Summary: Uhura becomes the first officer of the Enterprise during Saavik's last year at the Academy.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Kirk, Spock, Uhura and, company. I have just borrowed them for a while and will not profit from any of this.

This is part two of a four-part story, and continues my Spock/Uhura universe.

Feedback is desired.

The Kobayashi Maru II, chapter 1

The day had finally come, after much anticipation.

Spock watched Saavik as she sat in the captain's chair and worked through the Kobayashi Maru simulation. She had not hesitated to enter the neutral zone after receiving the distress call, and he had been impressed at how quickly she had gathered all relevant data. When the Klingons appeared on the scene, he had overheard her employ a human curse, and he had feared momentarily that she might become angry and lose her composure. Apparently, however, she had managed to control her frustration, for she continued to relay her orders in a calm, rapid manner.

"Fire all phasers," she commanded.

Pretending to study his console, Spock said, "No power to the weapons, Captain."

Saavik turned toward him just as he had expected, and when his console erupted in sparks, he was able to stage his own demise with the knowledge that she would witness it. He staggered, then slumped to the floor. Perhaps he had invested additional effort into his 'death' this time, but he was confident in Saavik's ability to cope.

He heard Mr. Scott's voice ring out from the intercom. "Captain, it's no use. We're dead in space."

Saavik did not hesitate in her next series of commands. "Activate escape pods. Send out the log buoy. All hands, abandon ship. Repeat, all hands, abandon ship."

Spock could not deny that he was experiencing a sensation of great pride at this moment, but he could hardly be faulted for doing so.

Finally, Admiral Kirk ended the test. "All right, open 'er up."

The massive doors parted as the simulation ground to a halt, and Spock opened one eye to see Saavik stand at attention and address Kirk. "Any suggestions, Admiral?"

"Prayer, Mr. Saavik. The Klingons don't take prisoners. Lights." Kirk stepped forward. "Captain?"

Spock quickly looked up at Saavik. Even though her face was still, he could detect the storm brewing underneath. He had no doubt that Admiral Kirk saw it, too.

Standing, Spock said, "Trainees, to the briefing room."

As he exited the room, he glanced over at Commander Uhura to see if she intended to accompany him. She was standing with Sulu, however, watching Admiral Kirk. He slowed and attempted to catch her eye, but she did not notice. Unfortunate. He was most eager to hear her opinion of Saavik's performance.

* * * * * * * *

"Hello, Hikaru. Ready to go to the Enterprise?"

Uhura noted that Sulu didn't look any more well-rested than she knew she did. After she and Spock had finished the post-Kobayashi Maru briefings yesterday, she and Sulu had gone over to Scotty's and stayed up late telling stories, drinking, and laughing. She'd felt a little guilty because she had known that Spock hoped she'd spend the evening with him, but she had also known that he understood. Sulu didn't come to town very often. Besides, spending the evening with Spock, knowing all the while that he was waiting on her decision, would have only served to confuse her even more. She needed some time away.

She smiled when Sulu tried to stifle a yawn. There had been a day when they could party all night and not feel the effects the next morning, but she supposed that day was long gone. And of course, her weariness was due to a lot more than simply staying out a few hours later than usual. For the third night in a row she had tossed and turned, unable to sleep. It was so hard to make it through those long, dark hours of the night, when it was all too easy to imagine a solid warmth, right there beside her.

"Oh, you bet I'm ready!" Sulu looked around the shuttle bay waiting area. "Are Admiral Kirk and Dr. McCoy going up with us, or are they going to just beam straight there?"

"They're riding with us. They should be here soon."

"Well, I'm glad they haven't arrived yet. I didn't get a chance to talk to you alone last night, and I've been dying to hear about your promotion. How's it going? Being first officer of the Enterprise, I mean."

"It's great! There have been a few adjustments, but it's good to work with Spock again."

Even if he's asked me to make the biggest decision of my life. She thought the words but didn't say them.

"How's that going?" Sulu asked. "Are the two of you, um, getting along okay?"

She turned toward him and put her hands on her hips. She'd suspected for a while that Sulu knew about her relationship with Spock, but neither he nor she had ever acknowledged it. Suddenly, she felt that she had to know.

"What do you mean, Hikaru? Why wouldn't Spock and I get along?"

His face turned red as he looked everywhere but in her eyes. "Uh, I don't know. I suppose that it's just been a while since the two of you were together. I mean, since you worked together."

She smiled at his discomfort. "It's been a while since I worked with you, and I don't see anyone wondering how you and I get along."

"Okay. You got me." He smiled like a little boy who'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Tell me. Are the two of you just friends, or something more?"

"Right now, we're just friends, but we used to be more." She shook her head in amazement. "How did you find out?"

"I don't know. I suppose that I just always saw a spark between the two of you. What happened?"

"It's a long story, Hikaru, with lots of gory details. I'm sorry, but I really don't want to go into it. Suffice it to say that we're still trying to figure it all out."

"You said that you're just friends now, but that doesn't sound like the description of two people who are just friends."

She paused. Her first thought was that she should really keep this between her and Spock, but Sulu was a good friend, a confidant who wouldn't talk about her secrets to anyone else. Maybe it would help her see everything more clearly if she talked it over with someone.

"It's been almost ten years since we ended our relationship, but I've never gotten over him. We both tried to move on, to put it behind us, but I couldn't, and evidently neither could he. Oh, Hikaru, he wants me back, and I just don't know what to do."

He studied her for a moment, his eyes troubled. "You still care about him."

"I'll love him forever."

"And obviously he still cares about you. Is there a problem? Is it because of fraternization?"

She shook her head. "That's part of it, but we had to cope with fraternization before. I'm sure we could again."

"I know it's not so simple, but if you want him and he wants you, maybe you should give it another try."

"Years ago, we tried. We tried so hard, or at least I did. And to be fair to Spock, I know that he did too. Our definitions of what it meant to 'try' were never the same, however. The gulf between us was much more complicated than just the cultural misunderstandings you might expect between a human and a Vulcan. No, our differences went right down to the core of who he is and who I am. He insists that it would be different now, but would it really? He's still who he is, and I'm still who I am. Ending our relationship was the most painful thing I've ever had to do, and it would kill me to have to go through that again."

"But if you don't try, what will happen?"

"I suppose we'll redefine what we mean to each other within the parameters of a close friendship. We've done it before. We can do it again."

"It hurts me to see you so torn, Nyota. I wish I could give you some good advice, but I don't know if I can." He grasped her hand briefly. "I guess about all I can offer is that you can't let fear from the past destroy your future. I know it's hard to move beyond pain when it's still fresh in your mind, but sometimes you have to remember that pain isn't always bad. Sometimes you can learn from the mistakes that caused it. I'm sure Spock knows that. If he made mistakes before, maybe he has grown. He's a good person, and I'm sure that he would do anything in his power to avoid hurting you again. And he's a smart guy. He knows a good thing when he sees one. He let you get away once. He won't want to let it happen again."

She smiled. Hikaru was such a wonderful friend, and it calmed her to hear his smart, caring words. Before she could tell him how good it was to know that she had someone like him to talk to, however, she heard a demanding voice.

"Hello, Commander Uhura, Commander Sulu. Let's get this show on the road."

Sulu whispered, "Please, think about it. And remember that you can talk to me anytime."

"Thank you, Hikaru." She gave his arm an affectionate squeeze, then turned. "Hello, Admiral Kirk, Dr. McCoy. Are you two ready to go up to the Enterprise?"

McCoy threw a disgruntled look at the Admiral, evidently not happy with the other man's gruff tone. "Yes, we are, and we're glad to be here."

"Good. The shuttle is waiting." She gestured toward the door. "If you'll come with me..."

The four of them entered the shuttle deck and climbed the steps onto the ship. Uhura situated herself in the pilot's seat and was amused to notice that instead of sitting back in the passenger area, Sulu made a beeline for the copilot's seat. She waited until Kirk and McCoy had seated themselves, then called for take-off.

The doors parted, and she maneuvered the ship out of the shuttle bay. As they cleared the San Francisco skyline, she looked over at Sulu.

"Commander Sulu, would you care to do the honors?" she asked.

He turned toward her with a huge smile on his face. "May I?"

"I'd love for you to take us up to the Enterprise."

Beaming, he ran his hands across the board, quickly assuming control of all functions. They soared up into the clear, blue sky, quickly leaving Earth behind them. Uhura glanced around the shuttle at the three men, but no one spoke, each evidently caught up in his own appreciation of the moment.

A message from the ship interrupted their silence. "Enterprise to Admiral Kirk's shuttle. You are cleared for docking. Approach portside torpedo bay."

Clearly relishing every word, Sulu said, "Enterprise, this is Admiral Kirk's party on final approach."

"Enterprise welcomes you. Prepare for docking."

Rising from his seat, Kirk leaned close to the front viewscreen and muttered, "I hate inspections."

Sulu shook his head fondly. "I'm delighted. Any chance to go aboard the Enterprise."

"I for one am glad to have you at the helm for three weeks. I don't think these kids can steer."

Although Uhura knew that Kirk was just kidding, she couldn't help but throw a small frown his way. He thinks these kids can't steer? Just wait! He'd see exactly what these kids could do. The next moment, however, her annoyance faded. The ship was majestic, and she felt a lump in her throat as she gazed through the eyes of the three men with her. Even though she had only been reassigned to this glorious vessel for a short while, she still belonged. The other three were guests, here just to relive the old memories they all shared.

Finally, they landed gently on the shuttlecraft deck. Sulu caught her eye just before they stood to leave, and she saw the gleam of gratitude.

"It was my pleasure, Commander," she murmured.

They were whistled on board the ship, and Spock stepped forward to greet them. Behind him, everyone stood at stiff attention, awaiting Kirk's perusal. Although Kirk had grumbled about having to do this, Uhura could see that he was happy to be back on board, and he handed her something before he quickly walked forward. It was... a book. How odd! She paused, amazed at the incongruity of his bringing a leather-bound book to a cadet review on the Enterprise.

She and Sulu fell into attention with the cadets and crew. Spock looked so handsome--no matter what else happened between her and him, she never failed to feel that thrill of appreciation when she saw him standing so tall and dignified, his face solemn and his hands clasped behind his back. That would always be the image she carried with her.

And there was Saavik, behind the other cadets. Lieutenant Saavik. It was so hard to believe! Uhura was proud of all Saavik's accomplishments, but this one was even more extraordinary, for the young girl had been promoted to lieutenant ahead of her class. The senior Academy staff's decision had come as a total surprise, even to Spock. She'd never seen such pride on his face as when the news was announced at the usual end-of-week assembly, and he had even searched out Uhura's eyes as Saavik climbed up to the podium.

Spock paced by, drawing her attention back to the inspection. She hadn't had a chance to talk to him alone either today or yesterday. She knew, though, that the next time she saw him, he'd ask her again what she had decided, and she would have to tell him, "Nothing." Nothing. How could she ever make a choice? If she said yes, would she condemn them to repeat the pain of before? If she said no, would she destroy any last chance they might have for happiness? As if understanding her thoughts, he glanced over at her face, but she averted her gaze.

Finally, the inspection was over. From the corner of her eye, she saw Spock approaching, and she suddenly felt so self-conscious that she opened the book and pretended to read it as she walked right past him. She felt terrible avoiding him like that, but she knew she couldn't face him right here, in front of Saavik and Sulu, and even Kirk and McCoy--all people who would take one look at her and know something was up.

As she reached the doorway, she finally managed to focus on the words beneath her nose. There, inside the cover, was a simple inscription. "To Jim. Happy Birthday. From Spock."

Surprised, she searched for him. He stood with Saavik, and she smiled when she heard a snippet of Vulcan. Their voices were very low and she couldn't make out the words, but she'd heard enough to recognize the language. Wasn't this something! Spock and Saavik, together on the Enterprise. This had been Saavik's goal since the day she heard Spock tell his very first story, and it was hard to believe that she was finally here. Uhura could see by Spock's demeanor that he recognized the importance of the occasion, too.

Wouldn't it be nice to share moments like this with him again? Really share them?

She walked out of the room, pushing away the sudden urge to feel him in her arms once again and know that's where he belonged.

End chapter 1

The Kobayashi Maru II, chapter 2

Smiling as she passed the salad bowl to Spock, Nyota asked, "So, Saavik, what did you think about your first day on the Enterprise as a member of her crew?"

"I found it most rewarding, Nyota. It is just as I always thought it would be. All operations run smoothly, and everyone I encountered was efficient, kind, and helpful." Saavik turned toward Spock, her eyes wide. "I must admit, however, that I was nervous when you allowed me to take the ship out of spacedock. Admiral Kirk appeared to be nervous, too."

"Admiral Kirk has faith in your abilities, Saavikam." Spock decided that such a statement was not entirely false, as long as one did not question to which abilities he actually referred. "At any rate, he knew that I would not have asked you to perform beyond your capabilities."

"Perhaps so." Saavik chewed thoughtfully. "I was pleased that you asked me to do it, despite any misgivings I might have experienced. When the Enterprise sailed free and clear of spacedock, it was the most exceptional moment of my life. And I was seated in the captain's chair! Over the years I have imagined such a moment, but my imagination was inadequate when compared to reality."

"I thought it was wonderful too, Saavik," said Nyota. "I was so proud of you that I thought I might burst. You've done so well! Tomorrow, you---"

Nyota fell silent when Saavik's communicator beeped.

Saavik put down her fork and answered it. "Saavik here."

A youthful male voice emanated from her communicator. "Uh, Saavik? It's Patrick. I'm hope I'm not interrupting anything, but I'm up on the bridge with Matt and we can't figure out how to interpret the results of these scans. Since you're so good at all that stuff, we thought that maybe, er, maybe you could come help us. Please?"

Spock raised an eyebrow and met Nyota's eyes. He could see that she was surprised as well and trying not to smile. He looked away before Saavik noticed their reactions.

Scowling, Saavik said, "Patrick, have you even attempted to obtain assistance using the computer? Last time, it was very easy to determine the answer once I showed you where to look."

"Well, Matt tried, but he wasn't sure what he was trying to find. C'mon, Saavik. Please?"

Saavik sighed. "Excuse me a moment." Silencing her communicator, she turned toward Spock and Nyota. "I do not wish to be impolite, but..."

Before Spock could respond that Saavik would do well to consume a nourishing meal, Nyota waved her hand and said, "Of course we don't mind. We know that you have a million things you'd rather do right now, anyway. Go, and enjoy your first evening on the ship! We'll sit down and have a nice meal together sometime else."

Obviously eager to leave, Saavik looked toward Spock for confirmation. Since it was clear he had been outmaneuvered, he could do nothing but nod. Saavik reactivated her communicator.

"I will be there shortly, Patrick. Saavik out." She carried her plate to the recycler. "I am sorry to leave you, but clearly Patrick and Matt are in need of my assistance. Sometimes I think they are the two most stupid boys I have ever met! Truly, they cannot run the most basic scans without requesting my assistance."

Nyota grinned. "Well, they're lucky they have you to call for help."

"I have told them so on more than one occasion. I will see you both tomorrow."

"Good night, Saavikam." Spock watched as she scurried out the door, then turned to Nyota. "Perhaps I should construct a refresher course for Cadets Houlihan and Brisko. They appear to be struggling with their duties."

Laughing, Nyota shook her head. "Oh, I promise you that they know exactly what they're doing. They got Saavik to join them, didn't they? She's a pretty young woman. They're energetic young men."

"Am I to understand that you believe it all a ploy to acquire her company for the evening?"

"You bet it is!"

He frowned. "Perhaps I should discuss their intentions---"

"Heavens, Spock. Don't do that! You'd embarrass everyone. Just let it go. Nothing is likely to come of it. And if something does..." She shrugged. "Well, that's youth. It's appropriate, and frankly about time. Besides, if you still can't stand it, you can have a little talk with an interested suitor then."

He met her eyes and was pleased to notice the easy smile on her face. Not surprisingly, she had been somewhat tense recently when with him, and he wished to appreciate the moment. Before he could encourage her relaxed mood, however, she seemed to remember her predicament and her smile faded.

Dropping her eyes, she speared a green bean and self-consciously put it in her mouth.

"Nyota." He waited until she looked back up at him again. "Are you any closer to having resolved your misgivings about my proposal?"

Her shoulders sagged as she studied her food. After a moment, she placed her fork on the plate and looked back up at him. "I'm sorry, but I'm just so confused. There's no question in my mind about my feelings for you, but I have too many doubts over whether we could make it work this time."

"If you describe your doubts to me, I will be pleased to assuage them."

"I don't know... There's just so much..." She fiddled with her napkin, then abruptly extended a hand toward him and stated, "Sex."

He raised an eyebrow. "That concerns you? It was my understanding that you rather enjoyed sexual activity."

"I do, but it was always more important to me than it was to you."

Choosing his words carefully, he said, "Granted, physical proximity has never been synonymous with closeness to me, but I have no objection to it, either."

"I always wanted more sex than you did. Are you sure that we're compatible? I mean, would that become a problem?"

"I am willing to make the sacrifice."

She studied his face for a moment, then chuckled. "I suppose that I'm worrying over nothing, there. We were always fine in that arena."

"Yes, we were. We could be again, if you would only say yes."

She was silent as they gazed at one another.

"Say yes," he murmured.

Her eyes widened, but she still didn't respond.

Encouraged by the fact that she did not say no, he leaned closer. "Say yes, Nyota. It is only logical. We are compatible. We care about one another. Even though our relationship did not end well before, it was very good at one time. We can recapture that."

Finally, she shook herself out of her trance. "I... I'm sorry. I can't refuse you, but I can't say yes, either. Please..."

"I have no doubt that we belong together. Allow me to prove it to you."

She pushed herself out of her chair, "I can't. I just can't. Every time I think of how good it was between us, I remember how it ended, and it hurts all over again."

She shook her head and rushed from his quarters. He watched the door slide shut behind her, then looked over at her empty seat. It was unfortunate that she had allowed herself to become so agitated over this, but eventually she would see the logic of the situation. He would have to remain patient.

He picked up his fork and continued eating his meal.

* * * * * * * *

Pushing her hair away from her face, Uhura entered the turbolift. It had been so hard to walk away from Spock's entreaties, but she didn't have a choice. She had to make this decision for all the right reasons, not simply because she couldn't resist his allure.

Now, where was she going? Without even thinking, she'd walked to the lift.

Exhaling, she said, "Bridge."

She could go up there and see what was happening. Things were probably slow, but sometimes that was the best time to sit down with the cadets. Besides, Saavik was there, and she was really curious about Saavik's interactions with the young men.

The doors opened, and she paced over to her station. The trainee who was supposed to be seated there flinched guiltily and started to move away from where he chatted with the engineering trainee, but Uhura waved him off. She didn't expect him to pin himself to his station. As long as he kept a receiver in his ear, he was fine. Besides, she was glad to find her seat empty, because she really needed to clear her mind, and working might be the best way to do it.

Before she had even situated herself, she received an incoming message for Admiral Kirk from a Dr. Carol Marcus. The name was familiar, but she couldn't quite place her. The woman sounded agitated, and Uhura quickly patched the message through to Admiral Kirk.

That done, she kicked off her routine diagnostics. Maybe if she treated this as if it were simply the beginning of a shift, she could fool herself into thinking about work, instead of...

How irresistible Spock's voice had been.

Say yes.

Say yes, Nyota.

I have no doubt that we belong together. Allow me to prove it to you.

She was drawn from her thoughts by a signal from her board.

"Admiral Kirk to communications officer."

"Uhura here."

"Uhura, please patch me through to Starfleet Command."

"Yes, sir."

How interesting. Unable to resist wondering if this call had anything to do with the call from Dr. Marcus, Uhura raised Starfleet Command and transferred communications back to Admiral Kirk. Maybe it was good that she'd come back to duty--things seemed to be heating up a little. Besides, she felt better already, slipping into the familiarity of her bridge routine. She finished her diagnostics and busied herself with some reports.

The lift doors opened and Admiral Kirk stalked onto the bridge. She could tell before he even spoke that something was up.

"Put me on speakers." Kirk addressed the crew. "An emergency situation has arisen. By order of Starfleet Command as of now, 1800 hours, I am assuming command of this vessel. Duty officer, so note in ship's log. Plot a new course for space laboratory Regula One."

Turning to her board while Kirk called Scotty to ask for warp speed, Uhura searched for the orders. Yes--there they were. She turned back to Kirk as Saavik confirmed that the ship was ready for warp.

Kirk leaned against Sulu's console, then looked around the bridge. "I know that none of you were expecting this. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to ask you to grow up a little bit sooner than you'd expected. Warp five, Mr. Sulu."

With that, he turned and left, and Uhura shook her head. What was going on? Did Spock know about this? It had all happened quickly, but she was sure Kirk wouldn't assume command without first seeking out Spock's blessing.

She swiveled in her chair to see Saavik watching her, an equally perplexed expression on her face.

* * * * * * * *

Eighteen point four hours later, Spock sat calmly in the center chair and watched Uhura as she spoke for the benefit of anyone who might be eavesdropping.

"Sir, we won't leave you behind."

Kirk's voice emanated from the speaker. "Uhura, if you don't hear from us, there won't be anyone behind. Kirk out."

Spock nodded, satisfied with the exchange, as he left his seat and approached Uhura. "Coordinate operations on the bridge while I assist Mr. Scott down in Engineering," he said in a low voice. "We can assume that Admiral Kirk's investigation of the space station and environs will be complete at the appointed time. We must be ready to take action immediately upon his return."

"Yes, sir."

He could see the questions in her eyes, but as a seasoned officer she did not ask them. He knew that she understood their need for brevity, and that she trusted him to tell her what she needed to know when she needed to know it. She would function with a minimum of information now; later, there would be time for a more detailed explanation. He nodded, acknowledging his appreciation, and she smiled gently before returning to her work. He would be pleased when this was over. They had been unable to share their customary late-night cup of tea for the past two days, and obviously they would not have time to do so tonight, either. He had become accustomed to their quiet evenings together, and he missed her.

He would have to ensure that he expressed this thought to her after the current crisis was over.

He heard her juggling the flurry of damage reports as he entered the turbolift, but he dismissed everything from his mind except for thoughts of what must be done to coax the ship back into operation. At the moment, engineering repairs must take precedence over all else. Warp engines were out, and the Enterprise was operating on battery power only. Mr. Scott was hopeful that he would have auxiliary power soon, and Spock knew that they were racing with their opponent to see which ship regained battle capacity first.

Khan was obviously insane.

Aboard the Reliant, he was determined to destroy not only Kirk but all that mattered to Kirk. Spock had no doubt that if Khan effected his repairs first, the Enterprise would have no chance of winning this contest.

End chapter 2

The Kobayashi Maru II, chapter 3

Transfixed by the strange energy pattern, Uhura stared at the viewscreen. They had beaten Khan, but in the end, would Khan finally triumph over them? David Marcus had identified this pattern as the Genesis wave, and even though the term was new to her, she knew it wasn't good. She'd seen the look that passed from Kirk to the younger Dr. Marcus, a hopeless look of impending disaster. Strangely, she hadn't felt overly alarmed throughout any of this--Khan's crippling initial attack, the dodgy game of cat and mouse, the long, tense battle in the Nebula--but now, suddenly, she was gripped by an almost paralyzing, suffocating fear.

As they limped away from the Reliant, they seemed to slip into a universe where time no longer had any meaning. Each second became an eternity, each shudder of the battle-weary ship was greater than the last, and she knew, somehow, without truly knowing, that this time death would catch them before they could escape. She had her back to Spock, and more than anything she longed to simply turn and gaze into his eyes one last time, but she felt as if she no longer had a will of her own. All she could do was stare glassy-eyed at the viewscreen. She didn't have the right to turn to him, anyway. She had avoided his eyes yesterday on the shuttle deck, so who was she to turn to him now? They could have lived their last days together, happy if only for a few brief moments, but she hadn't allowed it to happen.

Abruptly, someone shattered the deathly silence. "Sir! The mains are back on line!"

"Bless you Scotty. Go, Sulu!"

Gathering herself, the ship seemed to swell with power before she leapt into warp, cutting through space only a hairsbreadth in front of a tremendous explosion on the Reliant. The jubilant bridge crew came back to life, and suddenly time slipped back into a normal rhythm, each second followed closely by the next, the minutes flowing smoothly again.

"Kirk to Engineering. Well done, Scotty!"

"Jim, I think you better get down here. Better hurry."

She glanced up at the sound of McCoy's subdued voice. Kirk, obviously understanding something that she didn't, immediately looked over at Spock. Her eyes followed his, and she saw... nothing. An empty chair. Kirk, as pale as death, clutched the arm of his chair then hurtled off the bridge. Oh God.

What had Spock done?

Longing to throw herself into the turbolift after Kirk, she knew she couldn't leave the bridge. Kirk was gone, Spock was gone... She was the ranking officer. Kirk had transferred command to Saavik, but he'd obviously done it without thinking clearly. A child couldn't be left in command right now. Uhura had to stay. She turned to her board and frantically began running through the ship's internal communications, desperately trying to pick up on something, anything that might give her a clue as to what Spock had done.

McCoy had been in Engineering. He had told Admiral Kirk to come to Engineering. That must be where she would find Spock. Maybe there was simply a problem down there, and she could reach Spock via his communicator.

"Captain Spock. Captain Spock. Please respond." Her voice was shaky, but she forced the words beyond her lips. "This is Commander Uhura, please respond."

Static. Almost as if something had fried his communicator.

Reports were coming in from all over the ship now, and she acknowledged them and rerouted them without ever ceasing her search for a word from Engineering. Thank God she'd done this a thousand times before, because somehow she managed to work competently while the blood pounded through her ears, while her fingers began to tremble and her chest felt so tight she could hardly breathe.

"Yes."

There! Kirk's voice. She was picking it up on an internal circuit between the reactor room and main engineering. Who was where? Was Spock in the reactor room, or Kirk? Was it simply an open circuit? She frowned and tried to hear through the static.

A weak, raspy voice responded to Kirk.

"Don't grieve, Admiral. It is logical. The needs of the many... outweigh..."

Was that really Spock? Although she could never mistake his voice, it was so rough, so hoarse and strained. He sounded as if he were in terrible, wrenching pain, and her own heart lurched in her chest when she realized that Spock had used a contraction: don't. His actual words barely registered as she focused on how inconceivable it was that Spock would use a contraction.

"The needs of the few." Kirk again.

"Or the one." Long pause, and a gasp. Spock, gasping for breath. "I never took the Kobayashi Maru. Until now. What do you think of my solution?"

Oh, God. The Kobayashi Maru.

"Spock." That was Kirk.

Suddenly, his words were swallowed by static, and she wanted to scream, to pound on the console to make him come back. No! She had to hear this, she had to hear---

Just as suddenly, the static subsided to reveal Spock's voice again.

"...long, and prosper."

"No." Kirk.

"Oh, no. No." Her own voice. "Spock, no."

Silence, from Engineering.

Unable to stop the small, choked sound that squeezed from her throat, she bowed her head and closed her eyes. The messages continued to flood into her receiver from all over the ship, but they subsided into a buzzing, whirring background noise. What had she heard? Had she really heard...

No. The thought refused to solidify.

She opened her eyes to see Sulu watching her, incredible confusion on his face. She looked over to see Saavik, proficiently operating her console but glancing every few seconds at Spock's empty chair, fright obvious in the set of her shoulders. All around the bridge, the trainees performed their duties, but they were children. They might have matured into able Starfleet officers when they were called into action, but now, to her eyes, they were scared young children again.

They needed her.

Not completely aware of how she did it, she turned back to her board and began coordinating damage reports, casualty reports, and shipwide operations. They were out of danger now, but there was still a lot to be done. A sense of unreality surrounded her, dulling her senses, and she marveled over the fact that she could lean toward her board, flip a switch, move, breathe, talk... She could keep going.

Gradually, everything calmed. She didn't know how long she'd been sitting here, functioning as automatically and unfeelingly as a robot, but it seemed like forever. No one had reported in from Engineering yet, and she finally couldn't stand it any longer. Knowing that she should probably simply call down there, she nevertheless stood and gestured toward Cadet Inida.

"Cadet, please take over communications. I'm going down to Engineering."

Saavik whirled around in her chair, her eyes wide and frightened. "Take me with you."

"No, Saavik. I'm sorry."

"Please."

Her heart breaking at the pain in the young girl's voice, Uhura shook her head. "Do you want to be removed from duty?"

"I want to go with you."

"Please understand, Saavik. I need to go alone. If you're too upset to stay here, however---"

"No." Saavik swallowed. "Spock would want me to remain at my post. I'll stay here. Just please come back and tell me what is happening."

"I will." Uhura gripped Saavik's arm for a long moment, gaining strength as well as imparting it, then turned toward Sulu. "Mr. Sulu, you have the bridge."

"Yes, sir."

Sulu's eyes were full of pain and sympathy, and Uhura almost lost her resolve. Willing herself to keep moving, however, she turned and walked to the turbolift. One foot in front of the other. Keep going, keep going.

"Engineering."

The turbolift eased into motion. The ride was long, and when it opened onto the corridor, the corridor was even longer. People bustled past, alone and in groups, carrying equipment and empty-handed, their faces smudged and their uniforms scorched, but she didn't see them as she watched the end of the corridor grow nearer and nearer. Engineering.

The doors opened and she stepped into the room. There was McCoy, standing numbly on the lower level. Climbing down the ladder, she noticed that the room seemed to be larger, the lights seemed to be brighter, and the noises surrounding her echoed more sharply and hollowly than ever before.

Her step slowed as she approached McCoy. He didn't see her even though she walked right in front of him. His eyes glazed, he appeared to be in a daze. Scotty, close to the reactor chamber, walked with his head down. She caught a glimpse of red eyes, a puffy face. And there was Kirk, standing beside McCoy, his face as ashen as a corpse. Slowly, she turned so that she could see what they were all looking at.

On the chamber floor, in the doorway, were a pair of gloves, the heavy gloves that Scotty often wore. They had been discarded carelessly, forgotten. Willing her eyes to move beyond them, her gaze traveled slowly toward the interior of the chamber. Two members of the medical staff, nameless, faceless, hovered by a figure stretched out on an anti-grav gurney. There was a sheet over the figure.

Someone had died.

Unwilling to believe, unable to comprehend, she watched as the two people moved the body out of the chamber. The figure was completely covered except for a hand that had slipped off the gurney, and as the small procession passed, her eyes glued themselves to the sight of long, elegant fingers, dangling lifelessly--burned, blistered, a testament to excruciating, horrifying final moments.

Oh, no...

The room spun around her, but somehow she stayed on her feet. Her entire body was rigid, yet she felt boneless. Suddenly, she felt a gentle hand on her arm, and she tore her eyes away from the gurney to see who dared to touch her with warm, living fingers.

It was Kirk.

His grief awful, he looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry, Uhura. I'm so sorry."

She opened her mouth to respond but didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry." His voice caught, and he couldn't continue.

Finally, she found her own voice, and she surprised even herself by the inane words that came from her mouth. "Is he dead?"

Kirk sagged as he stared into her eyes. He didn't answer her question. Turning away, she saw the med techs escort the gurney from the room.

"I have to..." She was cold, so cold. She pulled out of Kirk's grasp and wrapped her hands around her arms. "I have to go back to the bridge. Saavik's waiting to hear. She needs to know."

"Uhura."

She walked away, knowing that if she acknowledged him, she would shatter into a million fragments. She couldn't fall apart, not now. There was too much that needed to be done.

* * * * * * * *

She left the turbolift and walked toward Saavik. The young lieutenant had glanced up the moment the turbolift doors opened, and now she didn't look away. Spock would be so proud. Saavik's face was expressionless, and Uhura could see that she already comprehended everything. When Uhura reached her side, she simply reached out and smoothed the hair away from Saavik's forehead, just like she'd done when Saavik was young and in need of reassurance. Finally, Saavik closed her eyes, and Uhura saw her fight to retain her composure.

Uhura moved to the captain's chair. Seating herself, she took a moment to breathe deeply, then turned to Cadet Inida at communications.

"Cadet. Give me a list of casualties."

"Yes, sir."

Inida downloaded the various departmental reports onto a padd and brought it to Uhura. Uhura accepted it with a nod, then turned her attention to the contents. Name after name--deaths, life-threatening injuries, wounds in need of attention, bumps and bruises. It was all here. She scanned it quickly and noticed that one significant name was missing.

She looked up to see Sulu watching her. His voice unnaturally calm, he asked, "Who, Nyota?"

"I'll just read the list. Cadet Lucille Holloway. Midshipman First Class Hai Thanh. Midshipman Second Class Richard Buckley. Cadet Lee Penningford. Cadet T'Pela. Cadet Christina Appollos. Midshipman Second Class Rodrigo Castaneda. Lieutenant Ili Mbono. Lieutenant Ellen Pickett. Lieutenant Commander Maria Spinelli. Midshipman First Class Peter Preston. Midshipman First Class Samuel Owada. Cadet Omar Quabili. Lieutenant Dakang Sharpe. Cadet Otto Miller. Cadet Brenda Fister. Midshipman Second Class Lois Zumwalt. Lieutenant Thris."

She thumbed off the padd and closed her eyes. "And Captain... Captain..."

Her voice had become unsteady, but she forced herself to continue.

"Captain Spock."

It seemed so inadequate to just say it like this, but it was all she could do. She opened her eyes to see every member of the bridge crew watching her. Some people were too stunned to react and others were crying openly, but Saavik's back was straight, and Uhura could see the grief and pride shining from her eyes. Sulu, too, gazed at her through eyes brimming with unshed tears, and she could see his compassion written in his expression. Chekov, open-mouthed, had grown pale and unsteady, and he gripped his station as if it were all that anchored him to the ship.

She stood. "Sulu, you have the con."

Not knowing where she would go, she left the bridge.

End chapter 3

The Kobayashi Maru II, Chapter 4

0001 hours. A new day. Kirk had returned to the bridge to start putting the pieces back together, so Uhura decided that it was time for her to go elsewhere. She was so weary that she could hardly function, but she knew that the cadets around the ship needed to see her face, to know that she was still here even if their beloved teacher was not. She'd already patrolled the ship once, but she hadn't really seen anything. It was important now that she examine the damage for herself. She also needed to visit the wounded in sickbay. More than anything, she needed to talk to Dr. McCoy.

Almost of their own volition, her feet took her to sickbay first.

Looking up when she walked through the door, McCoy said, "Hello, Uhura. Do you need me to take a look at something?" His eyes were dull, and she could tell that he was operating on autopilot.

"No, nothing like that. Can I see Spock?"

"Oh." Dismay crumpled his face. "You don't want to do that. Really, it's better if you don't."

Finding the strength to speak forcefully, she replied, "Doctor, please. I have to see him. Please. Please."

McCoy studied her face, then dropped his eyes and nodded. "All right. Come with me. I have to warn you that he's, uh, not in good shape. This won't be easy."

He led her through sickbay until they reached a door at the very end of a corridor. The sign on the door said 'Stasis,' but she knew it for what it was. The morgue. McCoy met her eyes once more to make sure she really wanted to do this, then entered the room.

All around them, small red lights glowed to indicate that stasis tubes were in use. In each tube was someone's son, someone's sister, someone's father, someone's lover... A shiver rushed through her, and she didn't know if it was from the room's low temperature or from her own hollow thoughts.

McCoy walked to the first row of tubes without hesitation and keyed a series of commands into a small control. A tube slid out, and he took a deep breath before opening it to reveal a figure shrouded by a silver blanket.

Stepping close, Uhura gently folded back the blanket.

"Spock." Her legs felt weak, but somehow she stayed upright. "Oh, Spock."

The radiation had been so cruel to him, ravaging his handsome, exotic face. His eyes were closed as if he were asleep, but she knew that no one so wounded would repose so peacefully. His wonderful hands, folded across his bare chest, were a horrible ashen color, gnarled where the skin had almost melted away. Even his beautiful, shiny black hair had turned a dull smoky shade, coarse where it had once been slick, mussed where it had always been smooth.

She extended tentative fingertips to brush his cheek. His flesh was clammy beneath her touch. "He's so cold, Doctor. Spock never liked to be cold."

"He doesn't care anymore, Nyota," he said gently.

She closed her eyes. "Yes," she said. "Of course."

"I think that's enough."

McCoy carefully pushed her hand back, then pulled the blanket up over Spock's face and closed the tube. She watched numbly as the tube slid back into place with all the others.

Taking her elbow, he steered her from the room. They walked quietly until they had reached the main portion of sickbay again.

He faced her. "We need to make arrangements."

Still adjusting to the brighter lights, she blinked and tried to focus on his words. "Yes. Yes, we do."

"Spock's last wishes don't specify much about disposition of his remains, except to request that he not be returned to Vulcan. Maybe you and Jim could plan a nice service for him here. I think he'd appreciate that."

She nodded.

"Good. And could I ask you to do something else? His uniform was ruined by the radiation, so I need a new one."

"I'll bring you one."

"Okay." He hesitated for a moment. "You know that Spock still cared very deeply for you."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No, but somehow I just know that it's true."

Grasping his arm, she murmured, "Thank you, Doctor. For everything."

She walked away, unable to bear his compassion another moment.

* * * * * * * *

She looked over at Kirk, then keyed the command to open Spock's door. She hadn't even needed to look up an override, for Spock had always refused to lock his door. They stepped into the room and stood, wordlessly looking around.

Officially, they were here to seal Spock's quarters, but unofficially, she knew that they both simply wanted to be near him one last time. And it almost worked. His quarters looked so unchanged, so familiar, that she expected him to walk out of his bedroom and offer her a cup of tea. She would sit down at his desk and be lulled by his voice as they discussed something trivial. She would laugh and savor his appreciation of her laughter. She had always known that he liked to hear her laugh.

Self-consciously aware that Kirk was waiting for her to make the first move, she walked directly to the closet in the back room. McCoy had suggested that they bring a uniform for Spock, but she had a better idea--his robe. She loved to look at him in uniform, but the long, black robe that he would wear when he meditated was so purely, uniquely him that she knew nothing else would do.

She glanced back at Kirk, then she reached into the closet and retrieved the robe. The fabric was cool and heavy, soothing against her hands, and the slightly spicy scent she always associated with Spock drifted faintly into the air.

"Dr. McCoy wanted me to bring something for Spock to wear, and I... I thought..."

Suddenly, she felt something give within her, and she pulled the empty piece of fabric up against her chest. This robe, so black, so Vulcan, that Spock wore every night when he meditated--it had covered that strong, warm body that she loved, and it would cover it once again, finally, forever. Her knees slowly buckled, and she knelt on the floor as the tears bubbled up from deep within.

"Oh, God. He's gone, he's gone." She buried her face in the crumpled robe. "Spock, yes, oh yes, my answer is yes."

Vaguely, she realized that Kirk had knelt beside her and pulled her into his arms. She leaned against him, seeking support, but she couldn't stop the horrible, wracking sobs that shook her entire body.

"Shhh. Nyota." His voice was unsteady as he smoothed her hair.

"I loved him, I loved him so much, but he left me, he left us all, and I never told him yes. I'm so angry at him, I love him, I want him, oh God, how can I live without ever seeing his face again?"

The pain was so horrible that she thought she would die, too. Gasping and choking, she felt the fabric grow wet against her face. Gradually, though, the tears slowed, and she was able to take a huge, shuddering breath. Her arms dropped, unable to hold their precious burden, and the robe fell limply across her lap. She stared sightlessly at it as she ran her fingers along the embroidered sigil that adorned the front.

Kirk released her, and she looked up to see that his own eyes were brimming with tears.

"He asked me to come back to him," she pleaded, "but I wouldn't. I was too afraid. He wanted me to say yes, but I wouldn't. God forgive me, I wouldn't."

"I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"And now he's gone, and I can never give him my answer. Oh, if only I could go back and do it all over again, I'd do it so differently, I swear I would."

"I'm sure he understood. You should know that he was at peace with himself when he died. He was calm and accepting, as if he didn't have any unfinished business."

"I'm so glad that you were with him at the end," she said thickly.

"Maybe you should have been there instead. When I left the bridge, I was only thinking of myself. I'm sorry if I selfishly took that last chance away from you."

"Oh no, Admiral, no." She placed her hand on his arm. "It was right that you were with him. Even when he was mine, I knew he wasn't all mine. He was so devoted to you. That was one of the things I loved the most about him."

He grinned crookedly. "I don't know of another person who would comfort me when her own heart is breaking. He was lucky to have a loving, compassionate woman like you in his life. You two may have had your ups and downs, but your friendship endured."

"You're right. I have a lot to be grateful for."

"We both do."

She gathered up the robe and he helped her to her feet, and she took one last look around the room as she followed him to the door. She'd had many good years with Spock, and the memories of these last few months, the hours they had spent working side-by-side, would last her forever. They would have to. Because she couldn't make a decision, it finally was all they had. She had failed the Kobayashi Maru, and in doing so, had failed him.

Kirk walked toward the doorway. Just before he activated the sensor that would open the door, however, she said, "Just a minute."

Moving quickly, she crossed the room and stopped before the firepot. The tiny flame still flickered, but she knew that they couldn't leave it like this. She closed her eyes briefly, then blew it out.

She hurried back over to the door, and together they contacted Chekov to inform him that it was time to seal Spock's quarters.

* * * * * * * *

The plaintive wail of the bagpipes filled the chamber as they watched Spock's coffin move slowly toward its destination. Uhura tried to sing softly for the benefit of no one but herself, but she remembered a warm, dark night when she and Spock had sat under the Dantrian stars, and her voice caught in her throat. On that night, she had idly sung "Amazing Grace," and it had prompted a discussion about childhood memories, life, death, and so much more--and on that night, he had asked her to stay. They were not yet ready to take that step beyond friendship, but he had asked her to extend her leave and remain with him and Saavik. Had that been the beginning? That innocent night, when they had enjoyed one another's company so much they had not wanted it to end?

She looked over at Saavik and remembered the energetic little girl who had brought them together. That little girl was gone, and Uhura's chest swelled as she looked at the beautiful young woman who had taken her place, standing at attention with a tear sliding unashamedly down her cheek. She, Uhura, had loved Spock so much, and so had Saavik. Her eyes swept beyond Saavik to Sulu, Chekov, Scott, the students, McCoy, Kirk...

Spock, who had found it so hard to let someone love him, had nevertheless been loved by so many. It was fitting that this group of fallible, illogical humans and one lost, abandoned girl who had needed him more than anyone else in the universe had needed him, be the ones to finally say goodbye.

The casket reached the end of the bay, and Uhura braced herself as the order was given to fire. One moment it was there, the casing sleek and shiny and strangely appropriate, and the next moment it was gone, the entire chamber shaking as the missile was launched into space.

They all stood, waiting for the reverberation of the bagpipes to fade and the floor to cease quaking beneath their feet. When all was silent and still again, they turned and filed from the room.

End part 2