > LUKE: Threepio! Come in, Threepio! Threepio! > Han and Leia try to brace the contracting walls with a pole. Leia > begins to sink into the trash. MIKE [Wicked Witch voice]: I'm melting! Melting... > HAN: Get to the top! > LEIA: I can't. > LUKE: Where could he be? Threepio! Threepio, will you come in? > THREEPIO: They aren't here! Something must have happened to them. See > if they've been captured. > Little Artoo carefully plugs his claw arm into a new wall socket CROW: Connect 2400. > THREEPIO: Hurry! > The princess is frightened. They look at each other. Leia reaches out > and takes Han's hand and she holds it tightly. SERVO [singing]: I want to hold your hand... CROW: Shouldn't that be I want to hold you HAN? SERVO: Funny. Kill him, Mike. > HAN: One thing's for sure. We're all going to be a lot thinner! (to > Leia) Get on top of it! > LEIA: I'm trying! > THREEPIO: (to Artoo) Thank goodness, they haven't found them! Where > could they be? > Artoo frantically beeps something to See-Threepio. > THREEPIO: Use the comlink? Oh, my! I forgot I turned it off! CROW: What? Just a minute ago we saw the comlink lying on the counter with Luke's voice coming through it! How could it be turned off? Mike, help! My brain is overloading. MIKE: It's a continuity thing. You're supposed to pretend you don't notice. > Meanwhile, Luke is lying on his side, trying to keep his head above the > rising ooze. Luke's comlink begins to buzz and he rips it off his belt. SERVO [as Luke, commercial voice]: I never leave home without my Ericsson cellular phone. > THREEPIO: Are you there, sir? CROW: It's me, Margaret. > LUKE (over comlink): Threepio! > THREEPIO: We've had some problems... > LUKE: Will you shut up and listen to me? Shut down all garbage mashers > on the detention level, will you? Do you copy? Shut down all the > garbage mashers on the detention level. Shut down all the garbage > mashers on the detention level! MIKE [idiot voice]: So which garbage mashers do you want us to shut down? > THREEPIO: (to Artoo) No. Shut them all down! Hurry! > Threepio holds his head in agony as he hears the incredible screaming > and hollering from Luke's comlink. > THREEPIO: Listen to them! They're dying, Artoo! SERVO [as C3PO, proudly]: We finally managed to kill them! > Curse my metal body! I wasn't fast enough. It's all my fault! My poor > master! > LUKE: (over comlink) Threepio, we're all right! > The screaming and hollering is the sound of joyous relief. The walls > have stopped moving. Han, Chewie and Leia embrace in the background. > LUKE: We're all right. You did great. > Luke moves to the pressure sensitive hatch, looking for a number. MIKE [as Luke]: It says "For a good time, call..." > LUKE: Hey...hey, open the pressure maintenance hatch on unit number... > where are we? > HAN: (over comlink) Three-two-six-eight-two-seven. SERVO [singing]: 867-5309... > Ben enters a humming service trench that powers the huge tractor beam. > The trench seems to be a hundred miles deep. The clacking sound of huge > switching devices can be heard. The old Jedi edges his way along a > narrow ledge leading to a control panel that connects two large cables. CROW [Grandpa Simpson voice]: I went for a walk after my nap, and now I can't find Grandma's house... ooh! Pretty buttons and knobs to play with! > He carefully makes several adjustments in the computer terminal, and > several lights on the board go from red to blue. > Han and Luke remove the trooper suits and strap on the blaster belts. > HAN: If we can just avoid any more female advice, we ought to be able > to get out of here. > Luke smiles and scratches his head as he takes a blaster from Solo. MIKE [as Leia]: What're *you* smiling at, Soppy? > LUKE: Well, let's get moving! > HAN: (to Chewie) Where are you going? > The Dia Nogu bangs against the hatch and a long, slimy tentacle works > its way out of the doorway searching for a victim. Han aims his pistol. > LEIA: No, wait. They'll hear! SERVO [screaming]: WHAT? > Han fires at the doorway. The noise of the blast echoes relentlessly > throughout the empty passageway. > HAN: (to Chewie) Come here, you big coward! > Chewie shakes his head "no." > HAN: Chewie! Come here! CROW [as Han, tempting]: I'll give you some Snausages... > LEIA: Listen. I don't know who you are, or where you came from, but > from now on, you do as I tell you. Okay? > Han is stunned at the command of the petite young girl. > HAN: Look, Your Worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight! I take > orders from one person! MIKE [as Han]: My psychic advisor! > Me! > LEIA: It's a wonder you're still alive. (looking at Chewie) Will > somebody get this big walking carpet out of my way? > HAN: No reward is worth this. > Ben hides from Stormtroopers near the tractor beam generator. > OFFICER: Secure this area until the alert is canceled. > FIRST TROOPER: Give me regular reports. CROW [whiny voice]: The Earth is still round, sir. > FIRST TROOPER: Do you know what's going on? > SECOND TROOPER: Maybe it's another drill. > Ben moves around the tractor beam, watching the stormtroopers as they > turn their backs to him. Ben gestures with his hand toward them, MIKE [Grandpa Simpson voice]: Shazam! > as the troops think they hear something in the other hallway. > SECOND TROOPER: What was that? > FIRST TROOPER: Oh, it's nothing. Don't worry about it. CROW [as the Trooper]: Just a minor plot point sneaking by. > Luke takes out his pocket comlink. > HAN: (looking at his ship) There she is. > LUKE: See-Threepio, do you copy? SERVO [as C3PO]: Only at Kinkos, Master Luke. [Mike and Crow groan.] > THREEPIO: (voice) For the moment. Uh, we're in the main hangar across > from the ship. > LUKE: We're right above you. Stand by. > LEIA: You came in that thing? You're braver that I thought. CROW [as Leia]: I didn't even know waffle irons could fly. > HAN: Nice! Come on! > Han gives her a dirty look, and they start off down the hallway. > They round a corner and run right into twenty Imperial stormtroopers > heading toward them. Both groups are taken by surprise and stop in > their tracks. > FIRST TROOPER: It's them! Blast them! CROW [as the trooper, Redneck voice]: I see something! Let's shoot it! > HAN: (to Luke and Leia) Get back to the ship! > LUKE: Where are you going? Come back! > LEIA: He certainly has courage. SERVO: Makes up for his lack of brains. > LUKE: What good will it do us if he gets himself killed? Come on! > Han chases the stormtroopers down a long subhallway. CROW [as Han]: I'm "it"! Here I come, ready or not! > The troops round a corner, and run into a roomful of other stormtroopers! > Han stops a few feet from them and assumes a defensive position. The > troops begin to raise their laser guns. Soon all ten troopers are moving > into an attack position in front of the lone starpirate. Han's > determined look begins to fade as the troops begin to advance. Solo > jumps backward as they fire at him. MIKE [James Brown voice]: Uh! Jump back, kiss myself! > Chewbacca runs down the subhallway in a last-ditch attempt to save his > bold captain. Suddenly he hears the firing of laser guns and yelling. > Around the corner shoots Han, pirate extraordinaire, running for his > life, followed by a host of furious stormtroopers. SERVO [dramatic voice]: Han Solo *is* the Running Man. > Luke fires his laser pistol wildly as he and Leia rush down a narrow > subhallway, chased by several stormtroopers. They quickly reach the end > of the subhallway and race through an open hatchway. Luke and Leia find > themselves on a narrow platforme that spans a huge, deep shaft that seems > to go into infinity. The bridge has been retracted into the wall of the > shaft, and Luke almost rushes into the abyss. ALL [screaming]: Push him in! Leia, push him in! > LUKE: (gasping) I think we took a wrong turn. > Their words echo loudly throughout the shaft. Blasts from the > stormtroopers' laser guns explode nearby, remind them of the oncoming > danger. Luke fires back at the advancing troops. Leia reaches over and > hits a switch that pops the hatch door shut with a resounding boom. > LEIA: There's no lock! > Luke blasts the controls with his laser pistol. > LUKE: That oughta hold it for a while. MIKE [as Leia]: Ooo! How masculine! > LEIA: Quick, we've got to get across. Find the controls that extend > the bridge. > LUKE: Oh, I think I just blasted it. CROW [Homer Simpson voice]: D'oh! > Luke looks at the blasted bridge control while the stormtroopers on the > opposite side of the door begin making ominous drilling and pounding > sounds. > LEIA: They're coming through! SERVO [as Jimmy Page]: Has anybody seen the bridge? Where's that confounded bridge? > Luke notices something on his stormtrooper belt, when laserfire hits the > wall behind him. Luke aims his laser pistol at a stormtrooper perched on > a higher bridge overhang across the abyss from them. They exchange fire. > Two more troops appear on another overhang, also firing. A trooper is hit, > and grabs at his chest. MIKE [Med-Alert voice]: I'm having... chest pains! > Another trooper standing on the bridge overhang is hit by Luke's > laserfire, and plummets down the shaft. Troopers move back off the > bridge; Luke hands the gun to Leia. > LUKE: Here, hold this. CROW [as Luke]: Let's get *your* fingerprints on the murder weapon. > Luke pulls a thin nylon cable from his trooper utility belt. It has a > grappler hook on it. A trooper appears on a bridge overhang and fires at > Luke and Leia. As Luke works with the rope, Leia returns the laser > volley. Another trooper appears and fires at them, as Leia returns his > fire as well. Suddenly, the hatch door begins to open, revealing the > feet of more troops. > LEIA: Here they come! ALL [singing]: Walking down the street... > Luke tosses the rope across the gorge and it wraps itself around an > outcropping of pipes. He tugs on the rope to make sure it is secure, > then grabs the princess in his arms. Leia looks at Luke, then kisses > him quickly on the lips. MIKE [as Leia]: Gimme that tongue, Wormie. > LEIA: For luck! > Luke pushes off and they swing across the treacherous abyss to the > corresponding hatchway on the opposite side. [Mike and the Bots give Tarzan yells.] > Just as Luke and Leia reach the far side of the canyon, the storm- > troopers break through the hatch and begin to fire at the escaping > duo. Luke returns the fire before ducking into the tiny subhallway. > Elsewhere, Ben hides in the shadows of the narrow passageway as several > stormtroopers rush past him in the main hallway. He checks to make sure > they're gone, then runs down the hallway in the opposite direction. SERVO [Grandpa Simpson voice]: I'm thirsty and I'm missing Matlock! > Darth Vader appears at the far end of the hallway and starts after the > old Jedi as Han and Chewbacca run down a long corridor with several > troopers hot on their trail. SERVO [as a Trooper]: But sir, we just want to know if you've ever *really* considered the advantages of aluminum siding... > TROOPER: Close the blast doors! > At the end of the hallway, blast doors begin to close in front of them. > The young starpilot and his furry companion race past the huge doors just > as they are closing, and manage to get off a couple off laserblasts at > the pursuing troops before the doors slam shut. > TROOPER: Open the blast doors! Open the blast doors! CROW [Nelson laugh]: Ha ha! > Darth Vader steps into view at the end of the tunnel, not ten feet away. > Vader lights his saber. Ben also ignites his and steps slowly forward. > VADER: I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. > The circle is now complete. MIKE [as Vader]: Of course, before it was complete it wasn't really a circle... more a sort-of arc. > VADER: When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master. > BEN: Only a master of evil, Darth. SERVO [dramatically, as Vader]: Bite me. > The two Galactic warriors stand perfectly still for a few moments, > sizing each other up and waiting for the right moment. Suddenly they > begin to duel with the laser swords. [Every time the lightsabers meet, Crow gives an exaggerated Grandpa Simpson-type gasp of pain/fatigue.] > They continue to fight. > VADER: Your powers are weak, old man. CROW: So's his bladder. > BEN: You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more > powerful than you can possibly imagine. > Han Solo and Chewbacca, their weapons in hand, lean back against the > wall surveying the forward bay, watching the Imperial stormtroopers > make their rounds of the hangar. > HAN: Didn't we just leave this party? > Chewbacca growls a reply, as Luke and the princess join them. > HAN: What kept you? MIKE [as Leia, excited]: There was a sale! > LEIA: We ran into some old friends. > LUKE: Is the ship all right? > HAN: Seems okay, if we can get to it. Just hope the old man got the > tractor beam out of commission. > Vader and Ben Kenobi continue their powerful duel. Troopers look on in > interest as the old Jedi and Dark Lord of The Sith fight. CROW [Dragnet voice]: Now there's something you don't see every day. SERVO [Dragnet voice]: What's that, Joe? CROW [Dragnet voice]: Electric broomsticks. > Suddenly Luke spots the battle from his group's vantage point. > LUKE: Look! > Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewie look up and see Ben and Vader emerging > from the hallways on the far side of the docking bay. Threepio and > Artoo-Detoo see the Troopers leave. > THREEPIO: Come on, Artoo, we're going! > HAN: Now's our chance! Go! > They start for the Millennium Falcon. Ben sees the troops charging > toward him and realizes that he is trapped. MIKE [Grandpa Simpson voice]: Hey! You're not the mailman... where am I? > Vader takes advantage of Ben's momentary distraction and brings his > mighty lightsaber down on the old man. Ben manages to deflect the blow > and swiftly turns around. The old Jedi Knight looks over his shoulder > at Luke, lifts his sword from Vader's then watches his opponent with a > serene look on his face. CROW [Grandpa Simpson voice]: Maybe if I play possum, he won't see me. > Vader brings his sword down, cutting old Ben in half. CROW [Grandpa Simpson voice]: Oh poopie. > Ben's cloak falls to the floor in two parts, but Ben is not in it. Vader > is puzzled at Ben's disappearance and pokes at the empty cloak. As the > guards are distracted, the adventurers and the robots reach the starship. > Luke sees Ben cut in two and starts for him. Aghast, he yells out. SERVO [as Luke]: Waaaaah! > LUKE: No! > The stormtroopers turn toward Luke and begin firing at him. > HAN: (to Luke) Come on! > LEIA: Come on! Luke, its too late! > HAN: Blast the door, kid! MIKE: And damn the torpedos while you're at it! > Luke fires his pistol at the door control panel, and it explodes. The > door begins to slide shut. Three troopers charge forward firing laser > bolts, as the door slides to a close behind them, shutting Vader and > the other troops out of the docking bay. Luke starts for the advancing > troops, as Solo and Leia move up the ramp into the pirateship. > BEN'S VOICE: Run, Luke! Run! > Luke looks around to see where the voice came from. He turns toward the > pirateship, ducking Imperial gunfire from the troopers and races into > the ship. CROW [muffled]: Watch out for snakes! > HAN: I hope the old man got that tractor beam out if commission, or > this is going to be a real short trip. Okay, hit it! > The Millennium Falcon powers away from the Death Star docking bay, > makes a spectacular turn and disappears into the vastness of space. > Luke, saddened by the loss of Obi-Wan Kenobi, stares off blankly as > the robots look on. Leia puts a blanket around him protectively, and > Luke turns and looks up at her. MIKE [as Leia, Minnesota voice]: Oh here ya go, honey. CROW [Minnesota voice]: You cover up, now. You'll catch your death of cold, shivering there in your sopping wet underwear and all... > Solo spots approaching enemy ships. > HAN: (to Chewie) We're coming up on the sentry ships. Hold 'em off! > Angle the deflector shields while I charge up the main guns! > Luke looks downward sadly, shaking his head back and forth, as the > princess smiles comfortingly at him. > LUKE: I can't believe he's gone. MIKE [as Luke]: I loved him so much, to have only known him one day. > LEIA: There wasn't anything you could have done. > Han rushes into the hold area where Luke is sitting with the princess. CROW [as Han]: Hi! Menage a trois? MIKE: Crow! > HAN: (to Luke) Come on, buddy, we're not out of this yet! > Luke climbs down the ladder into the gunport cockpit, settling into one > of the two main laser cannons mounted in large rotating turrets on either > side of the ship. MIKE [as Luke, sniffling]: Well, maybe blowing things up will help ease the pain... > Han adjusts his headset as he sits before the controls of his laser > cannon, then speaks into the attached microphone. > HAN: (to Luke) You in, kid? Okay, stay sharp! CROW: It's impossible for anybody that dull to be sharp! > Chewbacca and Princess Leia search the heavens for attacking TIE fighters. > The Wookiee pulls back on the speed controls as the ship bounces slightly. SERVO: Oh this is just too tense, Mike. I can't take it. [He hops into Mike's lap.] Mike and the Bots leave the theater, and the doorway sequence takes us back to: -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* INT: SATELLITE OF LOVE. Crow stands alone on the SoL. He wears a black cape and face mask, with holes cut in the mask for his eyes. CROW [Darth Vader voice, practicing]: Obi-Wan is here. The Force is with him. [Normal voice]: No, that's not right. I'll try again. [Vader voice]: Obi-Wan *IS* here! The Force is with him!! Gypsy enters from the left. GYPSY: Hi Crow. How's the movie? CROW [Darth Vader voice]: I have been seduced by the dark side of the Force, Gypsy. GYPSY: Huh. [slowly] Ummm... Gee. That's too bad, Crow. CROW [as Vader]: Crow? You would insult the Dark Lord of the Sith by referring to him with a bird's name? GYPSY: Umm... your name is Crow. CROW [as Vader]: That name no longer has any meaning for me, my son. GYPSY: I don't think I'm your son. CROW [normal voice]: Oh come on, Gypsy! I need you to play along if I'm gonna fool Servo and Mike into thinking I've gone over to the dark side! GYPSY: Sorry. It's just not very convincing. CROW: I even had Cambot program some sound effects, so I can imitate Vader's breathing. Hit it, Cambot! Immediately the sound of sinister breathing fills the room. CROW: Pretty cool, huh? GYPSY: [sighs] I don't know why I bother coming in here. Gypsy leaves. Mike and Servo enter the room from the right. MIKE: Hi, Crow. Wow, great costume! And you've even got that Vader breathing sound going. SERVO [laughing]: I think he looks ridiculous. CROW [as Vader]: I find your lack of faith disturbing. SERVO: You look like a pansy. CROW [as Vader]: Be silent, or you will incur my wrath! SERVO: Well do something about it, Crow! C'mon! Use your magic powers to make me be quiet! Pansy! Pansy! Pansy! CROW [as Vader]: I... well... I... SERVO: Aha! You can't, can you? You're not a Jedi. Can you make anything float? NO! Can you forsee the future? NO! You're just a Jedi wanna-be, Crow. CROW [as Vader]: NO! You must not say such things! I... I... [normal voice, sobbing]: Oh, you're right, Servo. I try and try, but I just can't feel the Force flowing through me. MIKE: Oh, it's okay, Crow. [He pats Crow's shoulder reassuringly.] We love you for who you are, not who you're trying to be. SERVO: Speak for yourself, Mike. MIKE: Now c'mere. Let's get you out of that mask and cape. He reaches for Crow's mask, but Crow shirks away. CROW [as Vader]: No! You must not remove my mask! I'll die without it. MIKE: What? You'll be fine without the mask, Crow. You're a robot, remember? You've gotten along for *years* without it. CROW [as Vader]: It is... too late... for me... my son. SERVO: Oh brother. Commercial sign light begins to flash. CROW [as Vader]: I feel a great disturbance in the film... as if a string of commercials were about to cry out... Mike sighs and hits the button. We go to commercials. -- END PART 6 --