First, a little background on some of the characters you are
about to meet:

Phil Dei was a local undertaker who hauled baggage in his hearse when business was slow. Phil slipped out of town late one night in 1884 leaving behind a wife, children and unpaid bills.

Chrysler was the town drunk. He and his is female counterpart, Chicken Mary, were regularly featured the the Recorder's Court column.

Bob Ingersoll was an atheist and well known speaker around the country.

In spite of the dirty politics, the postmaster soon lost his prestigious position to the editor of the San Antonio LIGHT.

Playing fireman to avoid jury duty just won't work in Bexar county. January 1881

A cow belonging to Mr. Paul Moreaux burglarized the premises of a Mexican tailor on Soledad Street last night, but fell into a hole in the yard and was found there this morning so badly injured as to require killing. January 1881

State vs. Elwood: Embezzlement of a mule. January 1881

The old maids club of the 4th ward will hold their regular meeting on the full moon of the month. February 1881

Are you dead? If so, remember that Phil Dei's stock of coffins and burial cases is complete, and your particular taste can be satisfied. We could never take any pleasure in writing a puff for an undertaker, but Phil Dei is an exception, and if you want to see his countenance brighten up on a dull business day, just whisper to him quietly that an invalid, from New York, is dying at the Menger; and to see Phil's enterprise--how he hustles around, and gets acquainted with the friends of the dying man, and talks up the numerous advantages of his burial cases, is as good as a circus. He can shed more tears as he drives a hearse to the graveyard, and laugh quicker on his return, than any undertaker we ever met. We propose to keep on the good side of Phil Dei because we want him to do the shedding of tears at our funeral, for we know no one else will. February 1881

Those unsightly things known as billboards have been removed from our Plazas. March 1881

Yielding to the influence of the spirit of the times, Major Lerich has been imbued with the desire to improve. He has torn down the old pen used for a dance floor at San Pedro Springs, and in its place he has erected a hall 40'x70' with a stage, suitable for theatricals, sociable parties, or dancing. The Major introduces a feature that is somewhat novel; he is resting the entire building on rubber car springs so when dancing it will necessitate the keeping of time with the music. March 1881

It appears that our friend, Chrysler and Mr. Ed Rische's wooden Indian got into a fight this morning; result--the Indian lost an arm and Chrysler was arrested for assault and battery. Rische doesn't enjoy the joke. April 1881

Senora Maria Leonarda Montes de Cadena has died at age 79. She was a native San Antonian. She danced with Crockett, Bowie, Travis, and their compatriots before the fall of the Alamo. She witnessed the fall. April 1881

The passenger fare last Sunday between Galveston and Houston was ten cents for the round trip. That kind of railroad fare is fun for the public. May 1881

A letter mailed at Beeville [less than a three hour trip today] on the twelfth arrived here on the seventeenth. This is one of our expedited routes. May 19, 1881

We are becoming metropolitan in our customs--at least one suicide or murder per day. June 1881

Mr. Milburn began putting in telephones for the telephone exchange today. June 1881

Our streets are simply horrible. The mud, slush and filth through which people are compelled to travel completely undoes every advantage, superiority or pleasure we may claim for our city. The mud prevails everywhere, and wet feet, bad colds and general ailments also prevail. If our city was not, naturally, the healthiest place in the world, a pestilence might be bred in 24 hours from our miserable streets. A wood paved street, with proper surface drainage, would be a perfect pleasure. January 1882

District Attorney Locke is no doubt an eloquent advocate, but we wish he would not roar so much. Yesterday his impressive eloquence in addressing court was distinctly heard by bystanders on Soledad street. January 1882

We have called attention, several times, to the location of undertaker shops on Commerce Street. Three of these establishments are to be found within a stone throw of each other in the very heart of the business section of Commerce street, where thousands of people, young and old, pass daily, subjected to a display of the ghastly belongings of the grave. We have appealed to the good taste of the gentlemen engaged in this business, but they only smile at our suggestions. January 1882

Annie Watson did not die of malarial intoxication as previously reported. She was a very temperate lady. Her cause of death should have been listed as malarial toxicohoemia (blood poisoning). January 1882

His honor must have a bad cold or he would smell the sewer north of the Commerce street bridge. It stinks almost as bad as the present city administration, and ought to be disinfected. January 1882

The city marshall wants the city to reimburse him for goods stolen from his desk in the police office. February 1882

A Mexican woman residing in San Antonio recently found that one of her daughters, who was being "courted," as the term is, was in a fair way to become a mother before being a wife. She was too wise to give the seducer into custody for suppositious assault, but she went and offered him the alternative of marriage or prison, and the love of the erring couple now has the sanctification of marriage. February 1882

"Get out, you miserable pauper of the universe! Go crawl into some rathole of everlasting nothingness!" said Mr. Talmadge in his Sunday sermon, alluding in his genial way to Bob Ingersoll, the "champion blasphemer of America." February 1882

We had the pleasure of meeting Dr. F.C. Lawrence, of the Rio Grande, this morning, who, according to the EXPRESS newspaper's account of an affray at the Devil's River, was killed. He looked remarkably well for a dead man, and had no knowledge of his demise. February 1882

Professor Rote advocated whipping in the public schools. Whipping is a relic of barbarism. February 1882

It seems that the bulletin board set up in the post office inviting patrons to complain to the postmaster is a regular trap to catch the unwary, as the postmaster gives the complainant a piece of his mind for daring to complain. So says a patron. February 1882

A gentleman, who overate himself at the Presbyterian supper last night, enclosed an extra half dollar to one of the lady managers this morning. It's the only case on record of conscience money paid to a church festival. Out of respect to the family, we will not mention the name of the gentleman. February 1882

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