Mans' spirit is the lamp of God
Searching his deepest self
Proverbs 20:27



The following poetry is a document of 13 years of struggling, failing, yet still desiring to follow Jesus Christ and live according to His will and dictates.

You will find it confessional, at times dark, yet hopefully edfying.

Please read it slowly and thoughtfully, and don't rush through it.

Hopefully it will touch your heart...






Word Again

Re-Entry...
this whirlwind of
words
long stale,
dry.
this mind
disinterested...
mocking a culture
so far removed
from what matters.
from the church
of feel good
and damn the truth...



CONVERSION
Awake!
stand dry and sleepy eyed
and bathe in
new crystal well-springs
of Life....
drink them eternally into
your soul...
and share with thirsty others...



HIGH AND LOW

I live in ths world
a little lower than the angels.
yet I will judge them...
And this world would have me believe
I'm an animal.
just meat waiting to decay.
And I have a mansion prepared
and a City
whose builder and Maker is God...
but they show me apes my brother
and tell our children
of monkeys their father..
and serpents crawl in our ears
but we will soon shake them all
into the fire...




Beauty and Dominion

You are the beauty
Your crown shines golden white
in my spirit's eye...

Your throne surrounded
by bowing waves of gold

forward,back
they drift
as in dreamstate

cry
Holy,Holy,Holy

to He who is
and was
and to come...

Only God Omnipotent

a Lamb splayed
now mended
in flaming fire

eyes...
that reach forever

feet
like brass resting
upon the mockery
the shame
the indifference...




No Space Enough

the sky so vast
and yea
the universe
are not sized
to contain
the praises
which thou
deserve...
indeed Thy form
vast infinite
should
fill
with our praise to thee...




Prayer

Burn me up inside
let remain
Gold
burnished,refined
white with blood
and spotless
with cleansing.
scrape the callous
like Job's boils.
break your pottery in pieces
forgive a slave
who would live
as master..

Let a Scalpels' finger
carve wisdom
into this fleshy
hearts tablet.

away this clamor,guilt,despair
near come
fluidly spirits' peace

give attention
to this language
this weeping angels' tongue.




Bathing Grace

bathe me rapturous
in your
fond forgiving.

repetition of a
dark day
when a great light shone.

I kneel as a warm
trickle
dots my skin
white as snow.

peace
knows not boundary when
Presence
flows warm into
chilly valleys of the soul.
nearer my God to thee
as grace gives way
to a guilty son
whose only desire is purity




Righteous Indignation?

impotent
the church
as anger becomes hatred
and cloaks itself
in a mask
of 'righteous indignation'...

The Body
momentarily still
as hints of gangrenous
rot
show up on the outer fringe...
bacteria.
parasite.
tare.

If wisdom shows herself
in her children,
what foolishness
bred this?

what revelation?
what knowledge?
what sin?




Ears to Hear

Struggle
squinting to listen
for a still,small voice
in a still loud world.

eardrums filled with
snake-like thoughts
and remembrance that

flutters away as quickly
as bats wings...




Just Before the Fall

Insolence
despises truth
and makes mockery of all that is
pure.

men as god
destroy
that image
past displayed
those who know
not the blessed hope

a spirit of murder
invades the black hole
of the populous.

lights peek out from
under bushels
just long enough to see the shadow
of our flicker on the dark walls
with which we've surrounded
ourselves...




Strange

Strange
they think it
as repobates
confess the narrow line...

Strange
the fiery trial
that dries the
flood of dissipation...

Strange
the peace
that illumines
the shadow of death

Strange
the tree...
the altar...
the blood...

Strange
the commitment...
the destiny...
the mystery...

Strange
the pain
that is drenched
by pardoned pleasure...




Annointed

Creature on fire...
at burn by a force
all consuming.
as gold in a forgers
brew.
speak a word not by
will but willed by Word.




Consensus

everyone a victim
supposedly.
everyone knows someone
they can blame.
each choice a by-product
of a learnng.
no sin.
no God.
no wage to pay.




Societal Lament

Cry for a country insane
bleeding.
dying.

cry for a people removed.
Ichabod
the glory hath departed

cry for a nation of voyeurs

peeping toms
aroused by afternoon talkshows

talk lust.
talk death.
talk hell.




Worship

Entry
frail,reluctant,needful

Into Thy presence
with
joy,praise,love

calming
and at the same time
convicting

tears
of sorrow repentant
give way to
cleansing,rebirth,renewal




Abba,Teacher
You speak
I forget
You speak again
like a gentle teacher
with such great care
as to never tire
of the repetition.

Love suffers long
and is kind.

You are the words
the example
Truth in practice




Depravity's Choice
Birth.
weeping,slimy
starving

for word,food,intimacy

growth
brings closer
and a bent toward alienation
(the infection,the fall)

birth again!
or not.

a cool infinity mocks the flame
by the blood of a tree

and sovereignty gives way
to creature's choice
(no robots)
choose.




Ephesians 1:14

imprint
like a seal
on the revelator's scroll

property purchased
downpayment
tangible hope




Valley

Dry.
no thought,no word
no deed.

nothing...

dirty as the mud on
the blind man's eyes.
constant
as the issue of blood.

ashamed
as the fisherman at
the cock's crow.
contrite
as the thief on the cross




Blood's Destiny

a bead of sweat
drops from the brow
mingles with blood
and begins the slow trickle...

downward
like a dove's feather
from heaven to earth

drip
down the nose
over mouth and chin

d
r
o
p

to the chest
and salt like thorns
stings gaping scourges wounds.

trickle down
and
down
cross shamed nude skin
and feet
nailed
lapped one upon another

and the final destination
at the foot of the cross
my sin.
covered.




Racism Restrained

sick and tired
angry.

rage against the machine

the news makes me want to die.
or
kill.

colors infuriate me
and I want to run

I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls

that hold this rage inside.

but You are the wall.
You are the leash.
You are the calming.




Mother at The Tree

Reminiscent gaze...

I see this bloody ground
and I remember.
floor of a manger
where pangs of birth
and blood
delivered my blessed child...
promised child.
Look up
and I see
arms stretched wide
like when He
learned to walk.
and He smiled and stumbled to
His mama...
hands I gently held
now spiked and bleeding.
I cry as He cries
like those nights so long ago
when my comfort was all He needed...
and my baby...
promised baby weeps and bleeds.
and I have no comfort to offer
for He's hanging there for me.....




Today Toward Forever

Cold mornings...

alive with promise
and
reluctance.

hearts of servitude
and selfishness
scuffle to establish
dominance...

Prayers are whispered
then ignored
then remembered.
thoughts are pure
then vile
then pure...

and by the Spirit
I know what this
means.

Constant
for a time
yet
glinting with promise
of elimination
of everyhing
so structured
and obtuse...

to be replaced
in a Genesis
flash
of fire
to the earth and
the works therein.

new chance
to a dimension
where
enemies lie with
enemies
and ignore the past.

Like a statementwish you hadn't made.

like breaking the
heart of One
who loves you so.

and so begins the
new forever

cleansed...
bright
knowing




Knowing and Forgetting

Stillness...
so needed and desperate
yet elusive
unattainable.
mysterious.

Like an old friend in
a blurry memory with
a name you can't place.

like deja' vu

commanded...

"Be still and know"

"Still small voice"

desired
yet painful
and requiring sacrifice...

so we forget
like we forget about that old
friend
we still can't place...




Urgency

Urgency...

like a poets' muse
like a pastors' call

Urgency...

like a dying wish
like a tornado warning
like lust unsated

Urgency...

like the twinkling of an eye.
like a countries' sin.
like true repentance

Urgency...

like a midnight cry
like a beggar mourning
outside a Kings' locked door




The Wait

Minutes pass
then hours,years
onward to eternity.

and sometimes it's
like standing in a long line
that just
won't
move.

we look around casually
occasionally say a friendly word
but deep down this line
is the last place we want to be...
and we yearn to trade
this uncomfortable stand
for the comfort of Home.




Trial

anger
pain
confusion
anger
resentment
realization
guilt(godly sorrow)
repentance
forgiveness
mercy
peace...




Fools' Portrait

Paint a picture of a fool
out of a life
on a dusty canvas steeped
in sin.
each choice
is a stroke taken
and our pallette is
the will we fulfill...




Family Lament

Lament for a child
innocence denied

Lament
for a painted girl
nursing a smelly old man

Lament for
a mother
they told her boy he was a girl

Lament
for a society
that condones...

and sees no need
for a childs' innocence

and a need for painted girls

and believes a boy can be a girl...




Waterfall

Grace at flow
as a
waterfall of golden abundance

great riches
of highest mercy
flutters like the liquid wings
of Heavens' Dove

to light on the muddied
corpse of humanity

quickening,quickening

life leaps forth
abundant and overflowing
ever melting outward
as a blanket
on the whitened fields

all is You
all is You




What,Where

What is truth?

is it that small box of god
that we store in our cranial cellars?

is it those words
that we hurry through
then ignore?

is it the lusts that claw at our flesh
tearing us beyond self
recognition?

is it the smile we give the one
we hate?

the mud we sweep beneath the rug?

is it that bloody hand that reaches
out to hold us?

is truth that bloody gun we've thrown
into the river?

Where is truth when everything we
know is a lie?
everything is fallen, broken,
trampled

the truth is where You are.
the problem is the finding.
the wading through the mire of self.




Anger

Anger...
at times holy
at times wicked and bloodthirsty
as the jaws
of a beast.
often fleshly
but at the times the perfect vehicle
for His highest ideal




Pant

Need. ..

for nearer whispers
for ears in tune
with your Higher language

my eardrums are covered
at times
in will
at others in
the spongy gray matter of
uncertainty

paralyzed by this wanting
this crave
this desire to know
this stirring fire of yearning...




Sin In Sunbeam

Our sin
is as dust in a sunbeam...

constant.

yet blown away and replaced...

never completely clear.
but less visible
as it ventures nearer the Light...




T.V.

the media
crams evil
down little childrens' throats
and wonders
why they throw up hate

a child only eats what you feed it
so feed it what it needs

if a child eats garbage
its' insides bleed




Garden Poem

Paradise golden,lush,green
shattered by blackness of lie
now streaked,stained
blood and fear give color
to the darkness

Once upon a time
what was
now isn't and most
don't even care.

self punishment perhaps or
still
rebellion...

long yearn for whisper
in the cool of the day
contrasted by
traffic madness in
august heat

thorns,weeds,brow,tree

redemption wears the colors
of this night season...




Those Lost

for some
life
becomes a frightened symphony of
despair.
no anchors, no reason

sad sphere of indifference

spit at the wise mans' pages
mock the prophet in rags...




Confession

innocence poisoned
and veins clog
with murderers blood...

society rots
as the pleasured masses
cry
tolerate!tolerate!tolerate!

I gouge at my heart
with tears to
break the crusting fallow

I hate more that I love
and I ignore more than I
repent

and I want to change but
it seems I'm too lazy
and frightened to bear it




After the Flood

Quiet reflection...
revelling
in the calm that inevitably
follows the torm...

gentle breeze and light
melt slowly away
the memories of dark...

peace so calm
demands shame at
yesterday's fear




Ignoring Genesis

Divine instant...
and an infinity of idea
is jettisoned...

hovering Spirit emits light
encircling,engulfing,enclosing

world framed from none
and we grasp for another
be it chemical,hormonal,sexual...
paradise enthralls unless
created with roots and walls




Fallen

Black day in Jerusalem
and tears of blood
moisten the ground
once pure
unfallen
unfettered

this creation
very good
now laps up the
sacrifice of
the
Lamb
with thirst
wanton
and unsatiable

devouring the tears
of Heaven
like a wicked son
mocking the murder
of his father




Beginnings

the miles unfold
before me
and sunrise after sunrise
comes smoothly
dawning
in that orange milky haze
offering
a sinners chance
of new beginning...

age brings wisdom
supposedly
yet
nearer to me are
clearer revelations
of
depravitys'
depth
and the towering
monument
of
Grace




Morning Poem

Morning again
blessings new
fresh,blue

sunrise early
hearkens to memory
of a garden tomb

when all fear of eternal nothingness
lay unmasked and weeping

only to be
driven away by
the gentle touch
of Heavens' pierced




Wife's Love Poem

Wife's love
mirror and parallel
cool and comfortable
as utter forgiveness

glimpse dim darkly
of Heavens higher ideal




Hidden?

depravity
however imperceptible
or deeply burrowed
exists as truly
as the germ
in the mouth
of a rat...

sin
though hidden
like a vipers brood
is no less deadly
but moreso




Another Dark Poem

Season of black
spent groping, feeling
bumping into things

never able to find that switch
that would illumine

dark season of woe
and misery

playing frustrations' bride

your chastening hand
almost unbearable

in love with the deception
enthralled by the glamour of the
black

inflamed at the texture of the shackles




Depravity

a whispered lie is more appealing.
as opposed to the obvious
we would rather have those
hidden just below the message
just behind the glare

we love it when the forbidden
seems almost permissable

when the air of mystery
trickles like nektar
on Edens' fruit

yet sin is no less vile
than the stench of death
beneath the perfume on a corpse




Joshua at the park

I see in your face
a lonliness that mirrors my own
it may be the human condition
but I wonder what more?
perhaps self absorbtion
perhaps
like me
it's just the yearning
for something gray,
unknowable
distant




In need of merger

I quote a thousand verses
you give a cup to drink
I contemplate forgiveness
you as servant wash my feet
I recite the Nicene creed
you prostrate weeping for the lost
My mind explores theology
your heart says count the cost




Broken Air Conditioner

again the unyielding pressure
the squeeze,the push
the trials of life so called
yet seeming more like vicious
unearthly
oppression

tribulation worketh patience
yet what cost?

my last nerve is frazzled
my cynicism becomes nihilism
self loathing at my impatience
becomes self hatred
and nearly something other

I lash out at God
as a schoolboy
finally fed up
and fighting the
bully over his
milk money

how often the clenched fists of
a corpse
must be broken
to make it appear presentable

how can I be a judge
when I'm barely fit
to be a juror?

how can I see this
clear
through these timbers?




Hypocrites Lament

our actions declare we don't
love them...
of their dying
we're unconcerned...
our deeds say their
souls are worth nothing...
and we passively yawn
as they burn.
our zeal is as hay and stubble.
our passion is vanity.
and our heart as dead mens' bones
our fruit becomes thorns in a desert of stone.




Come

Let Your spirit
bring forh sweet poetry

let Thy words fall
like a cool mist
into our minds.
let our fevered thoughts
be broken and stilled
at the sound of Your voice




In The Flesh

times dry
and gray
hoping for a beam of light...

dust surrounds
and settles
because I'm too lazy to move

water is near
yet thorns and thistles
block the pathway to drink




Confusion #2

Why do I speak
when my words are as chaff
better suited
for dust and fire?
why do I talk
when my lips form dung
and ashes that should be salt




Abstract Psalm

Where! I cry
and start to die
as snakes wrap round my legs

Why! I yell
as fire from hell
leaps at you my words

When! I yearn
as eastward turn
lightning glimmer in my eyes

Mercy! I kneel
and dying to feel
sweet whispers from the skies




Struggle and Yearning

free though chained
to flesh and bone
alive though drained
and yearning for Home
sight though blind
eyes intentionally closed.
blood from the thorns
on a chastening rose




Creation

Angel whispers buzz...
and earth without form
and void
yearns for sky and sight...

and He spoke!

and light was...

and angels shuddered at His majesty.

spectators.

Grand Heavenly Display
and atoms swirl...
and lightning crackles.
and He touches
and atom and dust
become skin
and hair...

and water mixes with light
and becomes an eye.

and flesh beckons to the
Breath of Life...
and Love creates love.
and the body
rises to obey...




Poem for Taunya

a sweet love song
where the words never end...
an angels' smile...
most trusted friend.
bride to me
and a bride to be
we've trillions
of years to go...

seasons change
yet my love the same
with time it only grows...

sweet love divine
we feel by grace
from the Giver of all life

no greater love
on earthly plane
than for you as my wife...




Awe

Each unworthily
to heaven
is
a
miracle
of
miracles




In but not Of

we are hard pressed
on every side.
and they hate our God
like a gnat
that invades a comfortable space...

and though we are but
a dark glass reflecting
there is still enough shine
to ruffle dark feathers...

and no shield can extinguish
or dampen an eternal flame.
and no mask
can hide conviction...




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