(according to Vic & Bob)

Exciting things are happening in the world today, things to do with aeroplanes and space, electricity and motor vehicles, radar's and batteries. Who would have thought ten years ago that men would land on the moon and wireless transmissions would be received even by the very poorest and dirtiest of squatters?

"But what of the future, by jingo!" I hear you cry. Men have already travelled at speeds in excess of 160mph and are currently making plans to conquer the mighty ocean. Where can we go from here? Let's take a good look......

By the year 2000 there will be no more houses, as we will live on floating platforms known as 'dwelling rafts'. These will drift about on the oceans because all the land will be used for giant airports.

In the future we will have no use for CLOTHES as we will no longer need our eyes due to telepathy and will all be blind, therefore we will not have to cover up our privates. Before this, however, we will be forced to adhere to strict nudity laws imposed by Bernard Cribbins, who will be the minister for Temperance and Decency. We will have have new clothes made for us by armies of blind musk-rats living in gigantic concrete grapes filled with boiling fat. They will weave elaborate brassieres and underpants out of lemon rind and wire wool. During the winter we will hibernate in test tubes made out of a milky substance extracted from dolphins' beaks.

SHOES will be made out of the skins of billions upon billions of wasps by teams of specially trained Hells Angels, who will live in pewter shacks on the moon. They will fire the shoes to earth once a week by cannons powered by explosive kidney beans.

By the turn of the Century, the most stylish man and woman will be Rod Hull and Emu and Gloria Estefan, who will wear suits of armour in the shape of taps.

HAIRCUTS will become a thing of the past, and people young and old will develop protective crusts upon their heads.

'Where would we be without MEDICINE?' I hear you chant. Ah yes, where would we be, the Dark Ages? In the future, David Bowie and Lou Diamond Phillips will be the first two males to conceive children... by peacocks.

CRIMINALS will have a field day, as by the year 2000 the police will be preoccupied chasing a giant lemon that gazes through people's letterboxes.