Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the town,
Mom was dogged and haggard and wearing a frown;
Her stockings were torn and sagged to her knees,
A final descent to her shoes when she sneezed.
The children were wired and unable to rest,
As they waited and wondered would Mom do her best;
Their father long bedded and snoring away,
No thought did he give to the shopping melee.
When out in the mall there arose such a clatter,
As someone shouted so loud he began to stammer;
Away to the kiosk Mom ran like a fool,
So near to her goal she started to drool.
The light on the breast of the Furby she saw,
Caused her to shove and to push and to claw;
When what to her red rimmed eyes should appear,
But a gnarled hand snatching it from its tiny rear.
Twas a little old lady so lively and quick,
She knew the toy could not come by St. Nick;
More rapid than eagles she grabbed it and lay claim,
As Mom chased her down and called her a name.
You Hussy! You Meanie! You Butthole. You Vixen!
You Shriveled Old Granny to kill I am fixin!
To the end of the mall, to the dark parking lot!
I'll hunt you and find you and get what you've got!
As dry heaves overtook her and she stumbled and fell,
She knew her Furby was gone, a plight she knew well;
So back to the mall, to wear out the floors,
Her mission not over til the mall shut the doors.
And then in a twinkling she heard the loudspeaker,
Three boxes of Furbies were at Toys R Cheaper;
As Mom drew in her purse and made ready to dash,
The mob in the back knocked her right on her ass.
The toy's covered in fur from his head to his feet,
He's so goshdarned ugly that he's cute and he's sweet;
It only talks 'furbish', you must teach it your tongue,
If only Mom could find one to give to her young.
Her eyes how they burned, her tootsies so weary,
Her knees felt like rubber, her outlook so bleary;
Each year it's the same for the hot Christmas toy,
It's the only gift that can ever bring joy.
Tickle Me Elmo and Cabbage Patch kids,
Nintendo and Sega and Beanies with bids;
Mom tried every year with desire in her belly,
She trampled the stores til her legs felt like jelly.
She was scrawny and weak from her quest unfulfilled,
But she laughed just the same for she was strong willed;
With a determined grin and a nod of her head,
She turned on her heel and with great haste she sped.
She spoke not a word but went for her best chance,
She walked by the parked cars and in windows she'd glance;
And spying her Furby she set to it quick,
She gave just a nod then the lock she did pick.
The cop sprang to his feet, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they sucked Mom with the pull of a Bissel;
And I heard her exclaim as they drove out of sight,
No Furby this Christmas at least not this night!