From nick.morency@buckys.com Thu Feb 8 19:33:24 1996 Received: from holonet.net (guardian.holonet.net [198.207.169.11]) by s-cwis.unomaha.edu (8.7.3/U.N.O.) with SMTP id TAA20480 for ; Thu, 8 Feb 1996 19:33:23 -0600 Received: from buckys (root@localhost) by holonet.net with UUCP id RAA14092; Thu, 8 Feb 1996 17:34:19 -0800 Received: by buckys.com (wcGATE v4) id 39364W Fri, 9 Feb 1996 00:00:10 GMT From: nick.morency@buckys.com (Nick Morency) Subject: Leave It to Nightnerd, Part 6 (finally) Date: Thu, 8 Feb 1996 23:43:13 GMT Message-Id: <9602082000102362@buckys.com> Organization: *Bucky's BBS* (609)861-1131 To: sferree@s-cwis.unomaha.edu Status: OR Part 6. He awaited Nightnerd in a small desert cave. (Desert cave courtesy plot convenience productions.) It was about two hours beyond the ETA before she found Megaschlong's camp. "Where have you been all this time? My plan calls for precision timing." As Nightnerd's head clicked, a ticker tape spit out of her mouth. Megaschlong pulled it off and glanced at it. It read: Maybe I shouldn't have made that turn at Alberqerque. Megaschlong was impressed, not because of Nightnerd's tardiness, but of her new communication ability. "Well, I see Bombsmell incorporated the improvements on your memory I suggested. I knew the Pentium chip would be an asset. Now here's the plan. When I say 'attack'..." The first swing struck Megaschlong dead in the face. Nightnerd attacked in a blood-red, or should I say oil-black fury. Her arm repeatedly made the same motions on the left side Megaschlong's cheek surface, while she conserved the motions of her other body parts for maximum fuel efficiency. Her ears were deaf to her cries, for she had no ability to equate those wails to pain. "Nightnerd," Megaschlong gasped in between punches, "this is your leader speaking. I order you to stop!" His words produced no results, as Nightnerd dealt body blows to his chest. The near-continuous volley inflicted such stress to Megaschlong's chestplate that it cracked open. His inner circuitry was exposed, which Nightnerd wrapped around her fist and YANKED as hard as she can. Within minutes whatever wires remained inside his body became entangled like so many one-day-old Slinkys. Needless to say, Megaschlong was in excruciating pain. Yet he refrained from fighting back. Thus Nightnerd, in her present state, discovered Megaschlong's weakness: he could not harm Nightnerd because he had fallen in love with her. If only this were Ice Scream, he thought. Then I'd show this bucket of bolts a thing or two, or more than two. He didn't do a thing in his defense, proving that love makes you do weird things. Thirty minutes pass. By now Megaschlong was almost accustomed to the pain. In his huddled state he accepted Nightnerd as man of the Decepticrum household. "I'll do whatever you want," he whimpered. "I'll do nothing at all." Had Nightnerd had any consciousness, she would have responded, "Of course you will, because I'm liberated now, and I can do whatever I want!", but she had none, so she didn't say it. Nightnerd lifted the decrepid mass that was Megaschlong over her head and threw him halfway to Autoblot Headquarters. He landed with such force that loosely hinged bits of metal detatched from his body. Megaschlong remained motionless for some time. Only one optic sensor was working, but its vision was blurred. Megaschlong now cursed the fact that he had once cut corners by stealing his replacement lens from the Hubble Space Telescope instead of having a custom one built. In his condition, he could not see Nightnerd approaching, and didn't sense her presence until he felt her step on his back. Nightnerd began to jump on Megasclong's back as if it were a trampoline and she were a second grader. Though Megaschlong had control of some of his physical functions, he still refused to do anything to harm Nightnerd. His concern for her put him in an uncomfortable position, and that's both literally and figuratively! Although his threshold of pain was low, his ability to hurt Nightnerd was lower, and that made Megaschlong feel about as helpless as an animal-rights activist in Bedrock. As Nightnerd marched in circles on top of Megaschlong, the CD-ROM in her memory, which was on repeat mode, again played her memory-resident song's refrain: These boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do. One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you. Time passes. Megachlong was successfully DEFORMED into a pile of rubble. He had no idea how many days had passed, nor where Nightnerd fled, but he knew he wouldn't return to his base alive unless he refueled. He slowly raised his head, and searched, with his good optic sensor, for a nearby gas station. He grinned when he spotted one only a few hundred yards away. "Thank Primus for plot convenience!" he said. Megaschlong crawled to the gas station, dragging his twisted lower limbs behind him. His massive form, however brutally disfigured, scared the nearby humans into inactivity; they made no attempt to stop his business. Megaschlong reached for a pump and inserted it into his mouth, then pressed the handle. Megaschlong nearly gagged as the first slug of fluid flowed inward. Gasohol, he thought. How nauseating! He continued to drink it, however, knowing it was his only opportunity to continue his existence. There were few things he knew of that were worse than gasohol. He attempted to make the experience less treacherous by thinking of those things, then compare them to gasohol and feel grateful. There were only a few he could think of: New Kids on the Block, Glen or Glenda, The Susan B. Anthony Dollar, The Carter Administration... Those were the only things he could think of. (Suz: the ending is in the following letter)