Subject: [FANFIC 2/10] Lord of the Flies Starring the Transformers Date: Fri, 23 May 1997 00:00:00 GMT From: David Filip Organization: University of Washington Newsgroups: alt.toys.transformers Lord of the Flies Starring the Transformers by David Filip Part Two: Preparing the Social Order The Micromasters and the larger Transformers separated into separate cliques, often playing games or relaxing on the metal and silicon of their island's beach while they waited for their leaders to return. Some, however, were working on a plan to leave the planet. "What 'ya doing, wrenching and screwing?" Wheelie spoke to the transformers who had replaced their limbs with tools. Due to his insistent rhyming, he was universally accepted as the most annoying individual ever admitted to the Cybertronian Boys' Academy. The short-tempered Technobot snapped at Wheelie. "Go away! We don't want you here. We're busy!" and punctuated each syllable with the buzz of his built-in screwdriver on a parabolic reflector frame. "There's no need to be like that, Afterburner," First Aid said to his easily angered friend. He turned away from a half-built computer console and replaced the utility welder mounted at the end of his forearm with his usual hand. Then he spoke to Wheelie. "As soon as we finish the particle beam communication system, we'll be able call for help to any ship that flies by." "Subspace radio waves! So many days don't they save?" the orange rhymster asked. Rumble and Frenzy stepped forward to answer this question when Afterburner and First Aid looked at each other with incredulous faces and shrugged. "I think he means that we should try subspace radio to call the school on Cybertro--" "But we can't, because Beachcomber told us the atmosphere is really, uh--" "Restrictive 'nd stuff." "Furthermore," Skids added as he brought some thick cables from metallic trees to a pile of parts nearby, "we need to get off the island, our friends want us to get off the island, and our SchoolMasters will be very impressed if we can create a rescue beacon all by ourselves! We can turn a negative situation into a positive one if we just put our minds to it and work together." "I just don't know what to do without having the parts for a guidance computer and a system starter," Huffer complained as he started stripping the cables into wire-thin pieces. The Autobot mechanical engineer felt far more comfortable welding his projects together when he could, but he used up all of his welding fuel in the initial construction of the particle beam system's frame. "I don't really think it's going to work--" "Get confident!" Beachcomber said happily. "We can do it! We're Cybertronian boys, and Cybertronians are the best at everything!" Elsewhere on the beach, Skywarp was speaking to his fellow choir members. "You know what? I think this whole thing could be fun! We don't need rules! We don't need homework! We don't even need SchoolMasters!" "I guess we don't," Dirge replied in his usual baritone, but he did not display enthusiasm. "Come on!" Thrust said with a quick smile and a slap on the back. "We're free! We can do anything we want! The grown ups aren't going to tell us how to play or sing or--" All four of the jets knew why he stopped speaking. "You don't mean?--" Ramjet asked curiously. "Yes!" Skywarp told them. "We can sing the forbidden song!" After a vocal "ooh" from each choir boy, they established that Thrust would sing tenor, Skywarp would sing the baritone part, Ramjet would sing mega-baritone, and the giga-baritone part belonged to Dirge. They missed the additional harmonies that would develop when Thundercracker took another baritone part and when Starscream sung in his beautiful soprano, but even without these extra singers their voices sent glorious harmonies into the air. We are the Seekers of Vilnacron The mighty lords of Cybertron Starscream backstabs while Thundercracker crabs And Ramjet is just a peon-- "SKREEEEK! SKREEEK!" "AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW-HAAAA-HAAAWWWW! AAAAAWWWWW-HAA-HAA-HUH-HUH!" The quartet stopped so they could see their hecklers. Laserbeak was chirping and shrieking with wild laughter and Brawl was slapping the ground as he rolled on his stomach. "Shut up you two idiots!" Skywarp yelled angrily. "We're trying to have a good time here and--" Brawl's giddiness knew no bounds and it took him nearly a minute of laughing before he could even form one coherent sentence. "C'mon guys, you're, uh, I mean you're" he stifled a laugh "so funny! That whole Seekers of Vilnacron thing..." He laughed again, but Laserbeak stopped when he saw the expression on Skywarp's face harden. "What is it about us that's funny?" Skywarp's voice was completely humorless, but Brawl giggled once or twice more anyway. "Do I say funny things? Do I look funny to you? Huh? Is that it? What is it about me that's funny?" Laserbeak stiffened up and started to step back slowly, and even Brawl stopped laughing for a second, but this period of time soon passed. He waved his arm lazily at Skywarp. "You're just so funny, man." "WHAT DO YOU THINK IS SO FUNNY? WELL PAL, I'D REALLY LIKE TO KNOW! WHAT IS IT? DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU? HUH? WOULD YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY? WOULD YOU?!" Laserbeak made a sad whining noise to Brawl, but Brawl didn't take the hint. He laughed again, saying "Come on man, you got to stop it, it's a humor sensor overload, I can't take it no more!" Although Brawl genuinely found the situation funny, Skywarp was just as irritated as he appeared to be. Without another word he picked up some rocks and threw them at Brawl, but threw to miss. The stone bounced off to Brawl's right and fell into the water at the shoreline. Skywarp and the other choir boys gathered a large rock pile and continued to throw them hard, but there was a space around Brawl and Laserbeak, perhaps four metertrons in diameter, into which he dare not throw. Here, invisible yet strong, was the taboo of the old life. Around the two squatting would-be stone attack victims was the protection of SchoolMasters, adults and the law. Skywarp's arm was still conditioned by a civilization that knew nothing of his location, and could have been in ruins for all he knew. After a short time, Brawl and Laserbeak knew for sure that they were not in danger and left. Brawl started to giggle again, but Laserbeak landed on his shoulder and started to peck at the top of his head casing until the laughter stopped. "Look everybody," Powerglide shouted from a nearby tree top. "Windy, Starscream and Thundercracker are back!" This introduction was no longer necessary when the two jets transformed and screeched across the beach in their robot forms and Windcharger demagnetized himself in mid air. Before he landed, the gray and red Autobot changed into an entirely red Corvette and hit the beach on all four spinning tires. He drove near to the assembly of tree trunks and then quickly flipped into the air before turning into a robot. The kids found his display of automotive acrobatics highly amusing. Windcharger lifted the megaphone from the trunk where it rested and looked out at his audience. Bumblebee was sitting nearby but offered no comments. "Well then," he tried to start and all at once he found he could talk fluently. "We're definitely on an island. We flew over the mountain top and looked all around. There were no robots, no shelters, no airstrips, no continental connections, nothing." Seated near his choir, Starscream broke in. "All the same we still need an army for hunting. Hunting Quintessons--" "Yes. There are Quintessons on the island." The three explorers tried to convey the sense of the partially organic creatures they observed with mimicry. This had the Micros in hysterics. "We saw--" Thundercracker tried to speak. "Squealing--" Windcharger added excitedly. "They broke away before I could kill one, but next time!" Starscream punched his fist through a tree trunk menacingly. After the meeting settled down, Windcharger continued. "So you see, we need hunters to get the Quintesson's energon. And another thing." This he added this solemnly. "There aren't any grown ups. We have to look out for ourselves." Everyone murmured in awe of this much-feared confirmation, but it took every last megabit in their programming for the four Seekers who stayed on the beach to resist high-fiving each other. They still cracked smiles. "One more thing. We'll have to have 'hands up' like at school." He held up the megaphone. "Then I'll pass this around, and the people who raise their hands will each have a chance to speak--" "Squawk!" Laserbeak said in disagreement, only to be interrupted by Afterburner. "So what if you don't have a hand Laserbeak? Just raise your wing--" Now Afterburner found himself interrupted. "You don't get it. We need to have some kind of order here or we'll all--" "Bumblebee is right," Windcharger stated. "We can't go about interrupting people, now can we? We must--" Starscream was on his feet. "We'll have rules," he shouted excitedly, "lots of rules! When anyone breaks 'em--" The littluns started to laugh and shouted the threats they thought would serve most effectively. "Whee--oh!" "Wacco!" "Bonk!" "Doink!" When the chatter died down, Windcharger saw Bumblebee raise his hand for the megaphone. He passed the device over, and the yellow Autobot addressed the crowd. "You're hindering Windcharger. You're not letting him get to the most important thing." He paused effectively. "Who knows we're here?" A micro raised his hand and said "they knew at the spaceport." Another said "Ultra Magnus knew we were here." A third said "What about Soundwave?" Bumblebee made eye contact with as many of the kids as possible before he continued. "No one knows where we are. We were supposed to leave on our field trip to Bajor in the second shuttle, but apparently we got separated from Soundwave's shuttle. The chief SchoolMasters knew we were leaving from our Earth field trip to our Bajoran field trip, they knew Soundwave and Ultra Magnus were supposed to arrive there with the shuttles at the same time, but they may not know where we are now." He sat down and returned the megaphone to Windcharger. "That's what I was going to say when you all..." he looked out at their faces and started over. "Our shuttle went down in flames, and from what I saw out the window, it didn't look like Magnus was staying close enough to Soundwave's ship. Soundwave couldn't see us. Nobody knows where we are. We could be stranded here a long time." Brawn was very upset by this news. "You mean SchoolMaster Vice Principal Soundwave is going to take Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, the Insecticons, and the rest of those know-it-all kids from the accelerated learning program, and they get to see the only planet with sentient life inferior to Earth humans? We had to take a shuttle with no first-class seats when we stopped by Earth, we had to get stuck with boring old Vice Principle Magnus, and we had to crash here? That's no fair!" Powerglide tried to cheer up his friend. "Don't worry Brawn. I'm sure we'll study the Bajorans some day. All we have to do is find a way off this rock." The ensuing silence was so complete they could hear the unevenness of Bumblebee's energon respiration unit. Windcharger suddenly attempted to change their focus. "Not that this is a bad island! Thundercracker, Starscream and I climbed the mountain. It's wizard! We found a--" "We threw off a rock, and--" Thundercracker started to say, but Bumblebee pointed to the megaphone in Windcharger's hand. "While we're waiting," the chief continued, "we can have a good time on this island." He gesticulated wildly. "It's like we're in a book!" This caused a clamor among all the Cybertronians. "Treasure Island!" "The Jungle!" "Tess of the D'Urbervilles!" "The Andromeda Strain!" "1984!" Windcharger waved the megaphone. "It's a good island. Until the grownups come to fetch us, we'll have fun, but we need to see what we can do about making signals so we will get rescued." Huffer raised his hands and received the megaphone. "Some of us are working on a device that will punch through the thick atmosphere with signal carrying particle beams, but it still needs some work." "That's wonderful news!" Seeing a prominent Decepticon raise his hand, the chief told Huffer to "pass Starscream the 'phone!" "Well back to the matter of what's on the island," the gray and red Decepticon said, "there's Quintessons! There's EnerFruit in the trees, and bathing water in a stream, and a lake, and a waterfall. Did anyone find anything else while we were gone?" No one had found anything the explorers hadn't, but after a while one of the Micromasters was pushed to the front of the audience by some of his classmates. When he realized he was in front of everyone, he started to cry. He was about to hold out his hand for the megaphone but when Skywarp laughed at him, he took his hands back. "Let him have it!" Bumblebee shouted. "Let him have it!" Windcharger shot Skywarp a dirty look and told Starscream to give the megaphone to the kid. The littlun leaned over very quietly, and whispered into Bumblebee's ear. Translating for the scared robot, Bumblebee spoke. "He wants to know what you're going to do about the beastie." Windcharger laughed, and the other boys laughed with him. "Tell us about the beastie." "It was some kind of demon thing," the little robot said, "it was ever so big." "Where?" "In the woods." "If it had been there, we would have seen it when we were scouting." The shy Micromaster was apparently a combiner, and got some support by his vehicle-mode partner. Presumably the scared speaker turned into the front of a space shuttle and this new speaker turned into the shuttle's thruster section. "He said it appeared deep in the woods, and came and went in the dark." Ramjet didn't believe this at all. "He must have been dreaming or something." "There's no way a beast could be on this island, they just live on other planets like Tatooine or Vorlon. This planet only has Sharkticons, and they always stay in the water," First Aid said, basing his comment more on fear than proven information. Wheelie shivered and asked "What fright! What fright! Do you think it will be back tonight?" Windcharger shook his head. "There isn't a beastie." This time, there was no laughter, only watchfulness. Starscream asked for the megaphone and got it. "I agree with Windy. There isn't a beastie. But if there were, we'd hunt it and kill it. We're going to hunt a Quintesson for food, and when we go out there, we'll be watching." Skids attempted to speak against the act of hunting, but Windcharger's voice was louder. "There just isn't a beastie!" "We'll make sure when we go hunting." "BUT THERE ISN'T A BEASTIE!" After a short pause, he tried to unify the group as a positive force again. "Now the most important thing: We want to have fun, but we also want to be rescued." A passionate flood of cheer soon washed over the easily swayed crowd. "We want to be rescued, and we shall be rescued!" This statement, unbacked by any proof but the weight of Windcharger's new authority, brought more cheers. "Optimus Prime is the SchoolMaster Head Principal for our district. He has maps of every planet in the galaxy, and he'll want to inspect them all until he finds us. We just need to make sure to set up the signal beacon that Huffer and his friends are working on. In the mean time, we need to set up shelters and make sure everyone has some food." Most of the Cybertronian Boys' Academy loved the clarity of action that Windcharger promoted. Bumblebee nodded to Windcharger, expressing his open admiration. Starscream didn't share the crowd's enthusiasm; as Windcharger started to make new rules and described the salvage operation from the ship that would result in the construction of the new shelters, Starscream whispered to his choir boys. "You know, some day I'm going to be giving the orders around here." * * * As Scourge 4033 started plunging the shuttle into the planet's atmosphere, Cyclonus established communications with his leader. "Unicron, we can not scan half of the planet due to storms and other environmental problems. We were able to locate a city, though. We will get all the available information needed to serve you, my master." The monster planet hurdled through space at immense speeds, but was always a careful planner and made sure his path was clear. If any living beings were unlucky enough to stand on his hull, they would surely have been sickened by the reverberation of his deep and powerful voice. "Excellent. You must track the Cybertronians down. Learn as much as you can about their powers. Above all, you must seek the Matrix." "It shall be done master." After Unicron cut their communications link, Cyclonus turned to Scourge. "How soon until the planetary interference clears?" "I can't tell," Scourge said, and his voice communicated this fact as easily as his words did. "We'll have to talk to the natives below and narrow the search down if we want to get things done anytime soon." Scourge gestured to the rotund toothed monsters in the city below, and as he landed the shuttle a few were crushed in the process. "We will lose contact with Unicron now that we're inside the atmosphere, so I'm sure he'll want us to make this operation go by the book. We'll follow our master's Prime Directive to the letter, right?" Cyclonus rose from his chair in the ship and agreed. "Eradication of all resistance?" He added an arrogant snort. "That shouldn't be too hard." Scourge and Cyclonus opened the staircase hatch and descended from their shuttle, blasting the occasional Sharkticon who stepped too close. The two soldiers surveyed the city and noticed that it seemed to have suffered some damage recently, but none of their scans indicated any type of energy weapon damage. They were eventually greeted by a quartet of Quintessons. "We apologize for the rashness of our Sharkticons," said the nearest Quintesson. "You see, a Cybertronian came by here and--" Scourge's jaw dropped in disbelief. "What?" He looked at the rubble in the streets, and concluded that the Cybertronians must either be incredibly powerful, or the Quintessons incredibly ineffective with their defenses. "This was done by only one warrior? With no energy weapons?" Another Quintesson floated in front of the original speaker. "No, no, no, there were many warriors. Hundreds of them. We killed as many as we could, but they just kept coming!" "Yeah," a third Quintesson chimed in. "They were this tall." He tried to indicate the Transformer's height by raising a wire-like tentacle over his own head. Cyclonus and Scourge were not impressed, so he extended his wire an additional ten feet. "No, they were this big!" "And mean! Oh, were they mean!" the fourth Quintesson added. "We were just lucky to blast them as hard as we did with our super- weapons!" Cyclonus smiled tolerantly, and decided to end the Quintesson's lame attempt at a charade. "Of course you did. Their spare parts must naturally be somewhere after the grand defeat you gave them. May I look at these pieces of scrap for a moment?" The Quintessons' jaws dropped (all twenty jaws) and they started to mutter to each other. After a few seconds, they decided a change of subject would be in order. "We Quintessons are aware of who you are. We know of Unicron's existence and that you are his envoys in the game of galactic conquest. We too would like to serve a strong leader like Unicron, and we wish to ask that he spares our beautiful planet. But before we can offer our help, you must first do something for us..." Knowledge of Unicron's existence was rare in the galaxy, but Cyclonus and Scourge both understood that it was much better to be his ally than his enemy. Whenever any of Scourge's or Cyclonus' previous incarnations had made a treaty with the few mercenary armies who stood in his way, the unwritten text always read "Unicron will destroy you last." And even then, Unicron did not always keep his word. With this knowledge firmly in mind, Cyclonus smiled. "We will accept your allegiance as one of Unicron's subjects, provided your information proves useful. If not, your attempt to elicit services from us will result in your complete obliteration." "We understand," a Quintesson told the purple robot. The Quintesson at the speaker's left continued the negotiations by providing the information. "It was a lone transformer that attacked us. We do not know his name, but his prowess as a destructive vehicle and a combative hand-to-hand robot fighter was undeniable. He stole one of our single-pilot ships and left into deep space. He could have been looking for the others or he could have been one of the others." "Others?" Scourge asked excitedly. "Have you confirmed that the crashed Cybertronian shuttle had more than one robot on board?" "No, but we had intercepted some of their transmissions. They mentioned something about an emergency to a 'Cybertronian Boys' Academy.'" "That explains the damage," Cyclonus joked, "this must be some sort of exercise for a super-elite military regiment of Cybertronians. They must have been given a defective shuttle to test their survival skills." His sarcasm was lost on everyone present, including Scourge, who became quite excited after missing the joke. "So it will be a challenge for us to hunt them down! I like this mission even more than I did when it started!" Cyclonus was all business again, and he addressed the Quintessons with another question. "What do you know about the Matrix?" The Quintessons were confused by this question. "What Matrix?" "The Autobot Matrix of Leadership. It stores the most powerful force in the universe." "There is no such thing," the Quintessons asserted, "and we should know; Millions of astroyears ago, the Cybertronians were made to be our industrial slaves, but they rebelled against us and drove us from Cybertron. We have been hiding from them for vrons, waiting for the right moment to strike and reclaim what once was ours." Scourge was incredulous with disbelief. "They were your slaves?" "Yes," the Quintesson told him. "You see, we created all the Transformers." Cyclonus smiled at Scourge and then back at the Quintessons, nodding his head vigorously all the while. "Of course you did. Of course you did." More seriously, he asked "Now what did you want from us?" "We simply want you to take those robots off our otherwise glorious planet." Scourge almost laughed. "We were going to do that anywa--" Cyclonus waved his arm to stifle his comrade. "It will be done. Is there anything else we should know?" "Before you continue your search, you should know that there are some wild Quintessons on the island where the Cybertronian ship crashed. They may not be very helpful at first because they have not yet learned to speak English like every other race in the galaxy. If you need any help from them," the Quintesson offered, "just ask us; we can serve as interpreters. We are happy to serve our new leaders." "This information has been most helpful," Cyclonus decided. "We will certainly inform Unicron to leave your planet intact." As he walked away with Scourge, he made sure to whisper "Not..." * * * "There could be some acid rainstorms ahead, so we should set up the shelters quickly," Windcharger told his followers as he marched to the shredded stretch of land where the ship's fragments were found, "and we should store anything we can salvage from the ship here." They already put together part of the frame to the first shelters, but three shelters would be necessary to house all the boys properly. The crash of their orange shuttle led a giant trail of parts across the island in a path that started near the beach and ended at the top of the mountain. The swath of destruction left a relatively flat road though, perfect for vehicular mode travel. "This shuttle sure didn't survive reentry too well," Bumblebee mused as he walked next to Windcharger. "But it will be nice to have some flat land to walk and drive on, especially because of my axle." "Sucks to your axle!" was the response Bumblebee received and had come to expect. "Well that wasn't very nice Windy. I think you've just been on-edge lately. We all have been after that kid mentioned the beast." This comment definitely stirred Windcharger, and he spoke as he motioned for Bumblebee to walk over and help him lift a metal panel that could be used in their shelters. "I don't know why everyone got so tense. It was just a kid whose target imaging program extrapolated an image he didn't really see. They shouldn't give that kind of technology to the little kids. They could scare themselves pretty easily without the proper scanner training, especially on this goofy planet." "That's not what you're worried about," Bumblebee persisted. "You're right." In a quieter tone, Windcharger leaned forward and spoke. "Sometimes I'm afraid I don't really know what I'm doing. Every so often I wonder why I'm the leader. I suppose I'm as good as anyone else here, but I wish Ultra Magnus was still around to lead us. I'm a little scared I won't be able to control the kids if they're off running around trying to hunt a beastie that doesn't exist." Bumblebee didn't know what to advise. "Just try to do what you think Ultra Magnus would do." "I can't. No one would respect me. No one really ever respected him either, they just followed along with his boring orders because he was a Vice Principal SchoolMaster." This was quite true. The Vice Principal SchoolMasters were always assigned to student field trips, and were part disciplinarian, part shuttle pilot, and part teacher. Magnus was infamous as a VPSM who bored the children in all three roles. "I guess he just died in the crash," Bumblebee mused. "I try not to think about it." * * * The other biguns played a less cooperative role in Windcharger's shelter building project. Warpath and Powerglide discovered a cargo pod that had fallen off before their shuttle crashed and called over a few of their friends. "ZING!" Warpath shouted, "We found the educational cargo pod! There's got to be some cool stuff in here!" In a matter of seconds all of the larger transformers (with the notable exception of Bumblebee and Windcharger) had dropped their salvaged goods and made their way to the cargo pod. Powerglide used his thermal beam to melt the hatch's lock. Once opened, a torrent of goods spewed forth and knocked him over. "Whoa huh ho! We certainly found a lot of stuff to keep us occupied while we're stuck on the island!" "ZIP! ZONK!" Warpath enthused. "What have we got guys?" Afterburner ripped opened the first crate and described the contents. "It's a bunch of educational movie scripts from Earth! There are even some comics in here too!" Powerglide tossed the crate that landed on his chest to the side and sat up. "Cool! What else do we have?" Rumble and Frenzy ran to one crate and one of them smashed it open with his arm mounted pile drivers. No one could tell if the red or blue one used the pile drivers amongst the dust they created, but one of the twins looked up and yelled "Transformers fanfic!" Warpath's fist reached into the air "SPLAM! ZANG! How can you beat that?" First Aid was the next on the scene to run to a crate. He held it still while Brawn used his clawed arm as a crowbar and spilled three dozen metal objects to the floor. Each was an orange sphere flanked by two gray handles, and had a small circle in front that appeared to be made of crystal. First Aid picked one of these objects up, and it fit in the palm of his hand. "Look everybody! We've got a boxload of Swiss Army Matrices!" "ZAP! WHAM!" Warpath shouted. "We're doing well now!" Ramjet walked over to an assortment of black cargo cases and opened one. He revealed a drum kit sized to be played by a Transformer, and addressed his fellow choir boys. "Look! Our instruments survived the crash!" "POW! KABLUWEE!" Warpath yelled. "Now we can hear some great jam sessions!" Thundercracker spoke quietly as he opened his guitar case and took out a glowing pink joint. "My EnerWeed," then he looked to make sure no one overheard him. "Er, I mean, uh, my guitar!" Brawl forcefully ripped the next crate open with a loud "AAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" and revealed a stash of beer from Earth. "Suh-ping, zoinks, uh...skank?" Warpath spoke tentatively this time because he ran out of his usual exclamations. When he looked at the newfound item again, he regained his cheerful voice. "It's a dozen cases of Old Milwaukee! Does life get any better than this?" Expecting to see the Sweedibot Bikini Team parachuting by, Warpath watched Skids and Beachcomber open the last crate, which held several plastic "Quick Burn" brand fuel canisters. "This extra supply will make sure we have enough welding fuel to complete the particle beam communications system," Skids told his friends proudly. Since the welding fuel wasn't an exciting toy to play with, it felt anticlimactic to everyone uninvolved in making the signal. Warpath figured that was just was well, especially considering how many of his trademark spoken-sound-effects had been used in the past few seconds. He thought for a moment, then simply said "that's good." * * * Unicron's purple ship housed two very eager warriors. Scourge was so excited about this next mission that his circuitry threatened to overload if he sat still. He paced back and forth while Cyclonus piloted the shuttle. "Do you think the Quintessons were telling the truth about that one Cybertronian? If they are all as powerful as that, then we'll have to take them one at a time. Maybe we'll shoot them in the back. Maybe we'll sneak behind them and slash their fuel lines. Maybe--" Cyclonus 2795 tried to lay out all the details as he interpreted them. "You may be the expert tracker, Scourge, but I must tell Unicron to make Sweep models less gullible in the future. The Quintesson defenses were weak. We should only expect to face mediocre opponents here. These Cybertronians are just learning how to fight. We will have no problems capturing a specimen for interrogation. Did you believe the Quintessons when they said they built the Cybertronians too?" Scourge 4033 laughed. "Maybe I'm a little gullible at times but I'm not stupid." * * * Few of the big boys shared their spoils with the littluns, but the biguns were excited to share their discoveries with each other. Looking through the box of Transformers fanfic, Rumble and Frenzy started to get confused. "This fanfic got our colors right," Frenzy would say, but only a few seconds later Rumble would point to another fanfic and said "Yeah? Look at this one. It mixed us up!" Powerglide, Brawl and Laserbeak decided to read some of the movie- and television-based Earth scripts and literature. Laserbeak yawned as he turned the page to another boring episode of X-Men from its second television season. He tossed it aside with his beak and went to see what Brawl was reading. Anything, after all, would be more interesting than the dialog he found: Cyclops and Wolverine: JEAN, LOOK OUT! NOOOO! Jean: Huh?..NOOOO! Cyclops: Jean! Jean: Scott! Wolverine: Jean! Jean: Logan! Cyclops: Jean! Jean: Hank! Cyclops and Wolverine: Hank? Jean: I meant Scott! Cyclops: NOOOO! Brawl pointed at the script to the movie "Robocop" and slapped Laserbeak's back hard when he walked over. "Hey, look at this Laserbeak! This guy from OCP used the F-word again! I sure didn't see THAT one coming! Haw, ha, haw!" Laserbeak found himself more interested in the comic that Powerglide found instead. The avian transformer was greeted instantly by the cheerful red plane-robot. "Hi Laserbeak! I was just reading the latest OJ Master Transformer comic." Over Powerglide's shoulder, Laserbeak read the dialog: Scorponok: Mister Ito, you have no reason to hold me here. Unless you want to break any of your precious laws, I think you should set me free. Judge Ito: I should have you sent to jail for the rest of your life Scorponok! After that stunt you pulled, I'd like to see you rust for eternity! You just got off easy this time because the Lawyercons found a legal loophole, but nobody, NOBODY should ever be allowed to impersonate the Brentwood Mansion ever again. We got the address wrong on our arrest warrants when we went out to get you, so we're forced to let you go. This time. (Scorponok smirks and starts to walk away) Judge Ito: Before you go, I want you to remember one thing: Justice may be blind, but it can see in the dark. Powerglide was pretty excited by the previews of the next comic, but suddenly became saddened. "You know Laserbeak, Grimlock M.D. was going to testify in the next issue of OJ Master Transformers, but who knows if we'll even survive our stay on the island to see it?" Laserbeak chirped. "You're right. We've just got to remember that we are the Cybertronian Boys' Academy. We're the best and the brightest!" A little further away, the Cybertronian Boys' Choir was practicing with their instruments. The coneheaded robots were the band's rhythm section: Ramjet played the drums, Dirge played a blue five-string Jazz Bass, and Thrust played rhythm guitar on a pearl black Randy Rhoads Jackson V. The lead players were Starscream with a harmonica and lead vocals, Skywarp with his synthesizer keyboard, and Thundercracker with a black and white Fender Stratocaster. At this moment they were deciding what to play. "Instruments of Destruction!" Thrust suggested. It was the band's trademark song. "No," Skywarp said, "not today, anyway. Every time we mention that song, everyone in the crowd starts saying 'I want to buy the CD, where can I find the CD?' They make it impossible for us to play anything else when they start that." "Let's just do something everyone can enjoy," Thundercracker only shrugged when he heard Dirge say this, and put his EnerWeed joint on the edge of his guitar. "Yes," Starscream agreed. "I can't imagine anyone having a problem with plain old heavy metal. As long as you do the great soloing that we've come to expect from you, Thundercracker." Thundercracker grinned and played a fingertapped arpeggio in response. The rest of the band took the hint and set up their amps, unaware how far away their instruments could be heard. -----David Filip------------------------ grimlock@u.washington.edu ----- Are you tired of conformity on the internet? You can rebel against the culture of the net in four easy steps! 1) Thank and encourage crossposters. 2) Discuss politics politely. 3) Support censorship. 4) Praise Apple Computers, Intel, Microsoft, AOL and the entertainment industry for a job well done.