Mystery Science Theater 3000 presents: "Touchdown Tommy" By Varakorn Ungvichian (rover_wow@yahoo.com) and Ben Greenwood (servo84@hotmail.com) Ben actually started this MSTing for me by doing some of the riffs and he admitted that the riffs were sparse in some areas. So I decided, what the heck, let's add some riffs and improve on it. And by the way Rugrats is (C) 1991 Klasky-Csupo and MST3K is (C) 1989 Best Brains. Everything else is (C) whoever owns them. (Theme song, door sequence, all that stuff that opens an MST3K ep) (Everyone's all decked in Baltimore Ravens gear and watching Super Bowl XXXV. It's just ended with the victory of the Ravens.) Mike: WOOHOO! WOOHOO! Tom: Kiss mah ass New York! Crow: Go Giants, and take the Jets with you! Yeah... Mike (noticing Cambot): Oh, hi. Welcome to the Satellite of Love, and we've just seen the Ravens put the Giants back where they belong! Tom: Yeah! In the gutter!... Hey, you notice something? Mike: Well... what? Tom: The Ravens moved from Cleveland. Last year's champs, the Rams, moved from LA. Notice a pattern? Mike (after a pause): Uh... we'll be right back. (Bumper, ads, whatever's during the breaks) Crow: Let's get this straight, Servo. You're trying to tell us that sports franchises often perform better after moving cities? Tom: Wrap your mind around this: the Lakers have won more titles in LA than when they were in Minneapolis. The Colorado Avalanche was known as the Quebec Nordiques the season before they won the Stanley Cup. And of course let's not forget the Rams and now the Ravens... You do the math, Chester... (Pause) Mike: Have you been taking your medication? (Alarms.) Mike: Oh, Dan Dierdorf and Dennis Miller are calling... (It's Dr. Forrester and Frank spraying soda all over the place. There are ravens all over the background.) Mike: So, I trust that you've been cheering for the Ravens? Forrester: Why, of course! Frank: I just couldn't STAND that annoying song by the Baha Men... we just HAD to root against New York. Forrester: Anyways, to keep up with the football theme, we have a football- themed experiment for you... Mike: Let me guess, an episode of "Coach"? Tom: "The Waterboy"? Crow: "Necessary Roughness"? Rowr! Frank: Uh... no. Forrester: It's an ep of a really popular show that's spawned chunks of merchandising. Mike: What, Pokemon? Forrester: Uh, no. I'm talking about Rugrats. This one here, "Touchdown Tommy", has them dressing up in protective head gear and rough-housing each other. Frank: Doesn't sound like good family values, does it? Forrester: Just send them the fic... Frank (as he presses the button): Football just doesn't mix with kids TV... Tom: The Simpsons got away with it... (Marge) I wanna C-U-P! (Movie sign, traditional panic, door sequence, all enter the theater) Mike: It can't be that bad... this IS 'Rugrats', after all... Tom: You DO know this show is rife with poopie jokes, don't you? Mike: Well, they can't be in EVERY friggin' episode, can they? >A balloon that Tommy was playing gets wedged Crow: First line, and we have innuendo already! (Others moan.) >under the coffee table. Tommy >tries to grab it, but before he got to the balloon, he bumps his head on >the table's edge. Tommy falls down and cries. Didi walks in. Tom (singing): Tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all... Mike (interrupting): It's 'Didi', not 'Dido'. >Didi: What happened? What happened? >Stu: Huh? Gee, I don't know, honey -- he was just fine a minute ago. >Didi: Oh, no! Stu, look at that gigantic bruise! >We look at Tommy's bruise. Then he looks up, smiling. >Stu: Didi, he probably just bumped his head trying to get that balloon. Mike: Yea, that balloon's a death trap. Why don't you give Tommy a nice dry-cleaning bag to play with instead. >Didi: Stu, are you blaming Tommy's concussion on the balloon? Crow: BALLOONS DON'T GIVE PEOPLE CONCUSSIONS, PEOPLE GIVE PEOPLE CONCUSSIONS!! >Stu: Concussion? >Stu looks underneath the table at the balloon. When he gets up, he bumps >his >head on the table. (Tom makes 'punch-line' cymbal noise.) >Didi: It's not the balloon's fault, Stu. Oh, how can Betty and I trust you >dads with the babies during the game this afternoon? You won't watch them >at all. >Stu: Of course we will! >Didi: Don't be silly. After kickoff all you boys will be thinking about is Crow (Didi): SEX! SEX! SEX!... Mike: Enough already! >guzzling soda and gobbling pork rinds. >Stu: (giving referee's "time out" signal) Crow: Uh... transcriber? PLAYERS give the time out signal. Not refs. >Whoa, time out, Didi! I haven't >had pork rinds in years. Mike: (as Stu) Plus, we'll be guzzling beer, not soda! >Didi: Maybe I should just stay home. This place is an accident waiting to >happen. Tom: Just like 'The Rugrats Movie'. >Stu: Didi, he won't hurt himself again. Crow: (as Stu) I'll do it for 'em. >I promise. >Didi: Well... maybe you're right. >Tommy walks to the table and once again bumps his head. We zoom into Didi's >mouth as she screams. All (singing 'Hush' from 'I Know What You Did Last Summer'): Daa dadadaa dadadaa dadadaa... Hush! Hush! Crow: Jeez, does no one get tired of zooming into a screaming mouth? >Cut to the basement, where Stu is working on an invention. Grandpa watches >him. Mike: (as Stu) Those folks at Radio Shack said I was mad! MAD! Well who's mad now?!?! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! >Grandpa: You're gonna what? Mike: (as Stu) I'M GONNA TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! HAHAHA!!! As soon as I'm finished this mind control laser, the world is mine! MINE!!! >Stu: I'm gonna invent something that'll keep Tommy from hurting himself, >Pop. Tom: (as Stu) I think I'll call it a "gun". >Grandpa: You can't keep a baby from hurtin' hisself! Why, when I was a >sprat, I used to crawl through Ma's cactus garden, huntin' for horny toads. Crow (Stu): Dad, did you just say 'horny'? Mike (warning Crow): Not another word... >Stu: (skeptical) Horny toads, Pop? >Grandpa: That's what I said! And all I had on was my birthday suit! Tom: (as Grampa) That's right! In my day, we used to crawl naked back and forth through the cactus patch! For 15 miles! In 10 feet of snow! Uphill, both ways! And then when we got home, we had to work 25 hours a day before going to bed! >What're you gonna do, put Tommy in a bubble? Tom (continuous): It certainly didn't work for Peel and Steed... (The Avengers, whose film adaption not only shows them walking in plastic bubbles to avoid the weather, but also sucks bad.) >(We see a sketch of Tommy in a bubble.) Mike: (as narrator) We see Tommy slowly asphyxiating. Tom: (singing) Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe, and to love you... (That's from a song called "The Air I Breathe"... when Simply Red did it, the video had a clip of the singer in a bubble) >Stu: Well, if I don't think of something, we dads are gonna have to take >turns looking after the kids. That means watching the game in shifts. >Grandpa: (surprised) Shifts? Well, let's get busy, then! Crow: Ladies and gentlemen, proof that Lou Pickles loved "playing" with his little son. (Mike moans.) >Tommy empties the popcorn out of the bowl and places the empty bowl on his >head. Stu looks. >Stu: (amazed) Pop! That's it! Look! Protective head gear! Tom: Ah, yes. Protective head gear. (beat) Tom: Something only used before by ANYONE WHO'S EVER PLAYED FOOTBALL, FOR STARTERS! >Grandpa: Huh? >Stu picks up the phone and calls Drew. We cut to Drew's house, where we see >Angelica making faces and scaring her kitty, Fluffy. Tom: UGH, another pet named Fluffy! >Drew's phone rings; he >picks up the receiver. Mike: WAAAAZZZZZZUUUUPPPP?!?!?! >Drew: Drew. >Stu: Drew? Stu. >Drew: Stu? >Stu: Right, Drew. (All moan.) >Listen, I think I've solved this baby sitting thing. Get >a hold of all the other dads and tell 'em the game is still on. Tom (Celebrity Deathmatch's Mills Lane): Yeah, let's get it ON! >And Drew? >Drew: Yeah, Stu? >Stu: This is top secret. (Mike and Tom do the Mission Impossible theme) Crow: (as Stu) Wait, make that ultra-super-duper-top-secret classified! And to make sure no one can learn about this, we'll have to kill ourselves to keep it a secret! Tom (Drew): Ain't that a biiit too harsh? >We cut back to the living room. >Stu: Oh Didi! We've got something to show you! >Didi: What's going on? >Stu: Didi, you and Betty may go to the mall WITHOUT FEAR. Mike: (as Stu) That's because I hired a nice young British nanny to watch him! >Didi: We can? >Stu: That's right. Because Tommy is now virtually UNBRUISABLE. Crow: UNBRUISABLE, the sequel to UNBREAKABLE. >Didi: He is? Crow: (as Stu) Yep, I encased him in a block of concrete. >Stu: Yeah! Here, I'll show you. Mike: (as Stu) To demonstrate, I'll use this ordinary baseball bat. The protective gear will protect him from my hardest swing, just watch! *WHAM* ...well, it still has some bugs to work out, but I'm sure Tommy will be fine. He didn't use that arm anyway right? >Didi: What on earth is it, Stu? >Stu picks up Tommy. On his head, Tommy is wearing headgear composed of a >toy turtle, 3 rolls of toilet paper and some string. Tom: Would it have broken the bank to buy a bike helmet? Mike: Well, their toy company IS in the pits, so it might as well have. (beat) Crow: Fanboy... >Stu: Presenting the Bonkomatic Baby Bumper. >Didi: The bonka-whosit baby what? >Stu: The Bonkomatic Baby Bumper offers complete cranial suspension, >protection from the 1001 hazards of the average American hosuehold, Crow: (as Stu) For example, suppose I was a knife-bearing psyhco, or leaking poisonous gas, the head gear would protect Tommy! Ya want me to demonstrate? >the absolute freedom of movement, and best of all, a worry-free day of >shopping for mom. Mike: As well as rich Corinthian leather for dad. >Didi: Oh, I don't know, Stu. Are you sure it will work? Tom: (as Stu) Of course! It's made from a sturdy asbestos fiber lining! >Tommy walks at the table and bangs his head again. This time, he is >uninjured, as the head gear protected him. Mike: Sure, he's walked into the table 3 times now, and we're to believe he's fine? >Stu: Deed, it's guaranteed. Crow (advertiser): For a lifetime! >Didi: Well... all right. >We cut to the exterior of the front door from the ground view. The door >opens. We see Didi's legs and feet Crow: Now those are SOME feet... >as she walks out the door. >Didi: Betty and I will be back in a few hours. Bye-bye! >Cut back to living room. Grandpa & Stu give high fives. >Grandpa & Stu: Yes! >Cut to playpen Tommy is wearing his Bonkomatic. Mike: Remember, commas are our friends. >Phil: What's it for, anyway? >Lil: Yeah, what's it for? >Tommy: I think it's to keep my face from gettin' out. Tom: Uh, last time I checked, this wasn't 'Silence of the Lambs'. >Cut to front door. Drew knocks. >Grandpa: Halt! Who goes there? Mike: Even coming from a Grandpa that line still sounds hackneyed. >Drew: Hi, Pop. >Grandpa: What's the password? Mike (Jim Carrey, whispering): The password is ... nipple. Crow: Now look who's spewing innuendo! >Drew holds up a bag of pork rinds. >Drew: Pork rinds? >Grandpa: Bingo! >Drew and the other guys enter. Tom: Wait, if the password is bingo, why is he letting them in? Crow: No, Gramp's gone senile, he still thinks he's playing bingo. >Chazz pulls in a giant TV set with large >speakers. Grandpa and Stu are wearing Houston Oilers (1991) Tom: ...who are now the Tennessee Titans who played against the Rams in last year's Super Bowl... ('Last year' referring to 2000, as I expect my MSTings to last quite a while) Mike: Enough with the history lesson. Tom: Whatever. >shirts, while >Drew and Howard Crow: ...Stern... >wear Dallas Cowboys shirts. Chazz was wearing a green >sweatshirt with a picture of a yellow chess knight on front. >Stu: Hey, Charles. Great! You brought the big-screen TV! Oooh! In >Surround-A-Thon stereo! >Chazz: I dunno, Stu... maybe this football game isn't such a good idea. Tom: This *whole show* isn't such a good idea. >Wouldn't you rather watch the chess play-offs on The Culture Channel? Crow (Chazz): I've heard that Deep Blue's facing off against Kasparov again. Tom: (as Chazz) Or maybe Nickelodeon, they always have something good on. (Pause. Mike and the bots burst out laughing.) >Stu: Gee, I don't know. Whadda you think, guys? >The other guys boo Chazz and give him thumbs down. Mike: (random person in crowd) Kill him! Tom: Suddenly, I wish this were a Roman gladiator fight. >Cut back to playpen. Since the last time, Chuckie and Angelica were added. >Tommy was still wearing the Bonkomatic. Mike: If your kid needs a helmet to keep from getting hurt when he's in a playpen, then ya know something's wrong with him. >Angelica: What's that stupid thing you got on your head? Crow: Why, that's his face! Tom: Kids can be so mean. >The guys walk to the playpen. Stu picks up Tommy. >Stu: Guys, now that you're here, I can show everyone. Here it is, the >answer to all our parenting problems -- the Bonkomatic Baby Bumper. Mike: (as Stu) That's right! This will solve all our parenting problems! No more changing diapers! No more putting them to sleep at night! No more having to feed them! We just put this on and leave them in the closet till they're 18! Crow (as Drew): Ain't that a bit harsh on 'em? >Guys, we're talking complete cranial protection here. Baby gets to play, >dad gets to go about his business and voila! No more worried moms. And >best of all, each kid gets one! Crow: OK. Football on TV? Kids with helmets? Something tells me they're gonna fight over a bottle of milk football-style. Mike (high sarcasm): Gee, how could you have guessed? >Grandpa, Drew & Howard: Yes! >The guys hoot and walk back to the TV and sit down. The Ultra Bowl titles >and music All (ABC's Monday Night Football): ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!!! >flash on the screen. Commentators Chick Hearn Tom: Da heck kind of name is "Chick" for a guy??? >(the genuine >article) Crow: Hey, isn't Chick Hearn a *basketball* commentator? What's he doing here as a *football* commentator? Tom: Getting extra cash. Duh. >and Hank Duff Tom: Somehow, that sounds like a name you'd hear in a FOX cartoon. (In case you're wondering, the 2 things that popped in my head: Hank Hill, from 'King of the Hill' and Duff Beer, from 'The Simpsons', both of which are FOX cartoons.) >appear on screen, on the field. >Chick: Hello again everybody, and welcome to our coverage of football's big >event -- The Ultra Bowl. I'm Chick Hearn, coming to you live from the Lone >Star State with my good friend, Hank Duff. Mike: Does he own Duff Beer? Tom: I certainly hope not. >Hank: Hi folks. >Chick: Hank, how's it feel to be back on your home turf? >Hank taps on ground with his foot. Tom: What's he gonna do, a Fred Astaire dance routine? >Hank: Feels great, Chick. >Cut to rear view of couch as the guys cheer. Stu & Grandpa: Come on, >Houston! >Drew & Howard: Go get'em Dallas! Crow: Mike, is there some way that both teams could lose? >Cut to front of couch; Chazz interrupts with his unnecessary knowledge. Mike: I think having any knowledge would be unnecessary at Nickelodeon. >Chazz: Actually, both teams have their strong points... >The guys nod in disgust at Chazz. Crow: This 'Chazz' here wouldn't survive a day with Eminem... Mike: Try an HOUR. >Meanwhile, we cut back to the playpen; all the Rugrats are wearing >Bonkomatics -- Phil & Lil each have bowls on their head with a teddy bear >on top and a toilet paper roll under their chin; Chuckie was wearing a >bucket with some sponges inside; Angelica was wearing a diaper on her head, >held on with string and toilet paper. Tom: Years from now, they'll be telling their psychiatrists about this. >Tommy: Chuckie, you in there? >Chuckie: I Think so. >Angelica: I can't believe your dad made me wear this dumb baby helmet. >Tommy: They're not dumb, Angelica; they're really neat.> Mike: Tommy is also amused by wallpaper. >Phil & Lil: Yeah! >Phil: And look at this! >Phil & Lil stand on their heads. >Chuckie: Wow! Tom: (as Chuckie, impressed) That's REALLY boring! >Tommy: Come on Chuckie; let's do it! All: BLEH!!! Crow: Mike, would you kindly gouge out my eyes for me? Tom: (disgusted) So much for this being a kid show. >Tommy & Chuckie stand on their heads. Crow: Oh, whew... >Angelica: I learned this in ballet class! Tom (Angelica): Yep! I learned alongside this kid... I think his name was Billy Elliot? (Critically acclaimed British dramedy about a ballet-dancing boy) >Angelica follows suit, but falls over dizzy. Crow: (as Angelica) Of course, I wasn't drunk then. >Cut back to guys. >Grandpa: Yep! Back at Minnesota State, they called me The Galloping... >uh... The Galloping... Tom: ...Waterboy? Mike: ...'Coach' Fan? ('Coach' took place at Minnesota State) >Drew: ...Geezer? >Grandpa: Very funny! I was the Galloping -- Crow: Halfback Who Leaves After the 3rd Quarter to Beat the Traffic. Mike: Whoa, that was creative. >hey, we out of pork rinds >already? >Stu: There's more in the kitchen, Pop. Hey, would'ya give the kids their >bottles while you're up? (to the guys) Galloping Geezer! >The guys laugh. Mike: Ha-ha-ha SHUT UP!!! >All the Rugrats are on their heads, but as Grandpa enters the area, they >fall down. Crow: (as Gramps) How 'bout a beer Tommy? >He has milk bottles for them. >Grandpa: Okay, sprouts! Milk break! (hands milk bottles to each Rugrat) >Here ya go, Phil; and here's one for you Lil; and this one's for ol' >Chuickie! And here's one for my little princess! >Angelica: Bottles are for babies, Grandpa. I'm not a baby! Mike: Then the pub must be full of babies, 'cause they're *really* addicted to the bottle. >Grandpa: I plum forgot! (gives a bottle of chocolate milk to Tommy) I fixed >up something special for you, scout! >Grandpa leaves. Angelica watches Tommy drink his chocolate milk, and teases >him. >Angelica: Drinky little baba, baby-boo? Tom: Line written by actual babies. >A drop of chocolate milk falls to the ground; Spike, who's with the Rugrats >in the playpen, licks it up. Crow: Ew, having the dog with the babies ain't exactly hygenic... Mike: Well, it's not as bad as what you're gonna see... >Tommy: Wow! It's chocolate milk! >Phil & Lil: Chocolate milk! >Angelica: Chocolate milk! Gimme that bottle! Crow: Hey! She just said she didn't want a bottle, now she wants Tommy's bottle? Mike: One, this is in line with her character, and two, this is *chocolate milk* they're fighting over. Got that? Crow: Good point. >Tommy: No! It's mine! >Angelica: I said give it! >Tommy: Uh-uh! >Tommy & Angelica fight over the bottle in a "tug-of-war" fashion. Tom: I predict that they'll fight over it in football fashion. >Angelica: Gimme that chocolate milk! Gimme that bottle! >Tommy and Angelica continue to struggle while we hear Chick and Hank do >Ultra Bowl commentary. The Rugrats' actions coincide with the commentary. Mike: In short... get ready for some friggin' milk bottle action! (Tom does swish noise) >Chick: It's Sebastini with the draw play. >Hank: Oooh, nowhere to go, Chick. >Chick: But he squirts through to pick up seven yards before he's finally >dragged down from behind. Mike: (as Hank) Dragged down?! He got plowed over from behind, I don't think he'll be walkin' away from that, or ever again for that matter. >Hank: Nice second effort there, Chick. >Chick: Thanks, Hank. Dallas falls second and three at their own 18 yard >line. >Tommy squirts Angelica and falls over; Tommy walks over her head. Tom (Angelica): Hey, you gotta have respect for your elders! >Back at the couch, the guys are paying more attention to the game, rather >than to the Rugrats. Tom: As expected. Geez, do all guys pay attention to a football game more than anything else? Mike: From the looks of it, yeah. >Grandpa: Second and who? >Other guys: Three! >Grandpa: Turn it up, Stu; my ear's on the fritz. >Cut back to Rugrats. >Chick: Here's the snap. Dawkin's dropping back to throw but the pocket >collapses around him. He's trapped in the back field. Big Bubba Mike: Hey, since when was Bill Clinton in this game?! >Nogursky >breaks through. >Hank: Oh, Bubba. Looks like a sack for sure, Chick. Tom (Chick): I dunno, he looks like a grocery bag to me... Crow (Adam Sandler as the Waterboy): She's not the devil, she's the most beautiful woman in the world...! >Chick: But wait! Kincaid is wide open at the line of scrimmage! Dawkins >gets the ball off just as Bubba crashes him to the ground!> Tom: (as Hank) And what a hit! Human legs are not meant to bend like that Chick! Crow: (as Chick) Lets see that again in slow motion! >While Angelica tackles Tommy, Chuckie catches the bottle. While they toss >the bottle around, chocolate milk dribbles out of it. Mike: Did we just switch to the NBA? >Cut to guys watching game on TV. >Drew: Wow! What a shovel pass. Mike (Drew): Look at all the sand flying around... >Stu: Sheer luck. >Cut back to Rugrats. >Chick: Here comes a draw play up the middle, but Nogursky is there and he >grabs Kincaid around the knees. Whoa, a fumble! Loose ball! >Angelica tackles Chuckie; bottle rolls around. >Hank: Boy, what's going on down there, Chick? This guy moves like nobody in >the league! Mike: (as Chick) That's because his arm's dislocated, Hank. >Chick: But wait! DiAngelo dives on it! What a break for Dallas! >Hank: He came out of nowhere, Chick.. Tom: (as Chick) That's right, DiAngelo's ability to teleport is really coming in handy! >Phil sees bottle, and dives on it; he sucks the bottle. >Chick: And believe me, he doesn't wanna give up that ball. Mike (singing): Never wanna give you up, never wanna let you down, never wanna run around and desert you. (Rick Astley's big hit, Never Gonna Give You Up.) >Dallas ball, >first and 10 and the 11-yard line. What? The Statue of Liberty play! How >long's it been since we've seen that one? Crow: Uhhh... 1886? (the year the Statue of Liberty was built) Mike (guy from South Park): Not since Rodney King! Tom (other guy): Now that's not very PC. (from the ep where Stan Marsh has a gay dog) >Cut to Grandpa. >Grandpa: Not since Minnesota state, young fella! Mike: Great, now HE'S having all the fun! >Cut back to Rugrats. >Tommy: Hey Lil! Over here! >Chuckie: Get it, Tommy! >Chick: Look at this, hank. They're playing backyard football with this >explosive Houston team! Not a prudent thing to do here in the House of >Pain. Tom: If anything is a house of pain, it's this theater. >Uh-oh, Dawkins is tripped up by his own man, the line coming at him. >After the Rugrats pass the bottle around, Phil tosses the bottle to Lil, >who's riding on Spike's back. Lil tosses it to Chuckie, which bounces off >his Bonkomatic and into the hands of Tommy. Mike: In short... Tommy's own version of the 'Immaculate Reception'. (Immortal play by Franco Harris for the Steelers... he caught a pass after the ball bounced off another player.) >Angelica runs towards Tommy, >but Lil trips her. >Chick: Dawkins under severe pressure; Mike: (as Chick) It's a little known fact that the pressure in these stadiums are increased to 13 time atmospheric to help hold the roof up! >he hesitates, he pump fakes the ball >and he looks to Kincaid. He throws the bomb. All: KA-BLAM!!! >It's intercepted, Hank! >Angelica rushes toward Tommy. He fakes a throw and tosses bottle to >Chuckie, only to have Angelica catch the bottle. The nipple comes off, Crow: Wow, talk about getting more than what you paid for! (Mike moans again.) >causing the milk to splatter everywhere. >Hank: Wow! Norgursky made an all-pro move on this one, Chick. Let's take >another look. >We see the same above action again, in slow motion. >Hank: Mud everywhere, Chick. >Back to regular motion; Angelica sucks on bottle. Tom: She's not the only baby sucking around here. >Chick: What a mess, Hank. We'll be back with more Ultra Bowl coverage after >these important messages. Tom (Chick): Oh yeah, and don't forget to tune in to Survivor, coming after the game! Mike: By important messages, he is of course referring to the tons of lousy beer, car, and soda ads. Clearly stuff you don't want to miss! Crow: Well there WAS Macintosh's Super Bowl ad... (You know, the one in 1984 that has been shown zillions of times as an example of an excellent ad) >Ultra Bowl theme starts. >Angelica: It's empty! >Angelica cries loud and long. Mike: So is this whole show, and you don't see me complaining... >Didi: Angelica Pickles! What in the world is going on here? >Angelica: Huh? >The guys look behind couch to find Didi and Betty, and to find the living >room in a big mess. >Guys: Huh? Oh oh. >Didi: (angrily) What are the kids covered with, and what are those horrible >stains all over my living room? Tom (advertiser): Whatever the stain, Coit can get rid of it. >Betty: I don't know, Deed; looks like chocolate milk. >Didi: Chocolate milk? >Grandpa laughs nervously. >Didi: Who was watching her when this happened? >Chazz: I told you we should have watched the chess tournament. Tom (Chazz): And I still think Kasparov is more of a hunk than these football guys. Mike (random guy): Chazz? Tom: Yes? Mike: Shut up. >The Rugrats sit innocently Crow: (ominously) That's right, no one suspects... the baby! >in the middle of the floor covered with >chocolate milk Spike walks to Angelica and licks her. >Angelica: Eww! Yuck! Ick! Get'im off of me! >Other Rugrats: Allright! >Rugrats give each other high fives and fall on the floor. >The End Mike: Let's get outta here... (all leave the theater, reverse door sequence, back to bridge) Mike: Well, what did you think?... Tom: Well, the way they juxtapositioned the football commentary to all that milk-bottle action kinda reminded me of how Disney sometimes synchronizes the beat of background music and the beat of, well, whatever's going on. Crow: They call this "Mickey-Mousing", don't they? Tom: Well, yes they do. Speaking of Disney, until early 1999, no one but them had $100 million grossing animated features. Guess what film was the first to broke their monopoly of sorts? Mike: Uh... I believe it was the "Prince of Egypt"? It reached $100 million in April that year. Tom: Well, "The Rugrats Movie" reached that bullseye in March. Mike: Really? How interesting... Well, it looks like we have someone named Stig Bergqvist on the line. (Hexfield: Stig Bergqvist) Mike: Stig... (snickers) what kind of name is that? Sounds so Swedish... Stig: Well, I AM Swedish. Tom: Ooh, just like that chef in the Muppets. (does a little impersonation of the Muppets character) Mike: OK, first things first... Who on earth are you? Stig: You're talking with the director of "Rugrats in Paris: The Movie" here. Crow: You mean those dumb babies made a sequel? It can't be any good! Stig: Now, don't you call them dumb. Besides, the sequel's been getting QUITE positive reviews comparing it to "Toy Story" and all. Tom: Speaking of which, they say the only downside to your film is that there's not much Paris in "Paris". What do you have to say to that? Stig: Well, there wasn't any Fargo in "Fargo"... Just kidding. I didn't want to flip off French audiences too much... I just added enough to make sure the audience doesn't feel cheated... Crow: I've heard that you're adding a multiracial touch to the show. Stig: Yes, with newcomers Kimi and her mom. It's also some victory for the disabled... Tom: Eh? How's that? Stig: The voice actress who does Kimi's voice is legally blind, and we had to write her scripts in Braille. Crow: Braille? Stig: A series of bumps that's used as written language for the blind. But we treated her as good as the other sighted voice actresses... Tom: What are your thoughts on the sequel? Stig: It's more than a Paris vacation we're dealing with here... we're trying to deal with serious stuff like romance and perhaps a little employer- employee rivalry... Crow: Oooh, just like 'Celebrity Deathmatch'. (Steve Austin) He's stone dead 'cause Stone Cold said so! Stig (continuous): All in all I guess we managed to make a film that's got something for everyone. Tom: And how about the series? Stig: The Rugrats have proved be a great merchandising machine, good entertainment for the kids, and food for thought for the grown-ups. Hey, listen, I gotta go now. Bye... Mike: Bye! Good luck... (Closes Hexfield) Tom: Man, that Bergqvist guy sure can whip up SOME cinematic magic. Crow: I sure look forward to seeing Kimi and her mom... especially her mom... Rowr... Mike: Crow... (turns to Cambot) What do you think guys? (Back to Dr. Forrester and Frank, cleaning up the mess the ravens have caused... one word: poop) Frank: Frankly, I still think Spielberg and Cameron, heck even Coleman can do better cinematic magic than that Swede... Forrester: Frank, could you help me clean this icky stuff? Frank (coming over to Forrester): Oh, sure. Forrester: Y'know, all that work cleaning up the raven mess has really "pooped" me out. So, till next week... Frank? Never mind. (presses button) (closing creds) Thanks to: Thanks to: Klasky-Csupo and Nickelodeon for giving us good entertainment for the kids, and food for thought for the grown-ups. Best Brains and Sci-Fi Channel for giving us the inspiration to MST. Steve Mindykowski for transcribing this ep. This MSTing is in memory of Chick Hearn (he died in August 5, 2002 at the age of 85... meaning that he was 74 when this ep of Rugrats went out). Stinger: >Didi: The bonka-whosit baby what?