I would like to thank Arnold4Ever for her letting me use the fanfics on her site. I am glad to have such material to work from.I will complete this entire story later so I won't be posting entire fanfics! Ladies and Gentlemen, let the MSTing begin!

(Season 9 Opening)
Cambot shows us the deck of the Satellite of Love, where Crow is concentrating hard.
(Crow: Ka-Mae-a-mae-uhhhhhhh! Dang! Let’s try it again. Ka-Mae-amae-uhhhhhhhh! Nope, not that time either. All right, this time I’ve got it! Ka-Mae-a-mae-uhhhhhhhh! Dang!)
Mike and Tom enter; Mike is holding a Garfield mug, which says, "I don’t do Mondays".
(Mike: What’s up Crow?)
(Crow: Well, Mike, I am attempting to utilize my Kia in order to project powerful forces that can be used in combat. You never know when super-powered evil dictators could attempt to gain control of the satellite!)
Mike drinks from his mug, shaking his head.
(Mike: So how is that working out for you?)
(Crow: Not so well. However, I am certain that I will eventually be able to go super-sayian!)
(Tom: But you’re a robot.)
(Crow: Don’t use that ‘logic’ stuff on me!)
The lights of the signboard begin to flash, alerting the crew of an incoming transmission.
(Mike: Hey Crow, you want to get that?)
(Crow: Sure! Ka-mae-a-ma…..oww! I think I pulled a muscle!)
(Tom: You don’t have muscles!)
(Crow, crying: Shut up! Boo Hoo!)
Mike presses the situation button.
(Mike: Yes Mrs. Forester?)

Cut to Castle Forester, where Mrs. Forester, Observer and Bobo are all dressed in beach apparel. Bobo is on top of the doombug, riding a surfboard that has been strapped there while Observer shakes the vehicle back and forth.
(Bobo: All right! Hang ten moon doggy! I’m tripping the light fantastic on the curl!
(Observer: I have no idea what you just said.)
Mrs. Forester is wearing a one-piece suit, 50’s sunglasses, and is sitting in a plastic recliner while soaking rays from some heat lamps.
(Mrs. Forester: Oh, hi Nelsonian! These two beach bums and I are just enjoying a day at the beach. Of course, since it is December, I had brain guy just bring some amenities up from storage with his freaky brainpowers. No parking fee, no having to carry a big blanket and umbrella, and no having to fight the peasantry for beach space!)
In the background, Bobo is still riding high.
(Bobo: Whoppee! What we need is some surf music!)
(Mrs. Forester: Of course, it isn’t 100% the same, but it is close enough! Your experiment today features the cast of Hey Arnold set in the bleak desolate years of Junior High School. Apparently, they get to spend time at the beach, as well as being locked in a horrible hormonal battle!)
Bobo falls off the surfboard, flips forward, and crashes through the windshield of the Volkswagen bus.
(Observer: Um, Pearl, I think I broke the monkey…..)
(Mrs. Forester: Shut up!)
(Observer: Righty-o)

Cut back to the Satellite of Love, where the movie sign beacons are going off.
(Mike: We’ve got movie sign!)
(Crow: Solar Flare…owwww!)
(Tom: Knock it off and get in the theater.)

5
4
3
2
1

The crew takes their seats as the Hey Arnold theme plays, the title appears:
THE KISS THAT NEVER HAPPENED
(Crow: The story of Mike Nelson’s Junior High, High School, and college experience!)
(Mike: Hey!)
"It was Thursday at Seattle Jr. High. It was lunchtime and the students were at their tables talking."
(Tom: Just talking, the school budget for food ran out.)
"Arnold and Gerald were sitting with Sid and Stinky. Harold would be sitting with them, but he was with Patty instead. Harold had missed Patty when she had moved up to Jr. High and he had stayed at P.S. 118, but now that he was in the 7th grade and she was in the 9th, they could be…"
(Tom: So happy…)
"…together…"
(Mike and Crow: I can’t see, me lovin’nobody but you for all my life! When I’m with you, the skies will be blue, for all my life!)
(Mike: Bless the Turtles!)
"…once again if only but for a year.
(All: Awwwwwwwww.)
"The guys were all chatting about various things, when Sid said an interesting comment."
(Mike: I am the Lizard Queen!)
(Crow: The elves are stealing my spam!)
" ‘Have you guys realized that Mr. Simmons hasn’t brought us on a field trip for a while now?’
‘I wonder when our next field trip will be. You guys know Mr. Simmons never goes very long without a field trip.’
‘You’re right, Arnold,’ said Gerald."
(Crow: Good sidekick! Sit, stay!)
"They finished their lunches and went back to Mr. Simmons’ science class. Mr. Simmons had been moving up in grades with them ever since the fourth grades. He couldn’t bear to leave his most special class and thusly…"
(Tom: Thusly?)
(Mike: Skip it.)
"…adjusted his teaching position every year to be with them."
(Tom: ‘Thusly’ incurring $20,000 in extra college loans to get his new certificates, violating the tenure system which ‘thusly’ alienates him from his fellow teachers in order to stay with a class who consider him a ‘throw pillow’. Way to go Simmons!)
"Mr. Simmons stood up and walked to the front of the class, about to give an announcement."
‘Wouldn’t it be weird if he was about to announce a field trip?’
(Mike: And contrived!)
" ‘Quiet, Sid,’ said Arnold."
(Crow: You, big, dumb, jerk!)
"’Class, I have some special news!’
‘Man, this better actually be special. I’m sick of hearing announcements that are supposed to be special, but aren’t’
"Quiet Gerald. You never know what it’ll be special…
(Mike: What?) 
… or not, so listen."
"Tomorrow we are having an impromptu visit to the beach instead of doing the normal lesson plan!
(Tom: Out you lesson plans go, through the door, through the winda’!)
There we will have a science lesson about the various animal and plant life, their own personal habits,…
(Mike: Their hopes, their dreams.)
…and the special ecosystem that is the beach!" "That is just plum eerie, like he read our minds or sumthin! Maybe I’m not the only psychic around."
Helga was in front of her shrine, scribbling her heart out into one of her pink books. She stopped for a moment and looked at the shrine.
"Oh, Arnold. Why do I feel that something will happen tomorrow at the beach?"
(Tom: Because it would be a plot device?)
"Something special, with you, the one I love. Why do I have a strong foreboding feeling in my heart of hearts?
(Crow: My full house beats your heart of hearts.)
Will tomorrow be the day? The day I confess my love and you tell me whether you love me back or not? Oh, please let my ears hear you say that you love me! I don’t think I could bear it if you said you did not share my emotions. Oh woe would be a world where Arnold doesn’t love me!" She was clutching her pink book to her heart, on her knees in front of the shrine.
(Mike: In her closet, in her room, in her parents house, on her block, in Seattle, Washington, in the United States, the Western Hemisphere, on planet Earth, in the Sol System of the Alpha Quadrant, Milky Way Galaxy in the Universal Realm of God.)
She plopped onto the bed, imagining a scene at the beach.
(Tom: The horror, the horror!)
The moonlight was dancing on the waves. She lay on her towel, the sands underneath still warm from the day. She closed her eyes, soaking in the peace. She felt a hand on hers.
(Crow: She pulled her mace from her purse…)
She looked over. Arnold had lain on a towel down next to hers and had put his hand on hers. He was looking at her with flirty eyes. Helga loved that look so much, yet it tortured her. How dare his eyes be so green? But now he was looking at her with purposeful flirty eyes. She gave a quiet gasp. He spoke.
"Helga, I have a confession."
(Crow: I am actually a large lab rat.)
"Yes?" she replied eagerly. She hoped he was going to say what she thought was going to say. He leaned toward her. She longed to meet him halfway, and press her lips against his, feel the glorious touch of his kiss!
"Helga, I lo—
(Tom: ---ve the new improved taste of Nature’s Best brand pork rinds!)
Brrring! Helga bolted upright. The phone rang again.
"D*mn! And right at the good part!" She was too angry to answer the phone.
(Mike: Minus two points, bad language and poor sportsmanship, twenty yards, first down!)
"Helga? It’s your little friend, Phoebe," Miriam called up to her. Helga tried to control her anger before she answered the phone.
"Hey Pheebs. What’s up?"
(Tom: I saw you were having a daydream and wanted to keep this thing TV G rated!)
" I was bored so I just decided to call you."
" You had to get bored now! I was having a wonderful daydream!" Out loud she said, "So what do you want to talk about?"
" I don’t really know, what do you think tomorrows field trip will be like?"
Helga’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of confessing to Arnold. She struggled to keep her voice calm and normal.
(Tom, in a high falsetto voice: Aeeeiiiaaaaaaaaeeeeeooooooooooo)
"It’ll probably be like the rest of the throw pillow’s fieldtrips. Some learning activities he tries to make fun, some speeches on how ‘everything is special in it’s own environment, and all ecosystems are uniquely them," said Helga, imitating Mr. Simmons.
(Mike: I don’t know, maybe Eugene will get eaten alive by a shark. That would be interesting.)
"But Helga, all of the things we learn on our field trips are valid and interesting facts, and his activities ARE fun. I’m sure that those elements coupled with the fact that it will be at the beach, a great cultural and recreational location, will combine to create a fun and fact filled fieldtrip!"
(Crow: Mike how come we never get to go to the beach?)
(Mike: Because we are trapped on a satellite by an insane scientist and her cronies.)
(Crow: I mean besides the obvious!)
"Phoebe?"
"Yes Helga?"
(Tom: What’s your favorite scary movie?)
"You read to much."
(Crow: Oh yeah? Well bring it on Pataki!)