Article 22872 of alt.toys.transformers:
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From: thenixtr@aol.com (The Nixtr)
Newsgroups: alt.toys.transformers
Subject: FANFIC:  Deformers: Leave it to Nightnerd, Part 1
Date: 26 Oct 1995 23:25:22 -0400
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                             The Deformers:
                          Leave it to Nightnerd
                                    
                             By Nick Morency
                            (A.K.A. Paroxysm)
                            First Published:
                          Alt.Toys.Transformers

Part 1.

     Skywarped tiptoed through the main room of Decepticrum Headquarters. 
He
tried hard not to be noticed.
     And he failed.
     "Skywarped!"
     Skywarped knew the voice even before he turned around.  No one else
had
one so silly-sounding.  Of all the possible Decepticrums that have been
introduced into the series so far, he thought, why'd it have to be
Megaschlong
who found me?
     "Where are you going?" insisted the Decepticrum Leader.
     "To my quarters."
     "And what, praytell, are you attempting to sneak past me?"
     "Oh, nothing."
     "You think I can't detect that you're holding something, with the
sensors in this new body that COBRA built for... oh, wait a minute. 
That's
not until Generation 2.  Anyway, you show me what you're holding, and I
might
let you live."
     "Okay, okay."  Skywarped unfurls his palm, revealing the contents of
his
hands.  They were human-constructed devices, wrapped on cardboard strips,
small enough for all of them to fit in Skywarped's hand.  "They're
Deformer
toys.  Combaticrums."
     "And what are you doing with those things?" asked Megaschlong.
     "Hiding them from you, Meggy.  Gee, I thought you were smarter than
that."
     "What I mean is, why on Cyclotron did you waste your energon on
those?"
     "Well... you see... I kinda felt sorry for you."
     "You better explain youreslf, or you'll soon be feeling sorry for
yourself!"
     "You see, the Autoblots keep defending the flesh creatures from our
threats, and thus the flesh creatures have become good friends with the
Autoblots."
     Megaschlong paused.  At this point he realized that this story wasn't
taking place in the comic universe.  "Uh... go on."
     "So anyway, the humans keep patronizing the Autoblots by buying their
toys.  Meanwhile all the Decepticrum toys collect dust."  He looked up at
the
facial expression of his commander.  Skywarped could tell that he wasn't
very
happy with what he just said, so he tried to change the subject in an
attempt
to get on Megaschlong's good side again.  "But check these toys out.  They
join into Bruticurse, if you can just find the Onslaught toy!"
     "Are you cracked?!" screamed Megaschlong.  "Go to your quarters, now,
and don't ever let me hear of or see those things from you again!"
     "All right," answered Skywarped, "but do you know how much Swindull
charged me for..."
     Megaschlong blasted Skywarped's back.  "I said don't bring them up
again, and I meant it!"
     As the automatic doors to Skywarped's quarters opened and he entered,
he
then remembered that he could have avoided the whole affair had he only
used
his ability to teleport.
     Once the doors closed behind Skywarped, Megaschlong walked up to
them. 
"Skywarped, can you hear me?" he spoke into the door, awaiting a response.

There was none.  Megaschlong then proceeded to the center of the room. 
"Fellow Decepticrums," he began, in a stately manner, "WHAT ARE WE GOING
TO
DO?  Without humans to support us, the Decepticrums are finished."
     "You're overreacting," said Deafwave.
     "I am not!  You know how important public opinion polls are.  Just
ask
Bill CLinton!  Or Newt... on second thought, don't ask Newt Gingrich.  As
of
right now, I'm open to any suggestions."
     "Maybe we can start by not telling the humans how we want to enslave
their race," suggested Crumble.
     "Next!" replied Megaschlong, stepping on Crumble.
     "How about we make a new line of toys called Gobots?" asked Thunder
Grahamcracker.
     Now, that idea," Megascholong answered cautiously, as he DEFORMED to
baseball bat mode...

OH OH AH AH EE!

     "Sucks!"  He wacked Thunder Grahamcracker in the back.  Tiny bits of
paint and chrome broke off Thunder Grahamcracker's body and gracefully
landed
on the ground.
     "Hey, that's the way the Thunder Grahamcracker crumbles," said
Megaschlong jokingly.
     "Yo, I resent your misuse of my name," protested Crumble.
     As the Decepticrums continued to bicker amongst themselves, Ice
Scream,
who was seated on a Decepti-sofa and reading a magazine, glanced upwards
and
peered his optic sensors at the spectacle.  Since it was a human-sized
magagine, his actions were conspicuous and the others noticed his glazed
gaze.
(A little aliteration.)
     "What are you looking at?" Deafwave asked Ice Scream.
     "You guys just don't have anything better to do than chase your own
after-burners, do you?"
     Megaschlong stared at him with discontent.  "What is that supposed to
mean, Starscream?"
     "You mean Ice Scream."
     "Oh, yeah, Ice Scream.  I forgot; this is a satire."
     Crumble began to advance at Ice Scream, preparing to activate his
pogo-
stick drivers.  "I don't htink he cares too much for his own
after-burner!"
     Megaschlong stretched out his hand, blocking Crumble's advance. 
"Hold. 
I want to hear what Ice Scream has to say." 
     Now that is a first.
     "Well, you see, self-proclaimed Mighty Megaschlong, I've been reading
this."  Ice Scream holds his periodical for the Decepticrums to view. 
"It's
called a BotCon '95 magazine.  And there's a particular advertisement of
interest inside.  Take a look."
     Megaschlong strained his optics to read the tiny (by Deformer
standards)
message.
     CONQUEST... is published 4 times a year by Plumed Serpent
Productions*. 
Regular issues contain 50 pages worth of Decepticon fiction, artwork,
profiles, and other information.  Join the winning side- subscribe today."
     Ice Scream turns aside and speaks discretely to the audience.
     "Asterisk: Plumed Serpent Productions is a trademark of Plumed
Serpent
Productions.  All rights reserved."
     Deafwave peered over Megaschlong's shoulder to read the ad.  He
noticed
that a clip art image of himself was incorporated by the graphic disigner
for
the ad.  "Hm.  Certainly is a handsome Decepticrum."
     "Now," proceeded Ice scream, "I think I should be the ambassador or
PR
man or something for this Decepticrum fan club, who will no doubt recruit
more
flesh creatures for us.  After all, who is it who befriended Dr.
Arkanoid?"
     "I was," answered Megaschlong.  "You merely kidnapped him from me in
The
Ultimate Doom, Part Three and forced him to work with you."
     "Oh, yeah."
     "Now we have to find a way to lure them into our service, but how?"
     "That's just what I'm getting at.  What is is that every Transformer
fan
wats more than anything else?"
     The other Decepticrums stared with blank faces.
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