Searching his deepest self Proverbs 20:27 The following poetry is a document of 13 years of struggling, failing, yet still desiring to follow Jesus Christ and live according to His will and dictates. You will find it confessional, at times dark, yet hopefully edfying. Please read it slowly and thoughtfully, and don't rush through it. Hopefully it will touch your heart... Re-Entry... this whirlwind of words long stale, dry. this mind disinterested... mocking a culture so far removed from what matters. from the church of feel good and damn the truth... CONVERSION Awake! stand dry and sleepy eyed and bathe in new crystal well-springs of Life.... drink them eternally into your soul... and share with thirsty others... HIGH AND LOW I live in ths world a little lower than the angels. yet I will judge them... And this world would have me believe I'm an animal. just meat waiting to decay. And I have a mansion prepared and a City whose builder and Maker is God... but they show me apes my brother and tell our children of monkeys their father.. and serpents crawl in our ears but we will soon shake them all into the fire... Beauty and Dominion You are the beauty Your crown shines golden white in my spirit's eye... Your throne surrounded by bowing waves of gold forward,back they drift as in dreamstate cry Holy,Holy,Holy to He who is and was and to come... Only God Omnipotent a Lamb splayed now mended in flaming fire eyes... that reach forever feet like brass resting upon the mockery the shame the indifference... No Space Enough the sky so vast and yea the universe are not sized to contain the praises which thou deserve... indeed Thy form vast infinite should fill with our praise to thee... Prayer Burn me up inside let remain Gold burnished,refined white with blood and spotless with cleansing. scrape the callous like Job's boils. break your pottery in pieces forgive a slave who would live as master.. Let a Scalpels' finger carve wisdom into this fleshy hearts tablet. away this clamor,guilt,despair near come fluidly spirits' peace give attention to this language this weeping angels' tongue. Bathing Grace bathe me rapturous in your fond forgiving. repetition of a dark day when a great light shone. I kneel as a warm trickle dots my skin white as snow. peace knows not boundary when Presence flows warm into chilly valleys of the soul. nearer my God to thee as grace gives way to a guilty son whose only desire is purity Righteous Indignation? impotent the church as anger becomes hatred and cloaks itself in a mask of 'righteous indignation'... The Body momentarily still as hints of gangrenous rot show up on the outer fringe... bacteria. parasite. tare. If wisdom shows herself in her children, what foolishness bred this? what revelation? what knowledge? what sin? Ears to Hear Struggle squinting to listen for a still,small voice in a still loud world. eardrums filled with snake-like thoughts and remembrance that flutters away as quickly as bats wings... Just Before the Fall Insolence despises truth and makes mockery of all that is pure. men as god destroy that image past displayed not the blessed hope a spirit of murder invades the black hole of the populous. lights peek out from under bushels just long enough to see the shadow of our flicker on the dark walls with which we've surrounded ourselves... Strange Strange they think it as repobates confess the narrow line... Strange the fiery trial that dries the flood of dissipation... Strange the peace that illumines the shadow of death Strange the tree... the altar... the blood... Strange the commitment... the destiny... the mystery... Strange the pain that is drenched by pardoned pleasure... Annointed Creature on fire... at burn by a force all consuming. as gold in a forgers brew. speak a word not by will but willed by Word. Consensus everyone a victim supposedly. everyone knows someone they can blame. each choice a by-product of a learnng. no sin. no God. no wage to pay. Societal Lament Cry for a country insane bleeding. dying. cry for a people removed. Ichabod the glory hath departed cry for a nation of voyeurs peeping toms aroused by afternoon talkshows talk lust. talk death. talk hell. Worship Entry frail,reluctant,needful Into Thy presence with joy,praise,love calming and at the same time convicting tears of sorrow repentant give way to cleansing,rebirth,renewal Abba,Teacher You speak I forget You speak again like a gentle teacher with such great care as to never tire of the repetition. Love suffers long and is kind. You are the words the example Truth in practice Depravity's Choice Birth. weeping,slimy starving for word,food,intimacy growth brings closer and a bent toward alienation (the infection,the fall) birth again! or not. a cool infinity mocks the flame by the blood of a tree and sovereignty gives way to creature's choice (no robots) choose. Ephesians 1:14 imprint like a seal on the revelator's scroll property purchased downpayment tangible hope Valley Dry. no thought,no word no deed. nothing... dirty as the mud on the blind man's eyes. constant as the issue of blood. ashamed as the fisherman at the cock's crow. contrite as the thief on the cross Blood's Destiny a bead of sweat drops from the brow mingles with blood and begins the slow trickle... downward like a dove's feather from heaven to earth drip down the nose over mouth and chin d r o p to the chest and salt like thorns stings gaping scourges wounds. trickle down and down cross shamed nude skin and feet nailed lapped one upon another and the final destination at the foot of the cross my sin. covered. Racism Restrained sick and tired angry. rage against the machine the news makes me want to die. or kill. colors infuriate me and I want to run I want to hide I want to tear down the walls that hold this rage inside. but You are the wall. You are the leash. You are the calming. Mother at The Tree Reminiscent gaze... I see this bloody ground and I remember. floor of a manger where pangs of birth and blood delivered my blessed child... promised child. Look up and I see arms stretched wide like when He learned to walk. and He smiled and stumbled to His mama... hands I gently held now spiked and bleeding. I cry as He cries like those nights so long ago when my comfort was all He needed... and my baby... promised baby weeps and bleeds. and I have no comfort to offer for He's hanging there for me..... Today Toward Forever Cold mornings... alive with promise and reluctance. hearts of servitude and selfishness scuffle to establish dominance... Prayers are whispered then ignored then remembered. thoughts are pure then vile then pure... and by the Spirit I know what this means. Constant for a time yet glinting with promise of elimination of everyhing so structured and obtuse... to be replaced in a Genesis flash of fire to the earth and the works therein. new chance to a dimension where enemies lie with enemies and ignore the past. Like a statement like breaking the heart of One who loves you so. and so begins the new forever cleansed... bright knowing Knowing and Forgetting Stillness... so needed and desperate yet elusive unattainable. mysterious. Like an old friend in a blurry memory with a name you can't place. like deja' vu commanded... "Be still and know" "Still small voice" desired yet painful and requiring sacrifice... so we forget like we forget about that old friend we still can't place... Urgency Urgency... like a poets' muse like a pastors' call Urgency... like a dying wish like a tornado warning like lust unsated Urgency... like the twinkling of an eye. like a countries' sin. like true repentance Urgency... like a midnight cry like a beggar mourning outside a Kings' locked door The Wait Minutes pass then hours,years onward to eternity. and sometimes it's like standing in a long line that just won't move. we look around casually occasionally say a friendly word but deep down this line is the last place we want to be... and we yearn to trade this uncomfortable stand for the comfort of Home. Trial anger pain confusion anger resentment realization guilt(godly sorrow) repentance forgiveness mercy peace... Fools' Portrait Paint a picture of a fool out of a life on a dusty canvas steeped in sin. each choice is a stroke taken and our pallette is the will we fulfill... Family Lament Lament for a child innocence denied Lament for a painted girl nursing a smelly old man Lament for a mother they told her boy he was a girl Lament for a society that condones... and sees no need for a childs' innocence and a need for painted girls and believes a boy can be a girl... Waterfall Grace at flow as a waterfall of golden abundance great riches of highest mercy flutters like the liquid wings of Heavens' Dove to light on the muddied corpse of humanity quickening,quickening life leaps forth abundant and overflowing ever melting outward as a blanket on the whitened fields all is You all is You What,Where What is truth? is it that small box of god that we store in our cranial cellars? is it those words that we hurry through then ignore? is it the lusts that claw at our flesh tearing us beyond self recognition? is it the smile we give the one we hate? the mud we sweep beneath the rug? is it that bloody hand that reaches out to hold us? is truth that bloody gun we've thrown into the river? Where is truth when everything we know is a lie? everything is fallen, broken, trampled the truth is where You are. the problem is the finding. the wading through the mire of self. Anger Anger... at times holy at times wicked and bloodthirsty as the jaws of a beast. often fleshly but at the times the perfect vehicle for His highest ideal Pant Need. .. for nearer whispers for ears in tune with your Higher language my eardrums are covered at times in will at others in the spongy gray matter of uncertainty paralyzed by this wanting this crave this desire to know this stirring fire of yearning... Sin In Sunbeam Our sin is as dust in a sunbeam... constant. yet blown away and replaced... never completely clear. but less visible as it ventures nearer the Light... T.V. the media crams evil down little childrens' throats and wonders why they throw up hate a child only eats what you feed it so feed it what it needs if a child eats garbage its' insides bleed Garden Poem Paradise golden,lush,green shattered by blackness of lie now streaked,stained blood and fear give color to the darkness Once upon a time what was now isn't and most don't even care. self punishment perhaps or still rebellion... long yearn for whisper in the cool of the day contrasted by traffic madness in august heat thorns,weeds,brow,tree redemption wears the colors of this night season... Those Lost for some life becomes a frightened symphony of despair. no anchors, no reason sad sphere of indifference spit at the wise mans' pages mock the prophet in rags... Confession innocence poisoned and veins clog with murderers blood... society rots as the pleasured masses cry tolerate!tolerate!tolerate! I gouge at my heart with tears to break the crusting fallow I hate more that I love and I ignore more than I repent and I want to change but it seems I'm too lazy and frightened to bear it After the Flood Quiet reflection... revelling in the calm that inevitably follows the torm... gentle breeze and light melt slowly away the memories of dark... peace so calm demands shame at yesterday's fear Ignoring Genesis Divine instant... and an infinity of idea is jettisoned... hovering Spirit emits light encircling,engulfing,enclosing world framed from none and we grasp for another be it chemical,hormonal,sexual... paradise enthralls unless created with roots and walls Fallen Black day in Jerusalem and tears of blood moisten the ground once pure unfallen unfettered this creation very good now laps up the sacrifice of the Lamb with thirst wanton and unsatiable devouring the tears of Heaven like a wicked son mocking the murder of his father Beginnings the miles unfold before me and sunrise after sunrise comes smoothly dawning in that orange milky haze offering a sinners chance of new beginning... age brings wisdom supposedly yet nearer to me are clearer revelations of depravitys' depth and the towering monument of Grace Morning Poem Morning again blessings new fresh,blue sunrise early hearkens to memory of a garden tomb when all fear of eternal nothingness lay unmasked and weeping only to be driven away by the gentle touch of Heavens' pierced Wife's Love Poem Wife's love mirror and parallel cool and comfortable as utter forgiveness glimpse dim darkly of Heavens higher ideal Hidden? depravity however imperceptible or deeply burrowed exists as truly as the germ in the mouth of a rat... sin though hidden like a vipers brood is no less deadly but moreso Another Dark Poem Season of black spent groping, feeling bumping into things never able to find that switch that would illumine dark season of woe and misery playing frustrations' bride your chastening hand almost unbearable in love with the deception enthralled by the glamour of the black inflamed at the texture of the shackles Depravity a whispered lie is more appealing. as opposed to the obvious we would rather have those hidden just below the message just behind the glare we love it when the forbidden seems almost permissable when the air of mystery trickles like nektar on Edens' fruit yet sin is no less vile than the stench of death beneath the perfume on a corpse Joshua at the park I see in your face a lonliness that mirrors my own it may be the human condition but I wonder what more? perhaps self absorbtion perhaps like me it's just the yearning for something gray, unknowable distant In need of merger I quote a thousand verses you give a cup to drink I contemplate forgiveness you as servant wash my feet I recite the Nicene creed you prostrate weeping for the lost My mind explores theology your heart says count the cost Broken Air Conditioner again the unyielding pressure the squeeze,the push the trials of life so called yet seeming more like vicious unearthly oppression tribulation worketh patience yet what cost? my last nerve is frazzled my cynicism becomes nihilism self loathing at my impatience becomes self hatred and nearly something other I lash out at God as a schoolboy finally fed up and fighting the bully over his milk money how often the clenched fists of a corpse must be broken to make it appear presentable how can I be a judge when I'm barely fit to be a juror? how can I see this clear through these timbers? Hypocrites Lament our actions declare we don't love them... of their dying we're unconcerned... our deeds say their souls are worth nothing... and we passively yawn as they burn. our zeal is as hay and stubble. our passion is vanity. and our heart as dead mens' bones our fruit becomes thorns in a desert of stone. Come Let Your spirit bring forh sweet poetry let Thy words fall like a cool mist into our minds. let our fevered thoughts be broken and stilled at the sound of Your voice In The Flesh times dry and gray hoping for a beam of light... dust surrounds and settles because I'm too lazy to move water is near yet thorns and thistles block the pathway to drink Confusion #2 Why do I speak when my words are as chaff better suited for dust and fire? why do I talk when my lips form dung and ashes that should be salt Abstract Psalm Where! I cry and start to die as snakes wrap round my legs Why! I yell as fire from hell leaps at you my words When! I yearn as eastward turn lightning glimmer in my eyes Mercy! I kneel and dying to feel sweet whispers from the skies Struggle and Yearning free though chained to flesh and bone alive though drained and yearning for Home sight though blind eyes intentionally closed. blood from the thorns on a chastening rose Creation Angel whispers buzz... and earth without form and void yearns for sky and sight... and He spoke! and light was... and angels shuddered at His majesty. spectators. Grand Heavenly Display and atoms swirl... and lightning crackles. and He touches and atom and dust become skin and hair... and water mixes with light and becomes an eye. and flesh beckons to the Breath of Life... and Love creates love. and the body rises to obey... Poem for Taunya a sweet love song where the words never end... an angels' smile... most trusted friend. bride to me and a bride to be we've trillions of years to go... seasons change yet my love the same with time it only grows... sweet love divine we feel by grace from the Giver of all life no greater love on earthly plane than for you as my wife... Awe Each unworthily to heaven is a miracle of miracles In but not Of we are hard pressed on every side. and they hate our God like a gnat that invades a comfortable space... and though we are but a dark glass reflecting there is still enough shine to ruffle dark feathers... and no shield can extinguish or dampen an eternal flame. and no mask can hide conviction... |