Here Are Some Jokes

Q: How many Narns does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Six. One to screw in the lightbulb, and five to pound on the person telling this joke...

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Q: How many Vorlons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. The Vorlons need no light-bulbs. The Vorlons...ARE.

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Q: How many Drazi does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to do the job, and the other to make sure it's got the right wavelength.

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Q: How many Drazi does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Three. One denies the bulb is out, one asks for your lightbulb, and one hire raiders to smash all their neighbours' bulbs.

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Q: How many Pak' Ma' Ra does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Three, but it takes at least six days (the first one electrocutes himself trying to figure it out, and the other two wait to feast then change the bulb)

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Q: How many Vree does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None, but one ship will abduct a human to do it for them...

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Q: How many Vorlons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Three. A Drazi, a P'ak'ma'ra and a giraffe.

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Q: How many Vorlons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: "Three. One to screw the bulb, and one to not screw the bulb." "But...that's only two." "You do not understand."

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Q: How many Vorlons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: The lightbulb has always been here.

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Q: How many Vorlons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: "Yes" or "You are not yet ready for illumination..."

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Q: How many Drazi does it take to screw in a light bulb.

A: Two plus someone from another race, who screws in a white light bulb while the Drazi fight over purple lights and green lights.

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Q:How many Minbari does it take to change a light bulb?

A:The Minbari choose to avoid taking actions that would indicate a preference for the bulb as a means of seeking light over any other means of seeking light. However, the Minbari people would maintain a place of great honor for anyone seeking light via the bulb, and provide any assistance possible to support them in their quest, and would consider it a great honor to be invited to a ceremonial changing of the bulb.

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Q: How many Vorlons does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Change it into what?

Delenn's Top Ten Excuses for Avoiding John's cooking

10. I do not have time this morning John. Vir has made me an appointment with the best hairstylist on Babylon 5. He promises it will be quite a hair-raising experience.

9. I'm sorry John, the triluminary is not to be used for preparing spoo.

8. Oh no! You forgot to set aside a portion for Valen. Tradition requires that I donate mine.

7. I would rather discuss the religious significance of holey socks.

6. But we still have not consumed that Earth delicacy, fruitcake, your parents sent us for Christmas.

5. (to Lennier) I do not care if you have to set fire to the station, or announce the second coming of Valen! If you value my life, get me somewhere else!

4. John, you're not a Ranger. You don't have to live for The One, or fry for The One.

3. Look John! A comet!!! (food disappears, and she is heard to whisper softly) Thank you Spi..fy!

2. John, I never imagined you would take that "old sole" metaphor so literally. Phew!

And the number one excuse is:

Breakfast will not be necessary John. You have already given me something. *Morning sickness*! (Oops that's not an excuse, that's a reason:-)

Top Ten Things Delenn *Won't* Say on Her Wedding Night!

10. Sure, John. You make the flarn; I'll pour the wine.

9. But Lennier will only be here for the first night, I promise.

8. BOOM-shama-lama-lama!

7. Do you think we should call C&C, just to see if everything's okay?

6. Draal? What are you doing here??

5. That's funny. Sinclair never made *that* noise!

4. Can we watch Duck Dodgers? It gets me in "the mood."

3. Eee-yeww! What is THAT?

2. I promise, just *one* more ritual!

And the number one thing Delenn WON'T say on her wedding night is:

1. I'm sorry, dear. I have a headache.