God, what the heck is wrong with me? My life is so messed up, I just dont get it. I don't miss Taylor. It's like, he's gone, but I don't care.
I have no clue why though! I mean, I realize that he's not here, but I am so happy here back in california I am just like "woowoo! no probs!"
I think I am totally regretting ever having sex with him. Maybe it was a horny moment chosen by him, but I'm not sure. This is so scary. I didn't want to do it but I mean, I would do anything for him. Maybe this means that I'm really insecure or something. I don't know. I don't want to be dependent on him, but I guess thats not true because I am SO fine with out him. I don't know what to do, I don't even feel like calling him. I'm so messed up. Ugh.
Lindsay
I couldn't just not call him for two weeks, when he had been trying to get in touch with me so badly. He had left 5 messages and I hadn't ven cared to call him back. I figured I should just call him and then whatever happened or whatever I said would be done.
"Hello?" It was Taylor.
"Hi, Tay."
"Linds! Where have you been I have left 5 messages!"
"I know, I am like, really busy."
"Whats the matter you sound sort of distant."
"Uh, nothing really."
"So, what are we gonna do when you get back?" He asked with just a touch of perversedness in his voice and I just couldn't take it any more.
"Look, Taylor. I don't want to do that any more."
"Huh?"
"It's gotten out of hand and you probably just did it to defy your parents."
"No I didn't!"
"Come on Tay, you can be honest with me!"
"I was not! You were part of that too!"
"I know, I know." I sighed. "Look I don't want to do that ok? We're too young."
"I didn't think I'd ever hear you say that."
"Look just forget it ok, I'm just really tired ok."
"Do you want me to let you go?"
"Yeah, thanks. I'll call you tomorow, ok?"
"Yeah, ok." I just wanted to get off the phone.
"Linds?"
"Yeah?" I asked angrily.
"Nevermind, forget it."
"What? Sorry I didn't mean to be rude."
"I was gonna say I love you."
"Yeah, ok. Bye."