Summary: Uhura becomes the first officer of the Enterprise during Saavik's last year at the Academy.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Kirk, Spock, Uhura and, company. I have just borrowed them for a while, and I will not profit from any of this.

This is part four of a four-part story. It continues my Spock/Uhura universe.

Feedback is desired.

Dedicated to the memory of DeForest Kelley.

The Kobayashi Maru IV, chapter 1

Running the back of her hand across her forehead, Uhura changed a line of code and started her program again. Damn! Gibberish scrolled across the screen, and she knew she still hadn't found the problem. They had been on Vulcan for a over a week now, each involved in the effort to coax the Klingon Bird of Prey into behaving like something more familiar. When she had first tried out the communications console, she'd thought that modifying it to use standard Federation interfaces would be easy. Yeah, right. She'd been working on nothing but this for two days and didn't feel any closer to her goal.

She looked up at the sound of footsteps behind her. "Any luck?"

Scotty grinned. "It looks like ye are in business, lassie."

"Oh, thank you!" She leaned back in her chair and stretched. "You've just made my day. Maybe Klingons think icy cold showers are fortifying, but they were about to kill me. And those sonic showers the Vulcans use just weren't enough. Maybe I'm not 'logical,' but nothing but water will do for this heat and dust. You're a lifesaver."

"Think nothing of it. It was easy to add temperature controls to the shower in your quarters. Now, I just have to do something about the food packs. That Klingon food. Och."

She smiled sympathetically as he grimaced and put a hand over his stomach. Before she could comment, however, she looked up to see Admiral Kirk walking onto the bridge. His expression was somber, and dismay quickly crowded away any elation she had felt over the prospect of a decent shower.

Scotty sighed. "Still couldn't get through to him, could ye?"

"No. The adepts are adamant. They were very polite about it, but it's obvious. They intend to keep us away from him. I think that they're afraid we might 'contaminate' him." Kirk's voice was bitter. "I can accept that Dr. McCoy needs to stay away while Spock is trying to reestablish his own identity, but that just doesn't make sense for the rest of us."

Uhura looked away. "I can't believe they're doing this to us. After all we went through, they won't even let us see him."

"Do they think they can hide him away forever?" Shaking his head, Scotty moved toward the door. "Well, I must go. The Vulcan engineers are waiting on me down in Engineering."

"Of course. Go ahead." Kirk watched Scotty leave, then moved closer to Uhura. "I'm sorry. I wish I had better news for you."

"I know you're doing your best."

"I'm fed up with trying to reason with the adepts. It's obvious that they aren't ever going to listen to me. It's time to go to Sarek and insist that he get involved."

"I agree. When are you planning to talk to him?"

"Right now. Do you want to go with me?"

"Yes."

She saved her program, and they left the Bird of Prey.

* * * * * * * *

Uhura gazed down the long corridor. Although the area appeared deserted, she knew it wasn't, for this was the Hall of the Adepts. This structure, carved from the living rock of the mountain, was where the adepts meditated, studied, slept... It was their universe. Except for the desert and the mountains, nothing existed outside its walls. It was home, family, life.

It was also the barrier that kept her from Spock.

Although it was out of the question, she knew that she could walk down that corridor right now and find him. The adepts had spirited him away after the night of the fal tor pan, and although Amanda and Sarek had been granted limited access, no one else could see him. The adepts had been very explicit in their instructions--Kirk and his crew were provided with simple rooms at the very entrance of the building, but they were not allowed to venture beyond. She and Admiral Kirk were defying those instructions by coming this far, but if they were going to speak with Sarek, they had no choice.

Before she was even certain they had located the right chamber, the heavy door opened to reveal Sarek's aide, Tavik. He nodded, not showing any surprise at their presence.

"Greetings, Admiral Kirk and Commander Uhura."

"Greetings, Tavik," said Kirk. "We would like to speak with the Ambassador."

"Of course."

Without another word, Tavik turned and walked away. Kirk quickly met Uhura's eyes, then fell into step behind the Vulcan. Tavik led them back to a sparse room containing nothing more than a desk, a few chairs, and Sarek.

Sarek looked up from his work but did not speak immediately. Uhura could see the lines of strain etched on his face and frowned slightly at the sight. Shouldn't he be relaxed now? Content to have his son returned to him, serene in the knowledge that all would be well? Instead, concern and uneasiness seemed to surround him, and she felt a sense of foreboding tug at the back of her mind.

Finally, he motioned at two empty chairs. "Please, have a seat. I would assume by your demeanor that this is not a social call."

"No, it's not," said Kirk. "We're here to enlist your help in convincing the adepts to let us see Spock."

"I see." Sarek steepled his hands on the desk. "You do not agree that his interests are best served by your absence."

"No, we don't." Kirk inhaled, obviously trying to control his frustration. "He's our friend, and we want to see him."

"What if your presence causes him pain?"

Uhura hesitated, confused by Sarek's question. "Why would our presence cause him pain?" she asked.

Sarek shifted his dark gaze from Kirk to her, and she could see that he was choosing his words carefully. "The mind is a complicated thing, Commander. It is capable of storing so much. Indeed, every stimulus, every experience, every observation, from birth until death, is filed away. This is true for all of us. What varies from one individual to another, however, is our ability to tap that knowledge and to utilize it. Spock's memories are there, locked within his mind. It is the job of the adepts to reestablish the pathways so that the memories will once again be accessible to him. Is it possible, however, that some memories would be best left unrecovered?"

"You're speaking of the memories of his death," said Kirk.

Sarek straightened. "Such memories are painful, even to a Vulcan. You cannot fault me for seeking to protect my son."

"Forgive me, Sarek," said Uhura, "but you can't possibly be saying that we should stay away from Spock because we'll remind him of his death. Don't forget that we might hold the key to his memories of life. They're all tangled up together. I don't think that you can separate them."

"Consider this. My son has always been somewhat 'conflicted,' if you will, due to his mixed heritage. It has been a great source of discomfort to him. The adepts see this as an opportunity to eliminate that source of discomfort."

"What?" Uhura fell back in her chair as if she'd been struck. "Would the source of that 'discomfort' be his human half? Maybe they see it as nothing more than an inconvenience, but that's not so. Ambassador, I'm terrified by this thought. You have to help us convince them to make him whole again."

"I agree with Commander Uhura," said Kirk. "That's who he is! You can't try to turn him into someone he's not."

"He is already someone he was not," Sarek said firmly.

"Maybe he is now, but---"

"No, Admiral. You do not understand. My son is not the same and will never be the same. That is a fact to which we must all become accustomed."

"It sounds like you've already given up on him," said Uhura.

"I simply wish to make the best of a difficult situation. Do you think that I am pleased with this? Do you think that Spock's mother is pleased with this? We are not, but we must accept what is."

"Ambassador," said Kirk, "maybe you have accepted it, but I have not. I will not. I refuse to accept it. And I'm sure I speak for Commander Uhura when I say that she won't accept it, either." Uhura could see the tension in his shoulders as he spoke. "Besides, I think there's more to this than simply protecting Spock from the painful memories of his death. I've always known that he was never the son you expected. Or wanted."

Although Sarek's control was rigid, Uhura detected just the shadow of a flinch. He'd been through a lot, but she found it hard to feel sorry for him right now.

Kirk plowed on. "You made mistakes with him. You never 'connected' with him. Could it be that this is your chance to ensure you get the perfect Vulcan son you always wanted?"

"You misjudge me, Kirk," said Sarek, his voice low and dangerous.

"Then let us see him. Prove that you want him back, just as he was! Allow us to remind him of his life, his real life, both the good and the bad. We are who he is." Kirk leaned forward, and Uhura could hear a note of triumph creep into his voice. "You said it yourself--your logic is faulty where your son is concerned. Maybe, in seeking to protect him, you're dooming him to only live halfway."

His eyes dark, Sarek didn't react, and the silence stretched between them. Uhura knew that it might be wiser to keep her mouth shut, to let Kirk's words ring in the air, but she finally decided to take the risk and speak. She had to say this.

"Do you think Spock would choose to shut us out?" she asked gently.

Sarek held her gaze for a long moment, but finally dropped his eyes. "I caution you that he is not the same person you once knew."

"We'll deal with that," said Kirk.

"He will not understand how to interact with you."

Uhura tried to keep her voice level. "We'll be patient."

Sarek was quiet for a long moment, then said, "Very well. I will make the arrangements, and my aide will contact you."

Uhura smiled. "Thank you, Ambassador. You made the right decision."

Sarek rose, dismissing them. "That is yet to be seen."

Kirk nodded his thanks, and they left.

* * * * * * * *

His hands clasped behind his back, Spock gazed out the window at the barren, dusty plain. His teachers had informed him that this was his home, and indeed the fierce red sun struck a familiar chord within him. However, he could not help but question why it seemed that there was another place equally familiar. A place that was not so barren, a place warmed by a gentler star. Even more fascinating was the fact that while he sensed that he belonged to both these places, he also knew that he belonged to neither. There was another place, a place he could not yet define, that claimed that distinction.

He did not allow himself to become disturbed by the vagueness of this thought. To do so would be illogical. Disquiet was an emotion and served no purpose. He would wait, and perhaps someday the thought would solidify. If not, kaiidth. What was, was.

Turning away from the window, he straightened at the sound of two sets of approaching footsteps. Although one trod more loudly than the other, it was apparent that neither was Vulcan. Perhaps these were the guests Adept T'Kai had mentioned this morning.

He responded to a light tap on the door. "Come."

The door opened to reveal two humans, a man and a woman, standing in the hallway. They both appeared hesitant, so he stepped forward and motioned them into his room. To do otherwise would be ungracious.

"Greetings. Please enter. I am expecting you."

The two humans smiled as they walked into the room, but neither of them appeared joyful. That was the emotional state he would have expected with such an expression, but according to his teacher, the body language and facial expressions of humans were often at odds with their emotions. This appeared to be the case now.

The man spoke first. "Hello, Spock. We just wanted to see how you're doing. We've been worried about you."

"Thank you for your concern. I am quite well."

The woman approached cautiously. Her brown eyes were very large as she gazed up at him. "Do you know who we are?"

"Yes. You are Commander Nyota Uhura, and you are Admiral James T. Kirk. According to Starfleet records, the three of us served together while assigned to the Enterprise. You, Commander Uhura, were transferred to the Lexington, and shortly after that James Kirk received his promotion to admiral. Most recently, I was the captain of the Enterprise and you were my first officer."

She stepped back sharply, the smile fading from her face. Spock watched her, curious as to what had prompted her negative reaction. He had stated the facts as he knew them. Why, then, was she displeased?

"Are my statements erroneous?" he asked.

"You said that as if you learned it by rote," she replied.

"I did."

Kirk asked, "Don't you remember us?"

Spock allowed a slight crease to form between his brows. Evidently, he had inadvertently broached a sensitive topic. "Although my memories are vague and rather disconnected, I do remember you, Admiral. I apologize, Commander, but I do not recall you. Perhaps that will change in time."

She dropped her eyes, her distress clear, and an instant later they heard a sound from the doorway. Adept T'Kai stepped into the room to signal that it was time for the two humans to leave.

Kirk moved toward the door. "Your father told us that your memories are there--you just can't access them. Try, Spock. Try to remember us. We'd like to come back, and the rest of your crewmates have said that they want to see you, too. Would that be possible?"

"Of course."

Kirk nodded and ushered Uhura toward the door, but at the last moment, she stopped and met Spock's eyes. Obviously, she wished to communicate something to him, but he could not fathom what it might be. He opened his mouth to ask her if she wished to talk further, but she turned and left before he could speak.

He clasped his hands and returned to his survey of the scene outside his window.

* * * * * * * *

He hadn't remembered her. He had looked at her as if she were an utter stranger, with absolutely no recollection of what they had once meant to each other. He knew Admiral Kirk, but he didn't know her.

Wiping away the tear that escaped from the corner of her eye, Uhura rolled onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. Outside her window, she heard a mournful cry, the call of a creature who could only venture into the Vulcan desert at night. What would it be like to know only the fearful darkness, to instinctively understand that your life depended on your ability to hide yourself from not only other creatures but the sun itself?

Today, when she and the admiral had reached the outer room of the Hall of the Adepts, they had found Amanda and Saavik waiting. Amanda had taken one look at Uhura's face and immediately known what had happened. She'd tried to reassure Uhura that Spock would remember someday, but her reassurances had only served to underscore the fact that he didn't remember now. Saavik's eyes had grown wide, and Uhura knew that the young woman had finally been forced to acknowledge the possibility that he might not know her, either.

The adepts insisted that except for his parents, Spock be allowed only one visit a day. Tomorrow would be Saavik's turn. Uhura had offered to accompany her, but Saavik had stated that this was something she needed to face alone. The next day, Uhura knew that Scotty, Chekov, and Sulu would visit, but she figured that they wouldn't be in a hurry to visit again. So, that meant that only Admiral Kirk, Saavik, and herself would be regular visitors, and she would be able to spend time with him every third day.

She couldn't wait to see him again.

End chapter 1

The Kobayashi Maru IV, chapter 2

They fell into a numbing routine as the weeks crept past. Each morning, they would rise and work on the ship. When the heat finally became too much, they'd seek the relative coolness of their rooms in the Hall of the Adepts. Sometimes they'd gather for meals or conversation. Sometimes they wouldn't. Every third day, Uhura drank a cup of tea with Spock, and every third day she came closer to understanding that nothing would ever be the same. What had begun as optimistic hope had gradually deteriorated into hopeless acceptance.

Today had been even worse than ever. Each time she saw him, she made a point to mention some shared experience from their past. She'd always been careful to keep her references vague, avoiding any mention of what they had really meant to each other. For some reason, however, today she had become reckless, and she wondered if she might have finally reached her breaking point.

"Amanda, this is killing me. I've been doing this for almost three months now, and he still doesn't know me. I keep trying to tell myself that I should be grateful just to be near him, but I'm not sure it's worth it."

Amanda smiled sympathetically. "I know, but please don't give up. He'll remember someday, I'm sure of it. You meant too much to him. I refuse to believe that it's lost forever."

"I don't want to believe that either, but maybe I don't have any choice. Especially after... after what happened today."

"What happened?"

Uhura leaned back in her seat and exhaled heavily. "Each time I've seen him, I've tried to think of little things from our past, fairly impersonal things that might lead him to remember without giving too much away. I really wanted him to come around on his own, without my actually telling him. Today, though, I guess I got frustrated, or maybe just impatient. I wasn't so impersonal. I said too much."

"May I ask what you said?"

"When he referred to me as his 'first officer' for the umpteenth time, I finally couldn't stand it any longer. I told him that I was a lot more to him than that."

She closed her eyes as she remembered her actual words.

I wasn't just a fellow officer, Spock. We were friends, and at one time we were lovers! Don't you remember what it felt like to hold me in your arms? Don't you remember how we used to share the flame?

And he had silenced her with his response.

No.

Just like that. Blunt, unemotional, uncaring. No elaboration, no explanation, and no additional discussion.

Amanda brought her back to the moment. "I'm sorry, Nyota. I can see that he didn't remember, and I know that you're hurting. Please keep trying, though. The adepts are convinced they're going to retrain him in the Vulcan mode, and it's up to us to make sure the human in him isn't forgotten."

Uhura nodded. "I'll keep trying. I can't do anything else."

"I know."

Uhura smiled, grateful for the calm sanctuary of Amanda's presence in the otherwise uneasy repetition of her days on Vulcan.

* * * * * * * *

Amanda stood in the doorway and watched Spock as his attention flitted from one computer to the next. Normally, her heart would swell with pride at the effortless speed with which he juggled these difficult questions, but now she knew only sorrow. She thought that he had been returned to them, her beautiful, brilliant, compassionate son, but this man before her was a stranger. He wasn't the person she'd watched grow from infancy through troubled childhood to fulfilled adulthood. The man she knew would never have treated someone important to him with cold indifference.

Was that part of him really gone forever? More than anything, she wanted to guide him, to nurture the gradual rediscovery of the joys that could be his, but each time she tried, he shut her out. He was always perfectly courteous and respectful, but she could see him distance himself. He seemed more in tune with these computers than with his mother and her untidy, unneeded, unwanted emotions.

Somehow, she would find a way to get his attention.

* * * * * * * *

His hands curled into fists, Kirk walked toward the Bird of Prey. He wasn't quite sure how to take this latest bit of news. Maybe Spock had a point, but was this really the best thing? After he had left Spock's room, he had encountered Adept T'Kai in the corridor. The Adept had treated him with scorn, as if he himself were responsible for Spock's decision. Kirk had ended up siding with Spock, but deep down, he agreed with T'Kai. Was Spock really ready for this? Were any of them?

Boarding the ship, he found Uhura and Saavik working quietly on the bridge. They both stopped what they were doing as they watched him approach.

"Did you tell him that we were leaving?" Uhura asked dully.

"Yes, but he already knew. You probably didn't notice, but he was watching us from the ridge when we made the decision yesterday. He figured it out."

"Oh. I'm sure he was very polite about it, but he's probably relieved. Now he can concentrate on his retraining without our constant interruptions."

"Actually, he's coming with us."

Despite his concerns, he almost smiled at the identical expressions of stunned disbelief on their faces. Saavik was the first to find her voice.

"Why, Admiral? Did he give a reason?"

"He did. He stated that because he was present during the events in question, he should give testimony at our trial."

Uhura shook her head. "How much of it does he even remember?"

"Not much, but he said that it would be up to the authorities to determine if he could serve as a legitimate witness. I'm not entirely pleased about this, but I couldn't argue with his logic." He turned toward Saavik. "I hope this doesn't change your decision to stay. Remaining on Vulcan is best for you right now."

Obviously trying to hide her disappointment, she said, "I would prefer to continue spending as much time as possible with him, but there is much for me to learn here. I will stay. I suspect that you would not have allowed me to accompany you, at any rate."

He smiled gently. "You're right. You have a promising career ahead of you. No reason to risk tainting it by association with us."

"You understand that I am not concerned about that."

"Yes, but I am. And I'm sure Spock would agree."

She nodded. "Are you still planning to depart in the morning?"

"Spock says that he'll be ready, so I guess we will."

She came to her feet. "In that case, perhaps I can convince Adept T'Kai to allow an unscheduled visit on the grounds that I will not see him again for an unknown period of time."

"I already asked her, and she consented."

"Thank you, Admiral."

Kirk watched her leave, then turned toward Uhura. She had sat silently throughout his discussion with Saavik, and it was clear that she was troubled. Neither spoke for a long moment.

Finally, she said, "I don't think that he's ever going to remember me. I broke down and told him what we used to mean to each other, but he didn't react. He didn't even care."

"Uhura, I'm sure that's not true. Give him time. It will come back to him."

"Admiral, with all due respect, I've given him time. I've given him understanding, and I've given him every iota of patience I possess. I just can't give any more. There's nothing left in me to give. I'd already decided that I'd had enough, and now..." Turning away, she rested her forehead on her knuckles.

He leaned back in his seat, surprised at the bitterness in her voice. "And now you're going to have to deal with him on a constant basis."

"Yes."

He studied his hands. She was obviously tired and frustrated, but despite that, he never thought he'd see the day when she would simply quit trying. Not knowing what else they could say, he rose and patted her on the shoulder.

"There's a lot to be done between now and tomorrow morning, and I need to tell the others about Spock. I should go now."

Her eyes closed, she said, "Thank you for delivering the news. I can tell that you're not any more comfortable with this than I am."

"No, I'm not, but he's coming with us and his reasons are good, so I'm going to proceed as if it's fine."

She nodded but didn't reply, so he took a deep breath, then headed toward Engineering to look for Scotty.

End chapter 2

The Kobayashi Maru IV, chapter 3

"Systems report--communications."

Uhura looked up as Kirk strode across the bridge. "Communication systems all ready, sir. Communications officer as ready as she'll ever be."

Kirk threw a quick, commiserative smile in her direction, and she could tell that he was relieved by her somewhat improved attitude. When he had checked on her first thing this morning, she had managed to tell him that she felt a little better about everything. It wasn't exactly the truth, but she knew that she couldn't let personal turmoil get in the way of her duty. If she didn't feel better, she'd at least pretend that she felt better.

"Nyota, it is almost time for me to go."

She turned to find Saavik standing beside her. "I know, honey. Enjoy your time on Vulcan. Don't worry about us. We'll all be fine."

Her eyes bright, Saavik didn't comment, and Uhura wondered if she was about to change her mind about staying. A moment later, however, Admiral Kirk called her over to say goodbye. Although Uhura knew that it was a private moment between the two of them, she couldn't help but watch. The background noise of the bridge drowned out their voices, but the look on their faces said it all. This was a difficult goodbye for everyone.

Caught up in the interaction between Kirk and Saavik, she was startled to realize that Spock had entered the bridge. She self-consciously busied herself at her board, but she could see from the corner of her eye that she might as well have not bothered, for he didn't even spare a glance in her direction. Instead, he exchanged a few measured, polite words with Saavik, then moved to his station. The young girl watched him for a moment before dropping her eyes and turning away, and Uhura shook her head.

Couldn't he see how badly he was hurting the people who cared about him?

She, herself, was sick and tired of his new overly polite manner, and it occurred to her that if she had to deal with it one more time, she might just scream.

* * * * * * * *

How do you feel?

Frowning slightly as he familiarized himself with his station, Spock pondered the words that had shone from his computer screens earlier.

How do you feel? How do you feel?

The question was irrelevant. He could not answer it. Indeed, the question was wildly subjective and there was no correct answer. When the computers had paused to await his response, he had turned to find his mother behind him and deduced that she was responsible. Clearly, she had wished to discuss it, but he had instead informed her that he was leaving, and she had dropped the matter. He did not have an answer for her at any rate, so such a discussion would have been an inefficient use of his time.

He returned his attention to his duties as the Bird of Prey rose high into the skies of Vulcan.

* * * * * * * *

Uhura smiled at Scotty, who walked beside her. She was well into the third day of sitting at her station, trying to ignore the solemn presence who so easily ignored her, and when Kirk had suggested she take a break, she hadn't argued. Thank heavens for Scotty--he didn't know anything about what was going on in her life, and it was good to be with him. No looks of pity, no pep talks. Simply his cheerful, uncomplicated, undemanding friendship.

"I hope you don't mind that I dragged you out of Engineering, but I was hungry and ready for a break. This trip seems to be taking forever."

He chuckled. "Of course I do not mind, but ye should enjoy this voyage while ye can, lass. Even though it's not exactly a fine ship, it is a ship. Once they're through with us, it may be a long time before we're allowed on a ship of any sort again."

"True." She sighed. "What do you think they'll do with us?"

"It's hard to say. The charges against you are not so severe, but me?" He shrugged. "None of us are in so much trouble as Admiral Kirk. I would not want to be in his shoes."

As they walked into the Klingon galley, she was so intent on their conversation that she didn't even notice that the room was already occupied. Scotty did, however.

"Hello, Mr. Spock," he said hesitantly. "I hope we are not disturbing ye."

She looked up quickly to see that Spock was seated at the one and only table in the small room. Her mind raced as she tried to think of a reason to return to the bridge, but it was too late.

Glancing up from a padd, he said, "You are not disturbing me."

Although he obviously wasn't eager for their company, he didn't seem to mind, either, so when Scotty nodded and moved to the replicator, she followed. Moments later, she found herself sitting directly next to Spock.

Scotty stirred sugar into his coffee. "I have not had time to speak with ye since we left Vulcan, Mr. Spock. What do ye think of our little ship?"

"It is adequate for our purposes. Although the processing speed of the computers is somewhat slow, I have been satisfied with the level of scanning technology. Also, I understand that you are responsible for upgrading the memory banks, and I am most appreciative."

"Aye, it was a simple matter..."

The rest of Scotty's words faded from her attention as Spock picked up the salt and pepper shakers and put them beside her plate without ever looking away from Scotty. The gesture had appeared automatic--he apparently hadn't even stopped to think--but he had reached out, picked them up, and handed them to her. She hadn't said a word, but he had done it anyway.

Just like he used to do.

Her heart pounding, she stared at the small, utilitarian shakers. When her eyes gradually moved up to his face, she saw just the tiniest hint of a frown crease his brow before he dropped his eyes slightly, as if he had something tickling the back of his mind but couldn't quite formulate the thought. Finally, she forced herself to slowly reach out and pick them up.

He and Scotty continued to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of their little ship, but she didn't hear another word as her thoughts whirled around this seemingly minor event. She was convinced that he hadn't tried very hard to remember her, but could it be that the memories were pushing themselves forward anyway? If something hidden in the back of his mind had urged him to hand her the salt and pepper, could it happen again?

Her stomach in knots, she picked at her food and sneaked looks in his direction, hoping to spot another familiar action, hoping that he would finally realize the significance of what he had done. What did it mean? Did it mean anything? Everything? Nothing?

Soon, they were back on their feet and leaving the galley. Scotty walked with them as far as Engineering, but after that she was alone with Spock. She tried desperately to think of something to say to him, but her mind refused to cooperate, and before she knew it she was back at her station on the bridge.

* * * * * * * *

Only one point six hours from Earth, their unremarkable journey had suddenly become less unremarkable. Readying his board for travel back to twentieth century Earth, Spock reflected on the message that had prompted this change. The Federation president had warned everyone away, stating that a mysterious probe's signals had disrupted the environment to the point that Earth would not survive. This message had been highly disturbing to the crew, so Spock knew that he could hardly be faulted for experiencing a fleeting sense of alarm, himself. After all, their unsettled emotional states could adversely affect efficiency. He had of course quickly suppressed his trepidation and concentrated on solving the puzzle, but surprisingly, the humans continued to operate at optimum performance levels despite their emotions. Fascinating.

He looked up at the sound of Kirk's subdued voice.

"Warp speed, Mr. Sulu."

"Warp two, warp three," counted the helmsman.

Kirk muttered, "Steady as she goes."

Spock raised an eyebrow, uncertain about the purpose of that command. Kirk did not react to his lack of response, however, so he decided that it was not directed at him.

"Warp four."

The ship had begun to shake ominously, but as Spock surveyed the bridge, he found that his crewmates were calm. Admirable. His attention focused on their behavior, he did not realize at first that the vibration of the ship had caused his padd to teeter precariously on the edge of his board. He tried to catch it, but his reaction was too slow and it fell to the floor with a clatter. No matter. He left it where it landed.

"Warp five. Warp six."

The shuddering of the ship became increasingly violent, and Spock found that he was forced to grip the edge of his board. Sulu continued to mark their increase in speed, his voice loud enough to be heard over the noise.

"Warp seven. Warp eight."

Mr. Chekov interjected. "Sir, heat shields at maximum."

"Warp nine! Nine point two. Nine point three."

Evidently speaking to no one in particular, Kirk said, "We need breakaway speed."

Sulu's voice grew agitated. "Nine point five. Nine point six. Nine point seven. Nine point eight."

Suddenly, a tremendous shattering sound caught Spock's attention, and he turned sharply at the sound of a shriek. Her hands in front of her face, Commander Uhura attempted to protect herself from the steam billowing from the side of her station. She met his eyes and shouted, "I'm okay! I'm all right."

He nodded, uncertain why his body's level of adrenaline had apparently just increased. Trying to bring his physiological response back under control, he was distracted by Kirk's next words.

"Now, Mr. Sulu!"

The ship's shuddering created so much noise that Spock was unsure whether the helmsman could hear Kirk's command. Evidently he did, however, for the Bird of Prey leapt toward the sun. The air became very warm, and Spock knew that the humans were struggling to withstand the heat.

They whipped around the sun and began their journey back in time. He tried to monitor their progress on his board, but for some unknown reason, he became increasingly disoriented. Voices wove through his mind, accompanied by overlapping images that he did not recognize yet found disturbingly familiar.

Touch me now.

I never took the Kobayashi Maru test.

Hell, I'd give anything just to talk to her one more time. To tell her goodbye and that I love her.

You're half human. Haven't you got any goddamn feelings about that?

I suppose you want to commune with nature while we eat.

Suddenly, he blinked and found himself delivered back to reality. Around him his shipmates returned to life, and he understood that he had not been the only person so affected. He frowned, unable to deny that he was experiencing a number of troubling sensations. They seemed to have been prompted not only by the very concrete risk to Commander Uhura when her board exploded, but by the less definable, shadowy scenes he had imagined during his fugue-like state. Something had stirred within him when he heard the Federation president's message earlier, as well.

How do you feel?

His mother's question came back to him. While he still would not wish to attempt an answer, he thought that--perhaps--he felt uneasy.

He pushed these thoughts away as the ship landed in Golden Gate Park. Soon, they began their search for the nuclear energy that would repair their dilithium crystals, the method that would convert their cargo bay to a tank, and the humpback whales that would save their future.

End chapter 3

The Kobayashi Maru IV, chapter 4

Chekov spoke into his communicator. "And Admiral, it is the Enterprise."

Imagining Kirk's expression, Uhura grinned while she perched on the rocks under the reddening sky, watching the sun as it crept closer to the edge of the ocean. The water murmured near her feet, and in the distance sat the mighty vessel that would heal their own ship. She felt wonderful. Joyous. Uplifted.

And she knew that Spock had looked up in fright when her board had shattered almost twelve hours ago.

* * * * * * * *

Sitting on the front seat of the ancient fuel-combustion vehicle as it bounced along the road, Spock tried to refrain from touching the humans on either side of him. It was difficult, not only because of the roughness of the ride, but because Kirk was making every effort to be closer to the young woman instead of remaining on his side of the seat.

Kirk leaned forward, trying to draw Dr. Taylor's attention. "You seem to know a lot about whales."

She regarded him warily from the corner of her eye. "I'm a marine biologist. It's my job."

"Come on." Kirk smiled, and Spock raised an eyebrow at the warmth that had entered his voice. "It's much more than a job to you. I can tell! You have a real emotional attachment to the whales."

An emotional attachment... As Dr. Taylor grudgingly launched into a description of her affection for George and Gracie, Spock considered the fact that the emotion was reciprocated. As a matter of fact, when he had melded with Gracie, he had learned that the whales experienced quite a range of emotions. The entire emotional landscape seemed exceedingly complicated to him, laden with traps and pitfalls and unnavigable passages, but to the whales, it was all very simple. Uncomplicated creatures, they experienced uncomplicated emotions. They were fond of Dr. Taylor. They were devoted to one another. They rejoiced in their oneness, and in the newly growing life they had created together. They felt pleasure, and they felt sorrow. Whatever the future might hold, they felt confident in their ability to face it together.

They felt.

How do you feel?

Not pausing to consider his words, he stated, "I am not hungry."

Admiral Kirk and Dr. Taylor both turned to him with expressions of surprise, and he realized belatedly that he had interrupted their conversation. The deed was done, however, so he did not apologize, instead simply waiting for their response.

"Don't you want to have Italian food with us?" Kirk asked.

"No. I do not."

Dr. Taylor snorted and shook her head. "What is it with you two? Do you like Italian or not? We can find something else."

Spock regarded her. "I do not object to Italian food. I am merely not hungry. Perhaps you could proceed without me."

"Maybe Gillian wouldn't mind dropping you off on the way to the restaurant," Kirk said hastily.

Spock detected that Admiral Kirk was not displeased with the prospect of dining alone with Dr. Taylor.

She shrugged. "Sure, I suppose. Where do you live? I really hope that it's not way over on the other side of town, because the traffic can get bad this time of day."

Kirk smiled. "You can take him to Golden Gate Park."

Laughing, Dr. Taylor said, "Golden Gate Park? There's nothing there! Really, I don't mind taking you home. It won't be too much trouble. Please, just tell me where you live."

"You would encounter difficulty delivering me to my home," replied Spock. "Golden Gate Park will be sufficient."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. I suppose you want to commune with nature while we eat. Well, we're only a few blocks away, so I'll have you there in a couple of minutes."

They sat quietly as she navigated the streets of San Francisco, and soon Spock found himself standing on the soft grass of Golden Gate Park. He waited until Dr. Taylor was no longer watching him, then walked through the cloaking envelope and boarded the Bird of Prey.

The ship appeared to be empty. He found no one on the bridge, and upon investigation, no one in the galley or Engineering either. Finally, he encountered Dr. McCoy in the corridor outside the crew quarters.

"You're alone?" said McCoy. "Don't tell me you lost Jim."

"Very well. I do not understand why I would wish to do so, however, since I did not lose him. We met a young woman who is in possession of two whales. Although he is dining with her, I believe that his true intent is persuading her to allow us to take them."

McCoy shook his head. "I should have known that a young woman would come into this somehow. Well, if anyone can 'persuade' her, Jim can."

"Were you successful in locating material for the tank?"

"Yes, and you should have seen us! I swear, Scotty can bullshit his way through anything. We're going to get a six-inch thick piece of plexiglass tomorrow. Sulu's arranging a method of transport as we speak."

"Good work, Doctor."

"Thanks. I guess I'm going to try to rest for a while now."

The doctor nodded, then walked away. Spock watched him for a moment, dissatisfied with this encounter. It was not Dr. McCoy he had actually wished to locate.

Speaking hastily before McCoy could leave, Spock said, "Do you know where Commander Uhura is located?"

McCoy stopped, then turned slowly. Spock could see the doctor assess him, trying to determine his motivation in asking such a question. He began to experience discomfort, but stood his ground.

A strange note in his voice, McCoy said, "She and Chekov aren't back yet, but I heard Scotty tell her that he'd beam her here, and then onto the nuclear ship as soon as she gave the word. Why? Do you need her?"

Spock blinked, uncertain of the answer to that question. "I am merely trying to ascertain her location."

"Oh. Okay. Well, she should be back any minute now."

McCoy continued to study him, but finally turned and entered his room. Alone once again, Spock hesitated, then started toward the transporter room.

Why did he desire Commander Uhura's presence? Evidently, he and she had once shared an intimate relationship, but it was not intimacy he sought now. He sought... He did not know. His thoughts had become increasingly agitated since he left Vulcan, and his meld with Gracie had only intensified the turmoil. For some reason, he simply wished to be near her. It seemed, perhaps, that he might find equanimity there. He had nothing upon which to base such a perception, but something drew him to her nevertheless.

As he approached the transporter room, he heard Mr. Scott's voice. He increased his pace, but the ensuing hum told him that he was too late. He entered the room to see a few final sparkles vanish from the transporter pad.

Scott looked up and smiled. "Why hello, Mr. Spock. I just beamed Uhura and Chekov onto the Enterprise. Incredible coincidence, isn't it? What luck, actually getting to set foot on one of the predecessors of our own Enterprise!"

Spock did not even attempt to point out the illogic of coincidences and luck, as he wondered if the sensation he was experiencing now might be disappointment.

* * * * * * * *

"Hey, Spock. Would you hand me that, uh, doohicky over there?"

Spock glanced up to see that McCoy was pointing to a location on the floor. He had never heard of a tool called a doohicky, but perhaps it was an alternate designation for the magnetic screwdriver near his foot. He picked it up.

"This?"

"Yes, that's it. Thanks."

McCoy accepted it and held it up to the ceiling of the cargo bay. He obviously did not know how to operate it, however, for he fumbled and nearly dropped it.

"Damn!" McCoy shook the tool. "How the hell does this thing work? Scotty? Spock?"

Spock set aside his own tools with the intention of coming to the doctor's aid, but Scott was quicker. Before Spock could resume his work, he heard the sound of approaching footsteps. He moved toward the door and met Kirk as he entered the cargo bay.

"Status," barked the admiral.

"The tank will be finished by morning," Spock replied.

"That's cutting it close. What about team two?"

"No word since beaming; we can only wait for them to call."

Kirk motioned wildly with his hands as he paced. "Damn! Damn it. We've been so lucky. The two perfect whales, right in our hands. If we don't move quickly, we'll lose them."

"In that event, the probabilities are that our mission would fail."

"Our mission? Spock, you're talking about the end of every life on Earth. You're half human. Haven't you got any goddamn feelings about that?"

Kirk stalked out of the cargo bay without waiting for an answer. As Spock watched him go, Amanda's words drifted into his mind yet again, and the associated sensation of confused uneasiness returned.

How do you feel?

Finally turning away, he murmured, "I do not know."

* * * * * * * *

Pausing briefly, Uhura rubbed her eyes. Things had been going so well! How could this have happened? She and Pavel had collected the nuclear particles and had been only moments away from safety. She hadn't argued when he'd told her to go first, because she'd assumed that he would immediately follow. As the hours had crept by, however, she had become more and more convinced that something had gone horribly wrong.

She should never have left him.

Footsteps approached from behind. "Any luck, Commander?"

"No, Admiral." Without looking up, she keyed in a new range of frequencies and restarted her search. "I've programmed the computer to look for a number of key words, but I'm not confident it will help."

"What key words?"

"'Pavel' and 'Chekov,' of course, but those will only work if he's captured and they learn his name. I'm also looking for 'Enterprise' and words like 'intruder' and 'prisoner,' but I get so many hits on some of those that it's all but worthless."

"Commander." He waited until she met his eyes. "Why don't you take a break? You've been sitting here for four straight hours, and after such a long day---"

She shook her head. "Thank you, sir, but I have to keep trying."

"All right." He studied her skeptically. "Let me know, though, if you need to get away. You're not going to do anyone any good if you're too tired to concentrate."

"Yes, sir."

She forced a small smile to her lips, so he nodded and turned away. She watched him cross the bridge to the science station, and although she returned to her work, she could still see him from the corner of her eye.

Addressing Spock, he asked, "How about you? Have you located any other whales?"

Spock steepled his fingers. "No, sir. It is difficult to search from the ground, however. I suggest that we concentrate our efforts on regaining power. We can broaden our search when we become airborne again."

"Yes. That makes sense."

Glancing up at another set of footsteps, she saw that Dr. McCoy had joined them. He patted her on the shoulder as he passed.

"Scotty wanted me to tell you that the recrystallization is going according to schedule, and that there's nothing to be done on the whale tanks until we get the plexiglass."

Kirk frowned. "Why didn't he just call me?"

Folding his arms across his chest, McCoy said, "Because, Admiral, I believe that he wanted to get rid of me."

Kirk chuckled. "I can't say that I blame him, Bones. I heard you when I was just down there. You're not exactly the most cheerful person in the world right now."

"Well, can you blame me?" McCoy held out both hands. "Here we are, in the twentieth century, looking for a couple of whales. If we fail, we're either stuck here or we return and die, and all of Earth dies with us. Our entire fate hinges on this Klingon deathtrap, an admiral who's going to be arrested on sight, a Vulcan with half a memory, a doctor who doesn't have a clue how to build an oversized aquarium..." His voice trailed away in vexation.

Uhura couldn't help but look up at his words. She knew that exhaustion was causing her to overreact, but her spirits edged even further downward at his pessimism. She'd felt so good only a few short hours ago, but now... Now, she wasn't sure they could pull this off. McCoy was wrong about one part of it, though. They wouldn't be stuck here. They'd return to the twenty-third century or they'd die trying.

"Have you forgotten all the times that we've been in worse situations, Doctor?" Kirk asked. "This ship might not be the Enterprise, but she's seen us through a lot, and I recommend that you keep that in mind. We will succeed, and I don't want to hear you suggest otherwise."

McCoy took a deep breath, then ran his hand across his eyes. "I'm sorry, Jim. You're right. It's just that... Well, I know I'm tired and cranky, but..."

Softening, Kirk said, "What's on your mind, Bones?"

"My nerves are shot from sitting around like this." McCoy shook his head. "Usually things either happen quickly or I'm in sickbay where there's plenty to do while I wait. This, though--this is killing me, Jim. I'm entirely useless, and all I can do is think. I keep thinking about the things I should have done, and how badly I'd like to see Joanna just one more time. What if we don't survive? There's so much I should tell her, so much she needs to know. Hell, I'd give anything just to talk to her one more time. To tell her goodbye and that I love her."

Pulling her brows together in sympathy, Uhura knew how he felt. Those words that were left unsaid, those actions that were left undone... The decision not made. Oh yes, she knew exactly how he felt. Remembering her own grief over having glimpsed the road untraveled, she couldn't help but look over at Spock.

And found that he was looking at her.

She caught her breath when she met his gaze. Frowning slightly, he was clearly troubled, and he looked at her with a question in his eyes. The next instant, however, Kirk clapped McCoy on the shoulder and Spock looked away.

"Come on, Bones. Let's go get a cup of coffee. We're going to succeed, and you'll have all the opportunity in the universe to tell her exactly how you feel."

"You're right. I'm sorry for being such a sentimental old fart." McCoy snorted. "Actually, I can already picture her reaction when I tell her all of this. She'll roll her eyes, and that'll be the end of Daddy's maudlin little speech."

Kirk gestured at Spock as he walked toward the door. "There's nothing else you can do here, Spock. Why don't you join us?"

"Yes, Admiral."

Throwing one last glance her way, Spock rose and followed them out of the room. She was too weary to try to understand why he had looked at her like that, so she refocused her attention on learning what had happened to Chekov.

* * * * * * * *

Spock trailed behind Kirk and McCoy as they entered the galley. Something McCoy had said earlier had seemed very familiar. Spock had experienced something like that, himself. He was sure of it. What it was, however, eluded him. The thought would not solidify, floating just outside of his reach.

Kirk stopped in front of the replicator. "Do you want tea?"

Spock did not realize at first that the admiral had addressed him, but finally roused himself. "Yes, Admiral."

Kirk nodded and spoke to the replicator. "Two coffees and one tea."

Their beverages appeared in the slot, and Kirk picked up both coffee cups and headed toward the table. Spock reached for his tea, but hesitated.

McCoy had said that he wished to speak with his daughter one last time so that he could eliminate unresolved communication. He wished to simply say goodbye, and he wished to hear her answer.

No...

Spock frowned. McCoy had said nothing about an answer. From where had that thought originated?

"Spock? Are you coming?"

He turned to find Kirk and McCoy seated at a table and watching him expectantly, so he picked up his tea and joined them.

End chapter 4

The Kobayashi Maru IV, chapter 5

Rubbing the back of her neck, Uhura converted the display on her chrono to local time: 0153. Chekov had been missing for almost seven hours. If he'd merely lost his communicator, he would have easily found his way back by now. There was no doubt--something was definitely wrong. She took a deep breath and expanded her parameters to include the hospitals and the morgues, but she accidentally hit the wrong switch when she started the new scan. Feedback squawked from her receiver, and she yanked it out of her ear and tossed it onto her station with disgust.

"Damn it! Damn it all!"

"Having a few problems, Commander?"

She whipped around in her seat to see Kirk step onto the bridge.

"Sorry, Admiral." She wrinkled her nose in embarrassment. "I just made a stupid mistake, that's all."

He hitched a hip onto the side of her station. "If you're making stupid mistakes, maybe it's time for a break. You're tired, you're frustrated, and you've been at this much too long."

"I can't take a break. We have to find Chekov! He's in terrible trouble, I just know it."

Kirk motioned her out of the chair. "Maybe I'm not an expert like you, but I think I can manage for a while. Go. Take a break."

"I don't think---"

"That's an order, Commander. Leave, and I don't want you to come back for at least one hour. Understood?"

"Yes, sir." She reluctantly came to her feet. "I've already programmed it to---"

"I know, Commander. Go."

She grinned sheepishly. "Maybe a cup of coffee and a shower would be good right now."

"That's the spirit. Try to relax."

"Thank you, sir."

He nodded and turned away, so she had no choice but to leave. She paused in the doorway to watch for a moment, but he appeared to have matters well in hand. Good enough. He was right. She needed to take her mind off of things for a little while.

She felt like a zombie as she headed toward the galley. Giddy with exhaustion, she wondered fancifully if she might be sleepwalking. Maybe she'd wake and find that Chekov was still with them... No, they were still returning from Vulcan and never had to travel back in time in the first place...

Hell. If she was going to fantasize about it, why not really fantasize? Their training cruise with Saavik had gone smoothly, and they never encountered Khan. They never ran into trouble and never had to fight. Spock didn't die. Any minute, she would wake up and discover that she was still on the Enterprise, and she'd run, not walk, to his quarters and tell him yes, yes, yes.

She shook her head as she entered the galley. No, this wasn't a dream. It might be a nightmare, but there was no doubt that she was awake. She ordered her coffee and carried it to the table.

Yawning, she sat down and tried to get comfortable. Not only were the chairs too big and hard, she could hardly hold her head up. Maybe she'd just fold her arms on the table and rest her head. Just for a few minutes while her coffee cooled enough to drink.

* * * * * * * *

"Commander. Commander, wake up."

She groggily raised her head and tried to understand where she was. This looked like the galley, and, uh, there was her coffee. Oh yes, she'd taken a break from the bridge. The bridge! How long had she been asleep? She straightened with a jerk and only then realized that Spock was in the chair next to her.

"Spock! What time is it?"

"Local or ship standard?"

"It doesn't matter! Uh, local." She pushed her hair back with both hands as she tried to clear the cobwebs from her brain.

"The local time is 0204."

"Oh, thank heavens. I've only been asleep for a few minutes."

He tilted his head. "Would you not be more comfortable in your quarters? I considered allowing you to sleep, but your position was so awkward that I knew you would be stiff later."

"I'm glad you woke me. I hadn't meant to sleep at all. I'm due back on the bridge in less than an hour, and I just stopped here for a cup of coffee on the way to my quarters."

"I see. I was actually en route to my quarters, as well. Perhaps I could escort you."

"I'd like that." She picked up her coffee and stood. "How are things going in Engineering?"

He fell into step beside her. "The recrystallization process is slow, but our progress is steady. I see no reason why we will not have full power by the morning."

"That's good, although it worries me. If we haven't found Pavel by then..." She shook her head. "It would be inhuman to just go off and leave him, but what will we do if power is restored and we have the whales? What if every second counts?"

He looked at her as if troubled by her words, but when he finally spoke, his tone was as conversational as always. "Am I to assume that you have uncovered nothing new pertaining to Mr. Chekov's whereabouts?"

"No. Not a sign. Admiral Kirk is looking now, so maybe he'll find something I missed."

"I find that unlikely, Commander. I am quite aware of your skill with communications. Ah. Your quarters."

Distracted by the unexpected compliment, she stepped through the door as if this was merely one more time he had walked her to her quarters with the unspoken assumption that they would share a late cup of tea. She was so tired that she acted out of habit, and she realized what she had done the instant the door slid shut behind her. Turning quickly to apologize for leaving him in the corridor, she found that he had followed her in.

As she watched, the realization of what he had done seemed to hit him, and she couldn't help but smile despite the awkwardness of the situation. He drew himself up.

"I will allow you to rest now, Commander."

"All right. I'll see you later, Spock."

He took two steps toward the door, but before it could open, he stopped. Neither of them spoke, and she held her breath as she waited to see what he would do.

When he finally faced her, she was stunned by the look in his eyes. The overly polite composure that she'd so hated was gone--the man before her was anything but composed. He searched her eyes, and she couldn't have spoken even if she'd known what to say.

"I wished to know your answer," he said softly.

She shook her head, not understanding.

He edged slightly closer. "I knew I would die, and I wished that I could speak with you one last time so that I could hear your answer. I do not remember the question, but I know that the answer was important to me."

Fighting to control the pounding of her heart, she whispered, "You asked me if I would become your lover again, and you were waiting for my answer."

His eyes distant, he tightened his lips as he nodded. "Yes. That is it. You were uncertain. You did not think I could be honest with you, but I knew you were wrong..." He frowned, his voice trailing away as he tried to remember.

"Yes, Spock. Yes." She stepped closer to him. "I was afraid and I hesitated, and in hesitating, I failed. I failed, just like before. You tried to tell me that I was only repeating my old mistake, but I didn't listen."

"I never took the Kobayashi Maru test."

She blinked back a burning in her eyes at the echo of his dying words. "No, you didn't," she said shakily, "but I did. Do you remember? You told me that making the wrong decision was better than making no decision at all."

Looking away, he shook his head, and she had to restrain herself from reaching out when she heard the pain in his voice.

"I see glimpses... fragments of memories, but they dart into my mind and vanish before I can capture them. I am confused. I cannot ignore the stirrings within me, yet I cannot grasp what they mean. It is all so complicated, these emotions."

"Emotions are complicated."

"But why? Why is that so? When Admiral Kirk and I found the whales yesterday, he assumed that we could do as we pleased with them. I, however, experienced reservations. They are living, sentient creatures, and they deserved to know their fate. I dove into the tank and melded with one of them. The experience made me think of you."

She looked up at him from under lowered brows, and the softness faded from her voice. "Let me make sure I understand this. You melded with a whale, and you thought about me."

"That is correct." He leaned closer, completely unaware of her reaction to his statement. "The whales feel, Commander. Their emotions are simple, but they feel many things. They know happiness and sorrow, pleasure and pain. They trust, and they love. I found it highly disturbing, yet intriguing. I remember a time when it all seemed clear to me as well, but now it is too complex. Every time I attempt to organize these sensations logically, I merely become more confused."

She smiled gently. "That sounds perfectly normal to me. You can't always compartmentalize one emotion from the next, and you can't always expect to understand your emotions with perfect clarity. The fact that they're complicated doesn't make them any less valid."

"It is not only the emotions. There is so much more." He shook his head again. "I seek... something. I know that I am incomplete, but illogically, the more I remember, the more incomplete I become. A part of me is missing and I yearn to become whole, but no matter how hard I search, it eludes me. Earlier, when I watched you sleeping in the galley---"

He halted as if afraid he might say too much.

"Go on," she urged. "You can tell me."

Still avoiding her eyes, he said, "When I watched you sleeping in the galley, I wanted to touch you. You were very peaceful, and it seemed that I could find peace, too, if I could only place my fingers against your cheek. I knew that your flesh would be cool and your skin soft, and I wished to feel that against my own flesh. Somehow, I knew that the answer to all my questions, to all that I seek, lay beyond that simple gesture."

Careful not to spook him, she slowly put down her coffee and moved close. "Touch me now."

He took a single hasty step backward. "I should go. You must rest---"

"I don't want to rest. I want you to touch me. This is the Kobayashi Maru test, Spock. We can go forward, or we can fall back. If we fall back, we may not lose anything, but we won't gain anything either. I vote that we move forward with no more hesitation, no more missed chances. This time, we're going to save both of us."

He studied her for a long moment, then finally, cautiously, lifted his hand. He didn't touch her immediately, instead pausing with his fingers so close that she could feel his heat against her cheek. Gradually, however, he lowered them until she felt just the lightest contact, whisper-soft and experimental. His entire bearing was focused and intense, and when she looked into his eyes, she saw that he was captured by the feeling of his fingers against her skin.

Her eyes fluttered shut as she welcomed his mind into her own, but when he made no attempt to touch her thoughts, she realized that he was content with the tactile sensations alone. He was drinking her in, exploring the contours of her face, relishing the sheer novelty of physical contact with another being. Her breathing slowed, and an old, familiar warmth stirred inside. Just being near him, feeling him touch her like this... Oh, yes.

Mesmerized, she realized that her arm had risen as if it possessed a will of its own. She gently covered his hand with her own and turned her face until her lips brushed against his palm. He gasped, and when she peered up through her lashes, she saw that his eyes were closed and his lips were parted.

He swallowed. Not opening his eyes, he said, "Ah, yes. I recognize this... this unrest. It is familiar. I have felt it before. Need... Physical, mental, emotional. A desire for oneness. A desire for that which completes me."

Her lips still against his palm, she murmured, "You said once that I completed you. Touch my thoughts, and you'll see."

Without speaking, he shifted his fingers and found the meld points, and she heard herself moan when he slipped into her mind. This was what she had wanted for so long. They stood so close to one another that it was a simple matter for her to press her body against his, and it seemed only natural that he would slide his arm around her back and pull her even closer. She could feel his breath against her upturned face, and her knees grew so weak that she might have fallen if not for his strength.

"Nyota," he said victoriously.

She could hardly speak for the catch in her voice. "Yes."

"I know you. You are Nyota."

"That's right, Spock. I'm more than just a coworker, more than just a friend. Do you remember that now?"

"Yes, but..." A shadow crossed his face. "There is still much that I do not know, and even more that I do not understand."

"It doesn't matter. We'll find the answers together." She backed out of his grasp but caught his hand before it dropped. "I came here to take a shower, and my intention hasn't changed. Join me."

"Is that wise? I see in your thoughts that you want so much from me, but I am not certain I can provide it."

"Spock." She tightened her hold on his fingers. "We don't know what tomorrow will bring. If this is the Kobayashi Maru, we might stumble or we might be ambushed by Klingon ships, but none of that will matter as long as we don't lose sight of our destination."

"We are unlikely to encounter Klingon ships while on twentieth century Earth."

She grinned. "Spock, this is a Klingon ship."

He lifted an eyebrow. "True. So, are you telling me to 'damn the torpedoes'?

She felt her eyes fill with tears at his reference to their conversation of so long ago. Laughing, she said, "Yes! Damn the torpedoes, and damn what the future may bring. Yesterday is gone, and there might not be a tomorrow. All we know for certain is that we have today." Sobering, she whispered, "Come with me. Hold me close. Make love to me."

He studied her for a long, long moment. When he finally nodded, she tugged on his hand until he followed her to the shower.

* * * * * * * *

The water streamed down her face as he spread the soap over her body, and he did not know if she was crying or if it was merely an effect of the shower. He relished the feeling of her smooth shoulders, her full breasts, and her flat, toned belly under his hands, and she leaned her head back as he spread the white, frothy soap over her dark curves then watched the water wash it all away again.

"Oh, yes. Spock."

She moaned as his hand moved lower, and he felt his own voice match hers as she grasped him, drawing her slippery hands along his length, reaching between his legs to cup his testicles. Not ceasing his rediscovery of her body, he bent his head and pressed his lips to hers. Although he remembered kissing her before, it all seemed very strange and wonderful to him now. He experienced a moment of hesitant shyness, but he gradually deepened the kiss as he gained confidence. She responded eagerly, and when he blindly entwined his index and middle fingers with her own, he knew that he could not wait another moment for consummation of this union.

Drawing her down with him, he sat on the shower floor. He gasped against the water that ran in torrents over his face, but somehow it seemed oddly appropriate. Soothing and cleansing, making all new again, it filled his senses just as she did. She knelt with her knees on either side of his hips, and he watched the water run from the top of her head and across her radiant features, the rivulets streaming between her breasts, the spray bouncing away in tiny explosions where it landed all around.

Grasping him firmly in her hand, she lowered herself, and he closed his eyes as he felt himself slide into her soft tightness. When he opened his eyes again, he found a smile on her face.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Because I'm so happy. I thought that I would never feel this way again, and it's good, so good." Her smile grew larger. "And because I really hope we don't both drown before we're done."

He ran his fingers across her upturned lips. "We will not drown."

As he studied her, he saw her joyful smile grow seductive, and a moment later she carefully began to move. He caught his breath at the almost overwhelming sensations, but soon he wrapped his arms around her back and shifted so that he could move with her.

Never breaking eye contact, he reached up and found the meld points again, and this time his entry into her mind was neither tentative nor experimental. Knowing what he wanted, he burst into her thoughts, and the relief he experienced upon being there was matched only by her joy in welcoming him. Plunging into her, surrounded by her, he felt her climax build, and when she exploded over the edge, he finally could not maintain eye contact any longer. He buried his face against her breasts, his hand falling away from her temple, and he felt her pull him close as he emptied himself into her depths.

Gradually, he became aware again of the water beating down against his back, and he straightened so that he could see her face. He did not know what to say to her, studying her expressive features as he struggled to find the words to describe what he felt right now.

Because he did feel. He felt much. He could not deny that the emotions coursed through him, but it seemed that he might simply be buried beneath their sheer intensity.

She looked into his eyes for a long moment, then placed her hands on either side of his face. "It will be all right," she murmured.

He nodded, unable to reply.

Finally, she leaned forward and kissed him. Her lips were soft against his, and he closed his eyes. All too soon, however, she broke the kiss and said, "Water off."

The shower dwindled to just a bare trickle then ceased entirely, and he knew that it was time for her to return to the bridge.

End chapter 5

The Kobayashi Maru IV, chapter 6

Starting her series of scans all over again, Uhura looked at the chrono and realized that it was almost 0700 hours here in San Francisco, time for what used to be known as the 'rush hour.' People were rising, businesses were opening, and things were generally becoming more active--including the comm traffic. Even though nothing had really changed in her search for Chekov, she felt her spirits begin to lift despite themselves, and she didn't think it was due only to... that.

She smiled to herself as she thought about 'that.' She hadn't seen Spock since they had parted at her door nearly four hours ago, but she knew that he was working with Scotty down in Engineering. She could just picture him--his handsome face, his graceful movements, his intense, intelligent expression--and the mere thought made her heart beat faster. Everything that had happened last night seemed so dreamlike now, and she wondered how they would react to each other in the light of day. Would they feel awkward again? Shy, like a couple of strangers? He still seemed so lost, so unhappy---

Her board beeped, and she nearly jumped out of her chair. Expecting this to be merely another false alarm, her mouth dropped open when she saw what it was. The scan had matched Pavel's first and last names, and the band was emergency medical. Oh, Lord.

Trying to act calmly, she retrieved the message and listened to it, then listened to it again. The blood rushed through her ears as she played it a third time--she had to make sure she extracted all the pertinent details. Finally, she toggled the switch that would connect her to the cargo bay.

"Admiral, are you there?"

Kirk's voice came from the speaker an instant later. "Yes, Uhura. What's wrong?"

"I've located Chekov, sir. They're taking him to emergency surgery right now."

"Where?"

"Mercy Hospital."

As she listened, Kirk repeated her words. She opened her mouth to give him more information, but an unfamiliar female voice said, "That's in the mission district."

Who was there with him? She frowned and filed her question away for the future. It was more important to take care of Pavel right now. "They report his condition as critical. He's not expected to survive."

The sound of heavy footsteps came over the speaker, followed by Dr. McCoy's voice. "Jim, you've got to let me go in there. Don't leave him in the hands of twentieth century medicine."

"Admiral." Spock joined the conversation. "May I suggest that Dr. McCoy is correct. We must help Chekov."

There was a long pause, then Kirk said, "Is that the logical thing to do, Spock?"

"No." Spock's voice was warm. "But it is the human thing to do."

Uhura could hear incredulity in Kirk's tone as he replied, "Right." The ensuing discussion about Pavel's rescue drifted into background noise as her mind fixated on what Spock had said.

It is the human thing to do.

The human thing. This, from Spock! What a simple, beautiful statement.

Suddenly, it was all too much--her relief over finding Pavel, the emotional roller coaster of the last few days, her utter exhaustion, the impact of Spock's simple words. Quickly turning off the comm channel, she covered her face with her hands and bent over her board, and the tears welled up from deep inside, loud, gasping sobs that wouldn't be denied.

"Damn!" Irritated with herself for falling apart, she repeated, "Damn!"

Thank heavens she was alone. She wouldn't want anyone to see her like this. Wresting back her control, she shut down her searches and roughly dashed the tears away from her eyes. She couldn't stop thinking about what Spock had said, however.

It is the human thing to do.

Her voice choked with emotion, she laughed and said, "Yes, Spock. Yes, it is."

* * * * * * * *

Spock placed a padd on Kirk's chair and hurried to his station, aware that Kirk and McCoy had returned to the ship with Chekov. He glanced over at Uhura as he crossed the bridge, but she was busy and had evidently not yet noticed his arrival. Unfortunate. He would have preferred to establish contact with her, even if it were only a visual acknowledgment, but time was of the essence.

As he worked to restore the ship's power, he attempted to analyze the sensations coursing through him. His heart rate had definitely increased when he walked onto the bridge, and he assumed that it was due to Uhura's proximity. He had also experienced pleasure when he heard that Chekov was well and back on board. Finally, he felt a certain anticipation at the prospect of retrieving the whales and returning to the twenty-third century--perhaps this was excitement. Something ingrained deep within told him that he should fight this, that sensations such as these were distasteful, but truly... Were they? He felt his confusion return, making everything murky once again.

Sweeping onto the bridge, Kirk demanded, "Where the hell's the power you promised, Spock?"

He answered in exactly the same tone of voice. "In one damn minute, Admiral."

Glancing up at the sound of a quickly muffled laugh, he saw Uhura grinning at him. He held her eyes for moment, trying to understand what she found humorous, but they both turned away in surprise when they realized that Dr. Taylor had followed Kirk onto the bridge. Looking from Uhura to the newest arrival, then back at Uhura again, he raised an eyebrow at the expression on her face. Perhaps he, himself, had not expected to see the young doctor on the bridge at this juncture, but Uhura obviously had no idea about her identity.

He watched her for another moment, then turned back to his work.

* * * * * * * *

Shielding her eyes from the driving rain, Uhura clung to the side of the ship and alternated between watching the hatch and scanning the dark, choppy water. She had assumed that their problems would be over if they could simply make it back to the twenty-third century, but her sigh of relief upon arriving had been short-lived. They'd lost power at the same instant they heard the probe's signals, and their harrowing return to Earth had ended with a crash-landing in the ocean under violently stormy skies. Had they come all this way simply to fail after all? There was no sign of the whales, and Admiral Kirk, Scotty, Dr. Taylor, and Spock were all missing. Where were they? They had to get out of the ship, because in just the short time she'd been out here, the water had begun to lap ominously ever higher. This ship was going down, and it was going to take all of them with it.

She looked up at the sound of Scotty's voice to see him climb out of the hatch. He then turned and helped Dr. Taylor, and Spock emerged right behind them. They exchanged some quick words, and she could tell from the looks on their faces that something had gone horribly wrong. She waited for Admiral Kirk to step out behind them, but the doorway remained conspicuously empty. He must still be with the whales, but why? What was happening down in the cargo bay?

Leaning over as far as she dared, she caught Spock's eye and read his concern. The water was nearly to his waist, and she tried to indicate that he should climb up where it wasn't so deep. He shook his head, however, tensely refusing to budge. Obviously he intended to stay near the hatch until Admiral Kirk joined them, and Uhura knew that if it came right down to it, he'd go after Kirk before he'd save himself. She could only hope that she wouldn't have to watch the ship go down with both men inside, probably only minutes before she drowned, herself.

Suddenly, Kirk's head popped up from the water directly beside Spock, and she went limp when Spock quickly reached down and grabbed him. The admiral retched and gasped, and as Spock held him above the waves, she saw Kirk nod, then look out at the water. Obviously, he expected the whales to appear.

A minute dragged by, then another. She wrapped her fingers around Chekov's shoulders, but didn't look away from the water.

There! Was it...?

Yes! A huge beast slapped its tail against the water with a powerful splash, and everyone smiled and cheered. Goosebumps rippled down her arms as she realized that this creature, an animal she had never expected to see, now swam free in the ocean of the twenty-third century. A being that had been hunted to death was now given a second chance at life, and in its rebirth, it would give Earth a second chance at life as well. And would give her and Spock a second chance at living.

As if reflecting her spirits, the clouds parted to reveal the bright, fiery sun, and she had to squint against the blinding light that sparkled from the waves. Her eyes watered as she watched the whales, and she marveled over the combination of massive strength and carefree, jubilant abandon.

At the sound of a playful shout, she turned just in time to see Kirk pull Dr. Taylor into the water. An instant later, Dr. McCoy jumped from his perch, and when Chekov and Sulu followed, she didn't hesitate to leap in after them. Laughing, she surfaced to see that Kirk had climbed up onto the ship, and he and Spock were the only two still out of the water. Spock was clinging to the handholds, trying his best to avoid being dragged into the water, but Kirk tugged with all his strength and threw Spock in.

Spock came up coughing and spitting water right next to her, and she moved closer, worried that he might need help. He wasn't a strong swimmer even under the best conditions, and weighed down with that heavy robe, he might have real problems. When he met her eyes, however, she saw that she needn't have worried. He was clearly fine, and it almost appeared that he was enjoying himself. Really? Spock, enjoying swimming in the ocean? She laughed loudly, exuberantly happy and wanting to share her happiness with him. Before she could speak, however, he turned and looked up at the sky. When she followed the direction of his gaze, she saw a shuttlecraft emerge from the puffy white clouds.

Her giddiness vanished as she watched the shuttle descend. It was time to go back--back to land, back to reality, and back to the Federation Council. It was time to face up to their crimes.

End chapter 6

The Kobayashi Maru IV, chapter 7

Spock watched his shipmates walk through the door in single file. Their footsteps echoed through the grave, still silence of the Federation Council chamber, and he rose from his seat and fell into step between Kirk and McCoy.

Straightening his shoulders, he faced the Federation President.

"Captain Spock, you do not stand accused."

"Mr. President, I stand with my shipmates."

"As you wish." The president regarded the officers standing before him. "The charges and specifications are..."

Because Spock had already studied every word of this accusation in great detail, he allowed the president's words to fade into the background. He was very aware of Uhura, who stood just on the other side of Mr. Scott. Her initial shock at his action had been quite noticeable, but when she recovered enough to lean forward in an attempt to draw his attention, he pretended not to see her. He had known that she would not agree with his decision to accept their punishment, so her expression of disapproval was no surprise. At any rate, the matter was not open to discussion, not even discussion of the nonverbal sort. Memories of his many years with these people had begun flooding into his mind at a phenomenal rate, and he knew that this was the only possible outcome. They had stood by him throughout his ordeal. Now it was time for him to stand by them.

He brought his attention back to the moment when the President said, "Admiral Kirk, how do you plead?"

"On behalf of all of us, Mr. President, I'm authorized to plead guilty."

"So entered. Because of certain mitigating circumstances, all charges but one are summarily dismissed. The remaining charge, disobeying orders of a superior officer, is directed solely at Admiral Kirk. I'm sure the admiral will recognize the necessity of keeping discipline in any chain of command."

"I do, sir."

"James T. Kirk, it is the judgment of this council that you be reduced in rank to captain---"

Spock had remained at attention when the President announced that all charges were dropped, but he was so surprised by this development that he looked at Kirk. The other man's control was ironclad, and Spock hastily covered his own lapse by facing forward again for the remainder of the sentence.

"---and that as a consequence of your new rank, you be given the duties for which you have repeatedly demonstrated unswerving ability, the command of a starship. Silence! Captain Kirk, you and your crew have saved this planet from its own shortsightedness, and we are forever in your debt."

As the crowd applauded wildly, Spock stood unmoving, too stunned to comprehend the meaning behind the president's words. Kirk had acted impetuously in coming to Genesis--not merely disobeying orders but breaking almost every rule in doing so--and the Council had chosen to reward him? Could it be? He met Kirk's eyes and saw the same disbelief in the admiral's--or rather, the captain's--expression.

Before he could ask Kirk his opinion of the verdict, they were swept into hearty congratulations from every direction. People he knew well, people he had met on occasion, complete strangers--they all came forward, overwhelming in their enthusiastic joy. Spock nodded politely, outwardly calm but inwardly bewildered. Could it truly be this easy?

A commanding voice interrupted his thoughts. "Captain Kirk, Captain Spock. Could I have a word with both of you?"

He turned to see Admiral Morrow approaching, and he glanced over at Kirk before moving away from the crowd.

"First, I wish to thank you," said Morrow. "As the president said, we are forever in your debt."

Kirk grasped Morrow's outstretched hand. "Thank you, Admiral. I know that you were ready to have my head, and I appreciate your generosity in overlooking my infractions."

"As Captain Spock might say, it would be illogical for me to punish the entire Fleet by removing you from service."

Spock nodded. "Very well put, Admiral."

"Thank you, Captain Spock." He turned back to Kirk. "So now we have a dilemma, Captain. The finest command team in Starfleet history stands before me, but they're both captains."

"I do not perceive that as a dilemma, Admiral," said Spock. "I offer my services as Captain Kirk's first officer."

Morrow smiled enigmatically. "I thought you might say that, which now means that I have a different dilemma. Starfleet's finest command team has been reunited, but they don't have a ship. I'm afraid that I can't conjure one up from thin air, but what would you gentlemen say if I told you that we have a ship in spacedock that's almost operational? One that needs quite a bit of work, but that also needs a captain."

Kirk grinned. "Would that ship also need a first officer, a chief medical officer, a chief engineer, a communications officer, a helmsman, and a navigator?"

"Yes, Captain. It would."

Kirk glanced over at Spock for confirmation, then extended his hand. "We accept, Admiral."

"Excellent. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go inform the others."

Kirk nodded with dignity, but as soon as Admiral Morrow moved away, he punched Spock on the arm. Spock raised both eyebrows as he turned to the other man.

His hands in fists, Kirk said, "Yes! We did it, Spock! We have a ship. I still can't believe it, just when I thought it would be all over."

"You may wish to learn exactly what ship we will have before you celebrate. I find it unlikely we will be given another ship the caliber of the Enterprise, or at least not until we have proven ourselves again."

Kirk's eyes clouded slightly at the mention of the Enterprise, and Spock chastised himself for mentioning it. Before he could attempt to undo the damage, however, Kirk shook his head fondly. "Spock, there will never be another ship the caliber of the Enterprise."

Spock tilted his head, caught by the odd quality in Kirk's voice.

Kirk continued. "But you know what? That doesn't matter. We're all together. When I started the self-destruct sequence for the Enterprise, I knew that I was doing the right thing. Somehow, in the time since then, I forgot."

"Forgot what, Captain?"

"That a ship is only a ship."

"Ah. Of course. It is the people who truly matter."

Kirk smiled as he regarded Spock. "That sounded suspiciously emotional to me. Aren't you going to provide a logical explanation to go with it?"

Spock frowned slightly, uncertain exactly what he had meant. As he paused to consider, however, an excited laugh burst from the crowd. He recognized that laugh, and he looked up to see that Commander Uhura was speaking with Admiral Morrow. Although he could only see the back of her head, it was clear that Morrow had told her of his plans, and that she was pleased. And... she should be.

Slowly, the realization of what had truly happened began to solidify in his mind. They were together. All was forgiven. Tomorrow would be bright, as would be a legion of tomorrows. This elation that the others were experiencing--was it evidenced by an increased heart rate? A sensation of lightness, a desire to meet the future with confident expectation? Just as he had felt fright when the panel exploded on the bridge, just as he had felt sorrow at the thought that they might fail, just as he had felt pleasure when the whales surfaced, just as he felt a warm desire for oneness when near Nyota... he now felt joy. Pure, unabashed joy.

He felt.

And it was good. It was right.

He turned, searching for Nyota, but instead found a rapidly emptying room. He had been so caught up in his own thoughts that he had not even realized that everyone was leaving. His father stood at the front of the area, obviously waiting for an opportunity to speak with him, so he walked in that direction.

"Father."

"I am returning to Vulcan within the hour. I would like to take my leave of you."

"It was most kind of you to make this effort."

"It was no effort. You are my son. Besides, I am most impressed with your performance in this crisis."

"Most kind."

"As I recall, I opposed your enlistment in Starfleet. It is possible that judgment was incorrect. Your associates are people of good character."

"They are my friends."

"Yes. Of course." Sarek nodded. "Do you have a message for your mother?"

Spock paused.

How do you feel?

The words echoed in his mind. When he had first heard them, seemingly so long ago, they had disturbed and confused him. Now, however...

His features softening, he said, "Yes. Tell her I feel fine."

Subtle surprise flitted across Sarek's face, but he did not comment. Spock lifted his hand in salute.

"Live long and prosper, Father."

Returning the salute, Sarek said, "Live long and prosper, my son."

Sarek held Spock's eyes for a long moment, but Spock finally turned away and found Kirk waiting for him, obviously having heard the entire conversation. Kirk did not join him immediately, and when Spock paused, he saw Kirk's silent approval. Soon, though, Kirk fell into step beside him, and together they walked briskly through the rear exit.

His voice punctuated by the click of their boot heels in the empty corridor, Kirk said, "Everyone signed on, Spock--McCoy, Uhura, Scotty, Chekov, and Sulu. They're all waiting for us down at the shuttle bay. We're going to our new ship."

"That is indeed welcome news. Have you been given any indication as to which ship..."

His voice trailed away when they turned the corner. There, at the end of the hallway, stood Nyota, her face solemn. Both he and Kirk slowed to a halt, and Kirk gazed at him assessingly for a moment before walking onward.

"I'll meet you there," Kirk said.

Spock did not look away from Nyota as he nodded. Kirk patted her arm when he passed, but soon he had vanished through the door behind her.

They were alone. Neither spoke. Spock could see her uncertainty, and he realized that his heart was pounding in his side as they studied one another. Holding her eyes, he started walking, slowly and carefully. The corridor seemed very long, however, and as he moved, he gradually increased his pace. She evidently detected his impatience, for a smile slowly spread across her features, and she began walking in his direction.

Mere meters separated them now, and suddenly he knew what would happen when he reached her, and he knew that he would allow it. Without pausing, she threw herself into his arms, and he pulled her close. A small voice in the back of his head reminded him that an emotional display like this was unsuitable for such a public venue, but he did not care--the hall was utterly empty, but even if it were not, he was uncertain that he could have denied her anything. He closed his eyes and buried his face in her hair, and knew that this, this, was right.

"You remember," she said, her voice muffled.

"Yes." He had to pause to clear his throat. "Yes, everything."

Finally, she relaxed her grip on his shoulders and he released her. Her eyes bright, she said, "They're waiting for us."

He nodded. "I know. We must go."

She gazed into his eyes a moment longer, then smiled brilliantly and turned away. He followed her through the door, and together they walked to the shuttle bay.

End story

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