Path: msunews!uwm.edu!cs.utexas.edu!news.sprintlink.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!howland.reston.ans.net!news-e1a.megaweb.com!newstf01.news.aol.com!newsbf02.news.aol.com!not-for-mail From: thenixtr@aol.com (The Nixtr) Newsgroups: alt.toys.transformers Subject: FANFIC: DEFORMERS, PART 3 of 5 Date: 25 Sep 1995 20:34:24 -0400 Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364) Lines: 180 Sender: root@newsbf02.news.aol.com Message-ID: <447hqg$rqr@newsbf02.news.aol.com> Reply-To: thenixtr@aol.com (The Nixtr) NNTP-Posting-Host: newsbf02.mail.aol.com Part 3. "Bruuuhak-akkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkch!" "Okay, Danyell. Now try to make smoke rings." Hot Head raised one arm at a right angle, like a Boy Scout saying the Scout Oath. Clenching his fist and making slight motions in his arms, Hot Head produced triple rings of graceful smoke from the exhaust ports which ran up his arm. Danyell inhaled another drag from the cigarette. Not more than a second later Ultra Maggot entered the cockpit. Hot Head and Danyell scuffled around in a feeble attempt to hide the evidence. "What are the two of you doing?" asked Ultra Maggot. "Nothing," responded Hot Head, in such a pleasant innocent tone that Eddie Hascal would be shamed. Danyell remained silent, his cheeks turning green in fear of exhaling. He always knew Hot Head was a bad influence, but never cared until now. Cyclotron was in full view, but only when viewed from the side window. The incorrect trajectory was the one bit of evidence Hot Head was unwary of and unable to cover up. Ultra Maggot was no Nightbeat, but he knew Hot Head was goofing off or the shuttle would be on the correct course. Instead Hot Head left the flight to the Autopilot. The Autopilot was always inaccurate. Ultra Maggot reaffirmed that he shouldn't have upgraded the ship's on-board computer to Windows '95. Danyell only hoped that landing on Cyclotron at this rate will not take longer than the docking sequence of "2001: A Space Odyssey". As brain damage prepared to set in, he recalled Earth History class and decided he will from this point on emulate a President who didn't inhale. Ultra Maggot walked past Danyell to the ship's control panel. Danyell thought, now or never, and exhaled a long, obnoxious gasp. Then he officially vowed not to do that ever again. As Ultra Maggot's metal fingers glided across the board, the Autobotch shuttle's left thruster ignited, rotating the ship into the correct position. Pressing a few other buttons, Ultra Maggot activated the craft's right thruster to brace it into place. Then he pulled out his ham radio and opened communications to Cyclotron security. "This is Ultra Maggot calling from Space Force One. How do you copy?" The response was. "This is Cup. On a Xerox machine, over." "Request position to land on Cyclotron." "Permission granted. Cyclotron's gate will open in approximately 8 million astroseconds." "What?" "In .0000000021 Vorns." "Huh?!?" "At 18:22:00 Coordinated Universal Time." "What?!?!?" "Right Now!!!!" "Thank-you Cyclotron. Ultra Maggot out. 73." "And a 23 skidoo to you, too." Ultra Maggot looked borefully at Cyclotron. He was accustomed to the sight the Autobotches fought 9 zillion years for: A planet in its second golden age, shrouded in a 90-foot thick orb of Gloopstik, guaranteed to keep Decepticrums out or your money back. A single graphite-gray shaft connected the mechanical world to its sheath, much like an umbilical cord attached a human to it's mother. In a few seconds the doors would open, and Ultra Maggot can land on Cyclotron's belly button. The gate opened with a loud noise. Heck, if you're gonna write Science Fiction, you might as well use scientific fact as a basis. There is no air in space with which the sound of the gate opening would travel. Had there been some air, it would have sounded like Unicron Transforming in the Movie, but there are no glamorous effects or entertaining sounds in space. Thus the gate opened with no sound whatsoever. Don't mean to burst your craving for action, but realistic writing has its price. After the crew of the Space Force One heard the silence and watched the gate open, Ultra Maggot guided the shuttle through the pathway carefully, never knowing that the true reason for the shuttle's misguided trajectory was unaccounted mass approximately the size of three mid-size Deformers. In fact, they WERE three mid-size Deformers. "These guys are mopes." "Shhhh, Ice Scream. We don't want them to know we're stowing away on the wing of this spaceship." "Well, they already know now, Galvaschlong" "No they don't." "Yuh-huh, because the readers know what..." "Quiet or I'll shoot you." "Okay, okay." Galvaschlong, Ice Scream, and a veteran Decepticrum, self-magnetized to Ultra Maggot's shuttle, slipped undetected past Cyclotron security. A safe landing was ensured. Safe for the Decepticrums, that is. Ultra Maggot disembarked. After two seconds on solid metal, He was ambushed by the Decepticrums. Now, Ultra Maggot, your journey ends." Galvaschlong Fires a shot from his laser cannon, nailing Maggot in the gut. The force of the shot had enough momentum to hurl Galvaschlong backwards off the shuttle wing onto hard ground with a loud THUMP! Galvaschlong blamed Newton's Third Law of Motion for his misfortune. "Curse the fact that for every action there is an equal an opposite reaction!" "Oh, yeah, Galvaschlong," Ice Scream interjected. "It's like in that Looney Toons episode where the duck was carrying around that suitcase and every time the fat version of Elmer Fudd went to shoot him..." "Shut up, Ice Scream!" Maggot was in no condition to return fire; he was lying on the ground after the first round. By now the Decepticrums were already taking out all the nearby security guards who rushed like lemmings toward the aggressors. Ultra Maggot regained his sense of balance. "I'll get you for that!" As Ice Scream flew by, Ultra Maggot drew a bead of laser fire behind him. Ice Scream knew he was the target but laughed out loud. "Hah! I'm a Pretender!" He then hid inside his outer shell, which was standing idle on the ground. "Hey? Where'd Ice Scream go?" mused a puzzled Ultra Maggot. I was just about to hit him when he disappeared. Now all I see is this giant human. Oh, piffle! He escaped." Maggot turned his back on the Pretender and scratched his head, wondering where on Cyclotron, literally, Ice Scream could possibly be. Ice Scream smiled. He had outwitted Ultra Maggot. Although it wasn't a difficult thing to do, it took very little to amuse the Decepticrum. Now, he thought, the fun really begins. Ice Scream jumped without warning out of his Pretender shell. "Surprise!!!" Ultra Maggot turned around. "Danyell. You remembered my birthday again!" Boy, mused Ice Scream. Outwitting you is too easy to be fun. Now with a feeling of ennui, Ice Scream shot Maggot with his fudge syrup ray, which had the power to cause irreversible damage to a robot's internal circuitry, not to mention what it can do to a paint job. "Augugugguguguuguuguguugugugh!" responded Ultra Maggot, as he suffered painfully. His body shook in short jerks like a Biodread from "Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future". Within seconds Maggot wiggled on the ground in a gratuitous display of seizure. His final words while alive were indeed ironic. "I'm dead." Galvaschlong glanced at the damage and saw the work here was complete. "Now let's go, Ice Scream. We have to get to Vectrex Graphics." "But what about the Matrix?" "That's why we're going to Vector Graphics." "But I thought we had to get a crystal." "That's what we're doing, you insolent retard." "Oh. I knew that." As they headed toward Cyclotron's core, Galvaschlong considered stopping and tapping into the planet's vast energy resources, but decided against it. "If only I fueled up first, I'd have the facilities to do so," he thought aloud. The Nixtr @ AOL.com ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (100%) Press space for more, h for help, u or q to quit