Disclaimer:      The   Scott   Family   Klan   belongs   to   Marvel   and   all   their   twisted   writers.      Jerry   and   his   show   belongs   to   him   and   the   WB.      The   only   things   that   belong   to   me   are   the   SWAT   team,   the   last   couple,   and   the   audience.      Please   do   not   sue   me,   I   have   no   money.      All   I   have   is   my   computer   and   three   way   over   due   rentals.

Topic Today: Complicated & Confusing Romances

(fades in)

(audience applauds)

Jerry Springer: Welcome to the show today, our guests today claim that they have the most complicated and confusing romances the world has ever known. (audience cheers) Of what my producers tell me, this married couple share the same controverisal occupation (audiences hisses at the word "controversial" - Jerry turns to the audience) Now come on I have a controversial occupation (audience laughs and applauds) every guest deserves the benefit of the doubt.(turns back to the camera) Let's make them feel right at home and give a big "Jerry Springer" welcome to Scott and Jean Grey Summers. (loud applause) Thank you for being on the show.

Jean:(holding Scott's hand affectionately) The pleasure is all ours, Jerry.

Jerry: (looks them over and surprised expression appears on his face as he notices that they are completely clothed in spandex and begins to look over his cards again) Are you sure you are on the right episode? Next month is "Our pimp introduced us, we fell in love, and you can't do anything about it!" show.

Scott: (horrified) We're not prostitutes! Why would you even think that?

Jerry: (looking them over again) Well for one thing you two are wearing one piece spandex suits. What other reason would there be to wear those outfits?

Jean: I can answer that but I'd have to reveal a secret, not to Scott but to you and the audience, Jerry.

Jerry: Well Jean what's this secret?

Jean: We're mutants. (audience gasps) Not just that but we're members of the X-Men (audience gasps again) and these are our uniforms.

Scott: (whispering to Jean) Why did you tell them that? We're not suppose to reveal our identities.

Jean: (whispering back) Honey, we revealed it to the producer and besides this is the "Jerry Springer Show", that's what we're suppose to do. (readdressing Jerry) Do we qualify for this episode now?

Jerry: (glares at one of his producers for not writing everything on the cards. He receives a gesture from his some what French producer to just continue on and turns back to the couple, laughing a little) Well for this show's standards, you just made it. It says here on my cards that you two met when you were teenagers?

Scott: That's correct, Jerry. (glancing at Jean) We both joined the X-Men when we were very young and that's how we met. When I first saw Jean I knew that I was in love. (audience aww's) She was the only girl on the team at the time and with the others fighting for her attention I don't why she was ever interested in me.

Jean: Because I knew I loved you. ( leans in to kiss him. The audience aww's a bit louder and a bit longer than before and as they do she whispers so that only Scott can hear her) and you'll do anything I say.

Scott: I loved you too, Jean. (audience aww's again and he whispers back) Can I do anything you say later?

Jean: ( she slightly nods and turns back to Jerry) Over the years we have had to struggle past rather odd, even for the X-Men and this show, obstacles but it only ever made our love grow stronger.

Jerry: (a little surprised) Odd? For this show? Would you like to tell us about it?

Scott: Well, I guess one of the odder one's is when Jean died....

Jerry: (interrupting) Died? But she's right there...

Jean: (laughs) This is where things begin to get complicated. On a mission I sacrificed myself to save the team and was possessed by an alien entity called the "Phoenix". It was okay for awhile....

Scott: ...then my guess is that the "Phoenix" entity was luring Jean over to the dark side and to....

Jean: make sure that I didn't hurt anyone I cared about, I killed myself.

Jerry: (scratching his head with the card for a moment) You two really are married, aren't you? (everyone laughs and Scott blushes a little realizing that they had just finished each other's sentences) I'd like to bring out another guest which I'm told has connections with the both of you. Here is...

( the mirror image of Jean walks out on stage and waves to the audience which is now in shock seeing the resemblance. She doesn't even get half way across before Jean jumps at her and they wrestle each other on the floor. After a few seconds of hair tugging, three security guards appear to separate the cat fight. The audience begins in the chant "Jerry! Jerry!" as the three guards separate the two women and they glare at each other with much yelling, when all of a sudden the guards get thrown with a telekinetic blast and the cat fights resumes until Scott walks over and pulls Jean away, barely escaping the same fate as the guards. Scott sits Jean at his side and the other woman with a smirk on her face straightens her clothes and takes a seat on the opposite side of Scott.)

Jerry: (addressing the new arrival) Your name is Madelyne Pryor?

Madelyne: Yes, that's right Jerry.

Jerry: Madelyne do you know why Jean is so angry with you?

Madelyne: That's simple Jerry. She's a home wreaking slut.

(Scott restrains Jean as he she begins to stand up)

Jean: You're the bleeping bitch that stole my husband! (the crowd boos)

Madelyne: Your husband? He was married to me when you came bleeping back! (crowd boos louder)

Jean: But he was in love with me first and then you stepped in and took my place!

Madelyne: No one keeps a rough draft when he can have perfection.

(Jean jumps at Madelyne again and four guards step in to separate them. The audience begins another chant of "Jerry! Jerry!" as the two women are brought back to their seats, Jean triumphantly waving a long strand of Madelyne's hair.)

Jerry: (noticing the obvious resemblance between the two) You two look so much alike, are you twins?

Madelyne: (in a snide tone) You could say that, Jerry.

Jerry: Scott, is it true that you married both these ladies? (Scott nods and the audiences boos thinking he had married them at once) And I can only assume that you left Madelyne for Jean?

Scott: Well yes Jerry, I did leave her for Jean (audience boos thinking he left one sister for another) but only because I love Jean dearly.

Madelyne: You left me and your son! (audience boos louder than ever before)

Jean: He didn't leave Nathan you bitch, you kidnapped him because you were bleeping jealous! (the audience is speechless)

Madelyne: I was not jealous!

Jean: You just weren't jealous either! You were insane! Great mother you would have been... besides Scott and me raised him anyway. (the audience applauds and begins to like Scott again, knowing he's not a dead beat dad)

Madelyne: And you nearly killed him, giving him that techno - organic virus. (audience gasps in horror)

Scott: Jean didn't do that, Apocalypse did! And we made sure he got well.

Jerry: (he and the audience is relived) Can I ask how?

Scott: Well it's complicated but since that's the topic of the show... the virus Nathan received was incurable here so we had to send him to the Askani Sisterhood to be treated.

Jerry: Who or what are the Askani Sisterhood?

Jean: They are a group of women three thousand years in the future. They took Nathan so he would survive and be guided to fulfilling his destiny by killing Apocalypse.

Jerry: (scratching his cheek) So basically you gave your son, Nathan, to a religious sect thousand years in the future?

Jean: (softly) Sort of... (angry and horrified boos from the crowd) but we had no choice! It was that or he would have died! It's not like we wanted to!

Jerry: Let's say, we bring out Nathan. (audience applauds as Cable walks out. He seems rather upset about something and sits down a distance away from the others) Are you Nathan?

Cable: Yeah, but I would prefer you call me 'Cable' like everyone else.

Jerry: Okay Cable, (looking at him) How can it be even be possible that you are any of these people's child, you seem much older than them?

Cable: (still sad but answers as if he has explained it a million times before) I was raised three thousand years in the future. I left my time at this age and traveled back. If you think about it, I should still be a little boy.

Jerry: (noticing Cable's expression) What's wrong you seem upset about something? Is it seeing your parents argue?

Cable: Hell no, that doesn't bother me. I said I should be a little boy not that I am one! It's that your damn guards... wouldn't let me bring my gun out.

Jerry: (nervously) I see... so what are your feelings about being basically abandoned by your parents when you were small and given to a strange religious sect?

Cable: Abandoned? I was raised for ten years by them two over there, and of what I heard they were taken away on their Honeymoon. Now that's dedication. I don't even think I'd do that for my son,(pausing) what am I talking about, sure I would.

Jerry: (surprised) You have a son?

Cable: Yeah, but I'm not going to talk about him on national TV. This is about their screwed up relationship not mine, even though mine wasn't screwed up. And another thing, I wasn't taken by a strange religious sect. Jerry, you have to check your facts, because my sister was the founder of the 'Sisterhood.' Sure she's a bit strange but that's beside the point.

Jerry: Your sister?

Scott: He's talking about Rachel. She's our first born, I think.

Jerry: Well I'm intrigued... we'll bring out Rachel after our commercial break. (audience applauds)

(fades out)

(commercials includes one for "1 800 US LAWYER", one of those Intel commercials with the dancing lab technicians, and one saying "Behold the Power of Cheese.")

(fades in)

(audience applauds)

Jerry: Today we are talking to Jean and Scott Summer's about their complicated romance. We just met Scott's former lover, Madelyne and his child from that marriage, Cable. We are about to meet another one of their children, Rachel. (turning to Rachel, who's sitting next to Cable, a smart distance away from the feuding trio) It's nice to have you here.

Rachel: It's nice to be here, Jerry.

Jerry: Rachel, this appears to be the question of the segment, would you like to tell us whose child you are?

Rachel: No. ( a puzzled look appears on Jerry's face as she laughs) I'm just kidding, that's why I'm here, to add more fuel to the fire. (taking a deep breath) I'm Scott and Jean's daughter from an alternate future that will never happen because I went back in time and stopped a crucial event from occurring.

Jerry: Well, (pausing for a moment as to accept what he just heard) after you stopped the alternate future from happening what did you do, considering you couldn't go back?

Rachel: (taking another deep breath) Well, after I finished my mission my mother died and I took her code name as Phoenix and joined the team for a while. After sometime I returned to the future but not my own. I founded the 'Sisterhood' and when I received word that my half brother, I guess that's what he is, was infected with the techno virus, I went back and got him. After that I brought Jean and Scott to the future to raise him. (Looking over at Cable) Of course Jerry, sometimes I wonder if I should have taken more normal parents to raise him. (whispering to Cable) I'm sorry about that whole cloning Stryfe thing, it was a precaution. I didn't think he would align himself with Apocalypse.

Cable: (whispering to Rachel) Yeah, I know it was a precaution just in case I died but he's gone so let's drop it. It's more entertaining watching them. Ten bucks we see blood.

Rachel:(whispering back) Deal, but it's only five if it's Jean or Madelyne. (Cable nods)

Jerry: (lipping to one of his producers "How's the ratings?" He smiles a little) We have to take another commercial break but when we come back we'll bring out Christopher Summers. (audience applauds)

(fades out)

(commercials include one "Got Milk?" advertisement, one "Judge Mills Lane" commercial, and a Japanese anime commercial)

(fades in)

(audience applauds)

Jerry: We're back and we're talking about strange romances and the strange off spring included in them. Talking about off spring he have Christopher Summers, the father of Scott and the father - in - law to Jean. (camera pans to Corsair sitting close to his son) It's good to have you.

Corsair: Good to be here.

Jerry: What do you have to say about everything you just heard?

Corsair: I really shouldn't talk since my life is far from normal but (turning to Scott) son, you have a really twisted existence. I didn't know how truly bizarre your life was until today.

Scott: At least I don't abandon my children to go cruising the galaxy with my pirate friends!

Corsair: (a little hurt) I couldn't come back Scott and you know that! After the Shi'ar killed your mother I had to run, besides I didn't even know if you had survived!

Scott: You didn't try hard to find out...

Jerry: (confused) Umm... I think that we are missing some important facts....

Corsair: (still hurt) Jerry, many years ago I took my whole family flying when an aliens race called the Shi'ar abducted me and his mother. Before we were abducted the plane had caught on fire and I put Scott in the only remaining parachute and tied his brother, Alex to him and shoved them out to be safe. Then we were taken, I don't want to talk about the rest, it's too painful for me still, but a while after everything, I was befriended by a group called the Starjammers and we have been together ever since.

Scott: (shocked) Painful for you... I was the one that had to grow up in an bleeping orphanage, being mocked every bleeping day because I was bleeping different! I couldn't play....

Cable: (leans close to Rachel and whispers) any of the reindeer games...

Rachel: (whispering back, holding back the laugh) Hush will you and watch. I think that there might be a shoving match in three... two..

Scott: ....with the other children. I had to stay all by my bleeping lonesome and think about how much of a bleeping hero I thought my father was... then I found out he was a bleeping space pirate and then on bleeping "Jerry Springer" he bleeping tells me I have a bleeping twisted existence. I'm sorry dad I'm not going to bleeping take that!

Rachel: One

(Scott shoves Corsair almost knocking him off the chair. Corsair regains his balance and doesn't shove back. Scott shoves him again and the crowd begins to chant, when security finally comes out after five good close up camera angles and breaks them up, Corsair moves his chair away from his son)

Corsair: (very hurt) I didn't think my own son would shove me, I was bleeping wrong.

Jerry: (looking at his card) We have three more guests for this segment so let's just....(looking at his some what French producer and lips "What? Two canceled? Who? Why? Oh, I see...") Well, I just got word we have one more guest to this segment due to the fact that Alex, Scott's brother and Nathaniel, (Scott, Jean, Madelyne, and Cable's heads pick up at that name) an old acquaintance to the family, has canceled due to conflicting scheduling plans. (an uneasy look is passed from Jean to Scott to Cable at the term "conflicting scheduling plans") So I'm going to move this along and bring out the final guest to this segment. (X-Man walks out and looks around confused and takes a seat next to Corsair) Welcome to the show, you are?

X-Man: My name is Nate Grey.

Jerry: Grey? So you're related to Jean?

X-Man: Yes, she's my mother.

Jerry: (looking to Jean in amazement) You look good for a person whose had two children. (Jean blushes a little)

X-Man: Jerry, you've made a mistake. (Jerry turn back to X-Man looking over his cards) I'm Jean Grey's son but from a different timeline, a timeline that's never going to happen.

Madelyne: (leaning back in her chair) At least I can have children in this timeline.... (Jean jumps at her and topples the chairs as Cable and Rachel watch the cat fight from a safe distance After a while, five security guards come out and struggle to pull the two apart. Finally, they're separated and Madelyne waves piece of Jean's hair) Now we're even bitch! (Jean struggles against the guards again but Scott convinces her to calm down)

Jerry: (sitting on the steps with his head in his hands as some members of the audience are patting him on the back for reassurance, he looks up to the heavens as to ask why and then gazes down to see if the fighting has been contained) Are we calm now?

X-Man: (startled a little at the outburst) What kind of show is this?

Jerry: A very unstable one as of late... (the audience cheers)

X-Man: (still confused) I don't even belong here. You see, my timeline was destroyed and I somehow was transported to this dimension. I actually barely know these people in this dimension.

Jerry: (allowing X-Man to finish, turns to the camera) We're running behind so, I'm going to take another commercial break and then I'll bring out next couple, Bob and Jody! (audience applauds)

(fades out) (commercials include "Next on Jerry Springer... 'I'm not going to be in this triangle anymore... you have to choose!'," a commercial advertising a free copy of "The Book of Mormon" from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and a commercial for the "Jerry Springer" tape collection.) (fades in) (audience applauds)

Jerry: Welcome back and we are talking about strange romances and who's involved in them. Let's meet our next couple. They've driven all the way here to Chicago from their trailer park in Mississippi, so let's give them a big welcome. (audience applauds like trained seals waiting for a juicy fish) It's good that you've come all this way to be on the show today.

Bob: ( he's wearing a Confederate flag T-shirt one size too small for him revealing his hairy belly hanging over his ripped and dirty blue jeans) Thank ya, Jerry. I justa like to say that I love this woman.(hugs Jody - a some what disgusted but yet sincere awww comes from the audience)

Jerry: So how did you meet Jody, Bob?

Bob: I've a known Jody all ma life.

Jerry: And how is that?

Bob: She's my Mah's sister. (audience gives a disgusted boo)

Jean: At least she's not the puppet to an evil scientist. (Madelyne leaps toward Jean knocking the chair back causing them to tumble behind everyone. The "Jerry" chant begins as the guards pull them apart and replace the chair.)

Jerry: (giving second glances at Jean and Madelyne, addressing Jody) Don't you find it wrong in the slightest bit to be in a relationship with your nephew?

Jody: ( she wearing a trashy top, one size too small, and daisy dukes showing her, pale and flabby, thighs) Ya'll leave Bob alone ya hear, 'cause you people have never heard of true love. I've been a love with this man since he was seven years old! (the audience, now a little horrified but not shocked considering what show they're on, boos again)

Bob: That's right, Jerry. I finally knew she loved me when I was seven years old... I'll never forget that day.

Jerry: Did she do something special for you, Bob? (sarcasm entering his tone) Like put candles on your birthday cake? Or let you stay up all night?

Bob: No nuthin' like that. I knew she loved me the day she stopped being ma pimp. (audience is horrified further and send out general gasps, boos, and shouts) She a told me she wanted me all to herself from then a on I've been.(ends rather proudly)

Scott: (bitterly) Bob's father probably abandoned him, too.

Corsair: How many times do I have to tell you? I didn't abandon you on purpose, son!

Scott: (standing up) Don't call me, son! (he shoves Corsair again. This time Corsair on standing, shoves Scott back. Scott leaps at him and they wrestle on the floor until two security guards come out. *Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!* chants fill the sound stage, and there is a faint and short lived chant of *ECW* heard from the direction of four college age boys in front row as Corsair and Scott sit back in their seats. Corsair's red and black jacket's torn but he smirks a little seeing Scott is bleeding from above one eye.)

Corsair: That's what you get for fighting with me, Scott.

Jean: (turns Scott's head to face her and touches the blood and then glares at her father - in - law) You hurt my husband you bleeping bastard! (Corsair goes flying with a burst of telekinetic energy across the sound stage. X-Man ducks as the body flies above his head) That's bleeping better! (audience is a little confused but then starts up the Jerry chants)

(Rachel begins to dig through her pockets and hands Cable a ten dollar bill. )

Cable: (watching X-Man's surprised look as Corsair is assisted back to the dressing rooms, shakes his head) I can't believe he's be counter part.

Jerry: (waving his hands to the crowd) Calm down everyone. (turning to Cable) Your counter part? You mean your twin? (leaning his head to one side) But that doesn't make any sense....

X-Man: Well Jerry, maybe I can explain. In my timeline he (pointing to Cable) didn't exist, because basically I'm him. We're genetic doubles, completely the same, if you ignore the fact that he has the techno virus.

Jerry: (adding) And that you're much younger than him.

Cable: (shrugging his shoulders) Well technically Jerry, he's older than me, if go by my birthdate.

Jerry: (putting his head in his hands in confusion) But how can you be genetic doubles when Nate said that his mother is Jean and you said your's is Madelyne.

Rachel: (answering for Cable) Simple Jerry, Madelyne's a clone of Jean, hence same genetic code. Meaning, with the same father the children would be exactly the same.

Jerry: That's explains the resemblance between Jean and Madelyne and why both their children have the same name... (turning to Scott, a shocked look across his face) Wait a second, you married your first love's clone and saw nothing wrong with it?

Scott: I didn't even notice. (audience hisses)

Jerry: That's even worse than Bob and Jody over here.

Bob: (in a small voice) Jerry... Jerry.... I'd like to say something to Jody.

Jerry: (turning to Bob) Well, Bob since this is your segment, go ahead.

Bob: (pulls a box from his pocket and opens it to show a ring, and kneels down in front of Jody) Will ya marry me?

Madelyne: (turning to the couple) Don't do it, Jody. He'll leave you in a heart beat and never tell you why.

Jean: That's it, I've had it with your bleep, (she stands up and walks in front of Madelyne. Scott follows Jean and grabs her shoulder to coax her back to her seat. Feeling his hand on her shoulder, she shoves him down to the ground with a telekinetic blast. "Jerry" chants begin again.)

Madelyne: You want to say something to be you *bleeping* whore.

(Jean kicks her chair and sends her toppling backwards. She continues to kick Madelyne until she is tripped and falls to the ground where they roll about behind the chairs. General hair pulling, scratching, slapping, and screaming is observed. All the security comes out, knowing that they're telekinetics, to break them apart.)

Cable: (Watching all of the guards occupied lifts up one of the vacant chairs with his telekinetic powers and flings it across the stage) I've always wanted to do that on this show. (He brushes away an imaginary tear as he realizes he's fulfilled his "Jerry Springer Chair Throwing" fantasy.)

X-Man: (nearly getting hit with the flying chair, stands up and walks very calmly to Cable, not knowing he didn't mean to hit him) You nearly hit me you bleeping mother bleep

Cable: (smiling calmly) Hearing about some of your past flings I'd say you were the mother *bleep*. (X-Man slugs Cable in the face only making him smile more) And that's my other dream. (he counter punches X-Man hard in the face)

(Rachel, very calmly, walks toward the audience and stands behind Jerry, out of harms way. In only a few short seconds, boths Nates are wrestling each other on the floor, each one enjoying themselves a little. Scott stands up, after Jean had shoved him, trying to direct his attention away from fact that his wives and his sons are fighting each other on the floor, sees Bob and Jody making out, utterly disgusting him)

Scott: (walking over) Don't you two have any decency? (yelling at Bob) She's you're aunt, you shouldn't be doing this. (turning to Jody) And you... I just don't know what to say... you're just bleeping sick, at least he can say.....

Bob: (standing, challenging Scott) You don't talk like that to ma woman, you hear?

Jody: (tugging on Bob's shirt) It's okay Bob, let's do what the bleeping Mutie bleeping wants, he'll turn us into bleeping toads if we bleeping don't.

Bob: Okay, but honey can I watch his bitches wrestle in those tight, tight outfits then?

Scott: (grabbing Bob, by the collar of his shirt, lifts him up and flings him as far as he can) You don't call me wife a bitch!

(Bob begins to sits up as Scott leaps at him. Pinning his shoulders to the ground, Scott begins to pummel him not realizing that Jody is about to strike from behind. Seeing this, Rachel smiles and charges at Jody knocking her to the ground.)

Rachel: Fighting ignorant rednecks in front of a national audience, it's just like my dream last night. (she begins to kick Jody in the face, and remembering from Jean's mistake earlier, she's quite careful not to allow Jody to grab either of her legs.)

(The audience is on their feet applauding and chanting Jerry's name. Many are laughing, as each and every member of the panel is now somehow involved in a fight. Chants grow louder and louder as the cameramen pull in for closer shots and the some what French producer slides unseen behind them and approaches Jerry)

Producer: (covering the mic so that the conversation isn't picked up) These are de highest rating ever! We just beat "Oprah", "Judge Judy", and "De View" combined, ten times over! We have to have mutants on more often.

Jerry: How much time do we have left?

Producer: Enough to do some questions from de audience and then de Final Thought.

Jerry: What about them? (motioning to the chaos on stage)

Producer: Call a commercial break and we'll send out de SWAT team to separate them.

Jerry: We have a SWAT team?

Producer: Remember de show "My girlfriend is doing tricks for my best friend when I'm her pimp." (Jerry nods) Second segment.

Jerry: ah, I remember now, that one girl had been working for all of them and then they fought for her, okay. (the Producer sneaks back away and looking straight into the camera.) We're going to take our last commercial break and then a final thought.

(fades out)

(commercials include that Rayband commercial with the vampires, a Psychic Friends Hotline, and a "I Can't believe it's not Butter" commercial.)

(fades in)

Jerry: If you are just joining us, you missed a very interesting show. (everyone is seated some what calmly and the chaos of earlier has been handle. One of the guards is helping Jody back to her seat as she cradles her arm) These people or at least four of them say that they have the most confusing and complicated romances ever. I'm going to take questions from the audience. (moves over to an over - weight black woman in a red dress) Yes, your question?

Black Woman: This is for Jean. Why are you even with him? You could do so much better. (Jean begins to speak but gets cut off) Honey, you need to dump that zero and find yourself a hero! Kick him to the curb! (sits down as the audience applauds)

Jean: I love my husband dearly and I'm not leaving him. The only thing I might do is kick that scrawny bitch's ass again! (audience applauds idea)

Madelyne: (taunting Jean a little) Bring it on. (smiles) Maybe you should tell everyone who was winning during the commercial break!

Jean: (shrugging her shoulders) Sure... me! (Madelyne gets up and the guards very quickly grabs her and brings her back to her seat.)

Jerry: Another question...(handing the mic to one of the college boys that had been chanting "ECW" before)

Boy: This is for Jody. I think Scott's right, you need to get some professional help. First of all, you're involved with family. Secondly, you fell in "love" with him when he was seven. And lastly, you were his pimp before that. You definitely have some issues to sort out. (audience claps as he sits down)

Jody: (her eyes widen and her nose twitches a moment in anger) Who do... who do... who do you think you... you are anyhows? A shrink?

Boy: (shouting from his seat, just louder enough to be heard on air) Third year in my studies, sister!

(Jerry runs over to an attractive woman in her late thirties and hands her the mic)

Woman: Cable? (Cable looks up from his daydreaming) You're an attractive man and I was wondering if you weren't seeing anybody you and I could maybe...

Jerry: (with a smile) This is a talk show not "The Dating Game."

Cable: It's okay Jerry. (addressing the woman, as politely as he possibly could) You seem nice and all but as a matter of fact I am seeing someone and I don't want to give off the wrong impression since I think she's probably...(thinking for a moment) I *know* she's absolutely watching today, so I'm sorry, I can't. (the woman sits down and he lips "Hi Dom, this is why I didn't take you" in the camera)

Jerry: Okay, one last comment. ( he holds the mic in front of a man in his late forties, standing next to his wife, holding her hand)

Man: Scott, you are just a no good, womanizing, ingrate! I would never leave my wife if my first love came back because I promised in the presence of God to cherish her always! (audience applauds) And what you did to your father is unforgivable! He loses his wife, thinks his children are dead, finds comfort in his new friends and you keep bringing up the fact that you suffered! That man saved your life and you repay his by shoving him until he has no other choice than to finally strike out against you! If I was your father I would have kicked your ass instead of just scratching you! (he sits down as the audience cheers)

Scott: But you don't under.....

(He's cut off as the camera focuses on Jerry, standing in front of that ugly modern art painting, with the microphone under his chin)

Jerry: The Final Thought. What lessons have we learned today? Maybe one of those lessons are that we shouldn't get ourselves tangled up in complicated and often times painful webs when we find ourselves in love. Maybe it's best to stay clear from situations like these and as hard as it may seem, leave those relationships early before we find ourselves too deeply involved. Love and the feeling of love are the most complicated emotions in human nature and maybe it is for the best that emotion reign as the most complicated thing in a relationship.

Jean: (whispering to Scott) Is he saying that I should have left you?

Scott: (whispering back) I think so, honey.

Jean: (still whispering) I suddenly don't like this show as much as I did before.

Jerry: Maybe it is for the best to learn everything about a man or a woman before getting emotional involved and then weigh all of the information on the scale in our mind to decide whether it would be even a good idea to spend time with that person. Another lesson may be to treat your family as it is, your family and not allow yourself to see another member of your family to become a love interest in your eyes. Maybe we should treat children as they should be treated, as children and not sexual toys to be rented out to strangers. There may be more lessons that we should speak about brought up on this show today. Lessons such as the horrors of discrimination, the beauty of commitment, proper child care, respect for our parents, and the general use of common sense when faced with such situations, have been taught today through example. Please take care of yourself and each other. (audience applauds)

(fades out)

This story has been read times since 21 November 1998.

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