(SOAP) ECHOWARRIOR: Welcome to the Sattileite of Annoying People. I'm Echowarrior. Oscar and Marissa are around here somewhere. *Oscar and Marissa wander in yelling* OSCAR*In Super Saiyen mode*:I am a god! Marissa:: I'm a dark goddess! *Echowarrior does the robotic version of rolling his eyes* ECHOWARRRIOR: Now I know why you both are MSTing targets. OSCAR: I wouldn't talk World's Worst fanfic folder. ECHOWARRIOR: Don't ever..the loud one is calling. (Sci-fi Zone) Voice: Today is a special because today you get Transformers: The Movie (SOAP) ECHOWARRIOR: Sweet Primus..We have TRANSFOMERS SIGN! (Door Number 1): It's made of Printed net spam..you burn it. (Door Number 2): It's a hetai Sailor moon pic. Nav goes postal on it with his AK-47. (Door Number 3): A wrestling ring..after getting hit in the head with a steel chair you move on. (Door Number 4): a car trunk. you open the it with a crowbar. (Door Number 5): A wall of Beast Wars toys.. you take the Optimal Optimus and Grimlock. (Door Number 6): An AAAT poster..it splits in half and opens. (Door Number.7): It's a porthole..it opens and shows Oscar,Marissa,and Echowarrior enter the theater. > TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE > ---------------------- > > Teaser > ------ > Shot of space, we see a binary star system, close up of Unicron > moving into view between the 2 stars. Change to shot of planet, > various views on planet, cut to 2 robots walking along corridor, > they enter a lab and a third robot takes some beakers from them > and places them on table, the shake and fall on the ground > breaking apart. OSCAR (First Robot): Did you have to use cheap glass? > Kranix: Orbulus, look it's Unicron! MARRISSA (Orbulus):So? ECHOWARRIOR: MARRISSA, Unicron is a dark god that wants to eat the universe. OSCAR [Unicron] Yummy!! > Unicron starts to eat the planet OSCAR [Unicron] Tastes like chicken! > Kranix: The ships! Get to the ships, it's our only chance! > > Robots run to ships, 2 launch, 1 is sucked back into Unicron Oscar (DX): Suck it! MARISSA: You're in your own little world, eh Oscar? OSCAR (Optimus Primal): Blow it. > Orbulus: Kranix! AAAARGH!!! > > Views of Unicron digesting planet and powering up. ECHOWARRIOR: The Power block. OSCAR [Dave Rider) Can I have a spot, man? > Main Theme > ---------- > Voice over with Star Wars-like titles > Voice over: There's an evil new force in the universe. A monster planet > that devours everything in it's path... MARISSA: Roseanne? ECHOWARRIOR: Naw, not scary enough. > and it's heading for > the small planet of Cybertron, where a unique race of > transforming robots continue to fight a civil war... a war > between good and evil that has raged for millions of years. OSCAR: The war between Democrats and Republicans. MARISSA: The war between Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner. ECHOWARRIOR: The war over toilet paper over or under the roll. > The evil Decepticon transformers, led by the maniacal Megatron, > have sworn to crush their enemies, the Autobots. To this end > they have relentlessly pursued them across the galaxy, from > planet Cybertron to planet Earth and back again. But the heroic > Autobot transformers and their courageous leader Optimus Prime are not easily defeated. MARRISSA: I hate it when the underdogs won't die… ECHOWARRIOR: [singing] You can't keep a good bot down… MARISSA (Optimus Primal): Blow it. > Scene 1 > ------- > Voice over as we see: View of Cybertron getting closer, > catch sight of Laserbeak as he comes closer, follow Laserbeak > to moonbase one where we see a small glimpse of the base there, > he then starts spying on Prime etc. OSCAR [as Laserbeak] I spy with my little eye… oooh… I see why they call him Optimus Prime! ECHOWARRIOR: NO! OSCAR: Shouldn't someone have noticed Laserbeak? ECHOWARRIOR: Remember, you're dealing with the law of selective stupidity here. OSCAR: So that's in effect.. > Voice over: It is the year 2005, the treacherous Decepticons have > conquered the Autobots home planet of Cybertron. But, from > secret staging grounds on 2 of Cybertron's moons the valiant > Autobots plan to retake their homeland. MARISSA: Yugos! Chevys! To arms! > Optimus: Ironhide, report to me at once. MARRISSA (Ironhide): Now what Prime? OSCAR [Prime]: Get me my WD40…. I'm inviting a "special" someone over later… nudge, nudge… wink, wink… > Ironhide: Every time I look in a monitor Prime, my circuits sizzle, > when are we gonna start busting decepti-chops? ECHOWARRIOR [stoner]: You don't have to bust my chops, man! > Optimus: I want you to make a special run to Autobot city Earth. OSCAR [Prime]: See if you can't pick up any more of those fancy toilet seat covers. > Ironhide: But Prime! MARISSA [Ironhide, whiny]: They don't like me down there!! ECHOWARRIOR {Ironhide, whiny]: There's never any parking! > Optimus: Listen Ironhide, we don't have enough energon cubes to power > a full scale assault. Ready the shuttle for launch. ECHOWARRIOR (Optimus Prime): The one big shuttle made out of beer cans and has the radar shot off. MARISSA [Prime]: Ever since we lost those Hasbro endorsements, times have been a little lean. > Ironhide: Your days are numbered now Decepticreeps! OSCAR: If Snidely Whiplash were a Transformer… ECHOWARRIOR: He be even more annoying then me...*shutters at the thought* > Ironhide moves off towards the shuttle. MARISSA [Ironhide]: If I could, I would really wet myself… ECHOWARRIOR: Don't diss the great Autobot legends. > Optimus: Jazz, report security status. MARISSA [Jazz] Well, 19 guards are asleep, two looking at bot porn, and 1 hung himself. Everything looks A-ok! OSCAR (Jazz): Windows 2000 crashed again. > Jazz appears on monitor. > > Jazz: No signs of Decepticons here Prime. > > Optimus: What about moonbase 2? OSCAR [Prime]: Also, check the Circle K in Pasadena. > Jazz: Jazz to moonbase 2, Jazz to moonbase 2 > > Bumblebee and Spike come on the screen. MARRISSA: AHH! Those two could annoy the decepticons away! ECHOWARRIOR: I won't say it… it's too easy… > Bumblebee: Bumblebee and Spike here. OSCAR: Cue comic relief, right? ECHOWARRIOR: All we need now is the kawaii bot and that robocabbit for Beast Wars 2. > Jazz: We're about to send up a shuttle, any Decepticon shenanigans in > your area? MARISSA [Spike]: Shenanigans? Nope. There has been a lot of hoopla, hullaballoos, and snicker-snagging going on, though. ECHOWARRIOR (Spike): A bunch of kids with "transcetors" scared them away. > Bumblebee: All clear Jazz. > > Spike: Hey Ironhide, tell my son Daniel I miss him, and tell him not to OSCAR(Spike): Tell his mother I'm going to become the head of a robot. MARISSA: Which one? OSCAR: Ick. I'm not touching that… > worry, I'll be coming home just as soon as we've kicked > Megatron's tail across the galaxy. > > Ironhide: Will do Spike. OSCAR: You know, there's a sexually suggestive line in there… I just can't put my finger on it… > Optimus: Cliffjumper, commence countdown. ECHOWARRIOR: Cliffhanger, stand by! MARRISSA: Ah Cliffjumper my favorite transformer.... > Cliffjumper: 5...4...3...2...1, blast off! OSCAR[P.A.]: Ummm… we… er… um… forgot the fuel… heehee… > Optimus: Now all we need is a little energon, and a lot of luck. ECHOWARRIOR [Prime]: A little smarm wouldn't hurt either. MARISSA [GI Joe]: Knowing is half the battle! ECHOWARRIOR (Optimus Prime): And some of the new transformers. Laserbeak returns to the Decepticons base on Cybertron. > Shockwave: Laserbeak returns Megatron. OSCAR [Shockwave]: Am I going to have a late fee on this? > Megatron: Welcome Laserbeak, unlike some of my other warriors you > never fail me. Soundwave, playback Laserbeak's findings. > > Soundwave: As you command. MARISSA [Megatron]: "Hava Nagila?" The hell? > Soundwave replays parts of what Laserbeak saw in the Autobots > moonbase: - OSCAR: last time on Transformers. MARISSA: On a very special Transformers… > Optimus: I want you to make a special run to Autobot city Earth. > > Ironhide: But Prime! > > Optimus: Listen Ironhide, we don't have enough energon cubes to > power a full scale assault. Ready the shuttle for launch. > > Optimus: Now all we need is a little energon, and a lot of luck. OSCAR and Echowarrior [Prime and Ironhide]: Help!! We're caught in a time loop!! > Megatron: More than you can imagine, Optimus Prime. MARISSA [Prime]: Well, I'm not very imaginative… so…, > > > Scene 2 > ------- > > The interior of an Autobot shuttle, Brawn, Ironhide, Prowl > and Ratchet are onboard. The side blow open and in comes the > Decepticons. MARRISSA (Ironhide): I knew that I should used another shuttle! OSCAR: Ah, those Decepticons… they sure know how to make an entrance! > Brawn: Megatron! MARISSA [Sarcastically]: NO!! ECHOWARRIOR (Brawn): No wait it's a kitbash with Threadshot's head. > Megatron: Decepticons, die Autobots!! OSCAR [Decepticons]: How do we 'die Autobots?' > Megatron transforms and is held by Starscream who shoots Brawn, > Prowl shoots at constructicons who return fire killing Prowl, OSCAR: The Constructicons? ECHOWARRIOR: "Nah… the Deadmeat-icons. > Ironhide and Ratchet both spin round and attack in unison but > are finished off by Starscream with Megatron who then transforms > into robot mode. > > Megatron: This was almost too easy, Starscream. OSCAR [Megatron]: Like your mother… Ah, I kill me! > Starscream: Much easier, all mighty Megatron, than attacking the real > threat, the Autobots moonbase. MARISSA: Today's password is: "Autobots Moonbase". ECHOWARRIOR (Megatron): Which one are you referring to, Starscream? > Megatron: You're an idiot Starscream, once we slip past their early > warning systems in their own shuttle and destroy Autobot city, > the Autobots will be vanquished forever. ECHOWARRIOR(Megatron): Not really… but set back at least. MARRISSA[Eric Idle]: Just a flesh wound! > Ironhide: No!! > > Megatron: Such heroic nonsense! OSCAR: Such boring drivel.. > Megatron shoots Ironhide ALL: That had to hurt. OSCAR:[Ironhide] Ow!! Right in the catalytic converter! ECHOWARRIOR: There goes that TV-Y7 rating… > Scene 3 > ------- > Earth, Hot Rod and Daniel are fishing. MARISSA[redneck voice] Heh, heh… we's fishin'!! > Hot Rod: Fish are jumping today huh Danno? > > Daniel: Guess so.. ECHOWARRIOR[Daniel] Maybe I should put my feet back in the water. > Hot Rod: Hey, what's the matter? OSCAR(Daniel): I'm a hermaprohdite. MARISSA: Thanks, Oscar… > Daniel: Ah I dunno Hot Rod. > > Hot Rod: Come on, you can tell me. OSCAR[Daniel]: I'm pregnant!! MARISSA(Daniel): I'm the worthless kawaii factor in this story. ECHOWARRIOR[Daniel] I'm the obligatory cute or hard-luck kid. MARISSA: Kawaii means cute, Echowarrior. ECHOWARRIOR: Oh. > Daniel: Guess I just miss my dad. MARISSA[Daniel]: I missed the cold, glassy look of his eyes after I pierced his stomach with a rusty saw… OSCAR: Whoa, don't go dark on us now!! ECHOWARRIOR: Here's yet another cliché… the lonely orphan. Feh. > Hot Rod: Don't worry, Spike will be back soon. Oh hey! I caught something. OSCAR:[Hot Rod] Yet *another* STD!! MARISSA: He's a robot... ECHOWARRIOR(Hot Rod): Crap… it's just an old shoe. > Daniel: Woah, look at the size of it. OSCAR: I'm resisting an urge to make a Crow joke here… > Hot Rod: Yep it's a whopper alright. OSCAR: If Crow were here, he would have an aneurysm by now. MARISSA: Forget him! What about me? This is so bloody boring! ECHWARRIOR: Shut up Marissa. OSCAR: Which was beaten in a national taste test by Gorditas. > Something starts to beep. MARRISSA: Optimus Prime is backing up? OSCAR:[Prime] My pacemaker!!! > Daniel: Hot Rod, the shuttle's coming, let's watch it land. > > Hot Rod: Talk about dull Daniel. OSCAR: This movie is duller than a speech on the reproduction of amoebas. MARISSA:I am feeling pretty sleepy now! OSCAR: Isn't this movie supposed to be about Transformers or something? MARISSA: Well, something had better damn blow up soon! ECHOWARRIOR: WILL YOU BOTH STOP DEGRADING THIS CLASSIC? > Daniel: Hurry, or we'll miss it! > > Daniel jumps onto a hover board and promptly crashes it. MARISSA: Well, he's no Wilykat. > Hot Rod: If you're gonna ride Danno, ride in style. OSCAR: Book 'im, Danno! ECHOWARRIOR(Daniel): Where's Tracks, then? > Daniel: Hey, let's stop here. ECHOWARRIOR [Daniel]: Let's say what we're going to do out loud, and then do it! MARISSA [Daniel] This looks to be a good spot as any to annoy the audience... > Hot Rod: Why settle for a peak Daniel when you can see everything > from look out mountain. > > Kup: A little to the left, a little bit more. OSCAR: This is pretty suggestive too, heehee... > Hot Rod crashes through the road block type thing. > > Kup: Turbo revvin young punk, I'll straighten you out yet. MARISSA [Kup]: Unless I fall in a plothole first... OSCAR: No he won't. > Daniel and Hot Rod reach the look out, Daniel looks through > a telescope like thing. > > Daniel: Hot Rod look! There's a hole in the shuttle. OSCAR: NO, *really*?! MARISSA: This feels like a standard episode of Scooby-Doo. > Hot Rod: What!...*looks through binocular type things* Decepticons! ALL: Who else would it be? ECHOWARRIOR: We've secretly replaced these Decepticons with Taster's Choice... let's see if they notice the difference. > *opens fire* > > Kup: What's that darn fool doing? MARRISSA: Shooting at the shuttle. OSCAR: Scratching his butt! What do you think he's doing?! > Megatron: Attack! > The attack begins promptly, Megatron blasts look-out mountain. ECHOWARRIOR [Megatron] I s-e-e-e-e you... > Hot Rod: Daniel!! > > Daniel: Aaaaaaa! OSCAR: We forgot the fabric softener!!! > Blitzwing: Come on down Autobrat. > > Kup deals with Blitzwing and Shrapnel. MARISSA [Kup]: Jokers are wild. > Hot Rod: Not bad for an old timer. > > Kup: Old timer, that's something you'll never be if you don't get back > to the city. OSCAR [Kup]: That Auto-Viagra doesn't last forever, you know... ECHOWARRIOR: Hot Rod does live to be an old timer… in the UK comics anyway. MARISSA:I didn't know that robots died. > Hot Rod: Save it Kup, lets burn rubber. ALL:[snicker] > Shots of Decepticons attacking and Perceptor examining the > situation. MARISSA [Perspector] Ummm... there's fighting... and it's... not good? > Perceptor: Ultra Magnus, a cursory evaluation of Decepticon > capabilities indicates a distinct tactical deficiency. ECHWARRIOR [Perspector]: Hopefully, our technobabble will be able to hold them off. OSCAR: Maybe he knows General Peterson. > Ultra Magnus: In other words Perceptor? > > Springer: We're outnumbered.. OSCAR:JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! MARRISSA: Geez how many AUtobots are in Autobot city? 10? ECHOWARRIOR[British accent]: Five... MARISSA[British accent]: Three, sir! > Ultra Magnus: Springer, you and Arcee transform Autobot city. Perceptor, > tell Blaster to radio Prime for reinforcements. > Blurr: WhatAboutMeMagnus,WhatAboutMe?muhmmmmhmmmmm. ICanHelp, > IWannaHelp,WhatAboutMe ECHOWARRIOR:ARRRRGGHHH!!! MARISSA: Yes, every show has an annoying robot. ECHOWARRIOR: Wheelie isn't here yet.. OSCAR: Makes me wish for Twiki. > Ultra Magnus: Blurr, you can help me alert the others. > > Blurr: AbsolutlyPositivlyDefinitly,NobodyCanGetTheJobDoneFasterThanICan, > NobodyNobodyNobody. ECHOWARRIOR: Guest starring the Berserkers as Blurr... > Springer: Come on Arcee, lets go! MARISSA: Arcee.. snicker... > > Arcee: But Hot Rod and Kup are still outside the city. > > Springer: We can't wait, they'll have to take care of themselves, come on. OSCAR: I've got it! They're ripping this off from "Von Ryan's Express". > Shot of Starscream chasing Springer and Arcee down a trench > which start to be sealed at the top by big, heavy looking > shutters. MARISSA:AHHH!! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! > Starscream: Pathetic fools, there's no escape. ECHOWARRIOR: The spirit of Snidely calls out to all of the Transformers... > Starscream escapes the trench catching his foot and has to > blast it to escape. > > Starscream: Ow my foot! MARISSA [Starscream]: Y'know, maybe I shouldn't have shot myself in the foot... that seems to hurt a bit more than before... > Shots of Arcee and Springer transforming Autobot city, > Megatron watching and trying to blast open an entranceway. > > Megatron: Breach their defenses. OSCAR [Megatron]: Also, try to defeat them, if you can... MARRISSA (Megatron): Send in the Deluxe Insecticons! ECHOWARRIOR: Don't encourage them... > In fly Shrapnel and Kickback, who begin to eat the entranceway > Megatron tried to shoot earlier. > > Kickback: Delicious, eh Shrapnel? > > Shrapnel: A little heavy on the electrons, electrons. OSCAR[Shrapnel]: It makes me develop a stuttering, stuttering problem. ECHOWARRIOR: He's always been like that. > We see Kup and Hot Rod racing up towards the entranceway. > > Kup: The insecticons are in our way. MARISSA: Makes me wish for episodes of "Chopper and the Wheelie Bunch." > Hot Rod: Wrong! They're our way in! Yaaaa! *Jumps over the gap between > the road and the entranceway, knocking the 2 Insecticons as > he does so* ECHOWARRIOR:...and there was much rejoicing... OSCAR[weakly]: Yay... ECHOWARRIOR: There's a splitting headache... > Kup then runs over Kickbacks head and knocks Shrapnel away from > the entranceway which reseals itself with another door. We cut > to shot of Perceptor entering Blasters communication tower. MARISSA: This story is chock full of Freudian overtones!! > Blaster: Look out shout, owww! Hey Perceptor, what's shaking, over > this fortress? OSCAR: My master blaster love piston! ehh.... sorry... ECHOWARRIOR: Grrr... > Perceptor: Blaster, Ultra Magnus sends orders to contact Optimus Prime > on moonbase 1. > > Blaster: Alright, cover your receptors Perceptor. *transforms and > connects with his chair* MARISSA: What?! OSCAR [Blaster]: I seem to have a chair sticking to my butt... is that a problem? > Optimus Prime, do you read me, the > Decepticons are blitzing Autobot city, we're really taking a > pounding, don't know how much longer we can hold out. OSCAR [Blaster] If I had pants, they'd be full now! > We see Megatron notices the communication. > > Megatron: Soundwave, jam that transmission. ECHOWARRIOR [Soundwave]: Will that be strawberry or grape? MARISSA [Megatron]: I'm feeling generous... give 'em grape. > Soundwave: *while ejecting the said tapes* Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, > Ratbat eject operation interference. OSCAR: Where's Buzzsaw and Laserbeak? ECHOWARRRIOR: Apparently, they're off going blind. MARISSA [Buzzsaw]: Uh... I'm oiling my baseball mitt! > Blaster: Optimus Prime, do you read me, the Decepticons are blitzing > Autobot city, we're really taking *is cut off as Frenzy etc. rip > out the satellite dish. MARISSA: This concludes our Channel 9 broadcast day... > Frenzy: First we crack the shell, then we crack the nuts inside. OSCAR: Oh, no... not the family jewels! > Frenzy and Rumble smash the Tower window and all tapes go for > Perceptor to begin with. MARRISSA: use your Missile launcer Perceptor! OSCAR: Um, yeah... use the Missile thingy... > Perceptor: Hey, run Blaster, save yourself. ECHOWARRIOR (Blaster): You got it! MARISSA: Must... resist... action movie cliché complaint... > Blaster: No way, 2 can play. Sic 'em. OSCAR [Blaster]: Get 'em, boy! > Rewind, Eject, Ramhorn, and Steeljaw eject and fight off the > Decepticon tapes. MARISSA: This is just so silly... OSCAR: Attack of the Killer Videocassettes!! > Perceptor: Do you think you got through to Prime? OSCAR (Blaster): I got his voice mail. MARISSA: The bastard... he's gone out for a spot of tea! ECHOWARRIOR: GRRRR… *nails Marissa with his staff* Don't ever diss Optimus prime. > Blaster: Lets hope so, cause if I didn't we're all gonna look like > burnt out toaster ovens. ECHOWARRIOR:I dunno... if I was there, I'd go out to be a burned out microwave. OSCAR:[snicker] > Views of the Decepticons and Autobots fighting. MARISSA: Just... you know... stuff. OSCAR: I'll bet it's all recycled, too. > Blurr: We'veGotDecepticonsAtTheGate,DecepticonsInTheAir,Decepticons > InsideTheWallsDecepticonsDecepticonsDecepticons.IfWeBeatThemOnThe > Walls,TheirStillInTheAir,WeShootThemOutTheAir,ThierStillAtThe > Gate.SoWhereDoesThatLeaveUs,NowhereThatsWhere. ECHOWARRIOR:... the hell? OSCAR: Who wants to smite Blurr here? [All raise hands] > Cut to Springer pushing a launcher into position. MARISSA: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! > Springer: Come on Arcee, we gotta get this launcher into place, > Megatron's making his big push, and we got to push back. MARRISSA: Then get Omega Supreme on the horn! ECHOWARRIOR: The movie script was made before the season guys showed up. OSCAR: You're a fanboy, aren't you? ECHOWARRIOR: Can it, pal... > Kup Hot Rod and Daniel enter. OSCAR: That has *so* many connotations... > Kup: Keep at it Springer my boy, helps at hand... Together now. > > Arcee: I was afraid you'd be caught outside the city. MARISSA [Arcee]: It's rather bloody cold out there, wouuldn't you say? > Hot Rod: Hey, I wasn't worried for a microsecond ECHOWARRIOR [Hot Rod]: Would you believe a few minutes? How about an hour? > Arcee: Then you probably didn't understand the situation. OSCAR (Hot Rod): Decepticons were shooting at me... what's so hard to figure out about that? MARISSA [Arcee]: Duuuuuh... OH! That's why I'm getting holes in my backside! I did not know that!! > Kup: That did it. > Megatron: Constructicons, merge for the kill. ECHOWARRIOR: *INTENSE* *MERGING* *ACTION*!! > Daniel: Kup, Hot Rod, look. MARISSA [Daniel]: Up there. We are in trouble. I am scared. > Kup: Devastator. > Devastator: Prepare for extermination. > Springer: I got better things to do tonight than die. ECHOWARRIOR [Springer]: Tonight on my show, I have a lesbian devil-worshiping/ cross-dressing prostitute, who will duke it out with her mother. MARISSA:OK, that's enough Jerry... > Devastator attacks, the Autobots put up a brave battle but by > time we see the sun rise up it looks hopeless for the Autobots. MARRISSA: You know if Omega Supreme or Superion were there... ECHOWARRIOR: Hint hint... > Megatron: Their defenses are broken, let the slaughter begin. > > Optimus: Dinobots, destroy Devastator. OSCAR [Optimus]: Please? ECHOWARRIOR: They couldn't do it 20 years ago... > Grimlock: Me Grimlock love challenge. MARISSA [Grimlock]: Me hate English class. > Dinobots transform and attack devastator, they fight to a draw > {and yes like the guy who wrote the parody I too believe that > neither side wins} OSCAR: Huh? ECHOWARRIOR: Thanks, Mystery voice!! > Optimus: Megatron must be stopped, no matter the cost. MARISSA:$15,000... up front, pal. > Optimus charges through and knocks down or shoots the assembled > Decepticons. > > Megatron: Prime. ECHOWARRIOR[Prime]: Yup... that's pretty much me... Hi... I'm Optimus Prime, the star of this show. I'll be here all night... enjoy the buffet! > Prime: One shall stand, one shall fall. OSCAR (Megatron): Couldn't we both fall? MARISSA: Where's the fun in that, Oscie? > Megatron: Why throw away your life so recklessly? > Optimus: That's a question you should ask yourself Megatron. MARRISSA(Optimus Prime): I keep coming back to life you know. ECHOWARRIOR [Eric Idle]: I'm not dead yet! I'm feeling better! > Megatron: No, I'll crush you with my bear hands. MARISSA: Does that mean he'll maul him, eat half of the guy and bury him in the dirt? > Megatron and Optimus start fighting. > > Hot Rod: I've got to help Prime. > > Kup: Stay away lad, that's Prime's fight. OSCAR [Prime]: DIBS!! > Megatron: I'll rip out your optics. MARISSA[Prime]: Oh, no you don't... they cost $100 apiece! > Kup: Finish him off Prime, do it now. ECHOWARRIOR: Did we skip something? MARISSA: Yeah... the reason someone thought this was interesting. OSCAR: Hate to spoil the surprise, but the Autobots eventually win. MARISSA: Naw, really? No way!! > Megatron: No more Optimus, grant me mercy, I beg of you. OSCAR: The hell? He went from ripping someone's optics out to groveling? ECHOWARRIOR: Time hiccup! > Optimus: You who are without mercy, now plead for it, I thought you were > made of sterner stuff. MARISSA[Prime]: Like Zinc Oxide! [others start humming cheery 50's style info short music] > Hot Rod: No you don't Megatron. > > Optimus: Out of the way Hot Rod. ECHOWARRIOR[Prime]: You're stealing my spotlight... it's *my* turn to chew the scenery! > Megatron: Fall...fall. I would've waited an eternity for this, it's > over Prime. > Optimus: Never! > Hot Rod: Optimus, forgive me. OSCAR [has a nervous breakdown]: But... he was just... ack!! MARISSA: This movie was apparently edited with a Cuisinart. > Starscream: How do you feel now mighty Megatron. Astrotrain transform > and get us out of here. OSCAR: That was way too scrambled... MARISSA: This whole *movie* is scrambled! What the hell is going on?! > Megatron: Don't leave me Soundwave. > Soundwave: As you command Megatron. ECHOWARRIOR: Wow... such unflagging devotion! OSCAR [Soundwave]: Would you like me to oil your joints again, master? > Arcee: The Decepticons are retreating. > Kup: Prime did it, he turned the tide. > Starscream: Astrotrain take off. OSCAR: These guys have as much emotion as a stone wall! MARISSA: Thus, they are perfect leads in a Steven Seagal film. > > > Scene 4 > ------- MARISSA: How long IS this crap? OSCAR: I dunno... but I am sure sleepy. > Perceptor: I fear the wounds are fatal. > > Daniel: Prime, you can't die. MARISSA: [Daniel] You're a good guy in an action movie, remember? > Optimus: Do not grieve. Soon I will be one with the matrix. MARRISSA (Optimus Prime): And be back next season... OSCAR [Prime]: *Dot* Matrix, if I can help it, nudge, nudge... wink, wink... > Hot Rod: Prime. ECHOWARRIOR [Prime] Hot Rod... If I ever get the chance I'm going to kick your ass! OSCAR: These guys couldn't get any flatter if Delta Burke sat on them! > Optimus: Uh, uhhh..., Ultra Magnus, it is to you, old friend, that I > shall pass the Matrix of leadership, as it was passed to me. > > Magnus: But Prime, I'm....I'm just a soldier, I am not worthy. MARISSA: WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE NOT WORTHY! > Optimus: Nor was I, but one day an Autobot will rise from our ranks > and use the power of the Matrix to light our darkest hour. MARISSA:[Prime] The Matrix is our last 100-watt bulb, you see... > Prime Dies. OSCAR: And there was much rejoicing. MARISSA:[blandly] Yayy. ECHOWARRIOR: *cries then punches Oscar and Marissa* > Shot of Unicron screaming, or making some such noise. OSCAR:ORGY!!! ECHOWARRIOR (Unicron): BURRRRRPPPP! MARRISSA: Let's get out of here! (all exit the theater) *doors go in reverse* MARISSA: That was… boring. (ALL the Transformers toys and Echowarrior walk in) ECHOWARRIOR: THERE THEY ARE !!! ATTACK!!! MARISSA: AHHHHHHH!! *starts running* OSCAR: UHH! We'll be right back *hits commerical light * (fade to black… with the sounds of gunfire and people running)