1. Michael Jackson's Conveyor Belt 

Imagine how I felt
Imagine how I felt

Where did my illusions go?
I found out Michael Jackson ain't no wrong-doing negro
I found he does his moonwalk with mechanical help
Go-go's just a big lie, Jackson used a belt

Rock music won't ever be the same,
I found out Johnny isn't Diesel's real name
I found out half of hip-hop was just senseless rhymin
New Kids On The Block weren't really miming

Imagine how I felt,
When I heard of Michael Jackson's conveyer belt
Imagine how I felt
When I heard of Michael Jackson's conveyer belt

There's a question I like to pose,
How come God is acting like he's Axl Rose?
How come Public Enemy are from the middle class?
How can Sinead O'Connor shave her head when it's up her ass?

Oh, Michael, I beleived
The greatest moonwalk I've ever seen
And then I read it in a magazine
It's done with machines

I can take his plastic surgery,
I can take his manufactured lunacy,
But his nose ain't the only thing that's not for real,
My hero moonwalks on cogs and wheels!
On cogs, cogs, cogs and wheels!

Imagine how I felt
Imagine how I felt
Imagine how I felt
When I heard of Michael Jackson's conveyer belt
Imagine how I felt
When I heard of Michael Jackson's conveyer belt


2. Bishop = Handjob

March the 17th, I gotta wear green
June the 10th, I gotta love the queen
Bucks night, gotta be one'a the blokes
April the first, I gotta play practical jokes

Christmas Day, I gotta be nice to all others
February the 14th, I gotta have a secret lover
On New Years Eve I gotta rage
On my 30th birthday, gotta lie about my age

Not a shining wit, I'm a whining shit

September the first, I gotta love my father
May the 12th, I gotta love my mother
First Tuesday in November, gotta go to to the track
Last Saturday in September, I gotta throw up

Not a shining wit, I'm a whining shit
Not a shining wit, I'm a whining shit

At the moment of conception gotta follow the norm
Gotta be like everybody else from the day that I was born
Gotta live my life by the calendar on the fridge,
Gotta die the day that I pay up my mortgage

Life's a piece of shit, woah woah woah
Open a vein and slit, woah woah woah
Life's a piece of shit, woah woah woah
Gotta step in it, woah woah woah

Not a shining wit, woah, I'm a whining shit, yeah
Not a shining wit, woah, I'm a whining shit

3. Get Thee To A Nunnery

Was it God or the Devil tell me somebody
Who put Sophie Lee in Sophie Lee's body?
Is it better or worse, I'll pay you some money
Is it better or worse when she tries to be funny?

Is it or isn't it my TV set squeaking?
It surely couldn't be English she's speaking
Who is who, damn it, can you tell me soon?
Who is the human, who is the cartoon?

It couldn't be could it? Impossible I feel
I heard Sophie Lee is actually real   (x2)


Was it God or the Devil tell me somebody
Who put Sophie Lee in Sophie Lee's body?

4. Father And Son 

My old man used to take me to the footy, now it's me takes him
Been barracking for the Sainters, season on end, season cold and grim
Every season we'd pretend that we were the great pretenders
And watch in the rain game of the real contenders

Oh hear the cry, ring out to the Moorabbin sky
Nothing can stop it
Winmar, Winmar, Winmar to Lockett (x2)

Those Collingwood bastards did us by a point the day my mother died
When I told Dad he shook his head and said, "Makes you want to cry"
Winmar, you're a football genius, and oh let me tell you son
Remember my old man, cos he wasn't referring to Mum

You've got my heart, when you've got the leather
For the gods' sake don't drop it, yeah
Winmar, Winmar, Winmar to Lockett (x2)

Oh Dad'll be gone in ten season's time, and you know they can
Build rockets that can think, have prime time TV napalm Vietnam
Just for my Dad, they could give us a flag, who says they oughtn't?
It's not a matter of life and death, it's more important

Here comes Nicky, Tony's broken free
Winmar to Lockett
Winmar, Winmar, Winmar to Lockett (x3)
Winmar to Lockett
Winmar, Winmar, Winmar to Lockett

5. Lillee Caught Dilley Bowled Milli Vanilli 

I want Milli Vanilli
I want Milli Vanilli
Don't want no 50s rockabilly              (don't want no 50s rockabilly)
Don't want no Noiseworks, woman hot chili (I want Milli Vanilli)
Don't want doctor send me no billy        (don't want doctor send me no billy)
Don't want push boulder up no hilly       (I want Milli Vanilli)
Don't want no coat don't want no billy    (don't want no coat don't want no billy)
Don't want no dress with lace-up, frilly  (I want Milli Vanilli)
Don't want no Jack, don't want no Jilly   (don't want no Jack, don't want no Jilly)
Don't want no oven, don't want no grilly  (I want Milli Vanilli)
Don't want no crying over milk, spilly

Pass me those cans of beans, will you, Ma
Pass me those cans of beans, will you, Ma

He wants that scene,
Knows what it means,
He'll ask for it today,
He's really keen
He'll make that scene
Or was it DSA?

Pass me those cans of beans, will you, Ma-a-a
Pass me those cans of beans, will you, Ma-a-a
Pass me those cans of beans, will you, Ma

I want Milli Vanilli
Don't want Lillee caught Dilley bowled Milli  (I want Milli Vanilli)
Don't want to live at Kirrabilli              (I want Milli Vanilli)
Don't want no birth control pilly             (I want Milli Vanilli)
Don't want no dentist tooth drilly            (I want Milli Vanilli)
Don't want to listen to Bob Dyly              (I want Milli Vanilli)
Don't want to write no lyrics silly           (I want Milli Vanilli)

Ok, you come up with something better, fuckface!

6. If You're Ugly, Forget It 

Oh, can you see that girl's immaculate shoulder?
Do you wanna get your name on her folder?
Hope may spring eternal, but you should not let it
Hear the unspoken words; if you're ugly, forget it

Oh, can you see that guy? No wonder you hate him
He's captain of the footy, you of the debating
You have the rest of your life with which to regret it
Obey the unstated rule; if you're ugly, forget it

The worst bands are most popular
Arseholes make the most money
Insecure twats are famous
Lunatics embrace religion
Incompetent people, incompetent people are the loudest

Woohoo!

Still one place left for the desperate try-hard;
Become an artist and join the avant garde
But even in the ghettos, you're likely to get it;
That unbroken code; if you're ugly, forget it

And so to suicide you're eventually driven
You'll ask St.Peter "Can I get to Heaven?"
He'll point to your tombstone. The sentence; you've read it
Read the unwritten law; if you're ugly, forget it

Stands of principle is genuine
Government funding means people don't like it
Well read people don't known anything
The avant garde are deeply conservative
Saving the world is a waste of resources
Throw out what's useful and recycle your garbage
Nothing happens to ambulance subscribers

Round the world, round the world, if you're ugly, forget it
Hope may spring eternal, but you should not let it
Round the world, round the world, if you're ugly, forget it
You have the rest of your life with which to regret it
Round the world, round the world, if you're ugly, forget it
Even in the ghettos, you're likely to get it
Round the world, round the world, if you're ugly, forget it
Look at your tombstone. The sentence; you've read it

7. Mourningtown Ride 

Don't get off the train at Richmond
Skins want your Doc Martens
Don't get off the train at Campberwell
The writers want your Air Jordans
Don't get off the train at Essendon
You'll get attacked for your (markers/mokkers?)
Don't get off the train at Frankston
You'll get attacked by the Rockers

Don't get off the train
Don't get off the train

Don't get off the train at Eltham
The yodel yobs want lederhosen
Don't get off the train at Caulfield
Yid boys want your copy of The Chosen
Don't get off the train at Broady
Petrol-heads want your Torana
Don't get off the train at Laverton
Gorilla Gang wants your banana

Don't get off, don't get off, don't you get off
Don't get off the train

Don't get off the train at Box Hill
The skaters; they want your ramp
Don't get off the train at Noble Park
3174 wants your postage stamp
Don't get off the train at Broadford
Bikies want your leather jacket
Don't get off the train at Kooyong
Tennis stars want your racquet

Don't get off, don't get off, don't you get off
Don't get off the train

Don't get off South Melbourne Light-rail
Greenies want your pollution
Don't get off at Flinder's Street
Nazi punks want a final solution

Don't get off, don't get off, don't you get off

Well, train whistle blowing makes a sleepy noise,
Underneath the blankets for all the girls and boys

Rocking, rolling, rocking, roll

Rocking, rolling, riding, out along the bay
All aboard for Mourningtown, many miles away
Rocking, rolling, rocking, roll
Don't get off the train
Don't get off the train at Ringwood
Goths want your mascara
(Don't get off the train)
Don't get off the train at Windsor
Sandman wants your pyjamas
(Get an aeroplane)
Flight 103 to Lockerbie now boarding
Don't get off the train

8. Loser, Loser, Loser, Lost 

The scene at Appomattox. The Greeks of Themodalie(sp?)
The men and {Indian men?} who lining up to die.
A million ghosts will stop throats of any who dares {?}
General Grant and General Lee and all at Appomattox

They're in every classroom
In every secondary school
And in every workplace
Every typing pool

They are beside you on the bus
With the lifeless stare
Nervously outside surgery
Waiting for doctor's (there/care?)

Together it is all {?}
Loser. Loser, loser, losing, lost.
Loser, loser, losing, lost. Lost.

There's cancer in the South of France
Cancer lurks in Rome
Cancer circles the whole globe
'Til it finds you home

In heart and liver it is waiting
For all of us.. or most
Our very selves join hands and sing
Loser, losing, lost.
Loser. Loser, loser, losing, lost.
Loser, loser, losing, lost.  Ahhh...