THIRD STEP

Many of us get stuck here and can't seem to move on. The reason for this, as Trauma survivors, we take something simple and complicate it. It doesn't have to be that way if we become willing and open minded. Now with that in mind let's look at this step, beginning with the word decision.

• What is a decision?

A decision is an action word; it is a beginning, a starting point, or looking at it from a point of recovery, it is the time we let go of our old attitudes and let the Steps begin to build new attitudes in our lives and we make mistakes and grow in spiritual principles. As you can now see, being willing and open minded is very important as far as the decision and the Third Step are concerned. Simply put, a decision is accepting this step into our lives.

The next part of the step we must look at is "To turn our will and our lives." We must ask ourselves, what does the Step mean by our will and our lives? Our will is our way of doing things. We always want to fix things to the way we want them. We are now beginning to build Spirituality in our lives, which we get a realization of its strength and power in the Eleventh Step. Our lives simply mean our day-to-day affairs. Our problems, our worries and our pain.

Now let's look at the words "over to the care of a Higher Power as we understood that Higher Power." Many of us couldn't or wouldn't relate that word, Higher Power. By the time we reach Trauma Anonymous, many of us are Atheist or Agnostic and some of us had a concept of a God who was vengeful. Here again, this is where we need to be willing and open minded and honest. The type of honesty we are talking about here is self- honesty. We must be honest enough to admit that there is a Power that is higher than ourselves. It doesn't matter what this Power is. The program tells us of a Higher Power as we understood that Higher Power to be. It doesn't have to be a Higher Power of someone else's belief, but a Higher Power of your belief. This is where much confusion comes in the program. The important thing to remember is that it is a Higher Power of your understanding. It could be the God of your childhood or a force, nature, some kind of intelligence or just a rock in the backyard. It is a Higher Power you and you alone can have Faith in. You relate and Pray to your Higher Power according to the way you understand it.

The Higher Power you have today may change during ongoing recovery and that's OK, it's your Higher Power.

Now let's talk about "over to the care of." One mistake we make when we don't understand this step is that we say "turn it over to your Higher Power." We leave out the word care. Without the word care, we change the entire meaning of the step.

Example to ponder:

It's Saturday night and you and your spouse/significant other are going out for the night and you have a child, you don't turn your child over to a babysitter, but you turn your child over to the care of a babysitter to watch and guide the child.

When we turn our will and life over to the care of a Higher Power as we understand it to be, we do this not to become robots or carbon copies of each other, but to have a Higher Power of our understanding watch and guide our will and lives.

The question has been asked many times, "what is my Higher Power's will for me?" The answer is simple, your Higher Power's will for us is to act mature and responsible to the best of our ability, at whatever point of our recovery we are at. Our Higher Power's will for us grows as we grow. If we act mature and responsibly to the best of our ability, the outcome of our situation will be as healthy as it can be at that point of recovery.

Now, when we turn our lives over to the care of a Higher Power as we understood that Higher Power to be, one of two things will happen.

Let's look at what these things are:

• If we are living the first three steps in our lives on all things, in other words, we are living mature and responsible, our Higher Power will work things out for us.
• If we are not living the first three steps in our lives, our Higher Power will allow us to feel the consequences of our actions, so we can learn from them.

For Most of us when we first came into the program of Trauma Anonymous, we felt physically, mentally, and spiritually bankrupt.

• The first step restored us physically.
• The second step restored us mentally.
• The third step restored us spiritually.

We must maintain vigilance over these three aspects of the symptoms of Trauma. The first to go will be the spiritual, the second is the mental/emotional. The third and final will be the physical. That is why it is so important to live these Steps in our lives, it is the maintenance of our recovery. If you have no Higher Power try GOD.......... Good Orderly Direction.

One last thing we will talk about is the relationship of the Serenity Prayer to the first three steps. Once we realize the connection between the two, the Serenity Prayer becomes a powerful tool in our lives. Let's take a look at it.

God Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change

Change The Things I Can

And The Wisdom To Know The Difference

The courage to change the things I can.

The second step doing things differently to change the outcome from unhealthy pattern of living.

And the results to know the difference. This is the Third Step living mature and responsibly for a healthy pattern of life.

Third Step Worksheet

Write about the following on a separate paper and go over it with your Sponsor/Therapist.

• What is a decision?
• How did I make my decision?
• What is my patterns of living?
• How do I turn my life over to a Higher Power?
• How can the Serenity Prayer help me in my life?
• What is a "decision?"
• In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "decision."
• What is our "will?"
• What do the words "over to the care of" mean to you?
• In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "care."
• What was your relationship with a power greater than you like before Trauma Anonymous?
• What are the three characteristics needed for "a Higher Power of your understanding?"
• Write out in detail what you believe your Higher Power to be.
• Write out every time you felt your Higher Power's presence before you came to Trauma Anonymous.
• Write out 24 things you have to be grateful for today (Gratitude List).

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