A man finds himself in a strange town in a strange bar full of strangers. He notices a back room where a Poker game is taking place. Seeing the large amounts of cash being piled up in the center of the table he manages to get a seat in the game.
After a few hands the pot has grown to several hundred dollars and the man is pleased to find that he is holding a straight flush. Convinced he has the hand won, he plays to the end where there is only him and one other player. He lays down his hand and smiles as he reaches for the cash.
"Not so fast, Slick," the other player tells him and lays down his own hand...2 of Spades, 4 of Spades, 5 of Diamonds, 6 of Hearts and the Jack of Clubs.
"Hell," says our hero, "That ain't no winnin' hand!"
The other man points to a sign on that wall that says,

"2 of Spades, 4 of Spades, 5 of Diamonds, 6 of Hearts and Jack of Clubs equals an "Ol' Cat" and takes the pot."

Reading the house rule the man winces as the pot is pulled to the other side of the table
A few hours later, an even larger pile of cash has accumulated on the table and our bro is amazed to see he is holding the all powerful Ol' Cat Hand. He raises everyone out of the game. All except for the same guy who beat him with this very hand. The pot is huge as the man calls our hero who grins and lays down the Ol' Cat. As he reaches for the cash the man sitting across from him says, Nope...Sorry Buddy. That hand ya got there doesn't beat my pair of 3's."
What the Hell do ya mean," shouts our long suffering friend, "I got the Ol' Cat, it beats every hand!"
The stranger points to another sign on the opposite wall...

"An Ol' Cat only wins once during any given night."

Our hero left town on foot...broke...in the rain.

Moral...

Before ya play in a strange house make sure ya know ALL the house rules. There's a reason for em...they keep the house in business.

A Scorpion found herself on the wrong side of a very deep and swift river. Needing to get to the other side she approached a frog that was sitting on a nearby rock.
"Pardon me, Frog," said the scorpion in her most friendly tone of voice, "Could I ask a favor of you?"
The frog smiled nervously (he knew how dangerous scorpions were) and said, "Of course, if it is within reason."
The Scorpion explained to the frog how she had been carried across the river on a branch and now desperately needed to return to the other side.
I was wondering if perhaps you could swim across while I rode on your back," She asked the frog.
"Yeah Right!" laughed the frog, "as soon as I let you on my back, you'll sting me to death! I know your kind!"
"Think about it," said the scorpion, "if I sting you while we are on the river I would be commiting suicide for I would surely drown if I sting you!"
The frog thought about the scorpion's logic for a moment and came to the conclusion that she was indeed right, she couldn't kill him unless she was willing to die herself.
"Okay," said the frog, "I guess I can take you to the other side but, promise me you will not kill me in exchange for my kindness."
"I promise," said the scorpion, "I wish you no harm. I only wish to get back across the river."
Satisfied that the scorpion was sincere, the frog hopped to the waters edge where the scorpion climbed onto his back and they set out across the river.
As soon as the two reached the center of the raging water, the frog was shocked to feel the scorpions stinger stab into his back.
"Why did you do that," the frog screamed, "now we will both surely die!"
"I know and I am sorry, Frog," said the scorpion as they both slipped beneathe the current, "But you see, I couldn't help myself...it's just my nature to be this way."

Moral...

Never trust people not to screw ya...they can't help it. It's in their nature. Pity the frogs of the world.

Who IS this guy???

I KNOW I've seen him somewhere before...
Hmmmm....