"Damien Hirst tends to use everyday objects such as a shark in formaldehyde."
Fashion Commentator, Radio 4

"Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive, and skilful. And best of all it keeps them off the street."
Radio 1 Newsbeat

"Do you believe David Trimble will stick to his guns on decommissioning?"
Interviewer, UTV

"It was the fastest-ever swim over that distance on American soil." Greg Phillips,
Portsmouth News

"Well, you could count them on the fingers of less than one hand..." Jack Elder,
New Zealand Police Minister

"A fascinating duel between 3 men..."
David Coleman, Hammer Throw, World Athletics, BBC

"It has been the German Army's largest peacetime operation since World War 2"
ITN

"Israeli troops have this morning entered the Arab township of Hebron, in search of the perpetrators of the recent suicide bomb attacks"
CNN News

"Ian Mackie is here to prove his back injury is behind him"
Commentator at Spar Athletics

"Azinger is wearing an all black outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink 'tea-cosy' hat"
Renton Laidlaw

"The advantage of the rain is, that if you have a quick bike, there's no advantage"
Barry Sheene

"I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish"
Ian St John

"Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored"
Terry Venables

"The Croatians don't play well without the ball"
Barry Venison

"Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose"
Kevin Keegan

"I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's completely different"
Kevin Keegan

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it : you can see it all over their faces"
Ron Atkinson

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw"
Ron Atkinson

"The swimmers are swimming out of their socks."
Sharron Davies,BBC

"In cycling, you can put all your money on one horse."
Stephen Roche, Eurosport

"In life he was a living legend; in death, nothing has changed."
Live TV

"Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match."
Ian Wright, ITV

"And that was played by the Lindsay String Quartet... or at least two thirds of them."
Sean Rafferty, Radio 3

"Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball"
Ian St John

"They (Leeds) used to be a bit like Arsenal, winning by one goal to nil - or even less."
Nasser Hussain, Channel 5

"So, this movie you star in, The Life Story of George Best, tell us what it's about."
George Gavin, Sky Sport

Here are some of the foolish things that various football
commentators have uttered, and later wished they hadn't...



"The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even
on a sunny day."
(CHRIS JONES, Evening Standard)



"What will you do when you leave football, Jack -- will you stay in
football?"
(STUART HALL, Radio 5 Live)



"Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot."
(RAY WILKINS, speaking on BBC1)



"I've got a gut feeling in my stomach..."
(ALAN SUGAR, speaking on BBC1)


"I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in the
Premiership, but there are none better."
(RON AKTINSON in a TV interview)



"Johnson has revelled in the 'hole' behind Dwight Yorke..."
(Carling FA Premiership WWW Page)



"An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a
goal."
(DAVE BASSETT, speaking on Sky Sports)



"Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have
conceded a couple of goals."
(PETER WITHE, speaking on Radio 5 Live)



"You don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without
being able to score goals."
(ALAN GREEN, speaking on Radio 5 Live)



"What's it like being in Bethlehem, the place where Christmas began?
I suppose it's like seeing Ian Wright at Arsenal...."
(SIMON FANSHAWE, speaking on Talk Radio)



"And we all know that in football if you stand still you go
backwards..."
(PETER REID, Tyne Tees Sport Special)



"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for
goalies is between their legs..."
(ANDY GRAY, Sky Sports)



"The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's
eyes."
(STEVE COPPELL, Radio 5 Live)



"They [Rosenborg] have won 66 games, and they've scored in all of
them."
(BRIAN MOORE, ITV)



"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the
kitchen."
(TERRY VENABLES, Capital Gold)



"The lads really ran their socks into the ground."
(ALEX FERGUSON)



"He [Brian Laudrup] wasn't just facing one defender -- he was facing
one at the front and one at the back as well."
(TREVOR STEVEN, STV)



"It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday."
(Radio 5 Live)



"...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of
their nine goals."
(TONY GUBBA, BBC Match of the Day)



"...an excellent player, but he [Ian Wright] does have a black
side."
(GARY LINEKER, BBC)



"We say 'educated left foot'... of course, there are many players
with educated right foots."
(RON JONES, Radio 5 Live)



"That's twice now he [Terry Phelan] has got between himself and the
goal."
(BRIAN MARWOOD, Radio 5 Live)



"Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind
him..."
(KEVIN KEEGAN)



"Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money."
(NEWCASTLE UNITED FAN, Radio 5 Live)



"Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no
choice."
(KEVIN KEEGAN, Radio 5 Live)



"We threw our dice into the ring and turned up trumps."
(BRUCE RIOCH, ITV)



"And I suppose they [Spurs] are nearer to being out of the FA Cup
now than any other time since the first half of this season, when
they weren't ever in it anyway."
(JOHN MOTSON, BBC)



"... and he crosses the line with the ball almost mesmerically tied
to his foot with a ball of string..."
(IAN DARKE, Radio 5)



"I never make predictions and I never will."
(PAUL GASCOIGNE)



"And there's Ray Clemence looking as cool as ever out in the cold."
(JIMMY HILL)



"....and the news from Guadalajara where the temperature is 96
degrees, is that Falcao is warming up."
(BRIAN MOORE)



"If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect
the same thing again."
(TERRY VENABLES)



"I'm not a believer in luck..... but I do believe you need it."
(ALAN BALL)



"The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the
referee."
(MIKE INGHAM)



"I think that was a moment of cool panic there."
(RON ATKINSON)



"Beckenbauer really has gambled all his eggs."
(RON ATKINSON)



"Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his
sleeve."
(JOHN GREIG)



"I spent four indifferent years at Goodison Park, but they were
great
years." (MARTIN HODGE)



"Souness gave Fleck a second chance and he grabbed it with both
feet."
(JAMES SANDERSON)



"They have missed so many chances they must be wringing their heads
in shame."
(RON GREENWOOD)



"It's headed away by John Clark, using his head."
(DEREK RAE)



"Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win
this Cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs side."
(MIKE INGHAM)



"He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will
catch him."
(BOBBY ROBSON)



"The shot from Laws was precise but wide."
(ALAN PARRY)



"The game is balanced in Arsenal's favour."
(JOHN MOTSON)



"Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's
won't be any different."
(TREVOR BROOKING)



"Many clubs have a question mark in the shape of an axe-head hanging
over them."
(MALCOLM McDONALD)



"Tottenham have impressed me. They haven't thrown in the towel even
though they have been under the gun."
(BOBBY CHARLTON)



"You have got to miss them to score sometimes."
(DAVE BASSETT)



"Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut
forehead."
(TOM FERRIE)



"A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a
piece of paper saying you want to leave."
(JOHN HOLLINS)



"And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley......unless
somebody knocks us out."
(DAVE BASSETT)



"It was that game that put the Everton ship back on the road."
(ALAN GREEN)



"And Arsenal now have plenty of time to dictate the last few
seconds."
(PETER JONES)



"Bobby Robson must be thinking of throwing some fresh legs on."
(KEVIN KEEGAN)



"What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get the
ball they are attacking their opponents goal."
(JIMMY HILL)



"Celtic were at one time nine points ahead, but somewhere along the
road, their ship went off the rails."
(RICHARD PARK)



"That's football, Mike, Northern Ireland have had several chances
and haven't scored but England have had no chances and scored
twice."
(TREVOR BROOKING)



"...and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record."
(SPORTS ROUNDUP)



"In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale."
(JOHN LYALL)



"In comparison, there's no comparison."
(RON GREENWOOD)



"I would also think that the action replay showed it to be worse
than it actually was."
(RON ATKINSON)



"Mirandinha will have more shots this afternoon than both sides put
together."
(MALCOLM McDONALD)



"Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins."
(BRIAN MOORE)



"Football's not like an electric light. You can't just flick the
switch and change from quick to slow."
(JOHN GREIG)



"Certain people are for me and certain people are pro me."
(TERRY VENABLES)



"I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way."
(RON ATKINSON)



"And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0."
(IAN DARK)



"They have got their feet on the ground and if they stay that way
they will go places."
(JOHN GIDMAN)



"Being naturally right-footed he doesn't often chance his arm with
his left foot."
(TREVOR BROOKING)



"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the
air for even longer."
(DAVID ACFIELD)



"What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the
radio."
(Gerry Francis)



"If we played like this every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistent."

(Bryan Robson 1990)



"John Harkes going to Sheffield, Wednesday."
New York Post (1993)



"If there weren't such a thing as football, we'd all be frustrated
footballers."
(Mick Lyons)



"He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head."
(Derek Johnstone - BBC TV Scotland 1994)



"The crowd think that Todd handled the ball.... they must have seen
something that nobody else did."
(Barry Davies 1975)



"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel"
(Stuart Pearce 1992)



"They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Highway and he's nothing like
him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different"
(Kevin Keegan)



"Glen Hoddle hasn't been the Hoddle we know. Neither has Bryan
Robson."
(Ron Greenwood)



"There's no way Ryan Giggs is another George Best. He's another Ryan
Giggs."
(Denis Law)



"The only thing I have in common with George Best is that we come
from the same place, play for the same club and were discovered by
the same man."
(Norman Whiteside)



"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of
a lifetime for that prat."
(Ron Atkinson 1979)



"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the
all-yellow strip."
(John Motson - BBC TV)



"I don't think there is anybody bigger or smaller than Maradona."
(Kevin Keegan)



Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think
Germany has got of getting through?" Terry Venables: "I think it's
fifty - fifty"