Tis a sad tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing...
And yet, I tell it, for it is so inconceivable and so unbelievable that only by putting it down in times roman font on my 17" view into my second life can I truly believe it myself.
My sad tale began several years ago, when approached by someone offering to test our water at no charge, we surmised, "why not?". Since then the charges have not stopped.
Given the statistics of the testing we should have immediately run to the nearest hospital to have our stomachs pumped. My sweet lawdy we were consuming near poison.
But nay, local yon water company, is here to save the day for a mere $$$$$$$.
It was our life in jeopardy, how could we refuse?
So, tell ya what we're gonna do...not only will we install a WHOLE house water conditioner unit, but also an under-the-sink osmosis filtration system for you and one for the apartment above the garage. Instant purification at your fingertips. How could we refuse?
My first inkling that the company was not all it could be was when I inspected the 'under the sink unit'. "Sorry..we were out of the square kind that don't take up as much space under your sink, and allow you to utilize it as a shelf. We installed instead this round unit in several pieces that cause you to have to keep some of your cleaning supplies in the cupboard with your rice and coffee."
I'm an easy going sort, no big deal.
Then again, the first time the whole house unit recharged in the middle of the night and blew its top off and water shot all over the place, so that we awoke to the noise and waded through the house, crawling under the house to cut the water off wasn't all that big a deal either was it? Call the 'emergency hotline' for the company and listen to it ring...and ring...and ring? No big deal right? Sop up the mess, dry the HARDWOOD floors, sweep the water out of the kitchen and dry the carpet in the bedrooms...surely what every homeowner desires to do at 3 AM.
I'm an easy going sort, sure, the hardwood floors buckled a bit, they went down and there was only that one place with the one stain, we can surely forgive that right? Of course, all the insulation under the house was sodden and ruined, but we can just replace it. No big deal.
Seems the installers 'forgot' a clamp.
Now, really and truly the system would operate more efficiently if we put an additional filter under the house as well. Just a few more dollars, and we NEEDED it, right?
Shortly thereafter waking up to NO water was certainly better than waking up to a houseful, but still, it's an awful inconvenience when you're used to it.
Of course we called the water conditioner company but they insisted nothing they did could have caused it, and we should call the well company. WELL, we did just that. The well people paid us a very expensive visit and found NO problems EXCEPT that 'uh oh'...the water conditioner people had installed the filter under the house BACKWARDS. HaHa...don't worry, we'll just pay the well bill when it was your fault. After all, I'm an easy going sort.
For some strange reason the water purifier just didn't seem to purify the water, SO, let's just add another extra pump to add a little more pressure. It'll just be one more thing under the sink. Move the Windex to the cereal cupboard. No big deal.
Then again, if the system isn't doing well...we'll just change the very expensive filters MORE OFTEN...and each time the expert water conditioner repairmen can stretch the O rings so that each time they leave we have a leak and have to purchase O rings and fix them ourselves. No big deal. After all they are the professionals, and the leaks are always professionally done, and well charged for. AND, be sure to ream out the mounting brackets in the wall so that the unit will no longer be off the floor, but must sit with the electric cords in the leaking puddles.
But then again, if the water system STILL isn't purifying the water, let's remove both under-the-sink systems and keep them for weeks then bring them back and say they are fixed. They are the experts, which is why when they FIXED them, the water was less pure than ever. It takes a true professional to really screw things up this badly, trust me. I can only hope someday to be this bad at my job.
As if creating more impure water isn't enough, let's really make sure we've messed so badly with the unit that the homeowners can come home to a kitchen full of water some night, just in case they needed to scrub the floor. A few inches of water will be a big help.
Experts that they are, they can 'fix' this problem so that it happens again two nights later. Let's have so much water this time that it again seeps onto the hardwood floors in the dining room, a larger flood is much more impressive.
Let us not forget that they often charge for fixing things they screw up in the first place. After all, it's cheap entertainment for us po white folks living back here in da sticks...gysers inside your home, the constant vision of the plumbers 'crack' as he's under your sink ONE MORE TIME.
I am an easy going sort, but this was the straw that broke the camel's back.
SO, they agreed to put in a new unit under the sink at no charge, a nice square unit that will allow me my cabinet space back.
My first inkling that the company was not all it could be should have been when I came home and the unit was mounted standing up, so that the top will not come off NOR go completely on, so that the unit must be completely UNINSTALLED simply to change the filter.
And, did I laugh when I told my husband, "They did this for nothing, but you watch...they'll get their money back"?
Funny how a week later the brine tank in the whole house unit suddenly filled with water and would not drain.
Of course they came, and repaired it, charged me $70. A week later I called them again as it was full of water again. So they repaired it, charged me $120. Imagine my surprise when it simply quit working at all. Of course they came to the tune of $65 after I told them I would not pay for a third trip for the same problem. Should I pay for the fourth trip...since it's full of water again?
Golly, they say we need yet another filter, that we have sediment. Joke's on them, since we have one faucet that we purposely left untreated, with water running from it clear as a mountain spring...water that we use to make coffee, despite the fact that it's 'so laden with impurities' that we needed this company to save us. Funny how this untreated water, this water so full of sediment doesn't clog our coffee maker.
Funny how our neighbors without this miracle system are alive and healthy, some in their nineties.
Real funny.
So, here we sit with a unit that they know is not working properly, but they won't 'fix' it unless we install yet another filter.
Did I bill them for my hardwood floor damage? Did I bill them for the insulation? Did I ask them to pay the well company bill when the problem was their fault? Did I bill them for all my time spent sopping up leaks, or for all the inconveniences and frustrations they caused us?
No, I'm an easy going sort.
Until now.